I am a relatively new family child care provider. That being said, I am also a homeschooling mother of 3 kids ages 4, 7, and 9; I have been through many trials by fire raising my kids, including parenting a newborn, 3-year-old, and 5-year-old alone for a year while my husband was deployed to Afghanistan. So I know just a little bit about raising kids & keeping a good attitude under stress.

I say all that to give some background for this situation:
I have a 4-month-old infant in my care. He has been here for 2 months. His parents are first-time parents, and naturally they are worried about everything. I can understand that, I've been there myself. However, I'm starting to feel a bit trampled on, and I'm not sure just how accommodating I am supposed to be in this situation.

Mom insists that I follow a strict feeding schedule, and she gets very upset if I am not able to stick to it 100%. For example: Baby is supposed to eat every 3 hours. On one particular morning, baby's scheduled feeding fell right when I needed to prepare breakfast for the other kids. Baby was asleep and content; 1-year-old was screaming because he was hungry. So I let baby sleep for an extra 20 mins while I got the other kids their breakfast. Mom has me tracking baby's feedings with an app that is synced to her phone, so she can see exactly when and how much baby is being fed. When she arrived to pick baby up, she was upset and asking why I let him go almost 4 hours in between feedings (it was actually 3-1/2 hours, but I chose not to split hairs). I explained the situation to her, but she was still upset and mentioned it again the next morning, asking me to please make sure he doesn't go past 3 hours. I'm sorry, but I have 6 other kids to care for; I have to constantly prioritize all their needs, and her child is not always going to come out on top.

I feel like she wants her child to get all my attention no matter what, just because he is an infant. Of course I make sure that he is fed and happy, changed when he needs to be, I rock him and play with him, etc -- just as I did with my own children when they were babies. This isn't my first rodeo, and it feels insulting being told what to do by a new parent. Yes it's her child, but it's my daycare, and I am not always going to be able to do things exactly the way she would like. The other kids' parents are also paying me to care for their children, and they need attention too.

I feel like it's an issue of trust more than anything -- do you trust me to care for your child? Do you really trust that I know what I'm doing and that I have your child's best interests in mind?

Has anyone else dealt with an issue like this? If so, how did you approach it? I hope I'm not overreacting. Thanks in advance.

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I think you need to have a serious talk with Mama.

First, assure her that you are really enjoying getting to know her baby, and that you are very happy to have him in your group. But, GROUP needs to be made clear here.

You are providing GROUP care (and she is paying for GROUP care). She needs to either trust you to do her job, or she needs to consider finding other care. Put it back on her.

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First of all, I would want to know why the 3 hour timeframe is that important. Is the baby underweight and the doctor wants that schedule followed? If so, you have to let the mom know how closely you can follow that.

And short of that, I'm sorry, but I would be tempted to tell the mom that you can no longer update by the app. No way should she be in control of your time like that -- not nearly as much when the baby eats, as your time in tracking this stuff to the minute.

It's your business; you provide a service. It includes certain things that you decide that it includes. This may be a booklet or note each day on when and what the baby ate, how many diapers, naptimes, etc. But for me, it would not include an app that allows the parent to control my decisions.

If it doesn't include that for you, you have to find a way to tell her this.

I hate when I get myself into a pickle like that too, but you can get out of it

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Got one of those moms right now... after 30+ years of parenting/grandparenting & almost 14 of childcare, I think I can handle babies lol.

Be greatful she hasn't complained about taking off the shoes and socks (don't ask), oh no, I forgot to powder the tush (that's a biggie) or heaven forbid I let little man crawl on the deck (carpeted mind you) if he has shorts or worse, I let him play in a onsie like yesterday (she doesn't want boo boos on the knees so demands he wear pants if crawling - not happening)... it's between 84-90 degrees all week here and my porch is shaded. It was a big fight over first foods too... my homemade organic VS their gerber jarred; I won lol that battle after a month, still working on the others.

