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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>A Different Kind Of Termination
Unregistered 02:26 PM 10-17-2014
Okay ladies, I need your help. I searched the forum for termination notices but they were all for behavior, or not following policies, or for closing the whole daycare.

I am in a different situation. I need to make space for a family member's baby (I wouldnt do care for any other family/friends children but we are very very close and they are very conscious of my policies). They have had years of infertility and are now finally becoming parents I am so excited to have their baby in daycare.

But that means I need to make a space. I need a nice way to term a very sweet family that I have had for over a year. I would like to end it nicely. Anyone been in this situation before? How did you word the termination? How did it work out?

TIA!
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Blackcat31 02:32 PM 10-17-2014
Is there a start date for the new baby yet?

I've been in this situation before and can help you with the term letter but am wondering about the details of the start date first......
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daycare 02:32 PM 10-17-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Okay ladies, I need your help. I searched the forum for termination notices but they were all for behavior, or not following policies, or for closing the whole daycare.

I am in a different situation. I need to make space for a family member's baby (I wouldnt do care for any other family/friends children but we are very very close and they are very conscious of my policies). They have had years of infertility and are now finally becoming parents I am so excited to have their baby in daycare.

But that means I need to make a space. I need a nice way to term a very sweet family that I have had for over a year. I would like to end it nicely. Anyone been in this situation before? How did you word the termination? How did it work out?

TIA!
to each their own, but I would never do what you are doing for a close friend. I have found that friends/family NEVER work out in business. I should not say never I should say almost NEVER.

however, to answer your question, I would just say this..

Dear DCF,

Due to some changes within the daycare, It is with a heavy heart that I inform you that I will no longer be able to provide services for XXX. This was a very difficult decision to have to make because you have been such wonderful clients and we absolutely adore XXX. We have grown to love and know her like our own.

XXX will be the last day that we can provide services for XXX. I would love to offer my assistance in helping you to find another provider, it is the least that I can do.

I really appreciate your understanding with this matter and am sad that we will have part ways so soon.

For your convenience, here is the phone number for our local resource and referral dept dept.

Best
DCP
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Heidi 02:39 PM 10-17-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
to each their own, but I would never do what you are doing for a close friend. I have found that friends/family NEVER work out in business. I should not say never I should say almost NEVER.

however, to answer your question, I would just say this..

Dear DCF,

Due to some changes within the daycare, It is with a heavy heart that I inform you that I will no longer be able to provide services for XXX. This was a very difficult decision to have to make because you have been such wonderful clients and we absolutely adore XXX. We have grown to love and know her like our own.

XXX will be the last day that we can provide services for XXX. I would love to offer my assistance in helping you to find another provider, it is the least that I can do.

I really appreciate your understanding with this matter and am sad that we will have part ways so soon.

For your convenience, here is the phone number for our local resource and referral dept dept.

Best
DCP

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Cat Herder 02:43 PM 10-17-2014
You do not have to give a reason. In fact the less you say, the better when it comes to a termination.

I know of no way to terminate someone and have them happy with you. I don't think it exists.

It will be a betrayal to them just as it would be to you if they left you suddenly to have GMA keep the kid.

Do what you feel you have to do, then go on with your life.
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Heidi 02:44 PM 10-17-2014
I'd ask you a couple more things:

1. When is this going to happen? Don't' get too excited and term too early!

2. Do you have a signed contract and a deposit with your friend? If not, nail that down.

3. One of my dcp's is a close friend. I was there at the kiddo's birth. It's had it's challenges. Nothing major, but it is 3x as hard having "a talk" with a friend than a "mere" client.

4. Would new baby put you out of ratio or over numbers? If out of ratio, for how long (in WI, over or under 2 is a big difference, for instance). Could you keep both kids, get an exception, offer your old family part time for a while, or ask new mom to juggle her maternity leave or have a family member help out for a while?
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Unregistered 03:30 PM 10-17-2014
Cat herder - I agree, but want to at least try for a nice end (even though it is not likely).

