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Old 04-21-2018, 03:48 PM
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Default DCB Nap And Drop Off Troubles

In need of advice...

Background:
dcb attends M/W/F initially 1/2 day with pick up after lunch but increased to pick up after nap time because dcm could not get him to nap at home and knew he needed the sleep. He was sleeping easily here at nap time. Dcb will be leaving to go to a large center based preschool and his last month with me is this June. Over Christmas break dcb was moved to a big boy bed and since then he has been showing signs of anxiety and low levels of aggression. We were working thru these but it was not an overnight fix.

Challenge Now - Really tough drop offs and refusing naps:
dcb was gone 2-weeks (sick one, Spring break the next). The whole energy of the group was better. DCB returned from Spring Break with more anxiety - now displaying separation anxiety at drop off and refusing nap time. DCM says he displays major separation anxiety if dcd takes him to bed or feeds him dinner and she is right in the next room, or if she runs an errand, etc. so it is not just here. What could be going on? What can I do?

I do not know what is going on with dcb. My care has not changed. I have no reason to believe he is being abused or neglected at home - in fact I think they overindulge dcb. I have wondered if some anxiety was related to his parents locking him inside his bedroom at night (as part of sleep training) but that could honestly have nothing to do with it I just know dcb is processing it because he brings it up a lot here.

The days he is here are the days I dread the most now.... it starts with his heart wrenching tears then no lunch break during nap so I can reset for after nap activities or for dismissal or lunch for myself.

Terming is not an option or needed because he is leaving mid-June anyway and I give one month notice really I can only reduce to 1/2 days starting May 1st. Do you think that would help dcb.... it is only a loss of $150 for me. Thoughts?
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Old 04-21-2018, 03:49 PM
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Signs of concern....

This week he went pee on himself twice in the same day - during lunch he refused to eat, when done with lunch all the kids know they go potty wash hands and lay on their nap mat. I told dcb it was time to go potty and lay down and he starting screaming/crying "I'm hungry" then was so focused on eating slow he was starting to fall asleep sitting up, I encouraged him to lay down (while not wanting to cause a scene and him wake all the other kids up which he did once last week) nope he was hungry..... and so sleepy he did not realize he needed to pee so accident #1 took place. I cleaned him up told him he needed to come lay down he starting screaming "I'm not tired I want mommy" woke up 3 dcks so I let him read quietly on the couch while I got the other dcks back settled --- I returned to dcb having fallen asleep and accident #2 pee on himself again and my couch! This dcb has not had an accident in several months......
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Old 04-21-2018, 04:00 PM
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I would go back to the original agreement of 1/2 days. If not napping in either location, it is better that takes place at home. It might reduce his drop off and lunch time stress if he knows he will be picked up before nap. Daily reports to the parents explaining concerns in detail. Maybe they can explore other options. A change to a larger group setting, may be even worse for him at this time.
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Old 04-21-2018, 08:58 PM
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Is he really being locked inside his bedroom at night?? That would concern me greatly and I think it has everything to do with his behavior change. That would be terrifying for anyone, let alone a young child. Are the parents leaving him in there to sob himself to sleep?
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Old 04-22-2018, 07:56 AM
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Originally Posted by daisymay View Post
Is he really being locked inside his bedroom at night?? That would concern me greatly and I think it has everything to do with his behavior change. That would be terrifying for anyone, let alone a young child. Are the parents leaving him in there to sob himself to sleep?
I agree.

I have a feeling this may be the root of the problem.

