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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>7 Month Old Screamer... Held All The Time...
Logged out for privacy 09:13 AM 09-03-2013
Need some advice...
Last week a new DCB started. He is 7 months old... an only child... and is a SCREAMER whenever he is not held... like bloody murder screamer.... he is even getting himself worked up (hard inhaling) if I am sitting next to him on the floor.... anyways.... the screaming is out of control... I did ask mom if he was held alot... she of course denied but did say he likes to be entertained.. ie... she has to be sitting by him at all times.... My question is how on earth can I make this transition easier?! I cannot do the carry all day as I have a child a 2 weeks younger who is the most placid happy baby ever.... This DCB will scream in his ear and he just stares at him... anyhow this obviously cannot continue... for my sanity and everyone else's..... WWYD? Also, how do you address this is DCM tactfully... without sounding negative? Or is there really no other way to do so?
Last week a new DCB started. He is 7 months old... an only child... and is a SCREAMER whenever he is not held... like bloody murder screamer.... he is even getting himself worked up (hard inhaling) if I am sitting next to him on the floor.... anyways.... the screaming is out of control... I did ask mom if he was held alot... she of course denied but did say he likes to be entertained.. ie... she has to be sitting by him at all times.... My question is how on earth can I make this transition easier?! I cannot do the carry all day as I have a child a 2 weeks younger who is the most placid happy baby ever.... This DCB will scream in his ear and he just stares at him... anyhow this obviously cannot continue... for my sanity and everyone else's..... WWYD? Also, how do you address this is DCM tactfully... without sounding negative? Or is there really no other way to do so?
Play Care 09:22 AM 09-03-2013
Originally Posted by Logged out for privacy:
Need some advice...
Last week a new DCB started. He is 7 months old... an only child... and is a SCREAMER whenever he is not held... like bloody murder screamer.... he is even getting himself worked up (hard inhaling) if I am sitting next to him on the floor.... anyways.... the screaming is out of control... I did ask mom if he was held alot... she of course denied but did say he likes to be entertained.. ie... she has to be sitting by him at all times.... My question is how on earth can I make this transition easier?! I cannot do the carry all day as I have a child a 2 weeks younger who is the most placid happy baby ever.... This DCB will scream in his ear and he just stares at him... anyhow this obviously cannot continue... for my sanity and everyone else's..... WWYD? Also, how do you address this is DCM tactfully... without sounding negative? Or is there really no other way to do so?
I think you have to decide if you can keep baby. When I've had high needs infants I make sure their needs are being met, and then, let them scream. I do NOT ignore them, but rather use words to verbally reassure the child. I will use infant carriers for little infants (under 4 months) but feel that by 5-6 months baby should be spending the majority of their time on the floor working on skills. I'm right there to cheer them on, but try not to pick them up every single time. I do cuddle on the floor. If I didn't notice improvement I would have to term. It's not fair to the other kids to have to listen to screaming all day.Need some advice...
Last week a new DCB started. He is 7 months old... an only child... and is a SCREAMER whenever he is not held... like bloody murder screamer.... he is even getting himself worked up (hard inhaling) if I am sitting next to him on the floor.... anyways.... the screaming is out of control... I did ask mom if he was held alot... she of course denied but did say he likes to be entertained.. ie... she has to be sitting by him at all times.... My question is how on earth can I make this transition easier?! I cannot do the carry all day as I have a child a 2 weeks younger who is the most placid happy baby ever.... This DCB will scream in his ear and he just stares at him... anyhow this obviously cannot continue... for my sanity and everyone else's..... WWYD? Also, how do you address this is DCM tactfully... without sounding negative? Or is there really no other way to do so?
melilley 10:41 AM 09-03-2013
I used to have the same baby! I have a dcb who started here at 6 months. He was always held at home and was a breastfed baby so he was always attached to mom and she said even up until he was around 11 months woke up every hour and a half to breastfeed. This child screamed all day unless he was being held or was sleeping. I couldn't stand it, but I kept him anyways. He just recently in the past 2 months or so (he is almost 13 months) stopped screaming all day. Come to find out, this child had some respiratory issues (mom and dad thought so, but he was too young at first to preform some of the tests) and was put on some meds and is finally a calm, happy guy!
At the time, I had 5 other kids on most days and I couldn't spend all my time with the dcb. I did just what Playcare did. It's impossible to hold a baby all day. They need floor play and to learn skills!
