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Old 12-06-2013, 10:56 AM
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Default Drop Off And Other Issues

Hi everyone! I'm new to this forum and new to being a daycare provider so I've got a few questions. I opened my daycare back in the end of September. I have a 3 year old boy who has never been around other kids. He has made running a daycare to be difficult. First off he cries at drop off, everyday. I understand for some children it's difficult for them to depart from their parents so this is normal. However, his mother tends to make things worse because she sticks around for long periods of time and babies him, which makes it worse. After his mother leaves, he's fine. I mentioned to mother today that she's prolonging the departure which is making it harder for him. I'm tend to be a stern parent so I tend to ignore his whining because he only does it when something is asked of him. What do I need to do or say to tell his mother (Nicely) to just drop off and go? Also I have TV time in the morning for an hour, it's the only time the TV is on and maybe sometimes before pick up. When I turn the TV off this child freaks out, starts hitting me and telling me how rude I am?! What do I do to that? I'm thinking of not turning the TV on at all. Like, I said I am a stern parent so I believe TV is a privilege you have to earn so I'm thinking of just keeping it off. I do a curriculum and we have all sorts of fun activities but it seems we can't do these fun things or enjoy them because this child is always crying or hitting another child. It's become to the point where I've almost thought about terminating this child because he is such a nuisance. I don't feel sorry for him because like I said before he only cries when it's time to do certain activities, then all of a sudden he misses mommy. He wants everything on his own free will and he'll be starting school next year and he won't get to do things on his own free will. I don't know what to do to get him to stop the crying and sit down to learn. I've talked to the mother but from what she says she pretty much just puts him in front of the TV or iPad and doesn't pay attention much to him. So is it an attention thing? What should I do? Should I terminate because this boy is such a nuisance? He also has been hitting, spitting, biting and cussing now and it's getting out of hand!
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Old 12-06-2013, 11:16 AM
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cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Hi everyone! I'm new to this forum and new to being a daycare provider so I've got a few questions. I opened my daycare back in the end of September. I have a 3 year old boy who has never been around other kids. He has made running a daycare to be difficult. First off he cries at drop off, everyday. I understand for some children it's difficult for them to depart from their parents so this is normal. However, his mother tends to make things worse because she sticks around for long periods of time and babies him, which makes it worse. After his mother leaves, he's fine. I mentioned to mother today that she's prolonging the departure which is making it harder for him. I'm tend to be a stern parent so I tend to ignore his whining because he only does it when something is asked of him. What do I need to do or say to tell his mother (Nicely) to just drop off and go? Also I have TV time in the morning for an hour, it's the only time the TV is on and maybe sometimes before pick up. When I turn the TV off this child freaks out, starts hitting me and telling me how rude I am?! What do I do to that? I'm thinking of not turning the TV on at all. Like, I said I am a stern parent so I believe TV is a privilege you have to earn so I'm thinking of just keeping it off. I do a curriculum and we have all sorts of fun activities but it seems we can't do these fun things or enjoy them because this child is always crying or hitting another child. It's become to the point where I've almost thought about terminating this child because he is such a nuisance. I don't feel sorry for him because like I said before he only cries when it's time to do certain activities, then all of a sudden he misses mommy. He wants everything on his own free will and he'll be starting school next year and he won't get to do things on his own free will. I don't know what to do to get him to stop the crying and sit down to learn. I've talked to the mother but from what she says she pretty much just puts him in front of the TV or iPad and doesn't pay attention much to him. So is it an attention thing? What should I do? Should I terminate because this boy is such a nuisance? He also has been hitting, spitting, biting and cussing now and it's getting out of hand!
okay you totally contradicted yourself....you said he is fine once his mother leaves and then you detail crying, aggressive behavior and uncooperative/rude behavior. It doesn't sound like anything is fine. If you are able to replace him, I would just term and move on. Yes you can try and put some measures into place and start tackling each issue one by one but that is a lot of work. If you can replace him or live without that income, I personally would go with whatever is easiest for you. You clearly are not going to get any support from mom and meanwhile, may lose other kids when they go home injured from the hitting and biting.
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Old 12-06-2013, 11:19 AM
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okay you totally contradicted yourself....you said he is fine once his mother leaves and then you detail crying, aggressive behavior and uncooperative/rude behavior. It doesn't sound like anything is fine. If you are able to replace him, I would just term and move on. Yes you can try and put some measures into place and start tackling each issue one by one but that is a lot of work. If you can replace him or live without that income, I personally would go with whatever is easiest for you. You clearly are not going to get any support from mom and meanwhile, may lose other kids when they go home injured from the hitting and biting.
Yes he is fine once his mother leaves, he stop crying almost instantly! It's when I ask him to do things like help pick up toys, come eat, lets play a game, that's when he starts his crying again and the agressive behavior, sorry I didn't mean to type it like I did. I just had so many things to type that it came out all cluttered! All my other kids do wonderful, it's this kid that's an issue. Income is no issue at all, so I'm thinking of possibly terming. I just wish it'd work out though!
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Old 12-06-2013, 11:28 AM
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He also has been hitting, spitting, biting and cussing now and it's getting out of hand!
This part would be a deal breaker for me. No way I would EVER keep a 4/5 yo in my care who hit, bit, spit OR cussed (more than once at least!).

As a dcp it is your job to keep the other children in your care safe. If this boy is biting and hitting them and you can't stop it then you aren't keeping them safe. You could loose the other children in your care, and maybe even get in trouble for lack of supervision (not that you aren't supervising them, but if children keep getting hurt in your care that is what it would fall under).