You can't change the dynamics at home and since he's leaving soon, there's not a lot you can do in a month to alleviate his anxiety.
If it were me, I'd mention that the locked room may be contributing to his anxiety. I'd also switch back to picking up before nap in the best interest of the group.
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Old 04-23-2018, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I would go back to the original agreement of 1/2 days. If not napping in either location, it is better that takes place at home. It might reduce his drop off and lunch time stress if he knows he will be picked up before nap. Daily reports to the parents explaining concerns in detail. Maybe they can explore other options. A change to a larger group setting, may be even worse for him at this time.
I agree that it may reduce his stress if he knows he will be picked up before nap.... I do worry the larger center could be a huge failure for him now but honestly I think it would be good for him and his family IF I were not worried about this new anxiety.
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Old 04-23-2018, 03:09 PM
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Originally Posted by daisymay View Post
Is he really being locked inside his bedroom at night?? That would concern me greatly and I think it has everything to do with his behavior change. That would be terrifying for anyone, let alone a young child. Are the parents leaving him in there to sob himself to sleep?
OMG that was my exact reaction the first time he mentioned it to me!

That said I really try to not judge the parents in my program. Each of us has to do what works best for us and there is no perfect parenting path. I personally was the total opposite, and co-slept with my dd for longer than I felt comfortable with so I am not sure that was best either.... but locking the child in their bedroom thing was new to me.... I actually had to google it after dcm confirmed they were using it as a tool to teach dcb to stay in his room a bedtime.
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Old 04-23-2018, 03:11 PM
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I agree.

I have a feeling this may be the root of the problem.

You can't change the dynamics at home and since he's leaving soon, there's not a lot you can do in a month to alleviate his anxiety.
If it were me, I'd mention that the locked room may be contributing to his anxiety. I'd also switch back to picking up before nap in the best interest of the group.
He was doing so good here and I really wanted him to leave on a high note but I cannot think of anything other than the sleep that is causing so much anxiety for him.

I do want him to be set up as best I can to associate being away from dcm in a positive light and I think for now that means not including naps here. Plus you are right it is the best choice for the group.
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Old 04-23-2018, 03:16 PM
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Honestly, Id stay firm. Id clean up his lunch when lunch is over, escort him to the bathroom, and then lay him down for nap first...so that his screaming and yelling is hopefully done by the time everyone else has cleaned up, pottied, and settled down for nap.
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Old 04-23-2018, 11:14 PM
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Honestly, Id stay firm. Id clean up his lunch when lunch is over, escort him to the bathroom, and then lay him down for nap first...so that his screaming and yelling is hopefully done by the time everyone else has cleaned up, pottied, and settled down for nap.
Do you think that would be better for him then having dcm pick up 1/2 day?

I do feel torn.... on one hand switching to 1/2 day means he "wins" his desire and learns he can continue manipulating to get his way.... on the other hand I am dreading each day he comes. When he cries at nap time it makes the whole group off balance for naps.
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Old 04-27-2018, 06:24 PM
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Originally Posted by CityGarden View Post
Do you think that would be better for him then having dcm pick up 1/2 day?

I do feel torn.... on one hand switching to 1/2 day means he "wins" his desire and learns he can continue manipulating to get his way.... on the other hand I am dreading each day he comes. When he cries at nap time it makes the whole group off balance for naps.
At this point you only have him another month, so honestly I would not care one bit if he felt he won. He is extremely disruptive to your program. If moms reason for keeping him at your house for nap was because he wouldn't nap at home and now he's not napping at your house, then mom needs to come get him. It's not fair to you or the other kids trying to sleep. I mean seriously, she cant' get her own child to behave so she leaves him at your house? Oh boy.
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Old 04-27-2018, 09:27 PM
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I wouldn't put up with it either. I would do the best thing for the group... Put him on 1/2 day and let his parents work on his sleep habits because you can't change or "fix" their home choices. I wouldn't want the group stress personally :eek. But.... If you are the type of person who likes to try to hang in there :hug. Stay firm with your routine because he's already "winning" by getting you to let him eat, sleep, not sleep, and do activities off schedule. He's taking control. Some kids are very stubborn and try to control everything. My daughter is like this. She has sensory sensitivities that contribute to it but her occupational therapist told us she is stubborn and we have to set the rules and not budge. Ever. It has helped but she still has times when I need to separate her from the group to think it through and calm down.
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Old 04-30-2018, 03:31 PM
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He went to 1/2 day! He seemed in a better mood and really engaged the group today without issues at drop off. The whole group did better at nap time too!!!
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