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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Anyone Asked You This Before?
MamaBear 07:56 PM 05-11-2011
I had a lady call me today asking a list of questions out of a book basically for daycare. She is pregnant and not even due until December... but she is "planning ahead" she says. Shes probably like 1 month pregnant right?

Anyway - The question that totally wierded me out was if her and her husband could come to my daycare one morning and "shadow" me through out my day!!! What the heck? I've never had anyone ask me that before.

I had already told her that I do my tours after hours or weekends so that I can actually talk to them without being interrupted by the kids AND for the safety of the kids here... so why would I let a couple just hang out here all day? Plus that is so strange. I would feel so awkward all day if I ever did that.

I would NEVER do this... And I told her no way... but has anyone else had this question asked before? SO weird to me!
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Lucy 11:31 PM 05-11-2011
No, never been asked. And yes, it's very weird. First time parents think the strangest things sometimes!

I hate being watched and would never do that. I had a lady who drove a school bus, so she had a split shift. She wanted to come for the 2 hours she was off in the middle of the day and play with her kid. They didn't live close enough to go home and come back, so she wanted to do it here. I made up some excuse - can't remember what because it was about 10 yrs ago. I would feel so awkward having her here for two hours!
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nannyde 04:57 AM 05-12-2011
She most likely read it in a baby book somewhere. One of the "you know your baby best and you know what's best for your baby" books.

Someone who is pregnant with their first child CAN evaluate you by shadowing you? Geesh it took me years to know what I'm doing here. How can a first time pregnant newbie Mom be able to watch me and tell whether or not I'm good... doing it right...

It's a rediculous notion. It's a parent wanting to DO parenting before the kid is even born. Day care and buying baby stuff are the only "I'm being a parent" they can do before the kid is born.

I would say "no I don't have parents coming and shadowing me but I do offere a service where I come to your house and shadow you caring for your kid. That way I'll know if your parenting style will work with my business. It's a 100 dollars a day for four hours of shadowing. Let me know when you want me to come".

When I have the pregnant moms who have been pregnant for five minutes call for day care stuff I just tell them to give me a call a month before the baby is due and we can start the process. SO much can happen between now and then... like they decide to stay home... granny steps to the plate to watch kid... next door neighbor offers near free day care.... etc. No use to get involved until the baby is close and then just to START the interview process.

Centers have a different gig so contacting them and paying for a held spot is a good idea if they are considering a center... but here... there are thousands of home child cares. No need to rush into it until it's a lot closer.
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cheerfuldom 07:51 AM 05-12-2011
I would never do this and I also don't interview first time parents until they are at least beginning third trimester. Otherwise it is a waste of time. They have no idea what they are looking for and there is no way to communicate about something when they have no idea what you are talking about.
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missnikki 07:56 AM 05-12-2011
This might be a new wrinkle to the old 'competition provider looking for hints' since you can't prove a new pregnancy. Just a cynical thought.
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Symphony 08:10 AM 05-12-2011
I'm always the odd man out in this category! I have people observe me all the time for college courses and I host practicums and internships as well, so I certainly don't mind if a parent wants to come and watch. Especially if it's before their child is born. Doesn't bother me a bit.
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SilverSabre25 08:12 AM 05-12-2011
Sounds like the type who'll be asking what curriculum you use with infants and what kinds of crafts you'll be doing with the infant...

I like the policy of not interviewing until the beginning of the third tri. That sounds good...I'll have to adopt that.
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Michelle 08:30 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by missnikki:
This might be a new wrinkle to the old 'competition provider looking for hints' since you can't prove a new pregnancy. Just a cynical thought.
My thoughts exactly, I would never do it, buy sometimes i wonder what other providers do around here and what their set up is like.
The only info I ever get is when I'm interviewing and some parents said things like, "you have such a nice house, you wouldn't believe some of the other day cares we've seen"
So, it could be another provider or a very nervous or excited parent.
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Michelle 08:31 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
She most likely read it in a baby book somewhere. One of the "you know your baby best and you know what's best for your baby" books.

Someone who is pregnant with their first child CAN evaluate you by shadowing you? Geesh it took me years to know what I'm doing here. How can a first time pregnant newbie Mom be able to watch me and tell whether or not I'm good... doing it right...

It's a rediculous notion. It's a parent wanting to DO parenting before the kid is even born. Day care and buying baby stuff are the only "I'm being a parent" they can do before the kid is born.

I would say "no I don't have parents coming and shadowing me but I do offere a service where I come to your house and shadow you caring for your kid. That way I'll know if your parenting style will work with my business. It's a 100 dollars a day for four hours of shadowing. Let me know when you want me to come".

When I have the pregnant moms who have been pregnant for five minutes call for day care stuff I just tell them to give me a call a month before the baby is due and we can start the process. SO much can happen between now and then... like they decide to stay home... granny steps to the plate to watch kid... next door neighbor offers near free day care.... etc. No use to get involved until the baby is close and then just to START the interview process.

