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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCM, DCD, And Brother Get To Be Home Today, Not DCB Though
melilley 05:34 AM 11-27-2013
I have a dcb who is here today and his mom, dad, and brother are all at home. Dcd even said "Oh, N fell asleep on the way here"! They could have at least let him sleep. Dad had this whole week off and I think mom did too. I generally don't care what parents do, they do pay me, but it does make me sad when it's this little guy. It's EVERY day that they have off and he's always the first one here and the last to leave. This is the same set of parents who wanted him to come when he had to have a tube down his nose for 24 hours for a test. They didn't bring him once they saw that the tube had to be taped to his face and had to have arm restraints so he didn't pull it out-and of course the day of the test he had his best day ever (this is my munhausen mom). They did

I know that it probably is none of my business what parents do. My dh even said that it's business, they pay you, who cares. (he did comment yesterday on how he doesn't get it, he could never do that with our kids). I do get that point, but I can't help but feel bad for this child and have thoughts about his parents.

Sorry, rant is over.
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DaycareMom 05:51 AM 11-27-2013
That is so sad.
How old is he?
Why would they keep the brother home, but not him?
I might understand if they wanted alone time and both kids were there, but to favor one child...so sad
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melilley 06:06 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by DaycareMom:
That is so sad.
How old is he?
Why would they keep the brother home, but not him?
I might understand if they wanted alone time and both kids were there, but to favor one child...so sad
He is only 16 months old so I know he doesn't know any difference, but they do this all the time. Mom has "T and her day", but there is no "N and her day" I can see doing this sometimes, but every time? And for him to be here all day. Yesterday he was here until 5:50, mom and dad were at home.
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LaLa1923 06:08 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by melilley:
He is only 16 months old so I know he doesn't know any difference, but they do this all the time. Mom has "T and her day", but there is no "N and her day" I can see doing this sometimes, but every time? And for him to be here all day. Yesterday he was here until 5:50, mom and dad were at home.
Sorry, but I'd be putting a stop to that. It's not right, if parents are off I'm off too!!
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VTMom 06:10 AM 11-27-2013
I know how you feel. I don't get as aggravated as I used to (remind myself it's business, I'm paid, etc), but it really is sad. I have the same scenario, Mom, Dad, baby brother, AND Grandma who flew in a couple days ago to visit for the holiday. DCB still here every day. I don't get it, I wouldn't do it personally, but at lot of people do.
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melilley 06:12 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by LaLa1923:
Sorry, but I'd be putting a stop to that. It's not right, if parents are off I'm off too!!
I am torn about this. The parents do pay me so I feel funny telling them that their children can't be here if they are not at work. I do have to say though that this is the only family that does this, I guess it's just the principal of it.?
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permanentvacation 06:22 AM 11-27-2013
I have had a handful of kids like that. It's so sad when parents are like that with their children. I've had parents that come in and announce, "Thank God it's Monday, HERE!" and shove the child into my daycare home then leave abruptly. Some parents have expressed complaints such as how horrible the child is, how much work the child is for them, how they can't go anywhere because of HIM ( and look at the child like he is the most annoying, horrible thing on the planet), of course there are the parents that are sitting outside waiting for me to open and are here at pick up at the very last minute - and of course they had been off work all day. It's just so sad - could you imaging being a child knowing/having the feeling of being unloved and unwanted by your own mommy and daddy! WOW! Those poor kids!!

My ex-husband was not good at being a daddy. So, I was mommy and daddy to my personal children. He was simply an ATM for my girls and myself. I learned that it was better for our children that I not fuss with him about his lack of interest in them and not to try to beg/demand/harass/ trick/ etc. him into being involved with the girls. It truly was better for the girls that I allowed him to do what he was happy doing (anything but interact with his children) and just take on the role of mommy and daddy myself. By doing that, the girls got more of the feeling that daddy was busy working, rather than the feeling of daddy doesn't love/want them.

So, with my daycare kids whose parents obviously are not interested in being mommy or daddy, I know that by me accepting the role of the involved/interested/caring adult in the child's life, no, it's not the same as having their mommy or daddy, but the child learns that at least they have me. And they more-so had the feeling that their parents had to go to work or had chores/errands (if the child was old enough to know that mom/dad wasn't going to work that day), than feeling like their parents simply didn't want them around.