Personally I explain it's my business and my rules... you want to dictate exactly how I run, pay me more than a lousy $20 day or better yet, hire a nanny or someone that won't eventually show you the door. I am about ready to show her the door ( been 5 months) but need the $$ at moment due to low numbers

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this mom needs to understand what group care is.............A lot of parents think that we work for them and that we attend to their request.

I would sit with mom and say..

define group care.....

here are the services I offer, here is the schedule I offer, does it work for you yes or no. If the answer is NO, then they need to give you your 30 days.

I would not have someone tracking and questioning my every move. At NNO time should one child's needs jeopardize the care, health or safety of the other children., At no time can one child's compromise the rest of the group.

I would be prepared for this family to leave. it sounds like they need a nanny, not a home group daycare

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It's a 3-hour timeframe simply because mom wants it that way. He is perfectly healthy, no issues at all. He is breastfed, and she thinks that by him eating on a strict schedule he will get his calories in during the day and wake up less at night (guess what -- it doesn't work). I never fed my kids on any sort of schedule -- I followed their feeding cues and they ate when they were hungry. Yesterday I almost ran out of milk because he's going through a growth spurt and she didn't bring me enough bottles to accommodate his hunger.

Honestly, I feel like telling her that the only way she is going to get what she wants is to quit her job and stay home with him herself. I think I'm being more accommodating than most dc providers would be, especially since I purchased this app to track his feedings. I synced with her app as a courtesy, not so she could track my every move and let me know when she disapproves. It doesn't help that they are our next-door neighbors and friends.

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She needs a nanny. The. End.

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If you cant afford to term her, and don't think you can train her, then tell her what she wants to hear and do what you need to do.

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Yeah looking back I should have termed a mom like this. She was very controlling and untrusting. She wrote me a 3 page letter about caring for her son and to watch him near electrical outlets and how I'll need to rock him to sleep... LOL I realized it was making me a nervous wreck to worry so much and they ended up terming so she could quit her job, get unemployment while they went on a month long vacation to Mexico during the holidays and then her mom watched him when she decided to go back to work!

I would definitely have a heart to heart and let her know he's one of 6 children in your care and they ALL need your time and attention which is why the state limits you to that many kids per adult. You can and do care for these children but having a strict feeding schedule for kicks when baby is perfectly content asleep and happy then you just can't accommodate her needs anymore. Infants are a dime a dozen around here and an infant spot is the easiest to fill. She sounds like she needs a nanny or to stay home.

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If it really is just a matter of a 30 minute window with feeding that did not put the babys safety or happiness at risk, I would have just entered the app time that I always entered. Baby was fine. I know that probably sounds bad but now you know, being honest down to the minute is going to make mom mad at you. I guess it just depends on how much else you are dealing with here.....if the baby is fitting in well and you are happy with the situation and it is just the app, i would just fill in the app details that she wants to see to keep her happy. you know that baby is feed and changed and content and if you dont want to replace him, I dont know.....I guess I dont see an issue with a little fib on the app. Someone is going to probably call me out on that comment LOL but that is how I feel. This is why I dont do daily sheets or apps for parents....it is always the crazy first time parents that are going to harass you over every diaper change.

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That's what my husband said to do, lol.

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I stopped doing infant sheets years ago and just give verbal updates; I tell them I have enough paperwork already and they are paying me to watch their child, not fill out forms. If I was not license exempt, i would have to do it, but since i don't have to, I REFUSE. I also would never buy or sync an app just to make a parent happy...

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This mom also brought me a 3-page typed letter about how to feed him, comfort him, etc. It even had a chart of what temps and for how long you can keep breastmilk in the fridge & freezer. I was like, "Aww, that's cute..." Haha. This whole thing is made more complicated by the fact that this family lives right next door, and we have been friends for a couple of years. I don't think they realize how good they have it being able to walk next door to drop off & pick up their child.

