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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Dave... And Any Other Male Providers
laundrymom 12:33 PM 02-26-2016
Thanks for doing this job. Thanks for teaching people that men can do it just as well as women. Thanks for proving not everyone is a molester. Thanks for showing kids that men can read stories, and play dollies, and fix booboos and change diapers.

I appreciate all you do to do this job.

(Local news story had me riled up)
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DaveA 01:02 PM 02-26-2016
Thanks. Nice to hear it and be a part of such a welcoming forum. I know what you mean by stories in the news being frustrating at times. Tons of ignorant comments and if you try to have a rational discussion it gets nasty/ personal quick.
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bubblegum 02:37 PM 02-26-2016
I'm so sick of gender role careers! We are humans!
Props to all the male providers!
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Thriftylady 02:57 PM 02-26-2016
I wish we had more men. Sometimes it is nice to get a man's point of view on things. Sometimes I ask DH, but sometimes it isn't his point of view I want!
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~Poppy~ 03:17 PM 02-26-2016
I think you are local-ish to me OP. It's 2 news stories now 2 in one day just fuels people's ignorance.
I, too, applaud the men that go into child are and education at the elementary level.
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laundrymom 04:03 PM 02-26-2016
Originally Posted by ~Poppy~:
I think you are local-ish to me OP. It's 2 news stories now 2 in one day just fuels people's ignorance.
I, too, applaud the men that go into child are and education at the elementary level.
I just read the second one. I'm sickened. Embarrassed. Just mad.
We are close Poppy I believe.
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Josiegirl 04:34 AM 02-28-2016
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I just read the second one. I'm sickened. Embarrassed. Just mad.
We are close Poppy I believe.
Would you mind adding the links? I get disgusted when all one gender, race, religious group, etc., gets painted so broadly. I think it's ignorant and arrogant.

My brother is one example. He is much too outspoken against certain groups of people, refused to let his ds join Boy Scouts because they were letting homosexuals in, equating them with pedophiles. I could tell you stories of things he has said; he has such a closed arrogant mind, it's so unbelievable.
Anyways....
Oh and YES KUDOS to all the males out there who are working in a mostly-female world!!! The kids actually need it! There are many children out there who are either lacking a dad or mom figure in their lives and if both those needs can be met in loving caring ways, then it's totally a win-win for them! Get rid of the stigma and closed minded mindset that this is a female only profession. Please!
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Blackcat31 09:09 AM 02-28-2016
We've had discussions on this board about male caregivers and there are sadly many providers that have openly stated they would never use or feel comfortable with a male caregiver.

At least it's "somewhat" understandable from those that simply don't understand or work in the field. It's sadder when the gender bias comes from within the profession itself.
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DaveA 05:36 AM 02-29-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
We've had discussions on this board about male caregivers and there are sadly many providers that have openly stated they would never use or feel comfortable with a male caregiver.

At least it's "somewhat" understandable from those that simply don't understand or work in the field. It's sadder when the gender bias comes from within the profession itself.
I've said for years when I'm done in childcare I'm writing a book of part daycare crazy stories and part serious discussions. The chapter on gender roles/ expectations in ECE will be called "Neighbor Girls, Sisters, Moms, & Grandmas". People have mental images of what a caregiver/ provider/ teacher/ etc. should be. Being outside of that image is often met with hostility. In my case not only am I the "wrong" gender, but instead of getting sweet & demure they get a 6', 230 lb smart a@@ farm boy who makes knives for fun and profit in his spare time. So while it's frustrating I can understand a parent's reluctance. The nice thing is most parents and providers are willing to see it for what it is: surprise at someone being "different" and carrying on without issue.