So, I would suggest that you give the child the love/care/interest/involvement in their life that they need and are not getting from their parents. No, to do that much is not really in our job description, but then again, maybe it is. I do feel that as a caregiver, we are to take care of the child as a whole, and sometimes, added to us teaching the children manners, respect, how to share, potty training, scholastics, - sometimes it also includes filling the emotional gaps, the sense of being wanted/loved, for them as well.
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VTMom 06:25 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
I have had a handful of kids like that. It's so sad when parents are like that with their children. I've had parents that come in and announce, "Thank God it's Monday, HERE!" and shove the child into my daycare home then leave abruptly. Some parents have expressed complaints such as how horrible the child is, how much work the child is for them, how they can't go anywhere because of HIM ( and look at the child like he is the most annoying, horrible thing on the planet), of course there are the parents that are sitting outside waiting for me to open and are here at pick up at the very last minute - and of course they had been off work all day. It's just so sad - could you imaging being a child knowing/having the feeling of being unloved and unwanted by your own mommy and daddy! WOW! Those poor kids!!

My ex-husband was not good at being a daddy. So, I was mommy and daddy to my personal children. He was simply an ATM for my girls and myself. I learned that it was better for our children that I not fuss with him about his lack of interest in them and not to try to beg/demand/harass/ trick/ etc. him into being involved with the girls. It truly was better for the girls that I allowed him to do what he was happy doing (anything but interact with his children) and just take on the role of mommy and daddy myself. By doing that, the girls got more of the feeling that daddy was busy working, rather than the feeling of daddy doesn't love/want them.

So, with my daycare kids whose parents obviously are not interested in being mommy or daddy, I know that by me accepting the role of the involved/interested/caring adult in the child's life, no, it's not the same as having their mommy or daddy, but the child learns that at least they have me. And they more-so had the feeling that their parents had to go to work or had chores/errands (if the child was old enough to know that mom/dad wasn't going to work that day), than feeling like their parents simply didn't want them around.

So, I would suggest that you give the child the love/care/interest/involvement in their life that they need and are not getting from their parents. No, to do that much is not really in our job description, but then again, maybe it is. I do feel that as a caregiver, we are to take care of the child as a whole, and sometimes, added to us teaching the children manners, respect, how to share, potty training, scholastics, - sometimes it also includes filling the emotional gaps, the sense of being wanted/loved, for them as well.

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Blackcat31 06:29 AM 11-27-2013
I have a parent that does this as well. In my parent's case, it is because the younger child is more work than the older one so allowing the older one to be home when the parents are off is easier for them.

I know that as providers we have a hard time understanding this but you (general you) have to remember that normal everyday life for these parents 5 out of 7 days a week is to have their child in care.


They drop their child off at daycare when they aren't working because it's their day off....off from working and because it's difficult or out of routine to care for their child (since you do it on a regular basis) like anyone, they don't want to "work" on their day off.

We also have to remember that the "well behaved" children we have in care aren't the same children the parents have. I know that is more than likely their own doing but it is what it is.

You either provide a service and accept children in to care when their parents need it or you don't.

It's one thing to apply certain rules and principals to your own life but it's not always ok to apply that same line of thinking for these parents. What we value as parents isn't always the same as what they value as parents.

We really don't know what their family situation is, we don't know how much or how little time they spend with their kids on weekends etc.

You can't provide a service and then dictate how the parent uses the services they have purchased.

If you inherently believe that using childcare (for whatever reasons a parent uses it) is wrong, then you should probably not be in this business.

Parents do funny things for weird reasons but in the end, like everyone else, they pay the price for their choices.
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permanentvacation 06:33 AM 11-27-2013
I am completely against abortion. I raised my daughter to be completely against abortion, but now that she is an adult and has seen the way some parents are and how it affects the children, and has realized as an adult how her father felt about her and how I took on the role of both parents to protect her from knowing how he truly felt, as an adult, she has changed her mind about abortion.

I still am absolutely against abortion, but I do understand her underlying meaning.

She told me in a discussion a while ago that she feels now that it would be better to have an abortion than to raise a child in a household where the child could tell he was unloved and unwanted.

Not that I am suggesting abortion or agree with the concept, but I am positive that some people should never become parents. I think that some parents accidently get pregnant and do the right thing by giving birth to the child and not have an abortion, but they knew in the first place that they had no desire to have children. So they resent/hate/are irritated by the child's mere existence. Which, like my daughter said, it no way for a child to live. I feel horrible for the children who have to live feeling unloved.
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Blackcat31 06:40 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
I am completely against abortion. I raised my daughter to be completely against abortion, but now that she is an adult and has seen the way some parents are and how it affects the children, and has realized as an adult how her father felt about her and how I took on the role of both parents to protect her from knowing how he truly felt, as an adult, she has changed her mind about abortion.

I still am absolutely against abortion, but I do understand her underlying meaning.