If you do not want to just term I would at least do a behavior plan with the parents outlining the problems and giving a time frame for them to be corrected. I can send you a copy of one if you need it!
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Old 12-06-2013, 11:35 AM
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This part would be a deal breaker for me. No way I would EVER keep a 4/5 yo in my care who hit, bit, spit OR cussed (more than once at least!).

As a dcp it is your job to keep the other children in your care safe. If this boy is biting and hitting them and you can't stop it then you aren't keeping them safe. You could loose the other children in your care, and maybe even get in trouble for lack of supervision (not that you aren't supervising them, but if children keep getting hurt in your care that is what it would fall under).

If you do not want to just term I would at least do a behavior plan with the parents outlining the problems and giving a time frame for them to be corrected. I can send you a copy of one if you need it!
Exactly, it falls back on me and makes me look bad. It happens in just a blink of an eye, they are supervised at all times, if I'm cooking lunch, they are at the table doing puzzles or play doh stuff. But I swear, I turn my head for a second and he's smacking someone. I constantly tell him, do not hit, I have to continually remind him. At 3 1/2 he should no better. Thank you for your input.
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Old 12-06-2013, 11:43 AM
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It sounds like some major issues and he needs to be evaluated NOW so school will go better in the fall.

For me it comes down to one word biting I would let him go and with very little notice.
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Old 12-06-2013, 12:25 PM
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Exactly, it falls back on me and makes me look bad. It happens in just a blink of an eye, they are supervised at all times, if I'm cooking lunch, they are at the table doing puzzles or play doh stuff. But I swear, I turn my head for a second and he's smacking someone. I constantly tell him, do not hit, I have to continually remind him. At 3 1/2 he should no better. Thank you for your input.
I had a term a just turned 3 yo for hitting earlier this Fall so I totally understand. I tried everything, shadowed him, had him shadow me, he was just too sneaky and would find a way to hurt someone.

In my case it was a parenting problem. His mom just kept making excuses for him, "didn't see" the behaviors, and refused to work to help us fix them. IMO if you can term I would. I have never regretted terming a family and in most cases wish I would have done sooner! If they aren't a good fit, you can't fix it on your own and the family isn't willing/able to help then term!
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Old 12-06-2013, 12:51 PM
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Sometimes families are just not a good fit and it sounds like this family does not jive with your parenting and caregiving styles or philosophies.

I would probably term. Mostly because the mom doesn't seem to WANT to fix anything or work with you and if that is the case, you are going to spend a TON of time to help this little guy learn proper behavior each week only to have mom erase it over the weekend and you will just have to start over again on Monday....never ending the cycle.

Do yourself, the child and mom a huge favor and term. I would also tell mom why (in a nice way) She needs to know that it is because she does what she does that makes her child behave the way he does.

This won't be the first time she hears it or the last but until she addresses the root of the issue things aren't going to change.

Please consider registering with the forum! We are a ton of help, advice support and entertainment.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 12-06-2013 at 02:04 PM.
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Old 12-06-2013, 01:24 PM
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I had a term a just turned 3 yo for hitting earlier this Fall so I totally understand. I tried everything, shadowed him, had him shadow me, he was just too sneaky and would find a way to hurt someone.

In my case it was a parenting problem. His mom just kept making excuses for him, "didn't see" the behaviors, and refused to work to help us fix them. IMO if you can term I would. I have never regretted terming a family and in most cases wish I would have done sooner! If they aren't a good fit, you can't fix it on your own and the family isn't willing/able to help then term!
I could've written this. My only term was my first family & mom refused to see her son had developmental problems that were getting worse and he was getting more aggressive & violent. I insta-termed the day he turned around & smacked me. She wasn't thrilled b/c she laughed at him when he did it to her. Term him since you don't need the money. Mom's not going to be any help, & you'll be happier afterward.
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Old 12-06-2013, 01:34 PM
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I did not read all of the other responses you got, I am sure you got some good ones, but here is how I deal with this type of situation.

I tell the parents, it's like ripping off a bandaid. If you lag pulling it off, it hurts and it's painful. If you rip it off quickly it's off in a second without much reaction at all.

I would tell DCP this.
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Old 12-06-2013, 03:51 PM
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I'd term. My DD got hurt and even was bleeding after a little monstrous boy threw a block (wooden) at her face. It happened in a split second. Glad it was MY kid and not another DCK. He was termed that day because the behavior was something that was going on all the time. After that, I termed immediately for aggressive behavior that I could not rectify or if the parents wouldn't work with me, it was an automatic termination.

Some kids really do need discipline, but that has to happen AT HOME
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Old 12-06-2013, 06:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Sometimes families are just not a good fit and it sounds like this family does not jive with your parenting and caregiving styles or philosophies.

I would probably term. Mostly because the mom doesn't seem to WANT to fix anything or work with you and if that is the case, you are going to spend a TON of time to help this little guy learn proper behavior each week only to have mom erase it over the weekend and you will just have to start over again on Monday....never ending the cycle.

Do yourself, the child and mom a huge favor and term. I would also tell mom why (in a nice way) She needs to know that it is because she does what she does that makes her child behave the way he does.

This won't be the first time she hears it or the last but until she addresses the root of the issue things aren't going to change.

Please consider registering with the forum! We are a ton of help, advice support and entertainment.
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