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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Letting A Child Go From Daycare
cmclean24 09:48 AM 07-22-2013
This is sort of a long story and it really ended up being mutual, but not an easy battle, the parents and I argued for a few days about this and it was very hard.
I had a 19 month old toddler here and right from the start I wondered if this was going to be trouble, she couldn't walk or talk, her parents said she was delayed because of being sick as a child, but whether that is true or not is really not the point, but this girl wouldn't listen at all, she would throw her body down (even for her parents at home and infront of her mom here at daycare) and it was really over nothing, she cried/screamed whenever I said her name, I wasn't using "no" with her, I would just say something like, watch out you dont bump your head, or watch out for the cat, play nice with the toys, play nice with (another child's name) and I said them all in quiet tones and she would get so upset. She would even get upset when I'd say come on in here for snack..
So I think it got to the point that she maybe thought she was in trouble all of the time and/or didn't really know what I was saying..I would even try to take her hand sometimes to lead her in the right direction and she'd plunk herself down and have a fit.
Anyway, she was full time and had been coming here for 2 months, which I thought was a fair shot because that's a long time with no improvements, in fact it felt like it got worse everyday. But anyway just last week the dad came to pick her up, which he has never in this whole period she was here. I was very offended because first off she was crying/screaming in the backyard so I wanted to explain myself of why she was because another parent just came to get their child and she gets very mad when someone gets dropped off/picked up, because it's not her.
Anyway I said to him the reason and he said "ohh she'll get better, hopefully" I said well hopefully but it's been 2 months already and we have seen any improvements" he said so you are planning on giving up on us? I said, no I didn't say that, and he said well if you do you better give us some notice so we can find someone else, I said yeah, I wasn't planning on that, and he said well you dont seem too sure things will get better, I said well she is not the only child I have here, I have 5 a day and she is not changing, and he said to his daughter, don't worry I still love you...like come on, make me feel guilty here and embarrassed.
So anyway I was about to walk away and go towards the other children and he said she's just a 2 year old trying to figure out the world, I said, all the children I have here are between 1 and 2 and they are not like her at all, they are all trying to figure out the world as well but they do not have the same behaviour, and you see improvements.
Anyway he was pissed and so was I, he basically put me in an awkward spot from the time he showed up.
Anyway the mom wrote me after and asked if I was withdrawing care, I was really not sure where to go from here because I really wasn't happy with the child and her family at this point so I said, if I am not respected by you then yes she is not welcome here anymore. Well the whole weekend we spent going back and forth and it was not fun, and she called me things and I was very blunt with her and she did not like that.
Anyway the question I would really like to know is this, in my policy it states 2 weeks notice, and owing that 2 weeks if you leave..and they did not give me any/nor did I, whomever you want to say withdrew care, I still believe payment would be outstanding but the parents hesitated on paying any and now are trying to manipulate me to following through with 1 weeks pay. Just wondering if I get some ideas on this as it has been a very frustrating battle (this happened on Friday and now it's Monday, we have been going back and forth for 4 days). Any advice or some comforting words would be great
Thanks
I had a 19 month old toddler here and right from the start I wondered if this was going to be trouble, she couldn't walk or talk, her parents said she was delayed because of being sick as a child, but whether that is true or not is really not the point, but this girl wouldn't listen at all, she would throw her body down (even for her parents at home and infront of her mom here at daycare) and it was really over nothing, she cried/screamed whenever I said her name, I wasn't using "no" with her, I would just say something like, watch out you dont bump your head, or watch out for the cat, play nice with the toys, play nice with (another child's name) and I said them all in quiet tones and she would get so upset. She would even get upset when I'd say come on in here for snack..
So I think it got to the point that she maybe thought she was in trouble all of the time and/or didn't really know what I was saying..I would even try to take her hand sometimes to lead her in the right direction and she'd plunk herself down and have a fit.
Anyway, she was full time and had been coming here for 2 months, which I thought was a fair shot because that's a long time with no improvements, in fact it felt like it got worse everyday. But anyway just last week the dad came to pick her up, which he has never in this whole period she was here. I was very offended because first off she was crying/screaming in the backyard so I wanted to explain myself of why she was because another parent just came to get their child and she gets very mad when someone gets dropped off/picked up, because it's not her.
Anyway I said to him the reason and he said "ohh she'll get better, hopefully" I said well hopefully but it's been 2 months already and we have seen any improvements" he said so you are planning on giving up on us? I said, no I didn't say that, and he said well if you do you better give us some notice so we can find someone else, I said yeah, I wasn't planning on that, and he said well you dont seem too sure things will get better, I said well she is not the only child I have here, I have 5 a day and she is not changing, and he said to his daughter, don't worry I still love you...like come on, make me feel guilty here and embarrassed.