She told me in a discussion a while ago that she feels now that it would be better to have an abortion than to raise a child in a household where the child could tell he was unloved and unwanted.

Not that I am suggesting abortion or agree with the concept, but I am positive that some people should never become parents. I think that some parents accidently get pregnant and do the right thing by giving birth to the child and not have an abortion, but they knew in the first place that they had no desire to have children. So they resent/hate/are irritated by the child's mere existence. Which, like my daughter said, it no way for a child to live. I feel horrible for the children who have to live feeling unloved.
But how do you KNOW these kids feel unloved? How do you KNOW what they are feeling about a situation they are not even old enough to comprehend?

I've cared children in some awful situations before (REALLY bad situations) and even abused children will still love their parent. They don't know any different. They don't know that being in daycare 5 days a week from open to close isn't how ALL children are raised.

When we judge parents for doing what they do, we are applying OUR own personal logic, feelings, emotions, values and morals onto another person and that is not right because we do NOT know the journey they are on or the life they really live.

We only see part of it. We only know what we see.
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Unregistered 06:41 AM 11-27-2013
I would occasionally leave my kids in DC when I had a day off for part of the day so I could run errands without dragging all 3 with. When my mom visited she would keep 1 child per day home and rotate because it was hard for her to wrangle all 3. I also admit that my fiance and I would once in a while play hooky from work and go to a movie or eat out instead of spending it with the kids but my reasoning was that most people hired an evening sitter to do those things and we did not. And I will say it was maybe once every 3-6 months we would do it, not weekly or anything.

I definitely do not agree with constantly favoring 1 child but maybe the older child really needs that one on one time and maybe they feel like you do, that the younger one doesn't understand yet what is going on.
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craftymissbeth 06:54 AM 11-27-2013
I took college classes when my son was around 2/3 and he was in a center. I honestly thought it was like "school" and he had to attend every day that he was scheduled. So I took him even when I didn't have classes or anything else going on.

I totally understand your frustration now that I'm in this business, though. I have one dcg whose parents keep her home every chance they get because they want to spend as much time as possible with her. On the other hand, I have one dcg whose moms days off are during the week and for the 6 months I've had her has never once kept her home to spend time with her. That means for at least 6 months straight dcm has literally never had to care for her child for an entire day. I also have another family whose dcd is working in another state and only sees the kids on weekends. He's home for thanksgiving all this week and the kids have been here every day. It's weird to me that he doesn't want a couple extra days of kid time, but it's none of my business.

All I can do is give the kids extra hugs and cuddle time. The first family I mentioned that keeps their dcg home told me this morning that dcg obviously loves me very much and that has helped her tremendously with the guilt at leaving her with me.

Whether parents realize it or not, we are a huge part of these kids lives. We can certainly use that to form bonds with them that sometimes their own parents have no desire to form. It's awesome that your dck has you for stability and consistency.
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Scout 07:36 AM 11-27-2013
Poor guy...I hope they change their ways when he is old enough to realize. Whenever I clean my house on the weekends I say "gee, it'd be nice if someone watched my kids for 4 hours so I could clean in peace" but, guess what, I clean with them home with me!! IMO, as a parent, it is your job to just make it work and do what you have to with your kids. I don't send my kids anywhere just so I can have a day off alone. My days off are for my kids, even if I am busy running errands or cleaning the house. They are with me.
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melilley 07:43 AM 11-27-2013
I was just about to eat my words. Dad came, only to tell me that dcb has a Dr. appt. and will be back.
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melilley 07:45 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I would occasionally leave my kids in DC when I had a day off for part of the day so I could run errands without dragging all 3 with. When my mom visited she would keep 1 child per day home and rotate because it was hard for her to wrangle all 3. I also admit that my fiance and I would once in a while play hooky from work and go to a movie or eat out instead of spending it with the kids but my reasoning was that most people hired an evening sitter to do those things and we did not. And I will say it was maybe once every 3-6 months we would do it, not weekly or anything.

I definitely do not agree with constantly favoring 1 child but maybe the older child really needs that one on one time and maybe they feel like you do, that the younger one doesn't understand yet what is going on.
Oh I totally get that parents sometimes need to do things w/o their kids and I do get it, but it's every time. Oh well, I guess I get to spend time with him!
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Blackcat31 07:51 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by Scout:
Poor guy...I hope they change their ways when he is old enough to realize. Whenever I clean my house on the weekends I say "gee, it'd be nice if someone watched my kids for 4 hours so I could clean in peace" but, guess what, I clean with them home with me!! IMO, as a parent, it is your job to just make it work and do what you have to with your kids. I don't send my kids anywhere just so I can have a day off alone. My days off are for my kids, even if I am busy running errands or cleaning the house. They are with me.
These parents are doing exactly that. Just because their choice isn't the same as yours doesn't make it wrong. I don't understand this line of thinking.