Centers have a different gig so contacting them and paying for a held spot is a good idea if they are considering a center... but here... there are thousands of home child cares. No need to rush into it until it's a lot closer.

Love this!!
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Meeko 08:44 AM 05-12-2011
It's because so many of the "expert advice" books/pamphlets etc tell parents how paranoid they need to be and that they need to shadow the provider/drop in at all times of the day etc.

I have had parents ask to come and hang out for half a day or so and I always refuse.

I point out to them that anyone being watched is going to be on their best behavior. So they they will NEVER get a true idea of what that provider will be like with their child. Bad providers are not going to treat the child badly in front of the parent! Good providers just feel awkward having someone stare at them! It's a lose/lose situation.

I don't mind (in fact I like it) jumping up and down and teaching the kids silly songs and dance moves. But I would feel like a right idiot doing in front of strange adults.

And I am quite sure that my normally well behaved children would turn into little monsters as they try and get the attention of the adults in the room and push every boundary known to man. That's normal toddler behavior...but I don't want to deal with it!!

I give out a long list of references. Both past and present clients. I tell them to call every single one and ask THEM lots of questions. Let them tell how their children come home happy. Let THEM say how comfortable they feel leaving their child with me. That's a much truer guide to follow than shadowing someone all day!

I am quite sure that if they were followed all day at work...they would hate it. Doesn't mean they don't do a good job......it's just horrible to stared at.

I once had a couple come for interview. It was their first baby. The mom was as stuck up as she could be. Asked me to explain to her if I knew how to feed a newborn/burp a baby etc. I have 4 kids of my own and have done day care since SHE was in diapers! But I just bit my tongue and smiled.

She called me the next day and said "I have decided to employ you. I just want you to know that I will be dropping by a lot to observe you with my son."

I told her that first off....nobody employs me. I am my own boss. Then I told her that I have 3 people wanting the spot and I would decide which one I wanted to take by Friday. Never did call her back!
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nannyde 08:55 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by missnikki:
This might be a new wrinkle to the old 'competition provider looking for hints' since you can't prove a new pregnancy. Just a cynical thought.


didn't think of that
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wdmmom 09:22 AM 05-12-2011
I've had a lot of far fetched requests and I've never once permitted "shadowing".


I've had people contact me that were only a few weeks pregnant too. I tell them right off the bat that I don't know whether I will have an opening in a year or not. Why don't you give me a call when you are about 7-8 months along or you can provide security deposit and pay $50 a week holding fee. That usually changes their tune. I don't know how ANY provider can say one way or another whether they WILL or WON'T have an opening in a YEAR! Silly parents!

Not to mention the possibilities that could happen:

Grandma retires, mom decides to quit or work from home, family member or neighbor offers to watch the child, miscarriage, disabilities...etc. No one wants to think of the awful things that could happen but they happen everyday.

I always suggest to interested clients to contact me no earlier than than the beginning of their 3rd trimester.
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momma2girls 09:28 AM 05-12-2011
SOme parents act so stupid about some things!!
I once was asked "Now what will my baby be doing when you are fixing dinner for everyone else?" Hello- I wanted to tell her, what do you do with him, while you are fixing supper??????
There has been numerous questions and comments along the yrs. I just can't remember them all- lol!!
I had a fill in Mom give me a 4 page note on everything she wants for her child- OMG!!!
I couldn't believe it!!
"Make sure and bicycle her legs" :Make sure and change her or at least check on her diaper every hr. and don't forget those pesky cracks???" I almost died!!!!!
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Live and Learn 09:32 AM 05-12-2011
Uh, no thanks!