Heidi - Thank you for your thoughts and advise. Contract is signed and notarized, the handbook has been gone over word for word with both parents of the new baby multiple times and i had them both sign each page, deposit is paid as is the first month of care (because they trust me and know that by giving this term notice i will most likely lose at least a month of income from the family I am terming). I even made them go look at other daycares before signing my contract to see what is out there, and what fees and policies they would have to agree to at other places. The baby's start date is timed perfectly (to the day) to fit into my age/ratio, and there is no possibility of me keeping the other child as I run a very small daycare and have my own kids that count in my ratio for many years to come. I am not making this decision lightly. I just want to word the termination in the kindest way possible while being professional about it. I appreciate any input you have.
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Unregistered 03:46 PM 10-17-2014
Oops, I posted a reply to daycare and BC but it didn't go through. Trying again:

daycare: I totally understand your view on family/friend care and completely agree (i have even passed along the same advise many times), but this is the one and only person in the whole world I would do this for and I know it is the right decision. Thank you for the example term letter, and for helping even when you dont agree.

BC - I would very much appreciate your help! The baby will start mid January and I plan to give the family I am terming 60 days notice since it is during the holidays, and because I want to give them time to find great care since they are wonderful and I love their child. I do know that they might term immediately and am prepared for that outcome as well. I do not have to give any notice (per my handbook).
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Unregistered 10:38 AM 11-14-2014
Today is the day, the letter is written. Now to figure out what to say at pick-up time when I hand them the letter...and what if other daycare parents are here picking up at the same time? Yikes, I just want today to be over!

I hate terminations but usually I have a list of policies they have not followed or child's bad behavior to back it up. This time it is a completely different situation and I feel really bad.
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CraftyMom 10:46 AM 11-14-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Today is the day, the letter is written. Now to figure out what to say at pick-up time when I hand them the letter...and what if other daycare parents are here picking up at the same time? Yikes, I just want today to be over!

I hate terminations but usually I have a list of policies they have not followed or child's bad behavior to back it up. This time it is a completely different situation and I feel really bad.
Not that it makes a difference, just my own curiosity...how did you decide which child to term? I have never been in this situation but I imagine it would be difficult, unless you have one dck (or parent) that gives you trouble or you dislike. But since you like these people, were they the last to sign on?

Good luck, hope it goes well I think you are kind to give them 60 days.
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Annalee 10:48 AM 11-14-2014
Just some thoughts...I know the contract/policy/handbook has been dealt with but do they understand group/family child care....as first-time parents, a child can be overwhelming and these parents are becoming parents after a time of infertility.....there may be issues that arise quickly...i.e. how they expect you to be one on one with their child....this may NOT be an issue but just keep it in mind...
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Unregistered 04:17 PM 11-14-2014
Crafty Mom - They were the last to enroll, plus although they are very nice they do pick up late a lot (they just pay the late fee like its no big deal) and I would have put my foot down but I have known for a long time that I would be terming them for this new baby so i just let it slide. They are a wonderful family though and I blame myself for the late pick-ups becoming a problem so I chose not to include that in my decision.

Annalee - Yes they fully understand the group care aspect and have been around my daycare for many years so know what to expect and are very excited to have their baby in care.
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Wednesday! 04:38 PM 11-14-2014
How did it go with the termed dcm?
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Unregistered 08:31 AM 11-15-2014
Wednesday- Thanks for asking.

So I was sick all day about it, I just hate doing these types of things even when there is a good reason for it. When the kids went down for nap my family member brought over their newborn baby for me to hold for "courage" because they know that this is hard for me and it was very sweet. I am so lucky to have this wonderful opportunity to be a huge part of this baby's life and have my kids grow up close with their family! I didn't have that growing up want that for my kids.

When they left I settled down to get some paperwork done on the computer and low and behold the DCM arrives early, without notice, while everyone was still sleeping. It actually couldnt have been planned better and we had lots of time to sit and talk. We both got teary and she responded very well and was very sweet about it. Now I know that it is going to hit her later this weekend and her and her husband might feel different after they have time to think about it, but I am hopeful that it will still end on good terms. I told them I would help them find new care and write them a reference letter if needed.

