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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Exactly Why People Don’t Report Child Abuse!
meganlavonnesmommy 06:50 AM 11-17-2011
I called CPS on a neighbor last week. Over the last year I or neighbors have witnessed several things that just wernt right.
The dad is mean, screams all the time, the girl gets grounded for excessive amounts of time and crazy reasons. She got grounded for a month because she forgot to say happy birthday to her sister.
She has shown up at school several times with hardly any lunch, saying there was no food in the house, or no drinks so all she had was a sandwich, but nothing else.
She said she has to buy her lunch with her allowance, and if she runs out, then she has no food for lunch.
A few weeks ago she had a black eye, after an absence from school cause she was "sick" and the night before we heard her dad screaming at her from outside her house. She said the black eye was from falling when she ran up the stairs.

Anyway, I called CPS to report it all, and they called me today to let me know the caseworker made a mistake. When they met with the family, they "accidentely" told the family that it was a neighbor that reported them. I honestly could care less if they know it was me, but I am afraid they wont let their daughter come over to play, or for sleepovers, and then we wont see the things that are happening, making the abuse/neglect worse.

This is exactly why people are hesitant to report abuse! If they would keep things confidential, then people wouldnt be afraid to call. But its situations like this that make them not call! All it does it hurt the children that are being abused/neglected.
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dEHmom 07:06 AM 11-17-2011
wow, that's sad, and sucks!

If I were you if they questioned just be like "no clue it wasn't me" haha.

We had a huge scare, since thursday last week we've been waiting to find out what's going on. They pulled my dd 7 into the office and were asking her questions. My dd couldn't remember and was scared she was in trouble when she told me they did this. Of course I couldn't get ahold of anyone at the school until yesterday. The social worker called me! My dd told them we hit her with pots and pans! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not true. so we had to explain to her how her story can really hurt people. OYE!

I hope they do something about your neighbors. That's not fair, and it's emotional and verbal abuse, and appears to be physical as well as neglect.
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greenhouse 07:08 AM 11-17-2011
I have friends that are foster parents and DCF accidentally sent their address to the birth parents. Puting them and the kids at risk. You did the right thing though, dad seems like a real winner.
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sharlan 07:09 AM 11-17-2011
Originally Posted by dEHmom:
wow, that's sad, and sucks!

If I were you if they questioned just be like "no clue it wasn't me" haha.

We had a huge scare, since thursday last week we've been waiting to find out what's going on. They pulled my dd 7 into the office and were asking her questions. My dd couldn't remember and was scared she was in trouble when she told me they did this. Of course I couldn't get ahold of anyone at the school until yesterday. The social worker called me! My dd told them we hit her with pots and pans! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not true. so we had to explain to her how her story can really hurt people. OYE!

I hope they do something about your neighbors. That's not fair, and it's emotional and verbal abuse, and appears to be physical as well as neglect.
How scarey for your family. How old is your dd?
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sharlan 07:11 AM 11-17-2011
I am really anti lying, but in this case, I would skate around the issue.

Keep being a safe harbor for this child.
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SilverSabre25 07:14 AM 11-17-2011
Man you would think that those mistakes would lead to a big fallout...but then, I suppose that they are only human...just think if a daycare provider made a mistake of that caliber! We'd be in all sorts of trouble!! Look at the lady yesterday in the short enrollment thread--threatening to sue for rather a lot less than a CPS caseworker sharing info on a reporter or foster parents.
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kayla 07:26 AM 11-17-2011
Originally Posted by meganlavonnesmommy:
I called CPS on a neighbor last week. Over the last year I or neighbors have witnessed several things that just wernt right.
The dad is mean, screams all the time, the girl gets grounded for excessive amounts of time and crazy reasons. She got grounded for a month because she forgot to say happy birthday to her sister.
She has shown up at school several times with hardly any lunch, saying there was no food in the house, or no drinks so all she had was a sandwich, but nothing else.
She said she has to buy her lunch with her allowance, and if she runs out, then she has no food for lunch.
A few weeks ago she had a black eye, after an absence from school cause she was "sick" and the night before we heard her dad screaming at her from outside her house. She said the black eye was from falling when she ran up the stairs.

Anyway, I called CPS to report it all, and they called me today to let me know the caseworker made a mistake. When they met with the family, they "accidentely" told the family that it was a neighbor that reported them. I honestly could care less if they know it was me, but I am afraid they wont let their daughter come over to play, or for sleepovers, and then we wont see the things that are happening, making the abuse/neglect worse.

