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  #1  
Old 06-02-2011, 08:15 AM
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Default New Child Crying When Mom Drops Off

Hi there,

I have an 18 month old who cries everytime mom drops them off.....Mom says he has been doing this since he was 6 months old. I would like some suggestions to see if we can "cure" this behavior. Mom understands that he is okay..The child is okay a few minutes after she leaves; I am wondering if this can be fixed, since it doesn't seem to be a phase....

Mom is now leaving quickly when she arrives and gives child big kiss and hug on her way out.

Anything else we can do??
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  #2  
Old 06-02-2011, 08:30 AM
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If it is just a few minutes, that doesn't seem like a huge issue. Now if he is going on and on for hours, yay, that would be a problem.
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:27 AM
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Most likely child is feeding off Mom.

If mom dreads drop off because of her child's previous reaction during the typical 8-10 month old "stranger danger" phase and continues to act nervous, so will her child. (Mothers guilt is deadly )

If mom acts nonchalant, so will child.

I tell my moms this when their child is a newborn, I remind them often that I "predicted it" since I am a wizard.

It is a running joke and I offer them my "magic ball" (what to expect; The toddler years) from time to time.

We laugh alot here, it makes it easier to not feel judged, but part of the joke, YKWIM?

Beg mom to test the theory with a big smile, double dog dare her if it will work with her personality....make it something fun between you and mom.

Send text photos of child playing just minutes after Moms departure to alleviate Mom's fears often if possible.

Typically, IME, she will laugh or hug your neck when she see's how quick it stops.
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:49 AM
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Yup!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherder View Post
Most likely child is feeding off Mom.

If mom dreads drop off because of her child's previous reaction during the typical 8-10 month old "stranger danger" phase and continues to act nervous, so will her child. (Mothers guilt is deadly )

If mom acts nonchalant, so will child.

I tell my moms this when their child is a newborn, I remind them often that I "predicted it" since I am a wizard.

It is a running joke and I offer them my "magic ball" (what to expect; The toddler years) from time to time.

We laugh alot here, it makes it easier to not feel judged, but part of the joke, YKWIM?

Beg mom to test the theory with a big smile, double dog dare her if it will work with her personality....make it something fun between you and mom.

Send text photos of child playing just minutes after Moms departure to alleviate Mom's fears often if possible.

Typically, IME, she will laugh or hug your neck when she see's how quick it stops.
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Old 06-02-2011, 10:02 AM
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I agree that a lot of the time it is because the mom is making things worse, but that may not be the case. What do you do when mom drops kid off? I had a boy a few months back that did this and turned out he had severe double ear infection (no symptoms) and after he got it cleared up stopped crying and is HAPPY! Yay!

Anyway, If I have a child like this I try to engage them from the moment they walk in the door. Encourage mom to say bye bye on the porch quickly and then open door, deposit kid and walk away unless you have something to tell them. And as soon as kid is through the door...say hey Suzie...want to help with breakfast? or look at the doll I pulled out for you! Or whatever to take the childs mind OFF of the mother leaving.
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Old 06-02-2011, 10:16 AM
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I would also like to add that sometimes these crying periods at drop off have several layers.

The worst drop off crier I ever had would go on and on for 15 to 20 minutes. Every time the front door opened she would start up again.

For her it all started when right in the middle of that "beautiful" separation anxiety period her folks left her at her grand parents for a week while they went on a Mexican holiday.

During this same period they enrolled her in this extreme survivalist swim program were she was forced to jump into a pool and flip onto her back and float. She hated it and trembled and screamed the whole time I was told.

My point is there might be several things going on in her life that are contributing to this anxiety.

Too be honest a couple of minutes of crying is normal for many daycare kids.
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Old 06-02-2011, 11:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherder View Post
Most likely child is feeding off Mom.

If mom dreads drop off because of her child's previous reaction during the typical 8-10 month old "stranger danger" phase and continues to act nervous, so will her child. (Mothers guilt is deadly )

If mom acts nonchalant, so will child.

I tell my moms this when their child is a newborn, I remind them often that I "predicted it" since I am a wizard.

It is a running joke and I offer them my "magic ball" (what to expect; The toddler years) from time to time.

We laugh alot here, it makes it easier to not feel judged, but part of the joke, YKWIM?

Beg mom to test the theory with a big smile, double dog dare her if it will work with her personality....make it something fun between you and mom.

Send text photos of child playing just minutes after Moms departure to alleviate Mom's fears often if possible.

Typically, IME, she will laugh or hug your neck when she see's how quick it stops.
I agree. My worst experience was a kid whos own mom cried when she dropped off. After 8 months we "agreed" it wasn't working out. Moms mental health issues were rubbing off on the kid and she always had a terrible time at daycare.

I also agree with the poster who said other things can be affecting it. I expect some kids to cry some of the time at drop off. If it lasts for a really long time everyday then I would be concerned. I figure it comes with the job.

My kids all wave to mom/dad in the living room window when they leave and this helps. I also do a reading time where all the kids read at drop off (all get dropped within 20-30 min of eachother). All the kids read with me until breakfast. I sit with the ones who are having an especially rough time at drop off and read books to the whole group. Once they see the rest of the group having fun and enjoying themselves the crying tends to stop.
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Old 06-02-2011, 12:02 PM
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Totally hijacking, but do any of you have kids that just never get over the drop off crying? I have a DCB that after 5 months of being here has started crying hysterically every day. It lasts only a few minutes after DCM leaves, but this is new. He did cry during the first 2 weeks, but it stopped and until a month ago, he'd run away from mom can dive into my toys and not care if she left. I think DCM is kinda dragging it out sometimes. And he did have an ear infection, but it's been treated and cleared. I see lots of strange behavior from him.
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Old 06-02-2011, 12:24 PM
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thecrazyisout thecrazyisout is offline
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Thanks so much for the advice. It is helpful. Sounds like I am on the right track. Currently we are having mom give a quick hug and kiss, say good bye and then off she goes...I think it will work, if it doesn't I will post again!
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Old 06-02-2011, 03:11 PM
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One more suggestion. Can you go to the car to get the kid? That way the kid is leaving not the mom.
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