With negative professionals I'm not so gracious. I really don't care whether it is being too closed minded to accept it or transferring their own personal issues into their professional lives. Usually it comes down to them spouting some BS rationalization about "protecting themselves" or "liability" or something like that. Ironically they would be the first ones breaking out the pitchforks and torches if someone were to say something equally stupidly sexist like "Women shouldn't be around children once a month because during "that time" they get irrational/ violent and are more likely to hurt a child." (Making an over the top stupid example- NOT what I think. Just want to make that clear. )

As much as I would like to have a reasoned discussion with them about why they have that view and how to get past it, I don't hold much hope for it. So anymore it's pretty just shrug them off and go my own way.
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Thriftylady 06:14 AM 02-29-2016
Originally Posted by DaveArmour:
I've said for years when I'm done in childcare I'm writing a book of part daycare crazy stories and part serious discussions. The chapter on gender roles/ expectations in ECE will be called "Neighbor Girls, Sisters, Moms, & Grandmas". People have mental images of what a caregiver/ provider/ teacher/ etc. should be. Being outside of that image is often met with hostility. In my case not only am I the "wrong" gender, but instead of getting sweet & demure they get a 6', 230 lb smart a@@ farm boy who makes knives for fun and profit in his spare time. So while it's frustrating I can understand a parent's reluctance. The nice thing is most parents and providers are willing to see it for what it is: surprise at someone being "different" and carrying on without issue.

With negative professionals I'm not so gracious. I really don't care whether it is being too closed minded to accept it or transferring their own personal issues into their professional lives. Usually it comes down to them spouting some BS rationalization about "protecting themselves" or "liability" or something like that. Ironically they would be the first ones breaking out the pitchforks and torches if someone were to say something equally stupidly sexist like "Women shouldn't be around children once a month because during "that time" they get irrational/ violent and are more likely to hurt a child." (Making an over the top stupid example- NOT what I think. Just want to make that clear. )

As much as I would like to have a reasoned discussion with them about why they have that view and how to get past it, I don't hold much hope for it. So anymore it's pretty just shrug them off and go my own way.
You are totally right. My DH however has a different approach. He doesn't mind the daycare kids, and they love him. But he won't let me leave him alone with girls. In fact, when we had Foster kids he was the same way. If we had only girls in the house and I went shopping, I had to take them with me. All of our foster kids were teens. He is so scared of something being said. And he says with abuse you are always guilty until you can prove yourself innocent, which sadly is true. I commend you for not having that fear! I think DH is overly scared of it, especially since he would never mistreat a child, but I understand his fear.
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Ariana 08:35 AM 02-29-2016
I think it is great too and wouldn't hesitate to put my own child in care with a guy. I think it enriches kids lives tremendously to be cared for by a male. They care differently and that is what makes it all the more important. I have worked with male caregivers and they are just awesome all around and the kids just adore them.

Having said that I also understand the other side of this coin. So many men and women have been abused in our society and will go to great lengths to try and avoid that situation for their kids. Since most abusers are men and since some abusive men choose careers where they are around kids I totally get the apprehension. I think we need to support men absolutely but the overall goal is that people should feel comfortable with their provider and we can't judge everyone as simply being "ignorant" for their choices.
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DaveA 11:45 AM 02-29-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
You are totally right. My DH however has a different approach. He doesn't mind the daycare kids, and they love him. But he won't let me leave him alone with girls. In fact, when we had Foster kids he was the same way. If we had only girls in the house and I went shopping, I had to take them with me. All of our foster kids were teens. He is so scared of something being said. And he says with abuse you are always guilty until you can prove yourself innocent, which sadly is true. I commend you for not having that fear! I think DH is overly scared of it, especially since he would never mistreat a child, but I understand his fear.
NO issue with that whatsoever. There's a big difference between setting your own boundaries and having them shoved on you. As for the "fear factor", I treat it the same as the fact that my wife works with Doctors who make way more $ than me and train in a tri group with a bunch of guys in way better shape than me. If I let others worry me I'd be finding something else to do just to avoid the stress.

Originally Posted by Ariana:
I think it is great too and wouldn't hesitate to put my own child in care with a guy. I think it enriches kids lives tremendously to be cared for by a male. They care differently and that is what makes it all the more important. I have worked with male caregivers and they are just awesome all around and the kids just adore them.