If I could get away with it I like NannyD's idea of offering to shadow the mom for a fee!!!
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Live and Learn 09:33 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by momma2girls:
SOme parents act so stupid about some things!!
I once was asked "Now what will my baby be doing when you are fixing dinner for everyone else?" Hello- I wanted to tell her, what do you do with him, while you are fixing supper??????
There has been numerous questions and comments along the yrs. I just can't remember them all- lol!!
I had a fill in Mom give me a 4 page note on everything she wants for her child- OMG!!!
I couldn't believe it!!
"Make sure and bicycle her legs" :Make sure and change her or at least check on her diaper every hr. and don't forget those pesky cracks???" I almost died!!!!!
I had a first time Mom do this too.
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WDW 09:40 AM 05-12-2011
While I would never allow someone to shadow me, I do have to say, when I was pregnant with my DS (yes, a stupid first time mom) I found my daycare when I was three months pregnant. It was important to me to find a good place for my baby, and I wanted the right person. It worked out perfectly, and I can tell you, anyone who gave me the "call back in six months" bit would NOT have received a return call. Daycare is hard to find, esp. for an infant, and I think people are SMART to start early. JMO.
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MarinaVanessa 09:43 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by momma2girls:
I once was asked "Now what will my baby be doing when you are fixing dinner for everyone else?" Hello- I wanted to tell her, what do you do with him, while you are fixing supper??????
This sounds like something that I would say but I would ask her with a serious face and then after hearing her response would just say "Oh that sounds great, I could do that too" just to get on to the next question
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Symphony 09:58 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by WDW:
While I would never allow someone to shadow me, I do have to say, when I was pregnant with my DS (yes, a stupid first time mom) I found my daycare when I was three months pregnant. It was important to me to find a good place for my baby, and I wanted the right person. It worked out perfectly, and I can tell you, anyone who gave me the "call back in six months" bit would NOT have received a return call. Daycare is hard to find, esp. for an infant, and I think people are SMART to start early. JMO.
I agree. I know it is harder with home daycare because we are filling a spot, have holding fees, etc. With centers though if you don't secure a spot at 6 weeks pregnant, you aren't going to get one.
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Unregistered 09:58 AM 05-12-2011
What these parents are fishing for is your open door policy. Clearly you don't have one and any responsible parent isn't going to choose a provider who they can't tour during your working hours and actually view how you work with the children. If you read every piece of recommend strategies in finding care online, every single one of them recommends to stay away from providers like you who don't have open door policies. Sorry, you may not agree, but it's true.
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MamaBear 11:05 AM 05-12-2011
I dont mind the mom to be calling me so early with her questions... and wouldnt mind doing a tour so she can see it. But no way on the shadowing. You should have heard her list of questions she had for me. It was like she was reading from a book. It was pretty funny
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MG&Lsmom 11:17 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by MamaBear:
I dont mind the mom to be calling me so early with her questions... and wouldnt mind doing a tour so she can see it. But no way on the shadowing. You should have heard her list of questions she had for me. It was like she was reading from a book. It was pretty funny
It really is from a book. Or a parenting.com list of questions to ask your dcp. I can't remember where I saw it, but I saw it somewhere. Most of the questions were ridiculous to ask. I won't take first timers either anymore.

I have a problem with shadowing all day, but I can't see how coming in after an initial interview to observe free play or lunch or whatever for 30 mins to an hour would be horrible. I have nothing to hide. No I don't like being watched, but I was a public school teacher for 7 years and was observed by the administrators often. I don't see it as any different.
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cheerfuldom 11:52 AM 05-12-2011
I always have to laugh at the parents who ask "what will my baby be doing here all day"....ummmm....what they do at home. Pooping, sleeping, eating, staring at a random toy. Do they really think baby is going to be a totally different person at daycare?
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nannyde 11:55 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by MG&Lsmom:
It really is from a book. Or a parenting.com list of questions to ask your dcp. I can't remember where I saw it, but I saw it somewhere. Most of the questions were ridiculous to ask. I won't take first timers either anymore.

I have a problem with shadowing all day, but I can't see how coming in after an initial interview to observe free play or lunch or whatever for 30 mins to an hour would be horrible. I have nothing to hide. No I don't like being watched, but I was a public school teacher for 7 years and was observed by the administrators often. I don't see it as any different.
was observed by the administrators often. I don't see it as any different

The administrators aren't paying you out of their pocket and you aren't taking care of their kid. They aren't a fourth of your salary.

The administrators have an EDUCATION and training to evaluate you. They have actually done the job they are evaluating.

The administrators don't think that any one of your classroom kids are special and gifted and want to make sure THEY get....

Big big big difference than a person who had sex and conceived and carried a baby for a month coming to evaluate a child care provider.
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AnythingsPossible 11:57 AM 05-12-2011
The thing I find with parent's wanting to come and observe, is that what they are observing isn't what truly happens here. The kids act different, I act different, as I am trying to entertain them and watch the kiddo's. I can't imagine having someone come to observe and ignoring them the whole time so that I can truly do what I do. When someone is here, it is a totally different environment.
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cheerfuldom 11:59 AM 05-12-2011
exactly! the administrators know (or should know) what constitutes as a good standard of care for students. Totally different from the average parent coming in and having opinions on everything. Parents have commented on tons of things for me, down to whether I should wear makeup during daycare hours. They will have opinions on how you take care of your home (outside of daycare area), how you care for the other kids (not their kid) and a million other things that they are not an expert on nor is it any of their business. I would never ever do this to myself. I do let parents of current children come and hang out on occasion but comments outside of the care for their specific child are not allowed.
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SilverSabre25 12:14 PM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
What these parents are fishing for is your open door policy. Clearly you don't have one and any responsible parent isn't going to choose a provider who they can't tour during your working hours and actually view how you work with the children. If you read every piece of recommend strategies in finding care online, every single one of them recommends to stay away from providers like you who don't have open door policies. Sorry, you may not agree, but it's true.
Open Door Policy: You can come ANY time while your child is in my care.