I have been dreading doing this term for months but am glad to have it over. Now I can really enjoy the time they have left and be excited for the new baby to start in January.
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Sunchimes 01:15 PM 11-15-2014
I know it's late. But I termed someone to make room for a newborn sibling (not related to me). I didn't have contracts, etc in those days, so I just talked to her about it. I explained that I needed to make room, and she was the last one in. She took it well. Over the last 3 years, she has called me for drop in care, I've invited her daughter over for daycare play dates (she was best friends with the 2 remaining girls), and she wanted me to take her new baby, but I didn't have an opening. We see each other around town regularly, and have remained friendly. So, it is possible.
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Unregistered 07:41 PM 11-15-2014
Sunchimes - Thanks for sharing, that's what I'm hoping for! she even said "when your oldest son ages out of licensing requirements I will plan to have another baby so they can come to you!" That's 4 years away so I didn't say anything except thanks for the compliment but it was sweet.
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Unregistered 09:47 AM 11-20-2014
I logged out for privacy on this one because I know this is not going to be a popular opinion. That being said, I think it's really lousy to term a family simply to take on another, regardless of the circumstances. I would hate for that to happen to me and I'm sorry, but no I would not be understanding about being dropped so that another infant could come. I don't think that's fair to the family and especially not fair to the infant being let go. Never in 25 years have I done that and even when my daughter was expecting I told her that we would have to see what numbers look like. I wouldn't take on any other infants in that age group and could wait it out a couple of months until her baby could come, but there was no way I would term someone to make room. Not fair and unprofessional in my opinion.
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Blackcat31 10:02 AM 11-20-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I logged out for privacy on this one because I know this is not going to be a popular opinion. That being said, I think it's really lousy to term a family simply to take on another, regardless of the circumstances. I would hate for that to happen to me and I'm sorry, but no I would not be understanding about being dropped so that another infant could come. I don't think that's fair to the family and especially not fair to the infant being let go. Never in 25 years have I done that and even when my daughter was expecting I told her that we would have to see what numbers look like. I wouldn't take on any other infants in that age group and could wait it out a couple of months until her baby could come, but there was no way I would term someone to make room. Not fair and unprofessional in my opinion.
My two cents....

Fair is where you get cotton candy....

Life is not fair. I don't know why so many people think it needs to be.

Unprofessional? Not in my eyes because part time families KNOW this BEFORE enrolling here.
If they want to secure a space that is GUARANTEED, then they need to pay full time rates for it.

It would be unprofessional if the family had no idea that the possibility of losing their space to a full timer could happen.

There are many businesses that "reward" or "discount" those customers that use the most services. Since child care providers are limited in the number of customers they can have, terming part time or drop in kids to take on a higher paying client is becoming common practice.

It's awesome that you are loyal to your clients and would never term them to make more money but I am not in this business to be loyal to clients, I am in this business to make money to support my family.

Plus, there is RARELY a provider in business that will tell you that their DC families are equally loyal to them. Most clients would switch providers at the drop of a hat if they found a provider willing to offer the same services for less money.

It's okay for parents to do what works best for their wallets but not providers?

That concept ^^^^ makes NO sense to me.
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daycarediva 10:10 AM 11-20-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
My two cents....

Fair is where you get cotton candy....

Life is not fair. I don't know why so many people think it needs to be.

Unprofessional? Not in my eyes because part time families KNOW this BEFORE enrolling here.
If they want to secure a space that is GUARANTEED, then they need to pay full time rates for it.

It would be unprofessional if the family had no idea that the possibility of losing their space to a full timer could happen.

There are many businesses that "reward" or "discount" those customers that use the most services. Since child care providers are limited in the number of customers they can have, terming part time or drop in kids to take on a higher paying client is becoming common practice.