My advice is to term if you can't stand the screaming. I wish I would have, my days would have gone a lot better! If I ever have a child that screamed all day again, I would definitely not be a chicken or too nice and would term. I'm glad that my dcb is fine now, but let me tell you, those months leading up to his calmness were he**!
On the other side though, I do love him now.
At the time, I had 5 other kids on most days and I couldn't spend all my time with the dcb. I did just what Playcare did. It's impossible to hold a baby all day. They need floor play and to learn skills!
My advice is to term if you can't stand the screaming. I wish I would have, my days would have gone a lot better! If I ever have a child that screamed all day again, I would definitely not be a chicken or too nice and would term. I'm glad that my dcb is fine now, but let me tell you, those months leading up to his calmness were he**!
On the other side though, I do love him now.
Memc2001 11:07 AM 09-03-2013
It's hard to say no to money and begging parents who are desperate to be at work. But you have to know your limits. I don't have much advice on the baby because there isn't much to do other than give it a blanket or paci and attention when you can. Time is the only thing that will make it better but sometimes that isn't enough. Save you sanity and tell the parents you can't if it doesn't get better, SOON.
Blackcat31 11:15 AM 09-03-2013
Originally Posted by Logged out for privacy:
Need some advice...
Last week a new DCB started. He is 7 months old... an only child... and is a SCREAMER whenever he is not held... like bloody murder screamer.... he is even getting himself worked up (hard inhaling) if I am sitting next to him on the floor.... anyways.... the screaming is out of control... I did ask mom if he was held alot... she of course denied but did say he likes to be entertained.. ie... she has to be sitting by him at all times.... My question is how on earth can I make this transition easier?! I cannot do the carry all day as I have a child a 2 weeks younger who is the most placid happy baby ever.... This DCB will scream in his ear and he just stares at him... anyhow this obviously cannot continue... for my sanity and everyone else's..... WWYD? Also, how do you address this is DCM tactfully... without sounding negative? Or is there really no other way to do so?
You need to put this back onto the parent. By 7 months, the child should be well on their way to wanting to explore the environment around them, playing without DIRECT adult intervention and be "almost" fully able to self-sooth during nap time. Need some advice...
Last week a new DCB started. He is 7 months old... an only child... and is a SCREAMER whenever he is not held... like bloody murder screamer.... he is even getting himself worked up (hard inhaling) if I am sitting next to him on the floor.... anyways.... the screaming is out of control... I did ask mom if he was held alot... she of course denied but did say he likes to be entertained.. ie... she has to be sitting by him at all times.... My question is how on earth can I make this transition easier?! I cannot do the carry all day as I have a child a 2 weeks younger who is the most placid happy baby ever.... This DCB will scream in his ear and he just stares at him... anyhow this obviously cannot continue... for my sanity and everyone else's..... WWYD? Also, how do you address this is DCM tactfully... without sounding negative? Or is there really no other way to do so?
I would set a deadline for improved behavior and if there is none by that time, term.
NOT fair to you, the child and the other daycare kids for ONE child to make the atmosphere unbearable.
The parent needs to start working on helping the child play unassisted, go down for nap alright and NOT need to be held constantly.
If she (mom) doesn't want to do these things, then she needs to hire a nanny.
You also have to consider the fact that some kids are just not cut out to be in group care. NOTHING wrong with that, it's just too stressful for some kids. I really dont' think this baby sounds that way, but still it is something to consider.
Please don't just "tough" it out for the money. Like I said, it isn't fair to anyone to do that. I've had many many high needs babies (my own included) and when it's not going to work (baby being in care) it's simply not going to work....especially if the parents aren't doing their share at home.
FWIW~ "their share" is the bulk of it.
MamaBear 08:27 PM 09-03-2013
A few years ago I had a 6 month old boy that was exactly the same way. I stuck with it though and a year later he was the SAME way. He never changed. I ended up terming him after a year and I think he sucked 5 years out of my life during that time! 
After that if I had a baby that was "like him", I would term after a week or so if he or she didn't adjust in a reasonable amount of time. My sanity is way more important to me then a bit of money. Some kids can adjust and I think some are already cooked... And its usually the ones that got spoiled like crazy at home... being held all the time, etc. I just termed a boy last month that was 18 months old and the same way. I should have known by the BIG red flag at the tour when the dad said that they "accommodate his every need!" Oh yessss they did.