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My thoughts exactly! Sometimes you just need to tell mom what she wants to hear. Yes, I followed your schedule to the second!

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It doesn't have to be uncomfortable bc they are neighbors and friends. You can tell her that group care doesn't work that way and they may need a nanny. You are not telling them that you don't like them. You are not telling them that their baby is difficult. You are just telling them that what they are asking for is not what you are able to provide. Tell them you feel bad about it and if they are good friends they will understand. You can also have a heart to heart and explain how first time moms are and that she may have a case of this. Lol!

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You aren't overreacting. I don't think that I could handle that level of micromanaging and that tight a schedule in a daycare arrangement.

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She wants special and thinks she deserves special because you are friends and neighbors. You can try a true heart to heart, point out all of the things you already do that she would not get anywhere else, try to make her understand that she's really got it good with you. Feeding times expanding to longer lengths is a good thing! THAT'S what will facilitate sleeping longer at night.

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This is really all you need to address. Ditch the app. Then talk with mom. Either she trusts you to care for her child or she doesn't. If she wants to take some time to learn to trust, that is fine. Offer to do whatever you feel is appropriate to help her. (Send pics for a little while, do an infant sheet on feeding times/changing times, whatever YOU are comfortable with.)
Regardless, she needs to understand that group care is not nanny care and you need to respond to the needs of ALL the kids, not just one. And you do NOT work for her, she is a client who needs to accept the services you provide, or not and go elsewhere.

On a side note, I would have NEVER woken a baby to keep them on mom's schedule. That is just asking for the child to learn to wake up more often.

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That is exactly what I would tell mom.

I would also tell her that in your care, infants are fed and napped on their schedule, and that if she wants it all according to schedule, she will need to find someone else (nanny!).

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Thanks for your advice everyone; I had a sit-down with mom and dad tonight, and explained to them what wasn't working & what I wanted to do to change it. Mom is adamant that the feeding schedule be followed & baby still be woken up to eat even though he's 4 months old. Apparently the pediatrician advised them to put baby on this schedule as a way to solve his getting day & night mixed up, which the parents never told me. He has a Dr. visit at the end of the month, and they are going to ask about whether he needs to stay on the strict schedule or not. Until then, I told them I am willing to accommodate them but when school starts, the baby will have to be fed on demand or they will need to find care elsewhere or get a nanny. I can't call the school system and ask them to adjust the school bus schedule to their demands.

Basically everything I asked for, mom flat said no and dad said okay we understand. Dad is being much more accommodating than mom. I did tell them at the end that I am concerned about other issues developing down the road, because I feel like they don't trust me. I explained to them that everyone has a different way of parenting, no one way is right or wrong, and that I am not always going to do things exactly as they would. I told them I need to have the freedom to do things my own way, and I need to know that they trust me to care for their child, or this isn't going to work. It was an awkward conversation to have with friends/neighbors, but I felt it was one that needed to happen. Unfortunately mom was very closed-off and defensive during the entire conversation, and I have a feeling she was offended and will push to take him somewhere else. I told them I wasn't questioning their parenting, I think they are excellent parents, but that everyone does things a different way.

In the end, it really doesn't matter business-wise for me if they leave, because I have turned away 4 or 5 other parents looking for infant care since they've been here. It just sucks because they are friends. BUT, it's a business, not a friendship, and if I don't stick to my guns I have a feeling mom is going to take advantage of that friendship sooner or later. It seems like she already has.

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That was me above, forgot to log in, lol.

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I even took the time to research and print out articles, one of them from LLL, confirming what I was telling them; and mom would not even look at them. She said she's already done a lot of research herself. So yeah, she doesn't think I know what I'm doing.

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I think with mom's attitude and the fact that you can replace them, I would have just termed. It is REALLY hard to work with a mother who is not willing to work with you. She just needs to hire a nanny.