So anyway I was about to walk away and go towards the other children and he said she's just a 2 year old trying to figure out the world, I said, all the children I have here are between 1 and 2 and they are not like her at all, they are all trying to figure out the world as well but they do not have the same behaviour, and you see improvements.
Anyway he was pissed and so was I, he basically put me in an awkward spot from the time he showed up.
Anyway the mom wrote me after and asked if I was withdrawing care, I was really not sure where to go from here because I really wasn't happy with the child and her family at this point so I said, if I am not respected by you then yes she is not welcome here anymore. Well the whole weekend we spent going back and forth and it was not fun, and she called me things and I was very blunt with her and she did not like that.
Anyway the question I would really like to know is this, in my policy it states 2 weeks notice, and owing that 2 weeks if you leave..and they did not give me any/nor did I, whomever you want to say withdrew care, I still believe payment would be outstanding but the parents hesitated on paying any and now are trying to manipulate me to following through with 1 weeks pay. Just wondering if I get some ideas on this as it has been a very frustrating battle (this happened on Friday and now it's Monday, we have been going back and forth for 4 days). Any advice or some comforting words would be great
Thanks
Happy Hearts 10:22 AM 07-22-2013
So sorry you are going through this.
Can you edit in some paragraphs.... kinda hard to read through it all.
Can you edit in some paragraphs.... kinda hard to read through it all.
KIDZRMYBIZ 11:10 AM 07-22-2013
I'm sorry this is happening. I think we all go through this situation some time in our career, where the provider is trying to hang in there and help the child, knowing that getting moved to another daycare isn't going to make the child's world any better (although it sure would the providers!), and then get "caught" at a bad moment with their kid. It puts the parents on offense, outraged that their child is unhappy. Then the provider is on defense, disappointed that the parent can't see how difficult their child is to deal with and appreciate that she is willing to do so for the sake of the child.
If it were me in your situation, I would let the 2-wk payment go, since after all that ugliness I would be relieved to just wash my hands of the whole thing.
Then, all future clients would pay the 2-wks up front at enrollment. I explain that the last 2 wks of care with me, whenever that may be, is then already paid in full. It's been my policy for 7 years now (after getting burned, of course) and I've never had a new family have any problem doing so. It saves a lot of headache if the business relationship sours for whatever reason.
If it were me in your situation, I would let the 2-wk payment go, since after all that ugliness I would be relieved to just wash my hands of the whole thing.
Then, all future clients would pay the 2-wks up front at enrollment. I explain that the last 2 wks of care with me, whenever that may be, is then already paid in full. It's been my policy for 7 years now (after getting burned, of course) and I've never had a new family have any problem doing so. It saves a lot of headache if the business relationship sours for whatever reason.
crazydaycarelady 11:37 AM 07-22-2013
I'd take the weeks pay and count my lucky stars!
EntropyControlSpecialist 11:39 AM 07-22-2013
Originally Posted by KMK:
I'm sorry this is happening. I think we all go through this situation some time in our career, where the provider is trying to hang in there and help the child, knowing that getting moved to another daycare isn't going to make the child's world any better (although it sure would the providers!), and then get "caught" at a bad moment with their kid. It puts the parents on offense, outraged that their child is unhappy. Then the provider is on defense, disappointed that the parent can't see how difficult their child is to deal with and appreciate that she is willing to do so for the sake of the child.
If it were me in your situation, I would let the 2-wk payment go, since after all that ugliness I would be relieved to just wash my hands of the whole thing.
Then, all future clients would pay the 2-wks up front at enrollment. I explain that the last 2 wks of care with me, whenever that may be, is then already paid in full. It's been my policy for 7 years now (after getting burned, of course) and I've never had a new family have any problem doing so. It saves a lot of headache if the business relationship sours for whatever reason.
Absolutely. ALL of this. I'm sorry this is happening. I think we all go through this situation some time in our career, where the provider is trying to hang in there and help the child, knowing that getting moved to another daycare isn't going to make the child's world any better (although it sure would the providers!), and then get "caught" at a bad moment with their kid. It puts the parents on offense, outraged that their child is unhappy. Then the provider is on defense, disappointed that the parent can't see how difficult their child is to deal with and appreciate that she is willing to do so for the sake of the child.
If it were me in your situation, I would let the 2-wk payment go, since after all that ugliness I would be relieved to just wash my hands of the whole thing.
Then, all future clients would pay the 2-wks up front at enrollment. I explain that the last 2 wks of care with me, whenever that may be, is then already paid in full. It's been my policy for 7 years now (after getting burned, of course) and I've never had a new family have any problem doing so. It saves a lot of headache if the business relationship sours for whatever reason.
e.j. 11:49 AM 07-22-2013
Sorry you've had such a tough weekend. 
Under the circumstances, if they're offering one week's pay, I'd accept it and look at it as "splitting the difference" with them. It would be worth it to me not to have to go back and forth for yet another 4 days, kwim?
