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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Should I Term?
Sugar Magnolia 12:34 PM 10-18-2011
I have a 20 month old girl that has been with us for 3 months. I've been hoping for improvement but it seems hopeless. This girl cannot play. She just runs. She cannot sit down and play, at all. Not even for a few minutes. She goes from one child to the next, grabbing toys, shoving. She dumps out activity boxes, kicks and throws the contents around the room, then moves on to the next box. I have tried everything! Any small redirection results in howling screams. She throws her food. She naps poorly. She hits, she pulls hair. I have worked sooooo hard to try to get this child to just sit and play, to do simple tasks, eat and nap normally. She destroys toys, books, furniture. I am exhausted from cleaning up after her all day. The other kids are frightened by her, they all move away when they see her coming. They know she will either hit them, pull their hair, take their toys or step on them. She needs one on one attention. I also feel she has developmental delays. After 3 months, I am about to give up. She is making me tired, stressed and a little disappointed in myself for completely failing to modify her terrible behavior. I just can't take the "path of destruction" she creates every day. Is now the time to term?
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Zoe 12:35 PM 10-18-2011
Yes. Term. Once the other kids are scared of her, they won't want to come to your house anymore. That's not fun for anyone! Make your daycare the fun place to be again!
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KBCsMommy 12:41 PM 10-18-2011
Definately Term. I just termed a child last week for similar reasons. 3 months is plenty of time for improvement.
Its your business do whats best for you and your business ie. other daycare kids.
When I talked to the dcm I termed last week I called and found a few other daycares with openings first, then talked to her about it. She appreciated the honesty and a little help.

Sometimes we cant help every family, even though we want to.
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MsMe 12:48 PM 10-18-2011
As a provider who didn't term a child just like this DO IT.

I still have my child like this, he is 4 and has a 2yr old sibling and she just told me she is expecting again. It has caused me stress and I am SURE years off my life to care for these children. I am attched now and it would be maga painful for me to term (and really hard for the Mom to understand why I waited 4 years and two kids).

tell teh Mom she is not a good fit and move on......its not worth it. promise
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Sugar Magnolia 12:58 PM 10-18-2011
She's just NOT understanding a firm "no! That hurts" or "no! No throwing! Or "no! No running". She is just making me miserable....the clean up is ungodly. Luckily, my Bigs understand and try to help clean up all the dumped boxes, ripped books. My husband and I have to take turns having this girl in our groups, neither of us can take it for more than 15 mins. Mom is a sweetheart, but young and inexperienced.
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Blackcat31 02:02 PM 10-18-2011
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
She's just NOT understanding a firm "no! That hurts" or "no! No throwing! Or "no! No running". She is just making me miserable....the clean up is ungodly. Luckily, my Bigs understand and try to help clean up all the dumped boxes, ripped books. My husband and I have to take turns having this girl in our groups, neither of us can take it for more than 15 mins. Mom is a sweetheart, but young and inexperienced.
I truly think it is time for her to go. The weight lifted from your day will feel wonderous...imagine the stress the other kids feel when around this child?!?!

Mom being young and inexperienced will actually be a good thing. She can hopefully take this lesson and learn from it.

I have a dcm with 2 children (both born before she was barely able to vote) and although she tried very hard to be a great mom, she just didn't see the error in her ways until her kids were almost termed.

She found out by calling other daycares that the grass was NOT greener on the other side and she decided to suck it up and start "parenting" instead of "friending".

She is now one of my golden families.
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wdmmom 03:00 PM 10-18-2011
When I have a child that behaves like this, they get their own special toys and play place! It's called a play yard or a booster seat. They can get their play on by themselves. A week of this usually takes care of any kid wanting to be Jack the Bear.
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momofsix 03:11 PM 10-18-2011
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
I have a 20 month old girl that has been with us for 3 months. I've been hoping for improvement but it seems hopeless. This girl cannot play. She just runs. She cannot sit down and play, at all. Not even for a few minutes. She goes from one child to the next, grabbing toys, shoving. She dumps out activity boxes, kicks and throws the contents around the room, then moves on to the next box. I have tried everything! Any small redirection results in howling screams. She throws her food. She naps poorly. She hits, she pulls hair. I have worked sooooo hard to try to get this child to just sit and play, to do simple tasks, eat and nap normally. She destroys toys, books, furniture. I am exhausted from cleaning up after her all day. The other kids are frightened by her, they all move away when they see her coming. They know she will either hit them, pull their hair, take their toys or step on them. She needs one on one attention. I also feel she has developmental delays. After 3 months, I am about to give up. She is making me tired, stressed and a little disappointed in myself for completely failing to modify her terrible behavior. I just can't take the "path of destruction" she creates every day. Is now the time to term?
Oh Sugar, you can't "save" them all. (((hugs)))

Don't be disappointed in yourself, you gave this child 3 full months, plenty of time to change her ways.