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if this were me I would not be able to sit through a meeting where someone was treating me this way. I want to note that maybe you really need to stress to them what group care is about, not that people do things differently.

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Btdt.
Where she's not budging to work with you, I wouldn't be surprised if she finds other care. If she does, you're off the hook.
Unless you feel that you'd be compromising yourself in anyway trying to work with her, then I'd terminate her now, and save yourself from the next situation to come. Because is she's going to fight you on something as simple as a half hour difference in feeding time, what's next?

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If she feels that you don't know what you're doing, then why did she agree to leave her child with you?

Really, it sounds like she is looking for an employee, not a daycare.

Tell her that your services are not a good fit for what she's looking for and send her on her way...it is so easy to replace infant slots (at least around here).

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You did a great job talking with them. Unfortunately, they did not put any effort into the discussion. I would follow up the conversation tomorrow by asking mom if she had time to think about the conversation. Tell her that you don't feel she heard you out and ask her if she can trust you. If she can then work on a plan together. If she cant, term.

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She is blaming the doctor. She's using that as a placeholder to get her way till she has time to find daycare. Are you sure she isn't fighting with him to be able to stay home?

Tell her NO. You talked to her and she said NO with no problem. She understands NO. Tell her you will keep the baby till she finds care but in the meantime it's your way or the highway.

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If she is going to use the doc then ask for an immediate doc release so you can talk to the doc. That way you can hear it from the doc yourself.

She thinks you are weak. Show her otherwise.

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Oh she is absolutely fighting with dad to be able to stay home. She absolutely HATES going to work, she told me so. She wants nothing more than to stay home with the baby, but dad says it's not financially possible. I'm wishing she would just wake up to reality and stop with all this bs. Now dad has requested a meeting tomorrow night, just me and him. Lord knows what that's going to be about. *sigh*

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DONT give into what she wants. She will just find something else she wants, then something else- because she WANTS you not to be able to care for her baby as well as she could so she can prove she needs to stay home.

IMO you have 2 choices-

Offer to continue care according to the way YOU provide care- they don't get to ask for any special

OR

Term

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You need to talk about THAT with her. I would tell her you get she wants to stay home so no harm no foul. That's your out so take it. Don't spend a second trying to convince her she's wrong about the baby. Just discuss... do you want to stay home or do you want to work. If you work then you need daycare. If you want daycare here you have to follow my rules.

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well now you know what is really going on. mom is setting you up to fail so that she can have the reason to stay home.....because her baby is just to special and a regular daycare provider cannot met all his needs. she does not want to work this out, period.

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All of this and what everyone else said, too.

Group care- other children's IMMEDIATE needs WILL come before the secondary needs of your content child. This is MY schedule to meet the needs of ALL children.

App would be done. I WOULD be willing to write a daily sheet.

Are you licensed? I don't take infants, but I believe the rule is that they have to be fed on demand at that age.

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I tell parents of infants at interview and in my handbook that infants are fed ON DEMAND. I will not follow some ridiculous schedule because Mom wants a 4 month old to sleep through the night. I am required by my state to feed on demand, and I think it is the right thing to do, as well unless there is a legitimate medical need to do otherwise.

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That's very nice of you to be accommodating for them and continue to care for their child until school starts but ... why? Why do you feel the need to be accommodating for them when it's clear that she is not going to be accommodating for you?

It's crystal clear that mom doesn't want to work and she wants YOU to be HER and that's just NOT POSSIBLE in group care. She isn't setting herself up to fail ... you are setting yourself up ... and I don't mean that in a mean way. You agreed to follow certain guidelines (like the app, nap and feeding routine) and that's not reasonable when you have to care for other kids. Why does her needs supersede your needs and the needs of the other children?

I would have said "Okay, I understand. Unfortunately I thought I could make your feeding and napping schedule work in my daycare but I'm finding that it does not. The schedule you need me to put your baby on is not working with the rest of the group and it is interfering with my ability to meet the other children's needs. I cannot promise that I won't be in a middle of a diaper change, comforting a child or redirecting behavior during the scheduled feedings and naps. Here is my two week notice."

