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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>New Family Started This Week
lovemykidstoo 10:14 AM 09-06-2012
I have a question regarding a new family that started this week. When interviewing I let the parents know that I like to keep the conversation short during drop off and pick up. During drop off, I feel that the shorter the better because the kids sometimes have problems if the parents stay too long and at pick up I typically am running my kids to sporting events and such. Of course if there are issues, I am more than willing to take time to talk about it. Typically, the parent will step inside my back door, hang up the childs coat or shoes and give kisses and leave. This new mom first of all, both days has just walked right into my house without so much as even knocking. All of my other parents knock and wait for me to answer. Secondly, once she's in, the child (16 months old) toddles off to the playroom and is fine. Mom for some reason thinks she should follow him and say goodbye about 10 times and that she'll be back until finally he starts to get upset and then she says oh I stayed too long. I said, yes you did, he was fine you should have left right away. She's not getting it. It's almost as if she needs him to act like he's devastated that she's leaving, when in fact he was totally fine. Anyone have any ideas on how to correct these 2 problems because what I'm saying isn't getting through. Thanks!
MarinaVanessa 10:39 AM 09-06-2012
The mom is feeling the need to feel needed. For some reason some people are hurt by the idea that their child will, god forbid, survive one day without them. It's pretty common.
I suggest you talk to mom and let her know that when the child becomes upset it actually makes the transition more difficult for the child and that it disrupts and upset the other children and the flow of your day. Offer to allow her to say her goodbyes outside on your porch and once she is ready to let her child be she can then knock and you will let the child in (not the parent). The talk alone should give the mom the hint, but actually enforcing it is what will help you curb her need to hear her child become upset for her.
Here's what I have in my handbook about this situation:
Smooth Separation
When a parent departs, the child may cry
and protest. This is what psychologists call
separation distress. It is part of the normal
developmental process of establishing
independence and autonomy. The intensity
of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly
on the child’s personality and temperament.
It also depends on the way parents handle
the anxiety and the way in which they leave.
Through experience the child care provider
has found that it is in the child's best interest
if, when arriving, the child is given a quick
farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the
parent will return and then followed by a
quick exit. While there may be some tears,
prolonging the departure only creates more
stress on the child. While sometimes a
stressful departure cannot be avoided,
parents can however make it shorter.
Children are resilient and adapt very quickly
after a parent has gone and usually within
minutes have begun to play.
I suggest you talk to mom and let her know that when the child becomes upset it actually makes the transition more difficult for the child and that it disrupts and upset the other children and the flow of your day. Offer to allow her to say her goodbyes outside on your porch and once she is ready to let her child be she can then knock and you will let the child in (not the parent). The talk alone should give the mom the hint, but actually enforcing it is what will help you curb her need to hear her child become upset for her.
Here's what I have in my handbook about this situation:
Smooth Separation
When a parent departs, the child may cry
and protest. This is what psychologists call
separation distress. It is part of the normal
developmental process of establishing
independence and autonomy. The intensity
of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly
on the child’s personality and temperament.
It also depends on the way parents handle
the anxiety and the way in which they leave.
Through experience the child care provider
has found that it is in the child's best interest
if, when arriving, the child is given a quick
farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the
parent will return and then followed by a
quick exit. While there may be some tears,
prolonging the departure only creates more
stress on the child. While sometimes a
stressful departure cannot be avoided,
parents can however make it shorter.
Children are resilient and adapt very quickly
after a parent has gone and usually within
minutes have begun to play.
lovemykidstoo 11:00 AM 09-06-2012
That is really nice. I'm definately going to copy that and put it in my booklet as well. Thank you!
itlw8 11:02 AM 09-06-2012
If you want her to knock and wait tell her. with my first child I went to the ladies front door and rang the bell and waited. It was 12 months before I ever saw the other parents. They went to the back door and walked in. Why did she never tell me that is what she wanted?
When the child toddles off catch him and say give mommy a kiss good bye and then tell her goodbye and kinda step in her way. Say have a good day. I will call if we have problems. he will be fine.
When the child toddles off catch him and say give mommy a kiss good bye and then tell her goodbye and kinda step in her way. Say have a good day. I will call if we have problems. he will be fine.
lovemykidstoo 11:07 AM 09-06-2012
That also is a good thing to do, to catch the child before he toddles off to have him say goodbye. I didn't want to be rude by telling her not to walk in. I guess I just never thought that someone would just come right in, especially without even knocking first. I thought maybe I would just make sure the door is locked. I typically lock it anyway for safety reasons.
DBug 02:21 PM 09-06-2012
I always pick up the kids and say "Give Mommy/Daddy a hug and kiss!" at drop off. I do it for two reasons: It gives Mom or Dad the closure they need (otherwise all of my dc kids would just run off and start playing without another thought), and it gives me a chance to say "See you later, have a great day!" And send them on their way if we're in the middle of something or on our way out the door. It seems to help with long drop-offs 
.
And you're right -- if you don't allow parents to walk right in, just keep the door locked. Once dcm is used to having to knock or ring the bell, you can probably leave it unlocked without her just barging in (although I'd encourage you to keep it locked for safety).
.And you're right -- if you don't allow parents to walk right in, just keep the door locked. Once dcm is used to having to knock or ring the bell, you can probably leave it unlocked without her just barging in (although I'd encourage you to keep it locked for safety).
Daycarelady1979 01:19 AM 09-07-2012
Im having the exact same problem with a daycare dad. I have sent a note home twice that has 'helpful tips for drop off & pick up'...he takes so long to leave, its getting uncomfortable. Im afraid to say anything to him. What do you guys say?? I dont want him to linger!