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Parents and Guardians Forum>Leaving a Care Provider I Love
happymom 01:48 PM 05-29-2015
This is hard.

I have a preschooler. A wonderful, happy, smart preschooler. I attribute so many of his good qualities, his ability to make friends and his great social skills to my daycare provider/his preschool teacher. He has been in the same in home/unlicensed daycare since he was 3 months old.

Gosh. I'm in tears as I write this.

I am having another baby. My second. Another little boy, who I already love so much. Before I told anyone else, informed my daycare provider I was pregnant again and asked if she would be willing to take my new baby in her home. Her response: She would LOVE to watch my baby!

As time moved on, my daycare provider has given it more thought and has become unwilling to take my baby as young as I need care for him. I can't blame her, as another DCM is due the month before I am and had reserved her spot first. She told me, through tears, that she will be heartbroken if her decision about my second baby results in my preschooler no longer being with her. I cried too. For days actually.

As I begin exploring other options that are available, I see that some of the "center" type daycares have so much to offer my children. They seem safer in some ways and more secure than the in home daycare he goes to. They offer less flexibility, but more structure and more outside time. This place would offer kindergarten transportation to and from school and an after school program for my oldest -- all stuff I worry about in my current situation. Sometimes I like the idea of "different rooms" for each age group. Other times I like the meshing of different age groups offered by my in home daycare. Sometimes I don't like the 5-6 year old influences on my preschooler, other times, I feel he is learning from the bigger kids and teaching the smaller kids.

I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons. I COULD potentially leave my older son with the provider I love and do 2 drop offs and pick ups for 4 months or so until my new baby is bigger. It's really not ideal, it's hard enough being a working mom with a newborn, and with two drop offs/pick ups would potentially lose another 30-40 minutes of my day each day. They then could both ultimately be together at the in home daycare I love.

On the other hand, I'm hurt she changed her mind. I'm hurt she chose someone elses' family over mine. I was under the impression my unborn child had a spot in her daycare for over 3 months. Part of me feels like this is a blessing in disguise. The other part of me hurts for the potential loss of my little son's friendships and relationships that have grown so much over the years.

I'm just feeling heartbroken. I know my decision will have a lot of impact on quite a few people, my children, my provider, and a handful of his little friends who mean the world to me. Just hoping some of you have been where I am, know how difficult of a choice this is. I know it's not personal, it's a buisness decision, but I feel so so hurt. How on earth do you make a choice like this?!
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happymom 03:29 PM 05-29-2015
Also,

What is a resonable amount of time that I should allow myself to make this very important decision?

I was notified almost a week ago, but I still have 5 months or so until my new baby is born. Should I ask her when she needs an answer by? I think in our contract (which I haven't read in 3 years) it states we need to give 30 days notice before leaving.

I respect her more than doing the minimum that the contract requires. If she's going to have to fill my son's spot, I would like to give her as much notice as possible. Once I give notice, I would hope that our relationship still continues to be good.

I'd like to ensure this. I haven't seen her since I received this news and I'm so worried that things will change between us. I feel as if she termed us.
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daycare 03:41 PM 05-29-2015
wow you are in a very thought spot and let me say this...You are a one in a million type of parent that truly appreciates all that your DCP does for you and your family. I know many of us would love to have a parent like you in our program.

I would tell you this. YOU have to do what works best for YOU and YOUR family. If you think going to two different places for a period of 4 months is too much, then don't do it. but then think again, it's not forever it is really only 4 months out of your life.

I have plenty of parents that do it, because I don't enroll children younger than 18months into my program. So they are taking kids to two different places.

When you find a place that you know your child is growing, loved, safe and successful, why change that?

As for your provider choosing another family, I know that may seem hard to have to swallow, but think of it this way.
1. dcp needs to do what is best for the business, just like you need to do what is best for your family.

2. any person taking on 2 newborns at the same time will face challenges and perhaps she may feel that she would not be able to meet the needs of all of the children if she took them all. I think that is a very noble provider to admit that and not try to take your money, having the child's bests interest at stake.

3.business is business, if the other family had priority, then the DCP has to honor that, no matter how much she may secretly want them to stay.

4. try to see if you can get someone to help you out during that 4 month period so that you are not overwhelmed by two different places.

If you think the other place will provide a longer future for you and your family, your older son will be ok. Children are resilient and they always learn to adapt. I think as adults, we tend to over think things at times, so it is always harder on us then it is on the child.

Whatever you decide to do, I think your heart is in the right place and you will be able to make it work out no matter what.
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happymom 04:27 PM 05-29-2015
Thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback!