Also, parents being overly attached to their child is part of what's wrong with today's kids.....parents are so involved and sometimes micromanaging to the point that we now have new terms for it (helicopter parent). I am NOT saying this about you Scout...just generalizing.

We see so many parents say that their kids are the center of their world, everything they do all day, all week, all month is for their kids. What happens when these kids grow up and move out? WHO are these parents then?

So many parents seem to feel that they can only be MOM and not an individual person who deserves time off from work too. Just because they aren't working doesn't mean parents can't take time away from their children.

When my kids were young, I did spend a lot of time with them but I also spent a lot of my days off FOR ME. If I don't make sure I am healthy (mentally, physically and emotionally) I certainly wouldn't have been able to be a good mom.

Being a mom is only part of who I am.
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Unregistered 08:03 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
These parents are doing exactly that. Just because their choice isn't the same as yours doesn't make it wrong. I don't understand this line of thinking.

Also, parents being overly attached to their child is part of what's wrong with today's kids.....parents are so involved and sometimes micromanaging to the point that we now have new terms for it (helicopter parent). I am NOT saying this about you Scout...just generalizing.

We see so many parents say that their kids are the center of their world, everything they do all day, all week, all month is for their kids. What happens when these kids grow up and move out? WHO are these parents then?

So many parents seem to feel that they can only be MOM and not an individual person who deserves time off from work too. Just because they aren't working doesn't mean parents can't take time away from their children.

When my kids were young, I did spend a lot of time with them but I also spent a lot of my days off FOR ME. If I don't make sure I am healthy (mentally, physically and emotionally) I certainly wouldn't have been able to be a good mom.

Being a mom is only part of who I am.
Completely agree!
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permanentvacation 08:06 AM 11-27-2013
I don't KNOW about how ALL children feel. I do know that some and as they get older many do realize how their parents feel and in general, especially as you get older, you do begin to understand what is really going on. I am not saying that EVERY parent who leaves their child at daycare when they don't really need to is like this, but for the kids that DO have parents that are unloving and it is obvious to the general population as well as to the child, those kids are who I am referring to. I definitely know that these family units do exist. My ex-husband was one parent whose children did realize as they grew up that their father didn't really want them around. Even though I did my best to fill the space of daddy 'having to work' so much, while they were young, they cried and kept begging him to spend time with them, they cried and asked why he wouldn't spend time with them, as they got older, they would say things that showed that they figured out that he simply didn't want to spend time with them. My ex-husband and children, my sister's ex-husband, two of the 4 of my sister's children's family members, and one friend that I have known for 17 years of her daughter's life, and the handful of daycare children that I have taken care of have shown me that the children DO often, not every child, but Many of children who are in a family where at least one of the parents truly did not want to have a child DO often feel the effect of their parent feeling like that.

Yes, some parents are single mothers and have to work 2 jobs and keep their child in daycare all day and evening just to pay their bills. Some parents are married, but have to work overtime, or one or both parents work and go to college. AND truly love their children and are good parents. These are NOT the families that I am talking about.

But for the parents that truly should not have had children, the ones that make it obvious to their child, and everyone else for that matter, THOSE families are the ones that I am talking about. Those are the children that I feel horrible for.
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Crazy8 08:08 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Also, parents being overly attached to their child is part of what's wrong with today's kids.....parents are so involved and sometimes micromanaging to the point that we now have new terms for it (helicopter parent). I am NOT saying this about you Scout...just generalizing.

We see so many parents say that their kids are the center of their world, everything they do all day, all week, all month is for their kids. What happens when these kids grow up and move out? WHO are these parents then?
Half the kids of those parents saying that are spending 50 hours a week in daycare. Don't believe everything a parent says, LOL. I have seen the "inside" of many households where you would think Mom is "Mom of the Year" only to find its a complete farce.

I get what OP is saying, and I agree its sad. I don't have any rules about bringing kids when they are off and I just deal with it, it bothered me more in the early years - but it doesn't make it any less sad for the kids who are ALWAYS at daycare when everyone else is home. The parents who think the kids don't notice or "have more fun at daycare" are just trying to convince themselves.
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Blackcat31 08:21 AM 11-27-2013
Let's throw something else in the ring....

My DH grew up with his mother running a child care. She chose to do this because she wanted to be with her children, she wanted to be their primary caregiver at all times. She didn't want someone else raising her children.