This is exactly why people are hesitant to report abuse! If they would keep things confidential, then people wouldnt be afraid to call. But its situations like this that make them not call! All it does it hurt the children that are being abused/neglected.
oh tell me about it i had the same situation... I had a boy that came to my daycare with a black eye, I asked him what happened he said his dad did it because he was nauughty. Well i called cps, someone showed up that day to question the child, where she then told me everything was confidential. I was super nervous and didnt want the parents to know i called. Well the very next day the mom said yeah we had a letter from a social worker saying you told them you had reason to be concerned for our son... I just think its wrong these people want it reported but are not protecting the people reporting. Also i feel like were being thrown under the bus for being concerned!!
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dEHmom 07:31 AM 11-17-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
How scarey for your family. How old is your dd?
she is 7 yrs old. she's an attention seeker sometimes, but a very good child. There is no abuse or neglect in this family. We don't want her to be scared to talk to people but I wanted to make it clear that if she makes up lies and tells people this, the reality of what can happen.
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meganlavonnesmommy 07:35 AM 11-17-2011
I just wish they could keep the system of reporting safer.
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Kaddidle Care 12:34 PM 11-17-2011
Originally Posted by dEHmom:
wow, that's sad, and sucks!

If I were you if they questioned just be like "no clue it wasn't me" haha.

We had a huge scare, since thursday last week we've been waiting to find out what's going on. They pulled my dd 7 into the office and were asking her questions. My dd couldn't remember and was scared she was in trouble when she told me they did this. Of course I couldn't get ahold of anyone at the school until yesterday. The social worker called me! My dd told them we hit her with pots and pans! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not true. so we had to explain to her how her story can really hurt people. OYE!

I hope they do something about your neighbors. That's not fair, and it's emotional and verbal abuse, and appears to be physical as well as neglect.
Oh gosh - when my son was 9 he was telling crazy stories at school about Rats in our back yard and the school Counselor drove him home! Big NoNo! I didn't do anything about it though because it was plain she was concerned and I had nothing to hide. And yes, my son knew about stranger danger, etc. but as you can see, that went out the window because he knew the school counselor.

My son had overheard my husband's concern about the neighbor leaving an open can of feed in her garage and said it would attract rats and mice. My son and his over active imagination fabricated a lovely story to tell from it. I can laugh now - at the time it wasn't funny.

The Schools go so overboard with these things that it's sooo important to explain to your kids to tell the truth and not make up stories.

To the OP - the young girl does sound like she's abused and the lame excuse for the black eye was sort of the icing on the cake. The child would be more apt to tell your daughter the truth in the matter. IMHO
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Sprouts 04:28 PM 11-17-2011
Originally Posted by kayla:
oh tell me about it i had the same situation... I had a boy that came to my daycare with a black eye, I asked him what happened he said his dad did it because he was nauughty. Well i called cps, someone showed up that day to question the child, where she then told me everything was confidential. I was super nervous and didnt want the parents to know i called. Well the very next day the mom said yeah we had a letter from a social worker saying you told them you had reason to be concerned for our son... I just think its wrong these people want it reported but are not protecting the people reporting. Also i feel like were being thrown under the bus for being concerned!!
Maybe she said that to see if it was you!
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sahm2three 06:49 PM 11-17-2011
Originally Posted by kayla:
oh tell me about it i had the same situation... I had a boy that came to my daycare with a black eye, I asked him what happened he said his dad did it because he was nauughty. Well i called cps, someone showed up that day to question the child, where she then told me everything was confidential. I was super nervous and didnt want the parents to know i called. Well the very next day the mom said yeah we had a letter from a social worker saying you told them you had reason to be concerned for our son... I just think its wrong these people want it reported but are not protecting the people reporting. Also i feel like were being thrown under the bus for being concerned!!
I think because we are mandated reporters, we are not allowed to be annonymous.
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Kaddidle Care 07:13 PM 11-17-2011
Originally Posted by Sprouts:
Maybe she said that to see if it was you!
That's what I was thinking too.
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kayla 08:26 AM 11-18-2011
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
I think because we are mandated reporters, we are not allowed to be annonymous.
It doesnt matter if we are mandated or not, everytime a report is made it is supposed to be confidential...!!!
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Blackcat31 08:35 AM 11-18-2011
When a kid only goes to daycare and home, it isn't really hard for parents to figure out who it was that said anything.

And yes, if we are mandated reporters, we HAVE to report and I doubt that it is even possible in some cases to keep our report confidential.

It is part of our licensing regs to HAVE to tell a parent that we are mandated reporters and tell them what things we will and won't report. Where I live, I have to give parents a copy of that statement as well as information on who I will call and who they can call if they suspect me of anything.