This does not extend to strangers off the street. This does not extend to people who don't even HAVE a child yet. This extends ONLY to parents whose child is in my care at any given moment. It also does not give parents whose children I watch the right to come to my house any time they want...they are only permitted any time I have their child.
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Meeko 12:42 PM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
What these parents are fishing for is your open door policy. Clearly you don't have one and any responsible parent isn't going to choose a provider who they can't tour during your working hours and actually view how you work with the children. If you read every piece of recommend strategies in finding care online, every single one of them recommends to stay away from providers like you who don't have open door policies. Sorry, you may not agree, but it's true.
And all the "info" no doubt comes from people who have never actually worked in child care! Too much info from the likes of Dr. Spock telling them how to raise well balanced kids (his own son committed suicide by the way)

So let's just say a provider lets parents follow her around all day. They will see her being the very best Mary Poppins ever and will be so excited to have their child go there!!! They have NO WAY of knowing that Mary Poppins is actually a witch and that their baby is going to be treated badly when Mommy and Daddy are not around to see it. It's a complete waste of time.

ANYONE...regardless of their job...is going to put on their best front on when being closely watched. It's human nature. It is NOT a good way to ensure you are finding good care. Talk to the provider and ask for references. LOTS of them. Past and present clients. In fact the provider should give them without being asked. Call licensing and ask about their record. Don't expect to get any idea of how good your child care provider is just by watching them.

Chances are you might see a flustered and embarrassed woman who's day care kids are deliberately breaking all the rules because they see strangers. You could witness complete chaos. Under normal circumstances she may run a very orderly ship. Again...not a true picture of the provider.

Peering over someone's shoulder is no way to start a relationship with someone who will be important to your child. It SCREAMS "I don't trust you".

I am open and honest with my day care parents. They can ask questions. They can ask other parents. But they can't be in my face while I do my job.

I don't take any parents who tell me that they will be popping in all the time to "observe" me. They might as well say "I don't trust you and so I am going to check up on you every chance I get" Great relationship

Parents are welcome to come visit their own child once enrolled here. They get to play with their child in a room away from all the others. I am not about to let them mix with kids who are not their own. That's not safe for the other kids. If they are still suspicious after they take home kids who are happy (or maybe cry because they don't want to leave!) then they can go elsewhere. I take care of children...not their parents. They can take their insecurities elsewhere.
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Meeko 12:48 PM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Open Door Policy: You can come ANY time while your child is in my care.

This does not extend to strangers off the street. This does not extend to people who don't even HAVE a child yet. This extends ONLY to parents whose child is in my care at any given moment. It also does not give parents whose children I watch the right to come to my house any time they want...they are only permitted any time I have their child.
Ditto
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nannyde 12:53 PM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
What these parents are fishing for is your open door policy. Clearly you don't have one and any responsible parent isn't going to choose a provider who they can't tour during your working hours and actually view how you work with the children. If you read every piece of recommend strategies in finding care online, every single one of them recommends to stay away from providers like you who don't have open door policies. Sorry, you may not agree, but it's true.
Yup and every single one of them doesn't address the DCD who sneaks in and watches a woman alone with kids ..for an unknown amount of time... and just appears out of nowhere because he CAN cuz the books said that's HIS baby and when his baby is in the house he should be able to come in whenever he wants... however he wants... as often as he wants... doing whatever he wants.
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Meeko 01:16 PM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Yup and every single one of them doesn't address the DCD who sneaks in and watches a woman alone with kids ..for an unknown amount of time... and just appears out of nowhere because he CAN cuz the books said that's HIS baby and when his baby is in the house he should be able to come in whenever he wants... however he wants... as often as he wants... doing whatever he wants.
I know....it's quite terrifying when you think about it.

According to the "experts" (haha!) ....creepy DCD should be able to sit down and stare at alone DCP all day. He should be able to look her up and down to his hearts content....because his child is there.

I learned the hard way a few years back when a DCD would come almost daily to "visit his daughter". He gave us the creeps and I did some investigating on my own........Turns out he was a convicted child rapist and was loving having little girls all around him.

NEVER AGAIN.

Now parents can come by...but they spend the time in another room with their child. I would still be wary of that if I was a woman alone in the house. I have my adult son working with me and he could snap any of our current dads like a toothpick....but most providers are alone. Since when is is ever a safe thing for a woman to be alone in a house with a man she doesn't know well? having the children around does not make her safer. In fact it makes her more vunerable as she is worried about their care and safety.
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Meeko 01:33 PM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
I know....it's quite terrifying when you think about it.

According to the "experts" (haha!) ....creepy DCD should be able to sit down and stare at alone DCP all day. He should be able to look her up and down to his hearts content....because his child is there.

I learned the hard way a few years back when a DCD would come almost daily to "visit his daughter". He gave us the creeps and I did some investigating on my own........Turns out he was a convicted child rapist and was loving having little girls all around him.

NEVER AGAIN.

Now parents can come by...but they spend the time in another room with their child. I would still be wary of that if I was a woman alone in the house. I have my adult son working with me and he could snap any of our current dads like a toothpick....but most providers are alone. Since when is is ever a safe thing for a woman to be alone in a house with a man she doesn't know well? having the children around does not make her safer. In fact it makes her more vunerable as she is worried about their care and safety.
Oh and don't think for a second that only men can be dangerous..........Nanny de once posted that just because you have a kid...doesn't automatically make you a nice or safe person. No strangers in my house!
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Blackcat31 02:16 PM 05-12-2011
...........
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missnikki 02:18 PM 05-12-2011
Well, this thread has taken a very disturbing turn.