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So dad came over this evening for another talk. Said he and mom called a family member "who has been doing this for over 10 years, blah blah blah...", who said that the state regulations require all daycare providers of infants under 12 months to follow whatever schedule and directions the parents want, and that if they wanted to they could report me and I would be subject to a $250 fine. Said they would be taking baby to grandma's until they can find another place for him to go.

I call bull****, because I JUST went through all the training and stuff to become licensed, and nowhere in the regs did I see this. Maybe I just missed it or something, I don't know. But I'm going to call the MD child care office and see what they say. I don't even see how it's possible to follow every parent's wants and demands in a group care setting. Anyway, I'm glad they are leaving because it's painfully obvious that I will never be able to provide their child with all the specific demands they want, not just now but also in the future. What if a parent says they want you to paint their child's toenails, feed him apple juice instead of formula, and leave them in a dirty diaper all day? Is a daycare provider supposed to just blindly follow the parent's wishes no matter what?

Feeling pretty hurt and attacked right now, dad told me she's acting this way because of her nursing hormones & such. I told him that she better tone down the abrasiveness because I have been extremely accommodating with her, and other providers are not going to take it. I think they are in for a rude awakening.

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Wonder why this wonderful family member is not taking care of the baby? Check your local licensing guidelines-it's more likely than not that yours requires on demand feeding, too. Not following parents orders results in a $250 fine? Highly unlikely.

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You're in Maryland right?

This is the only things that I found in MD regulations about meals and rest.

To me this means that if a child is hungry you should feed them, if they are sleepy they should nap. I see that is says "adequate" time for meals and snacks but doesn't say anything about following a parents orders.

There is also this:

"serve meals and snacks at regular and age-appropriate intervals to each child according to the hours that the child is in care" Could this be misinterpreted by the grandma to mean by what the parents want the schedule to be?

I didn't see anything else in there about naps.

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Do you realize what just happened to you?? You got out of a situation that was only going to become more and more difficult to bear, with dcm calling every single shot. This would have only been the beginning. You dodged a major bullet. And I don't, for one second, believe what the dcd told you.
You were way more accommodating to that family than I ever would have been. You know why they're threatening you like this? Because she thought you were a friend she could use and take advantage of and request you to do anything and you would do it. I don't even know you but am so glad for you that you stood up for yourself. There will be other families who fit so much better.

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I think you are better off without the parents! I wouldn't worry about those "regulation" deals. I think he was just saying that to use as an excuse to term you because you wouldn't do what they want. The next provider might cower to them for awhile, but eventually will get tired of it just like you did.

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So basically they wanted to break up with you when they sensed that you weren't gonna be their employee and threatened you so they would have the last word.

It looks like from MV's post that they interpreted group care to be nanny care and picked the wording that worked for them. I'd call your licensing rep just to be sure and also to give them a heads up that you had a termination that might get ugly.

Considering how they are being now, I wouldn't let them or their child back into your home and conduct all contact in writing from now on. If you need to, send their stuff back certified mail. Hopefully they got their stuff when dcd left anyway. If they claim they forgot something, mail it...don't let them in your house.

I'm mad for you. I'm sorry they completely shut down like that...

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This whole thing is ridiculous. So because you were 20 minutes "late" for a feeding, but otherwise have followed their every request to the letter, they are going to rip this poor baby from a caregiver he has known for half his life? Holy shortsighted! And to threaten you?? I wouldn't let them come back either. Not fir double their rate, not if they suddenly had a change of heart and grovelled at your feet, not fir anything.

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Wow what a jerky thing to do, I'm glad they're leaving. That's beyond rude. Hopefully one day they'll realize what asses they're being.

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So what is your day to day life with them?

I would never work for neighbors. If it doesn't work I can't move.