Honestly, as a child care provider, if I had to report a parent (Which I have several times) I couldn't care less if they know it was me. I am doing my job and what is best for the child so who gives a hoot if the parent knows it was me...kwim?

OP, I can see why it would be upsetting for your neighbor to know it was you, but we have to do what is best for children and even if that means being outed as the reporter.....it was still in the child's best interest.

I think that being mandated reporter, means I am willing to sacrifice my confidentiality for the best interest of ANY child in danger.
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kayla 08:38 AM 11-18-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
When a kid only goes to daycare and home, it isn't really hard for parents to figure out who it was that said anything.

And yes, if we are mandated reporters, we HAVE to report and I doubt that it is even possible in some cases to keep our report confidential.

It is part of our licensing regs to HAVE to tell a parent that we are mandated reporters and tell them what things we will and won't report. Where I live, I have to give parents a copy of that statement as well as information on who I will call and who they can call if they suspect me of anything.

Honestly, as a child care provider, if I had to report a parent (Which I have several times) I couldn't care less if they know it was me. I am doing my job and what is best for the child so who gives a hoot if the parent knows it was me...kwim?

OP, I can see why it would be upsetting for your neighbor to know it was you, but we have to do what is best for children and even if that means being outed as the reporter.....it was still in the child's best interest.

I think that being mandated reporter, means I am willing to sacrifice my confidentiality for the best interest of ANY child in danger.
my problem with it is when a social worker tells you to your face that it will remain confidential thats what i expect. And i do have it in my contract i also explain the situation as well as what i report...
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Blackcat31 08:46 AM 11-18-2011
Originally Posted by kayla:
my problem with it is when a social worker tells you to your face that it will remain confidential thats what i expect. And i do have it in my contract i also explain the situation as well as what i report...
But you, yourself, said it was the parents who said they had a letter from the social worker saying it was you.

Did you actually see the letter? If you did, I would have gotten a copy of it and taken it to the Dept of Human Services and found out why you were lied to by the social worker.

If you didn't see the letter, then I believe the parent lured you into admitting it was you.

Also like I said, if the child is really young and only goes to day care and home, it isn't tough to figure out who was concerned about the child.
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melissa ann 09:05 AM 11-18-2011
I reported a dcg almost 3 yrs ago. She would regulary come with bruises on herself. Now, she was a clumsy girl and would get bumps and stuff at my house too. But, when the bruised started appearing on her back and she had a black eye, I called Dept of Public Welfare. About 1/2 hour later, dad calls (single parent) and said someone reported the bruises on his daughter. I never said my name to the dept. I just said I was a neighbor. He had to get her and take her to Dept of public welfare to be questioned. Girl told me her dad hit her. Well, within 2 weeks, he gave his 2 week notice. I just found out that he enrolled his daughter at school where kids whose families are low income can go. ( he saw my mom and remembered her through me and my mom asked how his daughter was) The kids live with house parents with several other children. He told his daughter to call him anytime. But she's been there now, for 3 months and she hasn't called! She must be in K-4 because she will be 5 in 2 months.
Anyway, about 6 months later, I get a call for childcare. This woman came to the house. She was foster mom of above girl.(dad only got girl back right before she started coming to me) Dad didn't want any part of girl until she started the adoption process. Dad won, she lost. The foster mom didn't choose me because she didn't want me taking her daughter outside. At the time, my dd was in preschool so we walked there. But she said that dad told her that I was the one who called. I lied and said no. That I knew the girl was clumsy and I never suspected him of anything. I said that because this dad does have an anger issue and I admit, a little scared of him retailiating. The girl is in a better place and I'm sure she knows it too.
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kayla 09:18 AM 11-18-2011
melissa- thats the same reason i told the parent i didnt say anything becauase this father i dealt with is a very angry mean person
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Unregistered 06:49 PM 05-29-2018
Let me tell you Iíve been through hell. Portrayed as a criminal all because my daughter didnít get what she wanted. This is the problem America. Take care of your kids!!! Stop giving them whatever they ask for make them earn it and learn responsibility . There is so many issues from technology itís in real . What do you rather teach ur kid they can have whatever they want for nothing or earn it. Yes let kids be kids but geez do yíall know what kids are doing these days. Iím an excellent parent and now a victim of bull crap. Itís now effecting my other children that donít deserve this. I donít beleive Iím abusing of a child but grounding punishments a Spanking for harsh offense some times works better then giving a kid an iPhone and sent to room.
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Tags:child abuse, cps, mandated reporter
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