Pretty simple, really:
"I don't allow touring of my program during business hours for saftey reasons. I would not accept any child into my care whose parents would allow me to do so. I'm sure you wouldn't want that as a client, so I don't allow it."
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daycare 02:35 PM 05-12-2011
this just happened to me recently, I posted about it a few months back.

The mom came for a tour and seemed super nice. her kid was freaking out the whole time he was here, so she emailed me and asked me if i would allow for her and the child to come to the DC for a day to see how the program runs.


I had told her that I dont do tours during DC hours from day one, so I was shocked taht she was asking me this again. I told her NO sorry I wont do it and hope that you understand that my current families expect me to keep my word of keeping thier child safe at all times. I then told her that if she was my client that I would offer her the same protection for her child.

I also told her that I understood that she wanted to get to know me and wanted her child to feel comfotable here so I invited her to come again as many times as she wanted after hours or on a sunday. She emailed me back and said sorry I decline your offer.

I just left it at that and moved on....No way Jose
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WDW 06:28 PM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by Symphony:
I agree. I know it is harder with home daycare because we are filling a spot, have holding fees, etc. With centers though if you don't secure a spot at 6 weeks pregnant, you aren't going to get one.
Now that I have my own daycare, it is hard. I have tried with a few families to figure out a way, but I get that it's hard. I did place my son in an in-home setting though, not a center. She believed in choosing who she wanted in her daycare, we got a long, and she held me a spot. I was lucky.
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MamaBear 07:46 PM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
What these parents are fishing for is your open door policy. Clearly you don't have one and any responsible parent isn't going to choose a provider who they can't tour during your working hours and actually view how you work with the children. If you read every piece of recommend strategies in finding care online, every single one of them recommends to stay away from providers like you who don't have open door policies. Sorry, you may not agree, but it's true.
I do have an open door policy --- FOR MY FAMILIES WHO HAVE CHILDREN IN MY CARE!!! And my door is still locked until the parent knocks!!!

Why would I have an open door policy for freakin strangers? That is the stupidest thing I've heard all day. What about the children that are in my care who I am being 100% completely responsible for their safety??!! Am I supposed to let anyone who finds my ad off of the internet swing by and hang out with my daycare children all day? Have you heard of all the Craigslist killing going on these days? Just had an 18 year old boy get murdered last night not far from me answering a Craigslist ad. You dont know WHO you are inviting into your home to check out your daycare. Anyone could call me and "pretend" to be pregnant to get into my daycare doors.

I do my tours AFTER daycare hours when my husband is home with me. Would you rather have your children in a daycare that lets ANY schmo in their front door to hang out with your little one???? Or have your child in a daycare where your child is 100% safe and protected??? Think about it! REALLY? Ugh... Thats just idiotic.
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Live and Learn 07:53 PM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
What these parents are fishing for is your open door policy. Clearly you don't have one and any responsible parent isn't going to choose a provider who they can't tour during your working hours and actually view how you work with the children. If you read every piece of recommend strategies in finding care online, every single one of them recommends to stay away from providers like you who don't have open door policies. Sorry, you may not agree, but it's true.
.......can't help but wonder if this is the same "unregistered" poster from the pink dress thread.
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MamaBear 07:57 PM 05-12-2011
I bet it is!
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wdmmom 08:42 PM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
this just happened to me recently, I posted about it a few months back.

The mom came for a tour and seemed super nice. her kid was freaking out the whole time he was here, so she emailed me and asked me if i would allow for her and the child to come to the DC for a day to see how the program runs.


I had told her that I dont do tours during DC hours from day one, so I was shocked taht she was asking me this again. I told her NO sorry I wont do it and hope that you understand that my current families expect me to keep my word of keeping thier child safe at all times. I then told her that if she was my client that I would offer her the same protection for her child.

I also told her that I understood that she wanted to get to know me and wanted her child to feel comfotable here so I invited her to come again as many times as she wanted after hours or on a sunday. She emailed me back and said sorry I decline your offer.

I just left it at that and moved on....No way Jose
I've had WAY too many people ask to "shadow" or come by and watch how I run my daycare for a few hours. Nope! I give you a daily schedule...that is what we do. We have a routine and we stick to it. I will meet with you up to 3 times to get your business but I'm not going to have you hang out on my couch eating cheetos while I work and have to watch your kid in addition to my other responsibilities.

I remember a prospective client (right when i first started) asking me if she could come by for a few hours and see how I ran things and she didn't even have a job!!!! She had applied at a temporary agency and knew she would get a job and need daycare for her daughter. I told her she was more than welcome to schedule another appointment after she secured the job and we could move forward from there. I got an email a week later saying she couldn't pass the background check to get the job! YIKES!!!!!
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Meeko 06:09 AM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
I've had WAY too many people ask to "shadow" or come by and watch how I run my daycare for a few hours. Nope! I give you a daily schedule...that is what we do. We have a routine and we stick to it. I will meet with you up to 3 times to get your business but I'm not going to have you hang out on my couch eating cheetos while I work and have to watch your kid in addition to my other responsibilities.