Because of that experience, my DH is one of those adults that felt "unloved". Today as an adult he still suffers from some of the things that he experienced as a child of a child care provider.

So just because you are a child care provider and chose to NOT put your own kids in care and not allow someone else to raise them, how do you KNOW you are doing what's best for your kids? How do you KNOW that having multiple kids in your home while you care for your own doesn't have some sort of negative effect on your child?

You don't know. No one knows if their choices are right or wrong in the long run. They can only do what's right for them at this time.

It's hard enough to be a parent today and when other people continue to make working mom's feel guilty for not devoting every breath they take to their child, it's even harder.
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ihop 08:54 AM 11-27-2013
I have dcb today even though dad, mom, and brother are at home. Brother is older and gives up a lot of his time with mom to help out with dcb so she is having a mom/son day with him. Dad is prepping for thanksgiving which is tough for him with dcb. (he's a handful). They were upfront about why he was coming, and I'm getting paid regardless. So I don't mind. I do however see the issue if its a regular thing or she favored onechild over the other.
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Lucy 09:51 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by melilley:
He is only 16 months old so I know he doesn't know any difference, but they do this all the time. Mom has "T and her day", but there is no "N and her day" I can see doing this sometimes, but every time? And for him to be here all day. Yesterday he was here until 5:50, mom and dad were at home.
I have the same family. Mom and Dad will both be home, but kids come here bright and early at their normal start time, and are my last ones here until their normal pickup time.

Jeez, parents... at least let them sleep in and then pick them up an hour or two early. But nope... these parents bring them every single day no matter what. My phone contact with them is by cell phone, so I would never even know if they are on vacation. You gotta know that they each have at least a couple weeks vacation every year, but I've never ever known when that was, because the kids are ALWAYS here.

It's sad. And my husband says the same thing... they pay you either way, so it doesn't matter. And I get that and agree, but it's just sad for the kids. I have another family who will keep their daughter home EVERY time they are home. Mom could stay home sick, and she'll keep her daughter home with her. Dad could come home an hour early one day, and he'll pick up daughter first. THAT'S good parenting.
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melilley 10:12 AM 11-27-2013
I really do see the different sides. And like I said, they do pay me so I shouldn't care and normally I don't, it's just this one family that gets to me. I know I shouldn't care, but I do just because this family does this ALL the time and this is the dcm who was a nanny this summer for her friends 3 children while her two children came here. I don't know if she took that job and brought them here because she didn't want to lose her spot or she didn't want to have her kids for the summer (at the time, the dcb who I am talking about, cried a lot and was very needy).
They also have commented on having to take time off of work when dcb was sick two weeks ago, saying they know it's not my fault, but they did have to take time off.

I know that moms and dads do need time for themselves, I am not denying that, I just don't get how you can send your child every day that you have off and keep one child most of those days. I hope it's not that way when dcb that is older and can realize what is going on.

To each their own, I guess.
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Annalee 10:18 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by melilley:
I have a dcb who is here today and his mom, dad, and brother are all at home. Dcd even said "Oh, N fell asleep on the way here"! They could have at least let him sleep. Dad had this whole week off and I think mom did too. I generally don't care what parents do, they do pay me, but it does make me sad when it's this little guy. It's EVERY day that they have off and he's always the first one here and the last to leave. This is the same set of parents who wanted him to come when he had to have a tube down his nose for 24 hours for a test. They didn't bring him once they saw that the tube had to be taped to his face and had to have arm restraints so he didn't pull it out-and of course the day of the test he had his best day ever (this is my munhausen mom). They did

I know that it probably is none of my business what parents do. My dh even said that it's business, they pay you, who cares. (he did comment yesterday on how he doesn't get it, he could never do that with our kids). I do get that point, but I can't help but feel bad for this child and have thoughts about his parents.

Sorry, rant is over.
This is a sad situation... I was hoping when I started closing more on holidays, vacation time, etc., it would force parents to at least spend time with their kids on holidays....sadly, though, parents just take them to grandma or whoever else will keep them.
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Lucy 10:21 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by melilley:
I really do see the different sides. And like I said, they do pay me so I shouldn't care and normally I don't, it's just this one family that gets to me. I know I shouldn't care, but I do just because this family does this ALL the time

I know that moms and dads do need time for themselves, I am not denying that, I just don't get how you can send your child every day that you have off
To each their own, I guess.
We see it the same way. I agree that they need time for themselves, and I would totally support that if it were occasionally. But the family I have, and it sounds like the family you have, do it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. (Mine's different from yours, in that they keep BOTH kids home, but still....)