I am definitely exploring other options and looking into the possibility of having friends/family stay with us until my littlest is big enough to go to my provider. Even so, with some recent changes it may not be ideal for us and it may just be time for us to move on.

I just don't feel ready to make the decision final. It's a hard one!
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Josiegirl 03:29 AM 05-30-2015
You sound like a very special dcparent to feel this way. I'd be torn too, if in your position. But many parents do drop off to more than 1 dc. Yes, it is inconvenient but if your bond with this person(and your child's bond of course!!! ) is that wonderful, I'd give it lots of thought before you move him. Can your significant other help with drop offs? Even just some of the time? It can be a challenge to find that special provider-parent relationship. And you don't want to be kicking yourself in the butt giving it up.
Lots to think about and explore. Being a parent to more than 1 child sometimes means driving them to all sorts of different places. It's only just beginning.
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cheerfuldom 07:33 AM 05-30-2015
I think i would do two separate places. your older son has a lot of changes right now and it is not an ideal time to take him from a familiar place right when he is getting a new sibling. He would adjust but it could be a rough go for him. A lot of people do multiple dropoffs and I think you could make it work. You could always change after awhile if it is really not working for you.
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happymom 09:35 AM 06-01-2015
Thank you everyone for your responses.

There are still a few things weighing on my decision. I hope I can make peace with it. I know the relationship we have in a center type daycare will not be the same as our relationship with DCP now.

I also know people who have their kids in daycare/preschool centers and loved them. I like to think I'm pretty easy going/not uptight about things, but there are a few things that stand out at our in home daycare that I haven't always been happy with. I'm sure there will be things in another setting as well.

I think if we choose to move, we will take the 3 year old opening they have coming available at the end of August, so he has a few months of adjustment to his new preschool before our new baby comes. That way it's not so many changes all at once.

I know if we leave it will be so final though. DCP never has openings (I think that's part of the territory of being so awesome), but the chance of her having openings in the future for my kids just seems unlikely.

I guess I'm just talking out loud, bouncing ideas. Thanks everyone for your help and thoughts!
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happymom 10:09 AM 06-12-2015
We made the decision to move on to a new daycare.

While I am very very excited about the new place (as is my 3 year old, I took him on a tour yesterday and he has been begging to go back), I am also sad to be leaving.

I put in a 30 day notice yesterday and enrolled my son in his new school. This way we have several months before the baby comes for him to get situated and make friends and there aren't too many changes all at once.

I hope I am doing the right thing. I was looking through old pictures of my son and my daycare providers daughter together (they have grown up together) and cried a lot. That's the hardest thing.
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Blackcat31 10:28 AM 06-12-2015
Originally Posted by happymom:
We made the decision to move on to a new daycare.

While I am very very excited about the new place (as is my 3 year old, I took him on a tour yesterday and he has been begging to go back), I am also sad to be leaving.

I put in a 30 day notice yesterday and enrolled my son in his new school. This way we have several months before the baby comes for him to get situated and make friends and there aren't too many changes all at once.

I hope I am doing the right thing. I was looking through old pictures of my son and my daycare providers daughter together (they have grown up together) and cried a lot. That's the hardest thing.
Sounds like you made a decision you are confident is best for your family.

Those kinds of decisions never come easy.

I think your son will thrive at his new place and you will be happy with your decision, even if it meant leaving the old provider. Like you said, your son and her DD grew up together.....and even though they aren't going to be in the same environment anymore, he will still have that connection and the memories. You can't leave those behind so that's a plus!

Thank you for your update!


Oh, and curious....was your provider okay with the change? I am sure she is sad that you are leaving but as a child care provider/business owner, it is an unavoidable part of the job.
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happymom 11:34 AM 06-12-2015
Yes, she is happy for us and knows my son will thrive at his new preschool!

She told me she has a long waiting list and replacing him will be easy, which made me feel better. I think she expected to lose him and through our conversations leading up to the decision it made more sense for us and it also made more sense for her business.

Her daycare is going through lots of changes right now (core group of kids starting school this fall) so he'll just be another one. I know it will pan out and I hope we can keep the kids in touch with each other for play dates with our busy schedules!
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happymom 11:36 AM 06-12-2015
It came much faster than I anticipited. I expected to enroll him for preschool starting at the end of August, but the preschool just got an opening so I had the option to start him sooner.

Originally I planned to keep him in his current setting as long as possible, but it makes more sense to make the change sooner rather than later.
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