You need to think about all the other kids that are scared of her. You certainly don't want them to start feeling scared to come to your wonderful daycare!


You need to think about what the stress is doing to you emotionally and physically.

It's tough because we want to be the best for every child but sometimes we can't be.

Let her go, I don't think you'll regret it.
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Sugar Magnolia 05:21 PM 10-18-2011
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
When I have a child that behaves like this, they get their own special toys and play place! It's called a play yard or a booster seat. They can get their play on by themselves. A week of this usually takes care of any kid wanting to be Jack the Bear.
Nothing can contain her , she's a very large child, strong. She eats in a floor booster seat and strains and kicks and pushes on the tray, crying, the second she is done "eating". I say that w quotes because she throws a LOT of food. I tried giving her the entire sunroom to play in, she just doesn't play. She threw things around and screamed and kicked at a temporary baby gate I put up. Its truly puzzling behavior. She just wants to run, get in peoples faces, grab and dump, now has added hitting and hair pulling. I have a single gate between the two wings of my center. She despises the gate and just wants to RUN through the house, plowing into people and furniture. She also has zero communication, just crying when frustrated (a lot) and a "eeee eeee eeee" when excited. (Not deaf or HH, checked that first, she hears). She needs 1 on 1, or 1:3 at the most. That's not me. I'm truly heartbroken! But I'm also just concerned about the other kids, since its just NOT improving w time, actually seems worse.
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Sugar Magnolia 05:27 PM 10-18-2011
Originally Posted by momofsix:
Oh Sugar, you can't "save" them all. (((hugs)))

Don't be disappointed in yourself, you gave this child 3 full months, plenty of time to change her ways.

You need to think about all the other kids that are scared of her. You certainly don't want them to start feeling scared to come to your wonderful daycare!


You need to think about what the stress is doing to you emotionally and physically.

It's tough because we want to be the best for every child but sometimes we can't be.

Let her go, I don't think you'll regret it.
Thanks momof6. I know in my heart you're right....I know its time. Its too much stress. She was 3 days a week, but 3 weeks ago went to 5. I HOPED the extra time in daycare would help. It has not. My stress has been way up the past 2 weeks, BIG time. Sigh.....
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Country Kids 05:31 PM 10-18-2011
Is there something wrong with her-learning disability or behavior (I can't think of the word I'm thinking of)? It sounds more than a child who can't behave. It sounds more like there is maybe mental challenges? We all think that it can't be at this age but it has to start somewhere and this child sounds like a canidate for something like this.
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Sugar Magnolia 05:39 PM 10-18-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I truly think it is time for her to go. The weight lifted from your day will feel wonderous...imagine the stress the other kids feel when around this child?!?!

Mom being young and inexperienced will actually be a good thing. She can hopefully take this lesson and learn from it.

I have a dcm with 2 children (both born before she was barely able to vote) and although she tried very hard to be a great mom, she just didn't see the error in her ways until her kids were almost termed.

She found out by calling other daycares that the grass was NOT greener on the other side and she decided to suck it up and start "parenting" instead of "friending".

She is now one of my golden families.
Thanks Blackcat! I need to have the weight lifted. I LIKE mom, a lot, sweet and hard working and well intentioned. Mom is concerned too, we talked about her particularly rough day today. I feel so bad....but I have to do what's best for me and my biz and kids.
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Cat Herder 06:43 AM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:

grabbing toys, shoving.

kicks and throws

howling screams.

She throws her food.

She hits, she pulls hair.

She destroys toys, books, furniture.

I am exhausted

The other kids are frightened by her

hit them, pull their hair, take their toys or step on them.

Is now the time to term?
You have to protect the children in your care.

I would give these problems back to her parents.

Not all children benefit from group care. Some need specialized care and it is her parents responsibility to provide and/or pay for that that.

You simply don't provide that service. That is not a failure.

Your center is a wonderful program and you cannot let one child ruin everything you have worked your whole life to build.

No guilt Shug, ok?

I run a zero violence program as well. My parents expect me to keep that promise. I am sure yours do to. You have done nothing wrong.
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Tags:hyperactive, terminate - hyper
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