I think mom wanted to move this forward because she knows she is going to need multiple failures before Dad agrees she has to stay home. The longer they are with you, the longer it's going to be before she can blow up another deal.

Do NOT get upset about this. Just call your licensor and let them know a parent has accused you of breaking the law and what they said the penalty was for that. Then let the family know you have turned their complaint into the State and request they also contact the state to confirm their assessment that you have broken the law.

It's best imho to get that cleared up asap because you live next to them. That way you can report that an assessment was done and and a determination was made that their accusations of breaking the law were incorrect.

I don't allow parents to decide feeding schedules. I don't do daily reports or parent conferencing about every feeding.

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Great advice as always! ^^ I think calling them out on that accusation is just what they need. They think they have the upper hand right now.

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Wow! Nannyde's advice is great- I would do exactly as she advised. I cannot believe the nerve of these people. Good luck to them finding someone that will cater to their every need. This is no way to treat a neighbor and especially not the person that is caring for their child! Outside of getting them to confirm the allegation to licensing, I would NEVER talk to them again!

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Thank you so much, this has been an eye-opening experience for sure. I just read the regs for my state from top to bottom, and NOWHERE in there does it say anything about me having to follow a parent's wishes on ANYTHING. Which just cracks me up because Dad had the regs pulled up on his phone while he was talking to me, and he said he read them too! Now I'm like, "Are these people on crack? What regs are they looking at, because it's sure not the same ones I am!"

Ugh, I totally did not see this coming from them, they seemed like the nicest, down-to-earth people. And I'm sorry, but nothing -- NOTHING -- not even "nursing hormones", give someone the right to be an ass. Every other mother in America has to suck it up ad deal with it, so does she.

Dad told me they can't afford a center so they need to find another dc home, and I know there is going to be no one except some naïve new provider who is going to burn out in 2 months trying to keep up with it all.

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Nursing hormones? Give me a break...

What are you going to do about them?

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Make sure you get your adequate notice in writing, and DON'T let them try to bully them. They are making up stuff and it won't hold up anywhere; you went above and beyond buying an app for them and have done nothing wrong. Good luck finding someone willing to put up with their BS

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I don't have to do anything, they gave their notice today and are taking him out tomorrow. I told him they still owe me 2 week's fees, and he said he understood. I was thinking the whole time I wish I had a paper drawn up for when parents take their child out voluntarily; I have one for when I term a family, but this is one of those things that fell between the cracks. I'll be drafting something up pronto.

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Be prepared for them to not pay you despite what he has said. Is the baby coming tomorrow? If they feel his care is inadequate they would remove today EXCEPT if they wanted to get their monies worth.

He has to say he will give you the two weeks pay to get you to do tomorrow. Have them pay you for the next two weeks in the MORNING when they drop off and get it to the bank.

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Man oh man, today was his last regular day of care for the week, and they didn't tell me they were pulling him out until they picked him up. Ugh! If they knew they were pulling him out today, they should have brought their 2 weeks' pay today. OMG this just keeps getting worse and worse.

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Did you get anything in writing to term? If not, I'd let them know you need a term letter dated and signed, and the last 2 weeks of fees- otherwise late fees (if you have them contracted) will accrue and you will take them to small claims court or collections. I had 2 parents try to intimidate me, but I sent very official emails and quoted my contract and they both paid me within a day- is your contract solid?

That stinks, I'm sorry they're putting you through this

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Sorry, I didn't notice that you said they are neighbors. Even worse. Sorry they are taking out their issues on you. Nannyde has good advice...it's like she's psychic about these things...

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Whoever tells you they aren't going to pay will blame it on the other one.

When do they usually pay when the last day is Thursday and why the heck did they bring him today if he was in danger with you?

