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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Older toddler who doesn't listen to you
My Lil' Monkeys 03:40 PM 07-30-2012
Have you ever had a child (older toddler age) that just does not listen to you? Like if you ask "Susie/Billy, please go play with X or X" and the child responses "No, I will do/play with this".
Or the child will go do what is asked but then disrespects the toy or item that you asked the child to go play with. How do you handle the child??
Also, what about a child who when told it's Breakfast/Lunch/Snack Time that says "well I want X to eat"
What do you say?
Or the child will go do what is asked but then disrespects the toy or item that you asked the child to go play with. How do you handle the child??
Also, what about a child who when told it's Breakfast/Lunch/Snack Time that says "well I want X to eat"
What do you say?
Heidi 03:49 PM 07-30-2012
I don't usually tell them to play with a specific toy, but I do tell them to go play. If they say "NO!", then I give them a choice...you can sit on the step for a while, or you can go play (or read..or color...that's implied because it's always a choice). I pretty much reserve that to sulking or hanging on me, though.
If a child is too rough with a toy, I remind them once to be gentle, then take it away if they ignore me. "You are not being gentle with that. I don't want it broken, so I am going to put it away for a while. You can have another chance to be gentle tommorow".
If they say "I want xx to eat" I say "oh...well, this is not a RESTAURANT"
If a child is too rough with a toy, I remind them once to be gentle, then take it away if they ignore me. "You are not being gentle with that. I don't want it broken, so I am going to put it away for a while. You can have another chance to be gentle tommorow".
If they say "I want xx to eat" I say "oh...well, this is not a RESTAURANT"
My Lil' Monkeys 03:58 PM 07-30-2012
Originally Posted by Heidi:
I don't usually tell them to play with a specific toy, but I do tell them to go play. If they say "NO!", then I give them a choice...you can sit on the step for a while, or you can go play (or read..or color...that's implied because it's always a choice). I pretty much reserve that to sulking or hanging on me, though.
If a child is too rough with a toy, I remind them once to be gentle, then take it away if they ignore me. "You are not being gentle with that. I don't want it broken, so I am going to put it away for a while. You can have another chance to be gentle tommorow".
If they say "I want xx to eat" I say "oh...well, this is not a RESTAURANT"
Do you do centers? or specific areas or toys available at different times? Like if your closing soon and you have Books/Coloring or X available and the child says I'll play with X (which is something different then what you have out) then what do you do? I don't usually tell them to play with a specific toy, but I do tell them to go play. If they say "NO!", then I give them a choice...you can sit on the step for a while, or you can go play (or read..or color...that's implied because it's always a choice). I pretty much reserve that to sulking or hanging on me, though.
If a child is too rough with a toy, I remind them once to be gentle, then take it away if they ignore me. "You are not being gentle with that. I don't want it broken, so I am going to put it away for a while. You can have another chance to be gentle tommorow".
If they say "I want xx to eat" I say "oh...well, this is not a RESTAURANT"
I love the "oh ... well, this is not a RESTAURANT"!!
Heidi 04:03 PM 07-30-2012
Originally Posted by My Lil' Monkeys:
Do you do centers? or specific areas or toys available at different times? Like if your closing soon and you have Books/Coloring or X available and the child says I'll play with X (which is something different then what you have out) then what do you do?
I love the "oh ... well, this is not a RESTAURANT"!!
no, I don't really have centers (see the post about small daycare started today for pics and explanation of my space).Do you do centers? or specific areas or toys available at different times? Like if your closing soon and you have Books/Coloring or X available and the child says I'll play with X (which is something different then what you have out) then what do you do?
I love the "oh ... well, this is not a RESTAURANT"!!
I usually only have an hour or so after nap until pick ups, and we use that time for diaper changes, snack, and then I'll often do some simple activity (like a dance-off), or we'll go back outside. I don't like to start cleaning all over that time of day, either.
If I said these are the choices..A & B, and kiddo said, no, I want C, I'd just say "that's not a choice right now. You can choose A, B, or the thinking spot while you decide". I wouldn't say it mean...just matter of fact.