It's awesome that you are loyal to your clients and would never term them to make more money but I am not in this business to be loyal to clients, I am in this business to make money to support my family.

Plus, there is RARELY a provider in business that will tell you that their DC families are equally loyal to them. Most clients would switch providers at the drop of a hat if they found a provider willing to offer the same services for less money.

It's okay for parents to do what works best for their wallets but not providers?

That concept ^^^^ makes NO sense to me.
yes this.

My clients are all aware that FT trumps PT. They are offered the space (honestly, only if I WANT to offer it to them, too.) It's my business and I do what I want with it. If I really don't like Susie Q and her snot nosed caused by teething year round, and I find a family that IS a better fit, why do I have to bite the bullet and continue to care for Susie Q making less money?
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Scribbles 10:15 AM 11-20-2014
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
yes this.

My clients are all aware that FT trumps PT. They are offered the space (honestly, only if I WANT to offer it to them, too.) It's my business and I do what I want with it. If I really don't like Susie Q and her snot nosed caused by teething year round, and I find a family that IS a better fit, why do I have to bite the bullet and continue to care for Susie Q making less money?
I agree with this too and don't feel in any way that it is unprofessional.

I don't understand why someone would think it is unprofessional. As a matter of fact, I think it is MORE professional to do the right thing for everyone (both provider....her business and her sanity and the other families in care) verses just keeping a current client because they are a current client.

That would be more unprofessional in my opinion.
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Unregistered 10:32 AM 11-20-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
My two cents....

Unprofessional? Not in my eyes because part time families KNOW this BEFORE enrolling here.
If they want to secure a space that is GUARANTEED, then they need to pay full time rates for it.
OP's original post doesn't say anything about pt vs. ft. That I could understand. She simply stated that she was dropping one family for another because she wants to work with a friend/relative. I also didn't get the impression that this family was told when they were enrolled that there was a possibility of being replaced. Were they

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
My two cents....
It would be unprofessional if the family had no idea that the possibility of losing their space to a full timer could happen.
I am thinking the family being let go had no idea this was coming or that there was a possibility that they would be replaced.

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
It's awesome that you are loyal to your clients and would never term them to make more money but I am not in this business to be loyal to clients, I am in this business to make money to support my family.
Again, original post does not say pt vs pt. And I may have missed it but I didn't see that the op needed to take on a better paying client vs one not paying as much.
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Unregistered 10:33 AM 11-20-2014
My last line should say ft vs pt, not pt vs pt
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Unregistered 10:38 AM 11-20-2014
Originally Posted by Scribbles:
I agree with this too and don't feel in any way that it is unprofessional.

I don't understand why someone would think it is unprofessional. As a matter of fact, I think it is MORE professional to do the right thing for everyone (both provider....her business and her sanity and the other families in care) verses just keeping a current client because they are a current client.

That would be more unprofessional in my opinion.
In original post op did not say that she needed to replace a family because of any reason other than she wanted the new baby instead. She didn't say there was non-adherence to policies, that she needed to replace with a client that would come more days, that there was a behavioral issue with the child, that there was disrespect on part of the parents, or any other host of issues that I wouldn't have thought twice about.
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Unregistered 11:05 AM 11-20-2014
OP even says "they are wonderful and I love their child". I don't see that she says they are pt and the new family is ft.

Imagine you spent time looking for a preschool for your child. You interview several and choose the one that you feel is the best fit for you. This preschool only has a set number of spots for children that are your child's age. Things go along well for a year or so. One day the director tells you, "I know this is hard but my sister is moving to town and your child has to go so hers can come."