I remember a prospective client (right when i first started) asking me if she could come by for a few hours and see how I ran things and she didn't even have a job!!!! She had applied at a temporary agency and knew she would get a job and need daycare for her daughter. I told her she was more than welcome to schedule another appointment after she secured the job and we could move forward from there. I got an email a week later saying she couldn't pass the background check to get the job! YIKES!!!!!

....and yet "unregistered" would have let a woman who can't pass a background check into her home for the day!!! Now that's a YIKES!!!!
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CdnMumof4 09:45 PM 05-13-2011
ha..no way would I allow someone to shadow me through my day. and yes..why the heck is she inquiring so early on in her pregnancy?!! people strike so much fear into pregnant women about daycare, I remember...I was one of them putting my fetus on a prestigious preschool's wait-list - we moved and he never attended ;-)

but no way would I allow a parent, or anyone, shadow me for the day and be in my home with other people's children.

I had a perspective parent ask if I would get a police clearance from every adult who would be in contact with their child , while in my care. I would do that if one of my contracted parents really wanted. These people didn't even set up a firm interview ! [although the mother called one day and drilled me with questions, and then I got a call from her husband saying he got excellent referrals for me and wanted his kid to attend my daycare- then I said " oh I spoke to your wife yesterday :-) " ...and I never spokke to them again. ]
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Unregistered 06:46 AM 05-16-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
And all the "info" no doubt comes from people who have never actually worked in child care! Too much info from the likes of Dr. Spock telling them how to raise well balanced kids (his own son committed suicide by the way)

So let's just say a provider lets parents follow her around all day. They will see her being the very best Mary Poppins ever and will be so excited to have their child go there!!! They have NO WAY of knowing that Mary Poppins is actually a witch and that their baby is going to be treated badly when Mommy and Daddy are not around to see it. It's a complete waste of time.

ANYONE...regardless of their job...is going to put on their best front on when being closely watched. It's human nature. It is NOT a good way to ensure you are finding good care. Talk to the provider and ask for references. LOTS of them. Past and present clients. In fact the provider should give them without being asked. Call licensing and ask about their record. Don't expect to get any idea of how good your child care provider is just by watching them.


Chances are you might see a flustered and embarrassed woman who's day care kids are deliberately breaking all the rules because they see strangers. You could witness complete chaos. Under normal circumstances she may run a very orderly ship. Again...not a true picture of the provider.

Peering over someone's shoulder is no way to start a relationship with someone who will be important to your child. It SCREAMS "I don't trust you".

I am open and honest with my day care parents. They can ask questions. They can ask other parents. But they can't be in my face while I do my job.

I don't take any parents who tell me that they will be popping in all the time to "observe" me. They might as well say "I don't trust you and so I am going to check up on you every chance I get" Great relationship

Parents are welcome to come visit their own child once enrolled here. They get to play with their child in a room away from all the others. I am not about to let them mix with kids who are not their own. That's not safe for the other kids. If they are still suspicious after they take home kids who are happy (or maybe cry because they don't want to leave!) then they can go elsewhere. I take care of children...not their parents. They can take their insecurities elsewhere.
Ah, so every web site and parenting guide is wrong that recommends that you tour during working hours so you can actually see how things are ran? But parents should sign your contracts stating that they must provide 2 or more weeks notice with pay if they choose to leave going just by what you tell them during an interview? (if there's no probationary period) Sounds like it's pretty one sided for the benefit of the provider. Your attitude is exactly why I chose center care. It doesn't matter if the kids are going to act up differently or not during the tour.

It's important that touring parents get to see things in action and to see how the provider handles things. I know if the kids were acting up and the provider loses it, I would never choose that provider, etc. I also would never choose a provider who have kids that are very aggressive either. I applaude the parent that came to the OP and asked to shadow - that is an involved, caring parent, not just a parent who is looking for just anywhere to dump their kid. (and there's plenty who just don't care where their kids go to daycare) If the provider has nothing to hide, then there's no good reason to not allow tours during certain working hours.
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Unregistered 06:50 AM 05-16-2011
Originally Posted by Live and Learn:
.......can't help but wonder if this is the same "unregistered" poster from the pink dress thread.
No, I'm not - haven't even read the pink dress thread. There's lots of unregistered users who post to this site. Many providers even log out to post anonymously.
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Mom_of_two 11:57 AM 05-16-2011
Touring and shadowing during the day for an entire day are two different things. Also, daycare centers that allow tours have multiple employees. Usually homes are a lone female. With multiple children not her own. It is a safety issue.