Countrygal 12:16 PM 07-31-2012
I had a dcg who was like this, combined with hitting, pushing, scratching of other kids. Thankfully she is gone now. Due to some circumstances involved with her leaving (won't go into that), I now understand that she acted this way because her parents thought she could do no wrong. She is their little angel and everything is someone else's fault. It caused a lot of hardship and hurt feelings that could have been avoided if I had seen the red flags and just termed them. I'm not a big proponent of terming, but when the parents refused to work with me on dcg's issues, I should have termed immediately, even though I couldn't afford to. It was much worse this way.
So, my suggestion is to feel out the parents. Do they see this in her? Are they willing to help you work with the issues? Do they want the issues changed? If they are oblivious, you will end up the bad guy at some point in the future. Been there, done that.
So, my suggestion is to feel out the parents. Do they see this in her? Are they willing to help you work with the issues? Do they want the issues changed? If they are oblivious, you will end up the bad guy at some point in the future. Been there, done that.
Originally Posted by My Lil' Monkeys:
Have you ever had a child (older toddler age) that just does not listen to you? Like if you ask "Susie/Billy, please go play with X or X" and the child responses "No, I will do/play with this".
Or the child will go do what is asked but then disrespects the toy or item that you asked the child to go play with. How do you handle the child??
Also, what about a child who when told it's Breakfast/Lunch/Snack Time that says "well I want X to eat"
What do you say?
Have you ever had a child (older toddler age) that just does not listen to you? Like if you ask "Susie/Billy, please go play with X or X" and the child responses "No, I will do/play with this".
Or the child will go do what is asked but then disrespects the toy or item that you asked the child to go play with. How do you handle the child??
Also, what about a child who when told it's Breakfast/Lunch/Snack Time that says "well I want X to eat"
What do you say?
SunshineMama 12:53 PM 07-31-2012
If the parents are doing nothing to work with them at home then that makes your job super hard. The best thing you can do is be very consistent, and follow up with everything you say. Dont ask the child to do anything unless you are prepared to get up and make them do it. It can be very irritating, but eventually, with time, they should be able to distinguish your rules versus the rules they have at their own house.
My Lil' Monkeys 04:44 AM 08-01-2012
Originally Posted by Countrygal:
I had a dcg who was like this, combined with hitting, pushing, scratching of other kids. Thankfully she is gone now. Due to some circumstances involved with her leaving (won't go into that), I now understand that she acted this way because her parents thought she could do no wrong. She is their little angel and everything is someone else's fault. It caused a lot of hardship and hurt feelings that could have been avoided if I had seen the red flags and just termed them. I'm not a big proponent of terming, but when the parents refused to work with me on dcg's issues, I should have termed immediately, even though I couldn't afford to. It was much worse this way.
So, my suggestion is to feel out the parents. Do they see this in her? Are they willing to help you work with the issues? Do they want the issues changed? If they are oblivious, you will end up the bad guy at some point in the future. Been there, done that.
This is almost 100% the child. But the child is not aggressive (here). Just crys when doesn't get their way. The dcm sees the problems and is trying to work with me but if anything is brought up to dcd, well he believes the child is perfect and will defend the child if I say anything and the parents are together. I had a dcg who was like this, combined with hitting, pushing, scratching of other kids. Thankfully she is gone now. Due to some circumstances involved with her leaving (won't go into that), I now understand that she acted this way because her parents thought she could do no wrong. She is their little angel and everything is someone else's fault. It caused a lot of hardship and hurt feelings that could have been avoided if I had seen the red flags and just termed them. I'm not a big proponent of terming, but when the parents refused to work with me on dcg's issues, I should have termed immediately, even though I couldn't afford to. It was much worse this way.
So, my suggestion is to feel out the parents. Do they see this in her? Are they willing to help you work with the issues? Do they want the issues changed? If they are oblivious, you will end up the bad guy at some point in the future. Been there, done that.
Pick ups are the worse as the child refuses to walk to the car for the parent, cry's, whines, and just totally acts out. Even if I have the child ready to go with shoes on the child will take their shoes off and insist on being carried to the car.
Now, I guess the behavior is worse at home and the child does hit and throw things at them.. but not here.
Today the child walked in and gave me nasty looks. Just sat there and squinted their eyes and gave me nasty looks.... well I ignored it and after a while I said "that's not nice and if you would like to continue to be mean you may go sit over on the mat" child stopped right then.
laundrymom 05:24 AM 08-01-2012
If they say they want " XYZ " I respond " ok we will tell mom & dad, now eat your lunch "
If its behavior I don't like, I move them.