Under the circumstances, if they're offering one week's pay, I'd accept it and look at it as "splitting the difference" with them. It would be worth it to me not to have to go back and forth for yet another 4 days, kwim?
Heidi 11:54 AM 07-22-2013
Originally Posted by KMK:
I'm sorry this is happening. I think we all go through this situation some time in our career, where the provider is trying to hang in there and help the child, knowing that getting moved to another daycare isn't going to make the child's world any better (although it sure would the providers!), and then get "caught" at a bad moment with their kid. It puts the parents on offense, outraged that their child is unhappy. Then the provider is on defense, disappointed that the parent can't see how difficult their child is to deal with and appreciate that she is willing to do so for the sake of the child.
If it were me in your situation, I would let the 2-wk payment go, since after all that ugliness I would be relieved to just wash my hands of the whole thing.
Then, all future clients would pay the 2-wks up front at enrollment. I explain that the last 2 wks of care with me, whenever that may be, is then already paid in full. It's been my policy for 7 years now (after getting burned, of course) and I've never had a new family have any problem doing so. It saves a lot of headache if the business relationship sours for whatever reason.
I'm sorry this is happening. I think we all go through this situation some time in our career, where the provider is trying to hang in there and help the child, knowing that getting moved to another daycare isn't going to make the child's world any better (although it sure would the providers!), and then get "caught" at a bad moment with their kid. It puts the parents on offense, outraged that their child is unhappy. Then the provider is on defense, disappointed that the parent can't see how difficult their child is to deal with and appreciate that she is willing to do so for the sake of the child.
If it were me in your situation, I would let the 2-wk payment go, since after all that ugliness I would be relieved to just wash my hands of the whole thing.
Then, all future clients would pay the 2-wks up front at enrollment. I explain that the last 2 wks of care with me, whenever that may be, is then already paid in full. It's been my policy for 7 years now (after getting burned, of course) and I've never had a new family have any problem doing so. It saves a lot of headache if the business relationship sours for whatever reason.
well said...
Blackcat31 12:01 PM 07-22-2013
Originally Posted by KMK:
I'm sorry this is happening. I think we all go through this situation some time in our career, where the provider is trying to hang in there and help the child, knowing that getting moved to another daycare isn't going to make the child's world any better (although it sure would the providers!), and then get "caught" at a bad moment with their kid. It puts the parents on offense, outraged that their child is unhappy. Then the provider is on defense, disappointed that the parent can't see how difficult their child is to deal with and appreciate that she is willing to do so for the sake of the child.
If it were me in your situation, I would let the 2-wk payment go, since after all that ugliness I would be relieved to just wash my hands of the whole thing.
Then, all future clients would pay the 2-wks up front at enrollment. I explain that the last 2 wks of care with me, whenever that may be, is then already paid in full. It's been my policy for 7 years now (after getting burned, of course) and I've never had a new family have any problem doing so. It saves a lot of headache if the business relationship sours for whatever reason.
I'm sorry this is happening. I think we all go through this situation some time in our career, where the provider is trying to hang in there and help the child, knowing that getting moved to another daycare isn't going to make the child's world any better (although it sure would the providers!), and then get "caught" at a bad moment with their kid. It puts the parents on offense, outraged that their child is unhappy. Then the provider is on defense, disappointed that the parent can't see how difficult their child is to deal with and appreciate that she is willing to do so for the sake of the child.
If it were me in your situation, I would let the 2-wk payment go, since after all that ugliness I would be relieved to just wash my hands of the whole thing.
Then, all future clients would pay the 2-wks up front at enrollment. I explain that the last 2 wks of care with me, whenever that may be, is then already paid in full. It's been my policy for 7 years now (after getting burned, of course) and I've never had a new family have any problem doing so. It saves a lot of headache if the business relationship sours for whatever reason.
I also agree with this. I also think that since the conversation got so heated and back and forth, I as a parent wouldn't want my child to return and being "forced" to have to either attend and/or pay for those final two weeks would have me in a tizzy too.
I think you were perfectly within your means to terminate this family and I would have done the same thing considering the child's behavior, lack of improvement and dad's attitude about it.
I would let the two weeks payment go and simply move on.
I wouldn't feel right in taking/accepting payment for time (last two weeks) if it isn't going to be used and honestly like I said above, as the parent I wouldn't feel comfortable taking my child somewhere I believed she was having issues at.
I am NOT saying there is anything wrong with you or your program...I am just thinking from the parent's perspective and they obviously believe that their child isn't being given the right amount of adjustment time.
countrymom 06:26 PM 07-22-2013
sounds to me like the parents didn't want to acknowledge that there was something wrong. I think if after 2 months the situation only gets worse then you have the right to term. And sounds to me like they were termed before.
I would let them go and not charge them anything. Sometimes its just easier to let go and be done with them.
I would let them go and not charge them anything. Sometimes its just easier to let go and be done with them.