Am I Overreacting as a Parent?

Hi ladies, I found this forum when I put my kids in preschool/daycare to learn more about dc issues from a provider's perspective. I have found it immensely helpful and have learned a lot from reading your threads. So I was wondering if I could get your opinions about something that happened today with our DC director? Director was on vacation for 3 weeks and was back today. I said hi and asked how her vacation was. She said awesome and then said "wanted to let you know we are moving DD up to next classroom (3-5 yr olds) as soon as we backfill her slot in younger classroom (1.5-3 yr olds) because we don't want the older classroom to be too boy heavy." And then she kept walking bc a new family needed to be let in for an interview. I called after to her to ask her if she thought dd was mature enough to move (she JUST turned 2.5) and director called back over her shoulder "absolutely".

I am just surprised at how upset I was about this encounter and I'm trying to figure out why it bothered me so much. I agree DD is advanced for age and am not completely against bumping her up to the next classroom, but part of me wants to keep her in the lower ratio classroom bc it seems "safe"?

I'm trying figure out if I'm misplacing feelings on to the director bc she was brisk about the announcement. I'm trying to see it from her perspective (had an interview/wanted to give me a heads up), but from my perspective I worry dd may be pushed into next classroom for $$/enrollment issues. The younger classroom is about $350 extra a month, but I'm happy to pay it. The younger slots are more "coveted" and wait list is long. There are several older kids than my dd and I am wondering why my dd is being pushed and not the others? Is it normal for parents to get emotional when their kids change classrooms? Am I over-reacting? I appreciate any insight/advice you may have- thanks I'm wondering what I would even say to her, or even why I would? It just seems so abrupt, kwim?

I may also be a bit gunshy bc my ds (not advanced at all-in fact just the opposite) started in the older classroom and was the youngest for 6 months and we had several minor behavioral issues bc of his lack of maturity.

Op here - Eta - ladies and guys,

Sorry about that I didn't mean to exclude based on gender

[TwinKristi]

Hmmm, I would probably ask to sit down with her or even email/phone about why she feels she's ready at 2.5? And what about her long term plans there. When will she start K? Will she be the oldest in the room for longer? Maybe get bored in the classroom after 3+ yrs? If you don't feel she's ready you should to have to push her to go in the next class yet. Tell them you'd like to re-evaluate the change in Dec for a Jan move after returning from winter break?

[Thriftylady]

Wow tough question. I have never worked in a center so I have no real answers. Is this a big center? Is it one of the big chains? If it is, I would be worried that it is for money. There are good centers, but from what I have heard, the big ones get a lot of pressure to keep the money moving. If I thought it was that, I would be upset. Is your DD advanced? If she moves up will she be able to keep up with what they are doing in there?

[nannyde]

I would just tell her that you want to wait until she is three to switch her. Maybe you don't like being told what they are going to do? I completely get that. Six months is a LONG time in their development so if you think she needs to stay in the lower ratios.. just tell them.

I will bet they will just pick someone else and move on. Your kid is the best fit in their mind and EVERYONE wants to be told their kid is advanced so they didn't expect you to be against it. You save money and they give you a prop on your kid.

They will just pick another kid. Just tell them.

Originally Posted by nannyde

I would just tell her that you want to wait until she is three to switch her. Maybe you don't like being told what they are going to do? I completely get that. Six months is a LONG time in their development so if you think she needs to stay in the lower ratios.. just tell them.

I will bet they will just pick someone else and move on. Your kid is the best fit in their mind and EVERYONE wants to be told their kid is advanced so they didn't expect you to be against it. You save money and they give you a prop on your kid.

They will just pick another kid. Just tell them.

Nannyde, thanks so for your reply. I think (as usual lol) you are spot on...I think the decision seemed abrupt and I felt like the decision was made without any of my input. When we started there 6 months ago we had originally discussed DS and DD being in the same classroom. After researching it (seeing all the problems detailed on this board about sibling sets and seeing how DD has blossomed without DS overshadowing her) it's probably best to split them up...but I guess I just wanted to talk to her about it. The way she announced it to me just made me feel like it wasn't up for discussion.

I also agree with you-6 months is a long time in development. DH doesn't see the problem and is actually happy DD is getting moved up bc he thinks she is bored and she seems very out of place (old) when he drops her off in the morning. He wants her challenged and feels like she is going to move up eventually, so what's the big deal. I guess I still see her as my baby and I'm not in any rush for her to grow up.

I trust the staff and I was probably just overreacting. We all love the current teachers and I guess I'm just a little scared bc I don't know the new lead teacher.

[originalkat]

Originally Posted by nannyde

I would just tell her that you want to wait until she is three to switch her. Maybe you don't like being told what they are going to do? I completely get that. Six months is a LONG time in their development so if you think she needs to stay in the lower ratios.. just tell them.