Think about your sanity! Hugs to you!
After that if I had a baby that was "like him", I would term after a week or so if he or she didn't adjust in a reasonable amount of time. My sanity is way more important to me then a bit of money. Some kids can adjust and I think some are already cooked... And its usually the ones that got spoiled like crazy at home... being held all the time, etc. I just termed a boy last month that was 18 months old and the same way. I should have known by the BIG red flag at the tour when the dad said that they "accommodate his every need!" Oh yessss they did.
Think about your sanity! Hugs to you!
Familycare71 08:34 PM 09-03-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
You need to put this back onto the parent. By 7 months, the child should be well on their way to wanting to explore the environment around them, playing without DIRECT adult intervention and be "almost" fully able to self-sooth during nap time.
I would set a deadline for improved behavior and if there is none by that time, term.
NOT fair to you, the child and the other daycare kids for ONE child to make the atmosphere unbearable.
The parent needs to start working on helping the child play unassisted, go down for nap alright and NOT need to be held constantly.
If she (mom) doesn't want to do these things, then she needs to hire a nanny.
You also have to consider the fact that some kids are just not cut out to be in group care. NOTHING wrong with that, it's just too stressful for some kids. I really dont' think this baby sounds that way, but still it is something to consider.
Please don't just "tough" it out for the money. Like I said, it isn't fair to anyone to do that. I've had many many high needs babies (my own included) and when it's not going to work (baby being in care) it's simply not going to work....especially if the parents aren't doing their share at home.
FWIW~ "their share" is the bulk of it.
I had a screamer last year... And he was a great baby- if you were holding him! For everything!! Mom wasn't willing to do anything to change it- she slept with him or he slept on the couch You need to put this back onto the parent. By 7 months, the child should be well on their way to wanting to explore the environment around them, playing without DIRECT adult intervention and be "almost" fully able to self-sooth during nap time.
I would set a deadline for improved behavior and if there is none by that time, term.
NOT fair to you, the child and the other daycare kids for ONE child to make the atmosphere unbearable.
The parent needs to start working on helping the child play unassisted, go down for nap alright and NOT need to be held constantly.
If she (mom) doesn't want to do these things, then she needs to hire a nanny.
You also have to consider the fact that some kids are just not cut out to be in group care. NOTHING wrong with that, it's just too stressful for some kids. I really dont' think this baby sounds that way, but still it is something to consider.
Please don't just "tough" it out for the money. Like I said, it isn't fair to anyone to do that. I've had many many high needs babies (my own included) and when it's not going to work (baby being in care) it's simply not going to work....especially if the parents aren't doing their share at home.
FWIW~ "their share" is the bulk of it.
she put him to sleep on his stomach, she constantly re- plugged with the pacifier all the time! Finally - after I realized she wasn't going to change so he couldn't I termed- one of the best things I ever did!
Lavender 06:07 AM 09-04-2013
I have a child who was like that from the second night of his life (his first night he was still woozy from my epi lol). He cried and needed me all the time. As a parent it was really hard to be needed that much, but I truly believe that to him his need was very real and my job was to meet those needs. I did not (and still don't) believe that as a baby he knew the difference between his needs, they just all felt like needs. I feel that meeting those needs fully paid off as he learned to become very confidant and independent. In retrospect I am fairly certain it was caused by what we now know is SPD. Many stimuli feel like pain to him: seams in clothing, brushing/washing his hair, cutting his nails, brushing his teeth, some noises, etc.
However, even though I chose to approach those needs head-on, I would not expect the same from a care provider. IMO, that sort of child has certain needs that do not fit well in a group care situation. I would not have put my child into that kind of care. I'm not sure if I can offer any helpful advice as my advice would not fit into your situation most likely (and if the issues are learned ones then it's different than one that is more intrinsic like I feel my son's was).
Good luck.
However, even though I chose to approach those needs head-on, I would not expect the same from a care provider. IMO, that sort of child has certain needs that do not fit well in a group care situation. I would not have put my child into that kind of care. I'm not sure if I can offer any helpful advice as my advice would not fit into your situation most likely (and if the issues are learned ones then it's different than one that is more intrinsic like I feel my son's was).
Good luck.