Having said that I also understand the other side of this coin. So many men and women have been abused in our society and will go to great lengths to try and avoid that situation for their kids. Since most abusers are men and since some abusive men choose careers where they are around kids I totally get the apprehension. I think we need to support men absolutely but the overall goal is that people should feel comfortable with their provider and we can't judge everyone as simply being "ignorant" for their choices.

Thanks. It just frustrates me that for many this is an "acceptable" discrimination. If "men" was changed to a race/ religion/ orientation and some of the things said (here and throughout my career) were discussed and excused as "understandable", there would be holy #@% to pay. Over the years I've had directors tell me they're not accepting resumes or applications while standing next to someone filling out an application, been told "I'm sure you're a good teacher, but I'm not taking the risk of hiring you.", had my assistant be told by administration to "keep an eye on me" when I was hired, been told I'm not allowed to work with certain ages because of some imagined "greater risk", and had an assistant director push for getting cameras put just in my room "to be safe".

Like I've said before, I'm not sure there is an answer. Just frustrating. Where's that "banging head against wall" smiley at when you need it?
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bubblegum 06:13 PM 03-01-2016
I totally agree Dave.
I found myself discriminating against the man bun, then I realized how mad I'd be if someone said I couldn't have one.
Fair is fair. We are all humans!
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Blackcat31 08:46 AM 04-26-2016
http://www.redandblack.com/culture/m...42b069fc0.html

Great article!
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mommyneedsadayoff 09:10 AM 04-26-2016
What's funny is that almost EVERY dck I have had, has loved my husband, almost more than me in some cases

I had a little guy who adored him and he was going through this phase of crying at drop off, but one day, my husband was home during his drop off, and he reached past me and pointed and said "obbi" (my husband's name is rob, but they call him robbie) so my husband took him and that was that...not a tear shed little turd

I love seeing male providers and nannies. It is wonderful for kids to have a male presence in their lives and they learn so much from males, just as they do from female providers.

I don't know why some people do not want male providers, but I imagine it has to do with their own past or with their beliefs or who knows? I have seen parents exclude providers based on all sorts of factors, so I just say to each their own and they don't know what they are missing out on if they judge the provider simply based on what they look like.
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DaveA 11:46 AM 04-26-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
http://www.redandblack.com/culture/m...42b069fc0.html

Great article!

Nice article. Pretty much how my college classes went. I was a bit different because I went back to school for ECE hours after my degree, so going through school I had a few years experience as an aide, teacher, and support staff under my belt.

One thing I found amusing is right beside that article is one on how women have become more common in agriculture. When I graduated (early 90s) there were 3 girls in my FFA group. 40% of the FFA students graduating this year at the local school are female. This didn't happen by accident. Rural and some urban/ suburban high schools pushed FFA programs. Colleges encouraged women to pursue ag and agribusiness majors. Companies highlighted women's internships and hiring programs. I can't remember ever hearing a bad thing about it. I can't help but wonder the reaction if schools and ECE businesses did a similar concentrated long term push for more men in Early Childhood. Be an interesting theoretical exercise.


Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
I don't know why some people do not want male providers, but I imagine it has to do with their own past or with their beliefs or who knows? I have seen parents exclude providers based on all sorts of factors, so I just say to each their own and they don't know what they are missing out on if they judge the provider simply based on what they look like.
Sadly this will probably stay an "acceptable" bias for the foreseeable future. Understandable (maybe) from a parent's perspective, but sad regardless. From other ECE professionals, not so comprehensible.
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Mike 02:56 PM 04-26-2016
I'm looking forward to the day I start my business. I've done lots of story reading, dealing with booboos, changed many a diaper (cloth and disposable), and had fun playing with dolls too, but so far it's all been for relatives and friends and mostly free. Might as well make money doing something I like to do.

There will always be people against male providers, but even now, there are many against female firefighters and police officers. We just have to overlook those with wrong attitudes.
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Tags:discrimination, double standards, male cargivers, male providers, men in daycare
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