I have daycare families come over after hours. After that initial meeting I have had a mom and child come back to play during daycare hours. It is very case by case for me and I must meet them all first, at a time when my husband is home and no other children are here. When my daughter was at a center it did make me anxious that other people were entering the center, but knew there were a lot of staff. I would not allow my children at a home that had any 'strangers' visiting, so won't here until after an initial meeting and definite interest.
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harperluu 01:45 PM 05-16-2011
Originally Posted by WDW:
While I would never allow someone to shadow me, I do have to say, when I was pregnant with my DS (yes, a stupid first time mom) I found my daycare when I was three months pregnant. It was important to me to find a good place for my baby, and I wanted the right person. It worked out perfectly, and I can tell you, anyone who gave me the "call back in six months" bit would NOT have received a return call. Daycare is hard to find, esp. for an infant, and I think people are SMART to start early. JMO.
From the other point of view, if I have a spot for an infant now or in the next few months, would you pay to hold the spot for the next six months? That's typically why I ask them to call back closer to their due date. They want a guaranteed spot with no understanding that I may have the opportunity to fill that spot now. If the spot is still open in 4 months (which it won't be) then I'll interview. It's not being rude, it's running your business as effectively as years of experience has taught me to run my childcare business.

I totally get being prepared and allowing lots of time to find just the right person. But for me, unless the spot just happens to open up the month your returning to work, you can interview now so you can rule me out but otherwise you'll go on a waiting list or you can callback closer to your due date.

As a side note, current clients who are newly pregnant are the worst at this. I always groan (silently, in my soul) when a client with a child in care says she's 10 weeks pregnant and will I hold the spot for them. Yes, and it will cost you $5400. Or no, let's wait until we're closer to the due date. Meanwhile I'm prepared to be badgered the next 5 months as you stress out. Locked and loaded.
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daycare 03:28 PM 05-16-2011
To unregistered..
one of things that most inhome DCs do not have is an assistant. Like me for example, I am the only one here and could not allow for a person to come in and tour during my business hours.

What if I have to go to the bathroom or assist a child in the bathroom. that would mean my DC children would be left unsupervised by a stranger. I would NEVER in a million years allow that to happen. and I know that you as a parent would never want that to happen to your child, if it did you would want that providers head....


We are not asking a parent to just leave their child with anyone, We are licensed and trusted DC providers and hopefully the client has checked all of our references and with LIC before starting any day care.


For me, once I get to know my DC parents and I feel comfortable with how they interact with children, I have allowed for the parents to come to special events. LIke hoilday parties, back to school night, open house, and so on.
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jen 05:07 PM 05-16-2011
I've had people ask me to visit during daycare hours...I handle is like this. Families are allowed to come after-hours for an interview. IF we both feel that it's a good fit, the Mom or Dad may come and observe during a specified time period. We have various programs, travel-tots, spanish & music, ecfe and if they would like to bring their child and participate, for the designated time only, they are welcome too.

There is NO point in having someone with an infant shadow! I have interviewed people who were expecting and had them sign up in advance if I knew that I had an infant spot opening in the future. I invite them to come back after the baby is born so we can all meet again, prior to the baby starting.

If you are worried about a provider loosing it, make sure you check multiple references, both past and current clients, ask how often she has spots available and the average length of time that children remain in the program, and of course, make sure you check with licensing to see if there are any complaints.

If I had an assistant, I would be happy to accomodate a more flexible observation, but I don't and for all the reasons that daycare stated, it isn't safe to allow a stranger in the home for any length of time.
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Meeko 12:52 PM 05-18-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Ah, so every web site and parenting guide is wrong that recommends that you tour during working hours so you can actually see how things are ran? But parents should sign your contracts stating that they must provide 2 or more weeks notice with pay if they choose to leave going just by what you tell them during an interview? (if there's no probationary period) Sounds like it's pretty one sided for the benefit of the provider. Your attitude is exactly why I chose center care. It doesn't matter if the kids are going to act up differently or not during the tour.

It's important that touring parents get to see things in action and to see how the provider handles things. I know if the kids were acting up and the provider loses it, I would never choose that provider, etc. I also would never choose a provider who have kids that are very aggressive either. I applaude the parent that came to the OP and asked to shadow - that is an involved, caring parent, not just a parent who is looking for just anywhere to dump their kid. (and there's plenty who just don't care where their kids go to daycare) If the provider has nothing to hide, then there's no good reason to not allow tours during certain working hours.
It is simply not safe for the provider or the children to allow strangers to hang out at a home day care. Most providers feel this way. Sadly...parents have been told all kinds of horror stories and told to assume that if a provider says no to you being there,,,then she MUST have something terrible to hide. That's why I said these so called "advisors" don't know what they are talking about, because they don't look at the big picture.

I used to allow it. Then I had a father who wanted to hang out on a regular basis. We found out he was a registered sex offender. His wife didn't even know. (THAT was a fun conversation...) Rape (of a child) in another state. He got out on "good behavior" moved here and started a new life with a wife who didn't know. He was abusing his own daughter (another story) and eventually went back to prison.

BUT I HAD THIS CREEP IN MY HOME.....he was getting off on spending time with the kids in my care.

...I will NEVER, EVER put myself or the children in that position again. I was in danger and the children were in danger. You would never have guessed it by looking at him. Clean cut, polite etc.....