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First I am sorry you experienced this and that you feel so badly after. Don't cause it really isn't about you, it's about her making you the enemy cause she is so heartbroken about leaving her baby.
I disagree with some of the others on the attitude of it's "your business-your rules" I think that is true in many ways and there are lines that shouldn't be crossed. I also think you need to keep the parents connected to their child particular infants. The app made me laugh, (but I would actually like it). I text parents pictures-updates of their infants throughout the day. This gives them peace of mind and helps them feel connected. It's extra work yes, and I charge a lot more for infant than I would a preschooler so my time is paid. You had your 3 kids while your husband was deployed, your a rock-star! However, as challenging as that is, did you have to leave your baby to go to work? I just feel while you shouldn't let parents control your business, keeping empathy for what they experience goes a long way in building trust.

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Wow, aren't they conniving and deceiving?? They think they know exactly what they're doing and figured now they get out of paying you. Your only choice now is to take them to small claims court, if you want to pursue it. I am very sorry you were brought into this predicament by neighbors. They won't find anybody to do what you did and she'll end up staying home, which is exactly what she wanted anyways. An awful way to get to where she wanted to be by dragging you into all her drama. It would have been bad enough with any dcf but a neighbor....

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The mention of the $250 fine was to get you thinking they are saving you money by NOT reporting this horrible "infraction" thereby not needing to pay you your notice. Don't let them do it. Figure up what they owe and send that letter with all applicable fees. Also let them know what fees will be accruing until you are paid.

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(Love your seahorse pic! )

Any new news from this morning.....payment arrive yet?

I've had the misfortune of dealing with friends/clients like this. As much as I'd like to say I'm over it, and learned a ton from them, when I hear others having to deal with similar situations, I get all riled up.

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Yes, actually I have had to leave my infant to go to work, I worked outside the home when my oldest was a baby. So I know exactly what they are feeling. But I'm sorry that is no excuse to treat someone the way they have treated me.

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Posting my early withdrawal paper for you all to see, let me know if I'm missing anything. I will be putting it in their mailbox this evening.

Early Termination Notice


Child's Name: __________________________________________
Date: _____________________________




Check one:
q I will be withdrawing my child from Ms. Becky's Family Child Care on __________________, 2 weeks from the date above.
(date)

q My child will be withdrawn from Ms. Becky's Family Child Care on __________________, and I agree to pay for 2 weeks of childcare in lieu of giving 2
(date)
weeks' notice. I understand that payment must be made on the day my child is withdrawn. Payment due is $_____________.

I understand that if payment is not made, I will continue to accrue fees equal to the regular fees for each day my child would have been in child care. Failure to pay may also result in collections action.

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I would add a clause that failure to sign will maintain the contract and regular tuition is still due, until termination is given. Because really, if they haven't given anything in writing you have a signed and valid contract that states they are still in child care and should still be paying the weekly rate, PLUS any late fees if they choose to try to ignore. You need a signed and dated term letter to terminate your contract.

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Wait, I just noticed the last part stated that- never mind! I guess I'd just verbally remind them that until you get that term letter they are still legally contracted and owe their regular weekly (or daily if that's how you contract it) rates. Emphasize the LEGALLY- that's what I did and both families that tried to get out of things backed out quickly when I made them realize I could and would pursue the money on a legal basis. The law is on your side.

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If this is the route you're going to take I'd add in there also the sections on regulations closest to what they said to you about you breaking regs. At this point you have to show them somehow that YOU are not breaking any regulations or policies, THEY are.

If you can get an email or letter from your licensing analyst even better. At this point showing them what they are LEGALLY bound to do may go in one ear and out the other because they think that YOU are LEGALLY in the wrong for what they think is you "going against regulations". Attach the regs needed and include a copy of the part of the contract that they signed that says that they have to give you 2 weeks paid notice etc.

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I am sorry you are going through this .
When I read that you are in MD and the fake regs they brought up I was mad for you to be treated that way and lied to . Ugh

I hope that you are not local to me and they don't call me for care .