I will bet they will just pick someone else and move on. Your kid is the best fit in their mind and EVERYONE wants to be told their kid is advanced so they didn't expect you to be against it. You save money and they give you a prop on your kid.

They will just pick another kid. Just tell them.

Yep. I have worked in many centers and this sounds exactly like how it played out IMO.

Originally Posted by Thriftylady

Wow tough question. I have never worked in a center so I have no real answers. Is this a big center? Is it one of the big chains? If it is, I would be worried that it is for money. There are good centers, but from what I have heard, the big ones get a lot of pressure to keep the money moving. If I thought it was that, I would be upset. Is your DD advanced? If she moves up will she be able to keep up with what they are doing in there?

The center is small (~60 total) and overall a lovely place...it's small (1:5 ratio in younger classrooms and 1:12 in older classroom). It isn't a chain but is an accredited montessori so they do push the large age spans in the classroom. I do think part of it is $$$ based, and I understand they have to run a business.

I suppose everyone thinks their child is advanced, lol so for what it's worth, I do think DD is advanced in many areas (speech/social skills), but she is maybe a bit behind in gross motor (trips or falls At least once a day). She is very easy going, but she still has the odd toddler tantrum. I do worry about her being able to keep up at recesses/dance/sport time with the older kids....she is also extremely small for her age and I do worry about that aspect (maybe now I am being overprotective?)

Originally Posted by TwinKristi

Hmmm, I would probably ask to sit down with her or even email/phone about why she feels she's ready at 2.5? And what about her long term plans there. When will she start K? Will she be the oldest in the room for longer? Maybe get bored in the classroom after 3+ yrs? If you don't feel she's ready you should to have to push her to go in the next class yet. Tell them you'd like to re-evaluate the change in Dec for a Jan move after returning from winter break?

I hadn't even thought about the fact that she will be in the next classroom until she goes to K, that is a good point! She has a late spring bday, so she won't got to K for another 3 yrs.

[racemom]

I would talk to the director and her current teacher. The teacher she has now will be able to give you an idea why she is being moved. Not only in words but in the way she says it. If the teacher truly thinks she is ready, I would probably let her go. If it is just money, then I would insist they keep her in the smaller class. Find out, because she may be bored and ready for some more advanced class, in which case you probably will want her moved. If it is a numbers game, then I would say no.

Originally Posted by racemom

I would talk to the director and her current teacher. The teacher she has now will be able to give you an idea why she is being moved. Not only in words but in the way she says it. If the teacher truly thinks she is ready, I would probably let her go. If it is just money, then I would insist they keep her in the smaller class. Find out, because she may be bored and ready for some more advanced class, in which case you probably will want her moved. If it is a numbers game, then I would say no.

Thats a good idea, I think I'll mention it to her teacher on Monday and see what her reaction is. There are a lot of pros to moving her up (she will get to do all the older kid programs that she sees DS doing, and she has been acting like a "baby" (pretend baby talk/crawling) so going up with the big kids will probably stop that behavior). My hesitation is that DS was moved up prematurely and I vowed to never go down that path again. I get a "note" at least every 2-3 weeks outlining inappropriate behavior (chewing his shirt collar, saying threats: ex he told another child his imaginary elephant was going to sit on him, running in to the walls on purpose, etc...I'm beginning to suspect sensory processing issue with him, but that is a whole other topic).

Ultimately, I come to decisions slowly and I hadn't quite processed this decision, so I think that is why I may have over reacted.

[MyAngels]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

because we don't want the older classroom to be too boy heavy."

It sounds to me like they have more boys than girls in the older classroom and have picked your daughter to move up to help balance that out.

If you're not comfortable with that I'd definitely do as the others have suggested and let the director know you're not willing to do that.

[preschoolteacher]

I'd be uncomfortable with it because it's like your daughter is a number, she's one girl to balance out all the boys, and their decision has nothing to do with her best interests or your preference as parents.

I'd also be wary of a young child in a room that's full of mainly older boys. They just tend to be more physical. I don't mean to stereotype, although I know I am. A younger, smaller child could really get pushed around, literally and figuratively.

[Naptime yet?]

My last center job was with a chain and I honestly felt like it was about the money and those coveted younger spots, as you said. I was in with the two's and there was a little guy, would have been three in a few months, and they wanted to move him up. I was against it, it took me quite some time to bring him out of his shell, he was very quiet, didn't interact much. Plus mom had just had a baby. I didn't think he would have flourished at all. I mentioned to his dad about him moving up & dad was fine with it, I don't think he cared.

If you don't think your daughter is ready, you speak up. Don't feel "bullied" by the director, look out for your daughter's best interests.

[DaisyMamma]

It sounds like they need her spot for a new family.
And my second thought was , is it even legal for her to be in the next class when she isn't age appropriate? The state sets ratios based on age. Your post even mentioned ratios.
And if she has only been there 6 months, but will be there 3.5 more years I see no need to rush the change whatsoever! Advanced or not, she has only recently adjusted to her current classroom.