You would all be ok with that? You would understand? You wouldn't be upset? I would.
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Scribbles 12:27 PM 11-20-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
In original post op did not say that she needed to replace a family because of any reason other than she wanted the new baby instead. She didn't say there was non-adherence to policies, that she needed to replace with a client that would come more days, that there was a behavioral issue with the child, that there was disrespect on part of the parents, or any other host of issues that I wouldn't have thought twice about.
Wanting to provide care to the new baby means that that family is a better fit for her (OP).
Just because the current family has no apparent issues doesn't mean they are the better fit between the two kids.
The OP is in a position (as a child care provider) to be able to be a part of her family member's child's life and to her that seems like a huge deal or at least something she really seems excited to be able to do.... to me that means the family member is a better fit than the other family which is what I was referring to.
For some providers family is a better fit than clients that aren't family.
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Unregistered 11:10 PM 11-22-2014
I am the OP. First off thank you for sharing your opinions. That is why I posted here in the first place. Scribbles, daycarediva and Black Cat - Thank you for standing up for me and my business decision.

A few things to clear up:

Both families are full time so that did not enter into my decision, and the income is the same from both families so that was not a factor either. The hours will be better with the new family, but mostly this was a choice of what is best for my family.

The family IS wonderful and I love their child and I didn't want to term them on a bad note BUT... I do have enough late fees for termination on that policy alone (each one signed by the parents at the time of the late pick-up). It was a problem that I overlooked because of their being great on all other accounts, and because I have known for awhile about the expected baby. BUT, that said, I would still be terming for my family members baby in this situation even if there were no late pick-ups.

I would NEVER have enrolled someone with the knowledge that I would be terming them (like if my family member was already pregnant) because I believe that IS unprofessional. My family member was trying to get pregnant for a very long time and there was a very good possibility that I would have had this other child until they went off to school before my family member became pregnant. There is no way to predict the future, a lot can change in a year or two.

At any time this family could have terminated care due to family circumstances(or any other reason) with 30 days notice. That is part of this business. Example: Grandma moves closer and wants to watch grandchild for them, or they could get pregnant and decide to be a stay at home parent, etc. But you are basically saying that I am not allowed to make a choice that is best for my family (with a very generous 60 day notice)?? I love working with children, its all Ive ever done and I've worked in many different centers and preschools before starting my own. The reason I run my licensed home child care is so that I can do what I love and make money to support my family WHILE doing what is best for my family. This will be what is best for my children (#1 most important reason to make this choice), myself, and my family member.

The family was aware that my family member was trying (which is none of their business but I didnt hide it) and that I planned to watch their child if they had success, although were not told for sure that they would be termed to make room for the baby because there is NO WAY I could have known when or IF they would get pregnant, or what my other enrollment would be at that time. I do not say to all my families "Hey just so you know there is a chance my husband could get transferred to a different place and I'd have to terminate you and move....or there is a chance that I might get in a car wreck next year and have to terminate you because of long term injuries...or two years from now I might terminate you because I might decide to reduce my numbers or go back to school...or ...or ...or. Life changes, it is completely unpredictable, and I have done my very best to be generous and kind and professional in this situation. I feel terrible about it, but at the same time I know most families wouldn't think twice to pull their kid for any reason like this and not look back.

The family in question has been completely understanding and so sweet. They even brought me a gift of appreciation. They know that I did not make this decision lightly. i know they are not happy to have to find new care but family is very important to them so they understand.
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Play Care 06:42 AM 11-24-2014
I am way late to the party, but just wanted to give my two cents.

Last year I was providing care for two SA brothers. I really liked mom BUT she could never make my closing time. Foolishly I let it slide. When another family became pregnant I used that as an excuse to let the SA kids go. I had thought that mom would be more understanding of that rather than "I hate that you can't make my closing and the boy won't stop pounding on each other"
Needless to say mom was angry and although we are on good terms now, the relationship has been irrevocably damaged.

I almost wish that I had termed for the "real" reason rather than use the baby as the excuse. Because those boys were going, baby or not. People will argue about the professionalism letting one kid go for another, but they can't really argue about being termed because they're not following policy, KWIM?

It am glad it worked out in your case this time, OP. Just some food for thought if it comes up again.
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Unregistered 12:33 PM 11-24-2014
Thanks Playcare. I completely agree. I'm sorry your nice termination turned out bad. It is very rare for any termination to end on a happy note.
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