If its behavior I don't like, I move them.
Countrygal 07:14 AM 08-01-2012
I wish you the best. This is almost exactly the scenario of my recent parents. I found out the hard way that just one parent can cause huge problems, especially if the other parent is going against his wishes/desires. I hope yours works out a lot better than mine did. IMO, if dcd is treating her like that, that is where the problems stem from, not from the child. She is receiving mixed signals and of course is going to go with the ones that get her the most attention and the most "treats" in whatever form they take - being carried, ice cream cones, getting her own way, whatever. I'm glad the child is not aggressive. I can take crying over aggression any day! I think it comes down to your tolerance level. As long as she is getting mixed signals at home, there is no way any daycare can solve the issues, IMO.
Maybe I'm being too harsh, but that's how I see it. Hope it all works out well and you prove me wrong!!!
Maybe I'm being too harsh, but that's how I see it. Hope it all works out well and you prove me wrong!!!
Originally Posted by My Lil' Monkeys:
This is almost 100% the child. But the child is not aggressive (here). Just crys when doesn't get their way. The dcm sees the problems and is trying to work with me but if anything is brought up to dcd, well he believes the child is perfect and will defend the child if I say anything and the parents are together.
Pick ups are the worse as the child refuses to walk to the car for the parent, cry's, whines, and just totally acts out. Even if I have the child ready to go with shoes on the child will take their shoes off and insist on being carried to the car.
Now, I guess the behavior is worse at home and the child does hit and throw things at them.. but not here.
Today the child walked in and gave me nasty looks. Just sat there and squinted their eyes and gave me nasty looks.... well I ignored it and after a while I said "that's not nice and if you would like to continue to be mean you may go sit over on the mat" child stopped right then.
This is almost 100% the child. But the child is not aggressive (here). Just crys when doesn't get their way. The dcm sees the problems and is trying to work with me but if anything is brought up to dcd, well he believes the child is perfect and will defend the child if I say anything and the parents are together.
Pick ups are the worse as the child refuses to walk to the car for the parent, cry's, whines, and just totally acts out. Even if I have the child ready to go with shoes on the child will take their shoes off and insist on being carried to the car.
Now, I guess the behavior is worse at home and the child does hit and throw things at them.. but not here.
Today the child walked in and gave me nasty looks. Just sat there and squinted their eyes and gave me nasty looks.... well I ignored it and after a while I said "that's not nice and if you would like to continue to be mean you may go sit over on the mat" child stopped right then.
My Lil' Monkeys 08:14 AM 08-01-2012
Originally Posted by Countrygal:
I wish you the best. This is almost exactly the scenario of my recent parents. I found out the hard way that just one parent can cause huge problems, especially if the other parent is going against his wishes/desires. I hope yours works out a lot better than mine did. IMO, if dcd is treating her like that, that is where the problems stem from, not from the child. She is receiving mixed signals and of course is going to go with the ones that get her the most attention and the most "treats" in whatever form they take - being carried, ice cream cones, getting her own way, whatever. I'm glad the child is not aggressive. I can take crying over aggression any day! I think it comes down to your tolerance level. As long as she is getting mixed signals at home, there is no way any daycare can solve the issues, IMO.
Maybe I'm being too harsh, but that's how I see it. Hope it all works out well and you prove me wrong!!!
Not harsh... I'm glad I have someone who can relate to what's happening and kind of know's the outcome. I've have to work with the family as terming isn't an option as my family counts on this income to pay bills (like everyone on here). Thank you so much!I wish you the best. This is almost exactly the scenario of my recent parents. I found out the hard way that just one parent can cause huge problems, especially if the other parent is going against his wishes/desires. I hope yours works out a lot better than mine did. IMO, if dcd is treating her like that, that is where the problems stem from, not from the child. She is receiving mixed signals and of course is going to go with the ones that get her the most attention and the most "treats" in whatever form they take - being carried, ice cream cones, getting her own way, whatever. I'm glad the child is not aggressive. I can take crying over aggression any day! I think it comes down to your tolerance level. As long as she is getting mixed signals at home, there is no way any daycare can solve the issues, IMO.
Maybe I'm being too harsh, but that's how I see it. Hope it all works out well and you prove me wrong!!!