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I emailed my licensor about the whole situation, so I'm waiting to hear back form her. I may decide to show them what she says, maybe not. At this point I don't know if it's worth it; it might be better just to let them think they are right and move on. Eventually I could bring it up but right now they might just take it as me being flippant.

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What have they said about paying you- last you mentioned he had agreed to pay, have you contacted since? Who knows, maybe he'll do the right thing and pay once you show him you're serious and not going to let it just slide- you both know there's no such thing as that bogus $250 fine.

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Thanks so much for your help and advice everyone, I have really appreciated it. Dad brought the payment over today, with no more discussion from either of us. I received a response to the email I sent my licensor; she says there is no regulation that says a family daycare provider has to follow a parent's demands, that it's not even humanly possible in a home daycare setting for a provider to meet every parents' demands, and that there is no $250 fine. She said the rules are different for daycare centers, so since the "family member" works in a center, maybe she didn't realize this. Either way, I am glad to put this whole thing behind me, and I feel much better knowing that I did nothing wrong.

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yay, so glad the term worked out for you! I always freak out in situations like that, and the parents both times took care of it by the next day- but my mind tends to start thinking of everything that COULD happen, then I imagine the stress of small claims court... No fun for the time in between! Enjoy the rest of the weekend

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I'm so glad you were paid.

Now get right back on the horse with them as neighbors. Don't shy away from them. When you see them give them a wave and whenever you see the baby say he is getting SO big and is darlin. The quicker you act as you did before, the quicker the tension will alleviate.

You did nothing wrong and after she gets some motherhood under her belt she will start to feel ridiculous about her treatment of you. She won't admit it.

She will most likely be a stay at home mom soon so she will be around alot.

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Yup, that's just what I was thinking.

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I would be showing them the email from licensing, not in a rude way, just to clear things up.

"I looked into the regulations, here is the response from my licensor..."

I would need to let them know that I know they are full of crap. Just me

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I'd do this, too!

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I would be printing it and handing them a copy of the email.

Did they sign the form? Bringing the baby back to you after these allegations is essentially "proof" on your end that they trusted you to care for him.

I agree with Nanny, I'd wave and smile big every time I saw them and continue on as before.

My neighbors came over this past weekend to inquire about child care and got a friendly but firm NO.

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If anything I would do this just so that they know that I wasn't the one that was misinformed and "damaged" the relationship. I would hate for them to think that I was the one that was in the wrong and risk them talking to other people about the situation based on their perception.

"Hi Susan. How are you? Good, listen ... I just wanted to come over to make sure that we were still good as far as being neighbors and all. I'd hate for you guys to be upset at me or for things to be awkward between us. I really love having you guys as neighbors.

So anyway I finally heard back from my licensing analyst about that regulation that you guys said about family child care providers having to accommodate the parent's requests ... well she did say that centers and family child care providers have different regulations so maybe you guys were thinking of a regulation for them and somehow got it mixed up or something.

Well I just wanted to give you guys a copy of her reply because I don't want you guys to think that I intentionally or unintentionally did anything against you guys that went against regulations. I would hate for you guys to think that way about me and I don't want any awkwardness between us. Here's her response, I went ahead and included her name and number just in case you had any questions. Well thanks for letting me clear the air, if you need anything don't hesitate to come over or give me a call"

Still says "You messed up, not me" but in a nice way.

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Exactly! I had to fire an assistant and the next time I saw her in town, I immediately went over and said hi, asked about her son (who I termed also) and just showed with my actions that even though she screwed me over and I had to fire her, I did nothing wrong and was not going to hide or sneak around. I would just go on my merry way. Play in the front yard EVERY day for the next two weeks to make sure the neighbors see you have nothing to hide

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That's a good way to put it, I think I'll do that. I've been trying to think of a way to show them that they are misinformed without making this whole thing worse. I would hate for them to try & intimidate another provider into doing what they want based on false regulations.

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