Touring a center is different....lots of staff and other adults around. A lone woman doing day care should NEVER let a stranger...male OR female into her home and allow them to hang around. I even had my adult son here. I think that's the only reason the creep of a dad kept it low key.

I have been a provider for over 25 years. I have endless lists of happy clients and children and a waiting list of families who know and want what I have to offer. They have done their homework. They hear from other parents...they check my 100% compliant record with the state. There are much better ways to find out about a provider than shadowing her. You will NEVER see the true picture that way. Kids will play up...the provider will be awkward etc.

You would be awkward too if a supervisor in your office followed you around all day watching every move you made, listened in on all your phone calls, knew when you went to the bathroom........

You said "my attitude" is why you chose to go with a center. I guess we are all different. It's why I would NOT chose a center.

I am proud of "my attitude"!

I would not in a million years, leave my child in a center with a person who will probably leave in a few months (centers have DREADFULLY high turnover of employees) and be replaced with someone I have never met, is maybe doing the job because she can't get anything else and is just waiting for a better job to come along. I once worked in a center. I was there for 3 years and when I left I was the longest employee they ever had. It was a good center....but without benefits and high pay...most people moved on as soon as they could.

I would want my child with someone they grow to love. Someone who would be there for them every single day. Someone they could count on. I have a "newborn" who just graduated nursing school. We have been in touch her whole life. Kindergarten thru Graduation, boyfriends, her parents divorce. She could always count on me for support.

Most center kids won't even remember the names of the string of teachers they had. I have day care kids who will go to kindergarten this fall. They have been with me since they were newborns and I don't doubt I will be in contact with them for many years to come.

I cannot imagine my child having 20 caregivers during the course of their early years like they do in a center. To me...that's almost abusive.

Each to his own I guess..but please do not assume that a provider is hiding something by not having strangers in her home. Would YOU let strangers wander through YOUR home and interact with your child?? Then why would you want them doing it at the daycare home your child was in?

My day care clients LOVE the fact that their children are safe here. They don't have to worry that some stranger off the street is spending the day with their child. They don't have to worry that (unlike a center)...they will show up on Monday morning to find their child's "teacher" has been replaced by yet another new one.

Home providers LOVE their kids and their safety is out utmost concern. It's a slap in the face when that concern is interpreted as something shady.

So go ahead and keep your kids in that big center.......where they will no doubt meet your child's physical needs (but almost impossible to meet the emotional needs of a whole class) and let you (and anybody else with a pulse) spend time around your child..

We'll go on doing what we do.....nurturing children, loving them, and being a home away from home. We will go on forging life-long bonds with the children and reaping the rewards of knowing that we are providing a safe and happy enviroment for them. Parents are free to walk away from that if they wish.

They can chose to place their children in large centers. The fact that the emotional needs of their child cannot possibly be reasonably met in a huge class and that their child is nothing more than a number must be an acceptable trade off for being able to walk around at will for some........
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Meeko 01:38 PM 05-18-2011
Another poster brought up a very good point about having to go to the bathroom and leaving strangers alone with the kids.

Soooo...let's just say....a lone provider gets a call from "pregnant" mom. "Mom" wants to come over and shadow the provider. Provider says yes because all the "experts" say a mom should do this. So she feel obligated...

"Mom arrives on the doorstep and provider lets her in. Mom asks questions. Provider does her best to answer them while trying to deal with kids who are all vying for the attention of the new person in the room. Provider has to go to the bathroom.

Provider comes out of the bathroom to find the front door wide open, toddlers in the yard and the newborn in her care is gone along with the "mom". Provider tells the police that "Mary Brown" came over to look at her day care. Mary Brown doesn't even exist, but the provider didn't ask for ID when she walked in the door.

This may sound far-fetched....but we have all heard numerous stories about newborns being taken from hospitals by crazy women dressed up in nurses uniforms. Doing it to a day care would be so much easier......I have had women call me and ask if I tend newborns. Most just want to know if I tend that young. But I really don't know for sure that some whacko isn't trying to find herself a kid!

This is just one scenario I never want to have to live through. So no...you can't hang out here!!! No....I don't want to tell a mom that her baby is gone on my watch because I LET A STRANGER IN!!!

I wish people could see how dangerous it is!
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MamaBear 01:47 PM 05-18-2011
Yes I totally agree. I was telling my husband the other day that there are probably crazies out there that look at daycare ads and their websites, see a "cute" baby pictured in the ads and could easily pretend to be an interested daycare family... So her and the husband come over during daycare hours to "shadow" the provider and BOOM... they could take out the provider and basically take whichever baby they want. Maybe I've watched too many Lifetime movies... but it COULD happen!

Just dont risk that happening and do tours after hours and keep your doors locked. Its that easy.
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daycare 01:51 PM 05-18-2011
lmao I love the drama in your story....however you are right..... everyone needs to plan for the worst and expect the best. Do you let strangers in your house to play with your kids? I think it's asking the same thing...
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