It's not like I don't want them to have quality, kid-free time at home, it's just that they almost seem like they can't be bothered. Their kids are here 50 hours a week. Every day I'm open. This mom even said, "so you're closed Friday too, right?" (for Thanksgiving). I know what she meant.... if I was open, the kids would be here from 7-5 and she'd go catch some Black Friday sales, then go home and take a nap.

Again, if it was an occasional thing, I wouldn't begrudge them. But really... don't they WANT to spend at least a little vacation time WITH their kids???
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EntropyControlSpecialist 10:33 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
These parents are doing exactly that. Just because their choice isn't the same as yours doesn't make it wrong. I don't understand this line of thinking.

Also, parents being overly attached to their child is part of what's wrong with today's kids.....parents are so involved and sometimes micromanaging to the point that we now have new terms for it (helicopter parent). I am NOT saying this about you Scout...just generalizing.

We see so many parents say that their kids are the center of their world, everything they do all day, all week, all month is for their kids. What happens when these kids grow up and move out? WHO are these parents then?

So many parents seem to feel that they can only be MOM and not an individual person who deserves time off from work too. Just because they aren't working doesn't mean parents can't take time away from their children.

When my kids were young, I did spend a lot of time with them but I also spent a lot of my days off FOR ME. If I don't make sure I am healthy (mentally, physically and emotionally) I certainly wouldn't have been able to be a good mom.

Being a mom is only part of who I am.

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EntropyControlSpecialist 10:38 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by Lucy:
We see it the same way. I agree that they need time for themselves, and I would totally support that if it were occasionally. But the family I have, and it sounds like the family you have, do it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. (Mine's different from yours, in that they keep BOTH kids home, but still....)

It's not like I don't want them to have quality, kid-free time at home, it's just that they almost seem like they can't be bothered. Their kids are here 50 hours a week. Every day I'm open. This mom even said, "so you're closed Friday too, right?" (for Thanksgiving). I know what she meant.... if I was open, the kids would be here from 7-5 and she'd go catch some Black Friday sales, then go home and take a nap.

Again, if it was an occasional thing, I wouldn't begrudge them. But really... don't they WANT to spend at least a little vacation time WITH their kids???
No. They don't. I'm not saying that sarcastically or in a cruel tone. It's just a fact. They do not want to spend a little vacation time with their child.

I have a family that brings their child here 51 hours a week whether they are working or not. The parents talk up how wonderful the child is. The best child they have ever known. Truly, the best little one in the entire world. Yet, they never want to be around that child....who is quite the handful. They get 1 free vacation week per year if their child is absent. But, they don't use it. They went on a week long vacation by themselves but that child was still here.
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Lucy 10:48 AM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
No. They don't. I'm not saying that sarcastically or in a cruel tone. It's just a fact. They do not want to spend a little vacation time with their child.

I have a family that brings their child here 51 hours a week whether they are working or not. The parents talk up how wonderful the child is. The best child they have ever known. Truly, the best little one in the entire world. Yet, they never want to be around that child....who is quite the handful. They get 1 free vacation week per year if their child is absent. But, they don't use it. They went on a week long vacation by themselves but that child was still here.
Right. And that's what's so sad.
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sleepinghart 12:28 PM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
But how do you KNOW these kids feel unloved? How do you KNOW what they are feeling about a situation they are not even old enough to comprehend?

I've cared children in some awful situations before (REALLY bad situations) and even abused children will still love their parent. They don't know any different. They don't know that being in daycare 5 days a week from open to close isn't how ALL children are raised.

When we judge parents for doing what they do, we are applying OUR own personal logic, feelings, emotions, values and morals onto another person and that is not right because we do NOT know the journey they are on or the life they really live.

We only see part of it. We only know what we see.

~Good post .
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Annalee 12:54 PM 11-27-2013
I agree each situation is unique to the cultural differences of the parent/family, however actions will speak louder than words in the end...kinda like the old song "the cats in the cradle"....when you coming home, dad, don't know when, but we'll get together then and vice versa when the child gets older but the "get-together" never takes place.... Words without actions say so much!
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spud912 01:40 PM 11-27-2013
I admit I've been a little judgmental at times, but I really don't know the whole story behind the parents' choice to keep their child in my care when they are not working. In reality, the parents may truly have a lot they need to get done, or maybe the time away from their children keeps them sane and allows them to be a better parent. It truly is none of my business as long as they follow my policies and are respectful.

My mom also did child care when I was young and I never felt less-loved .

As far as doing things for myself, it takes a lot to get me to spend money or time on myself. Ever since I was young, I just wanted to be a mom, so spending time with my children is essentially doing something for "myself" because it brings more joy to me than anything else. I do try to step back and let them play alone, though, because I don't want to smother. I think I need to have another baby because mine are becoming too independent . I really can't expect other parents to be the same (including my dh).....I think they also enjoy other things besides their children .
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cheerfuldom 02:47 PM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Let's throw something else in the ring....

