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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I Had a Meltdown Today :(
melilley 11:51 AM 01-29-2014
I have a dcb who will be 2.5 in in March. I have had him since he was 18mo. From the beginning this dcb has been aggressive, bit, hit, pulled hair, pushed etc... I have been working with him a lot because I thought maybe he would change and in my mind I could help him. He did stop biting and every once in a while will hit or something, but isn't really aggressive to the kids. But he gets angry over everything. I know 2 year old children throw fits and tantrums, but this child will hit himself, hit and kick my walls, bang his head on the wall or floor scream and cry and throw toys, will look at me and smile when I tell him not to do something and then do it. He even hits his mom at home!
Mom, Dad, and I have talked so that we are on the same page as far as what to do when he does these things. Dcm and dcd both say to put him in t/o when he does these things. So I do, It doesn't really help, but I have him sit to calm down and away from the kids while he's flailing around. Mom tells me yesterday that she was doing research and it's normal for 2 yo to throw fits (yes it is), and that he probably does it because he can't talk yet (he can say a few words, but that's it) and that's how he gets his frustration out, but then adds that she has never seen a child be so evil when they do it! THen tells me that she'll give it 6 more months and then talk to the dr. Six months? I believe she really is trying, but come on.


Sooo today I watched my 1.5 year old ds get mad and hit himself! He's been hitting himself for a few weeks now and I redirect, sometimes ignore it, but today I looked at him doing this and I will admit that I broke down crying, in front of the kids ( I have 2 + ds today). It makes me so sad to see him do this.
Now, I know children are going to have moments and my ds isn't perfect, but it still made me so sad. I believe that the dck has done it so much that my ds has picked up on it. He actually used to bang his head on the floor too. I have cried over that too. Another dcb who is the same age as my ds is starting to hit too and his mom mentioned something to me about it.

I think I need to give up on this 2 yo dck. It makes me kind of sad to say that because I LOVE his mom and have been working really hard with her and the child, but it's taking a toll on me. And I don't want my ds and other dck's do not to follow in this dck's footsteps. What do I say to this mom? She is my favorite, but I just don't think it'll work anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent! Phewww I feel better!
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morgan24 11:59 AM 01-29-2014
Awe that's hard. If you think your ds is picking that up from the other dcb I would give notice. Sometimes you just can't fix everything. Sounds like you have done everything you can and nothing has changed. You aren't giving up, you are doing what you need to for your ds and your other dcks.
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melilley 12:29 PM 01-29-2014
Originally Posted by morgan24:
Awe that's hard. If you think your ds is picking that up from the other dcb I would give notice. Sometimes you just can't fix everything. Sounds like you have done everything you can and nothing has changed. You aren't giving up, you are doing what you need to for your ds and your other dcks.
Thanks! And you are right!
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Josiegirl 11:52 AM 01-30-2014
I remember how difficult it was doing childcare when my kids were little. They were the reason I stayed home and did it to begin with. But so many things about daycare adversely affected my own kids from time to time. Somehow we all survived it. I wish I had been strong enough back then to let some of those families go. When daycare starts affecting your own children, it's time to make changes. Go with your heart.
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melilley 11:54 AM 01-30-2014
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
I remember how difficult it was doing childcare when my kids were little. They were the reason I stayed home and did it to begin with. But so many things about daycare adversely affected my own kids from time to time. Somehow we all survived it. I wish I had been strong enough back then to let some of those families go. When daycare starts affecting your own children, it's time to make changes. Go with your heart.
You are so right! Thank you!
I finally talked to dcm and I'm giving it 2 more weeks then if nothing changes, I'm terming. She was very understanding, thank goodness!
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SunshineMama 01:38 PM 01-30-2014
Originally Posted by melilley:
I have a dcb who will be 2.5 in in March. I have had him since he was 18mo. From the beginning this dcb has been aggressive, bit, hit, pulled hair, pushed etc... I have been working with him a lot because I thought maybe he would change and in my mind I could help him. He did stop biting and every once in a while will hit or something, but isn't really aggressive to the kids. But he gets angry over everything. I know 2 year old children throw fits and tantrums, but this child will hit himself, hit and kick my walls, bang his head on the wall or floor scream and cry and throw toys, will look at me and smile when I tell him not to do something and then do it. He even hits his mom at home!
Mom, Dad, and I have talked so that we are on the same page as far as what to do when he does these things. Dcm and dcd both say to put him in t/o when he does these things. So I do, It doesn't really help, but I have him sit to calm down and away from the kids while he's flailing around. Mom tells me yesterday that she was doing research and it's normal for 2 yo to throw fits (yes it is), and that he probably does it because he can't talk yet (he can say a few words, but that's it) and that's how he gets his frustration out, but then adds that she has never seen a child be so evil when they do it! THen tells me that she'll give it 6 more months and then talk to the dr. Six months? I believe she really is trying, but come on.


Sooo today I watched my 1.5 year old ds get mad and hit himself! He's been hitting himself for a few weeks now and I redirect, sometimes ignore it, but today I looked at him doing this and I will admit that I broke down crying, in front of the kids ( I have 2 + ds today). It makes me so sad to see him do this.
Now, I know children are going to have moments and my ds isn't perfect, but it still made me so sad. I believe that the dck has done it so much that my ds has picked up on it. He actually used to bang his head on the floor too. I have cried over that too. Another dcb who is the same age as my ds is starting to hit too and his mom mentioned something to me about it.

I think I need to give up on this 2 yo dck. It makes me kind of sad to say that because I LOVE his mom and have been working really hard with her and the child, but it's taking a toll on me. And I don't want my ds and other dck's do not to follow in this dck's footsteps. What do I say to this mom? She is my favorite, but I just don't think it'll work anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent! Phewww I feel better!
My dd picked up terrible speech habits from a set of twins a while back, along with some crappy behavior habits. I kept them, bc they were sibs and if I termed, it would have cost me a lot of money. That was 1.5 years ago, and I am still working with DD to correct those habits. It has been a lot of work. My new rule is to term if it affects my children.

If you cant term, get a big superyard and put the child in it with some safe toys, away from your ds. If he hits himself, don't react. He may be doing it for the reaction. If I were you, Id keep him separated from everyone else and let him deal with the natural consequences of his behavior. Tell him he will be playing by himself in the superyard because he is not behaving properly.
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Lil'DinoEggs 01:50 PM 01-30-2014
Originally Posted by melilley:
I have a dcb who will be 2.5 in in March. I have had him since he was 18mo. From the beginning this dcb has been aggressive, bit, hit, pulled hair, pushed etc... I have been working with him a lot because I thought maybe he would change and in my mind I could help him. He did stop biting and every once in a while will hit or something, but isn't really aggressive to the kids. But he gets angry over everything. I know 2 year old children throw fits and tantrums, but this child will hit himself, hit and kick my walls, bang his head on the wall or floor scream and cry and throw toys, will look at me and smile when I tell him not to do something and then do it. He even hits his mom at home!
Mom, Dad, and I have talked so that we are on the same page as far as what to do when he does these things. Dcm and dcd both say to put him in t/o when he does these things. So I do, It doesn't really help, but I have him sit to calm down and away from the kids while he's flailing around. Mom tells me yesterday that she was doing research and it's normal for 2 yo to throw fits (yes it is), and that he probably does it because he can't talk yet (he can say a few words, but that's it) and that's how he gets his frustration out, but then adds that she has never seen a child be so evil when they do it! THen tells me that she'll give it 6 more months and then talk to the dr. Six months? I believe she really is trying, but come on.


Sooo today I watched my 1.5 year old ds get mad and hit himself! He's been hitting himself for a few weeks now and I redirect, sometimes ignore it, but today I looked at him doing this and I will admit that I broke down crying, in front of the kids ( I have 2 + ds today). It makes me so sad to see him do this.
Now, I know children are going to have moments and my ds isn't perfect, but it still made me so sad. I believe that the dck has done it so much that my ds has picked up on it. He actually used to bang his head on the floor too. I have cried over that too. Another dcb who is the same age as my ds is starting to hit too and his mom mentioned something to me about it.

I think I need to give up on this 2 yo dck. It makes me kind of sad to say that because I LOVE his mom and have been working really hard with her and the child, but it's taking a toll on me. And I don't want my ds and other dck's do not to follow in this dck's footsteps. What do I say to this mom? She is my favorite, but I just don't think it'll work anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent! Phewww I feel better!
I could have written this. Just document evrything. I was supposed to have a quiet morning yesterday with my child and a toddler. Toddler is hitting and I have it extensively documented for six months. My child (who is younger than the toddler) changed. Anytime the toddler went near him, he yelled no and started swinging his arms. I was on the floor and literally could t move because they would go after each other. I got guidance and got confirmation on my thoughts: my child was scared so he attacks first. I realized I am doing a home business to benefit my family. I called parents and termed. Immediatley they brought up my kid but I put my hand up and said "then I wasn't the right provider for you anyway." It put me in a cloudy mood all day but that night as my child is playing nicely with other kids at a meeting and listening to me I realized it was a good thing.
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Tags:venting, violence in child care, violent child
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