My DH grew up with his mother running a child care. She chose to do this because she wanted to be with her children, she wanted to be their primary caregiver at all times. She didn't want someone else raising her children.

Because of that experience, my DH is one of those adults that felt "unloved". Today as an adult he still suffers from some of the things that he experienced as a child of a child care provider.

So just because you are a child care provider and chose to NOT put your own kids in care and not allow someone else to raise them, how do you KNOW you are doing what's best for your kids? How do you KNOW that having multiple kids in your home while you care for your own doesn't have some sort of negative effect on your child?

You don't know. No one knows if their choices are right or wrong in the long run. They can only do what's right for them at this time.

It's hard enough to be a parent today and when other people continue to make working mom's feel guilty for not devoting every breath they take to their child, it's even harder.
I agree. and this is what I worry about. I have stayed home to be here for my kids but I honestly cannot say for sure that that was the best decision. In theory, I do believe that kids need plenty of face time with their parents. Quality and quantity. but when mom is working at home, you still have to question both the quality and the quantity. for some kids, it is harder to have mom spend time with OTHER kids not related to them than it would be for mom to just go back to work. There is no clear answer on these sort of parenting questions. It would be great if there was some clear answers! but I know plenty of kids that were truly done a disservice by being home with mom all the time, homeschooling, having super super involved parents. my husband is one of them. i think a lot of the things he struggles with are directly pointed to the fact that his parents felt they could give him everything he needed and they did not see a point in having a life outside of their kids, or having their kids in other social situations and educational opportunities besides home. It is definitely a balancing act and so I try really hard not to judge anyone elses work, daycare, or school choices.
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CedarCreek 03:05 PM 11-27-2013
I actually have a huge problem with this. I also understand leaving them here every once in a while to get some errands run or some alone time in BUT when it's every time they are off of work then it becomes a problem for me. I do not know if the children here feel any less loved than the ones who spend time off with their parents do but I do know that most of the time, they would rather be with their mom or dad. I honestly don't care if it's out if the routine or hard for the parent because the child is a handful. It's still their child that wants to spend time with them.

All that said, I do try and keep my mouth closed to the parents about this. These are just my personal thoughts and I dont let that interfere with business. They pay for a spot, I don't begrudge them using it.

To their face.
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Cradle2crayons 03:07 PM 11-27-2013
This is one reason why I do contracted care only, according to parents work schedules. The kids are ONLY here when they are at work. If they want them here for time off, they pay a drop in rate.
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Scout 03:11 PM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
These parents are doing exactly that. Just because their choice isn't the same as yours doesn't make it wrong. I don't understand this line of thinking. Also, parents being overly attached to their child is part of what's wrong with today's kids.....parents are so involved and sometimes micromanaging to the point that we now have new terms for it (helicopter parent). I am NOT saying this about you Scout...just generalizing.

We see so many parents say that their kids are the center of their world, everything they do all day, all week, all month is for their kids. What happens when these kids grow up and move out? WHO are these parents then?

So many parents seem to feel that they can only be MOM and not an individual person who deserves time off from work too. Just because they aren't working doesn't mean parents can't take time away from their children.

When my kids were young, I did spend a lot of time with them but I also spent a lot of my days off FOR ME. If I don't make sure I am healthy (mentally, physically and emotionally) I certainly wouldn't have been able to be a good mom.

Being a mom is only part of who I am.

I was on the other side of the fence where I was away from my kids for 50 hours a week. That is probably where this stems from. I do not think it is a bad thing if someone offered to watch my kids so I could get things done, they just don't. I would not drop them off with my dc provider I guess is what I am saying. Going to Nana's or Momuck's I would be REALLY OK with. I am by no means a helicopter mom. Am I involved, of course, but, I also try to have "me" time but, we never have any extra funds. I do see what you are saying about being a Mom is only part of who you are-I just recently went back to working 12 hours a week outside of the home for that very reason. For the past year I barely left the house during the week and it was beginning to wear on me. The plus side to this is I am working with old colleagues and having fun, all while building up our vacation fund! I guess I should've been clearer in my wording. I do not think it is ok for these parents to ALWAYS drop their kids off when they are not working, and a whole day is overkill. If it were once in a while, then fine but, she said it was every time, which irks me, makes me a little sad. I missed my mom like crazy was a kid since she worked a lot so, I know how hard it may be for a child whose mom was NOT working.
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Annalee 04:27 PM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by Cradle2crayons:
This is one reason why I do contracted care only, according to parents work schedules. The kids are ONLY here when they are at work. If they want them here for time off, they pay a drop in rate.

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Snapdragon 05:51 PM 11-27-2013
I've been on both sides -- as a parent who sent my children to daycare and as a daycare director. The only thing I will say -- and I don't think it has been addressed -- is that it is very important for parents to have time together without kids. To me, much of the foundation of a family revolves around the parents having a good relationship and being able to maintain that relationship -- after all, the kids will go out to have their own lives eventually and if the parents have focused solely on the kids and not on nurturing their own relationship, it can cause problems later. As parents using daycare, my husband and I would take time out to have lunch together on our days off because this was the only time we had as a couple.

As a daycare director, I felt very strongly that parents were paying for a service. It wasn't my job to judge them if they chose to leave their child in daycare when they weren't working. It may have been the only time these parents had some alone-time -- or not. Regardless, when people pay for a service, I do not feel they should be judged for using it.

This is just my opinion and I know that others have very valid points.
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jessrlee 06:00 PM 11-27-2013
I agree the parents need time, but it's soooo unfair that big brother gets to be home and little brother doesn't
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mamac 09:39 PM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Let's throw something else in the ring....

My DH grew up with his mother running a child care. She chose to do this because she wanted to be with her children, she wanted to be their primary caregiver at all times. She didn't want someone else raising her children.

Because of that experience, my DH is one of those adults that felt "unloved". Today as an adult he still suffers from some of the things that he experienced as a child of a child care provider.

So just because you are a child care provider and chose to NOT put your own kids in care and not allow someone else to raise them, how do you KNOW you are doing what's best for your kids? How do you KNOW that having multiple kids in your home while you care for your own doesn't have some sort of negative effect on your child?

You don't know. No one knows if their choices are right or wrong in the long run. They can only do what's right for them at this time.

It's hard enough to be a parent today and when other people continue to make working mom's feel guilty for not devoting every breath they take to their child, it's even harder.
This is the main reason why I made the decision to close my daycare. I wanted to be able to stay home and raise my youngest while still maintaining an income. I very quickly realized that he was not going to be happy being raised in a daycare environment. He needed more from me and his environment than I could or would ever be able to provide for him. He wasn't jealous of the dck's; he just needed more. As soon as I find another job he will be going to "school" like his big brother and he is so excited. As much as I wish I could have kept him home with me, I know he will be much better off in a different environment. He and I are both much happier now and I know I made the right decision for everyone.
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sleepinghart 09:50 PM 11-27-2013
Originally Posted by Snapdragon:
I've been on both sides -- as a parent who sent my children to daycare and as a daycare director. The only thing I will say -- and I don't think it has been addressed -- is that it is very important for parents to have time together without kids. To me, much of the foundation of a family revolves around the parents having a good relationship and being able to maintain that relationship -- after all, the kids will go out to have their own lives eventually and if the parents have focused solely on the kids and not on nurturing their own relationship, it can cause problems later. As parents using daycare, my husband and I would take time out to have lunch together on our days off because this was the only time we had as a couple.

As a daycare director, I felt very strongly that parents were paying for a service. It wasn't my job to judge them if they chose to leave their child in daycare when they weren't working. It may have been the only time these parents had some alone-time -- or not. Regardless, when people pay for a service, I do not feel they should be judged for using it.

This is just my opinion and I know that others have very valid points.

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Kaddidle Care 03:45 AM 11-28-2013
Originally Posted by melilley:
He is only 16 months old so I know he doesn't know any difference, but they do this all the time. Mom has "T and her day", but there is no "N and her day" I can see doing this sometimes, but every time? And for him to be here all day. Yesterday he was here until 5:50, mom and dad were at home.
It is sad but I can tell you that I watched my neighbor's daughter from 18mos - 3 1/2. I treated her like my own - she was the daughter that I never had and she was a total gem of a child.

You know what? She's an adult now and has absolutely no recollection of her time spent with me.

So... enjoy your time with the child. The loss is all on the parents. THEY are missing out on precious time that will never come again.
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Scout 07:54 AM 11-28-2013
All of my families in the year I've been open have never dropped their child off when they were not at work. Maybe we do things differently here, I've never heard of anyone around here doing this and I live in a big city. We have family watch our kids around here if we need or want to be without them for a bit.
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Unregistered 09:42 AM 11-28-2013
If a child is in daycare 50+ hours per week, then then parents are NOT spending every waking hour with their kids, attached to their hips.

I get once in a while, taking a break (we all need one) but when it's OBVIOUS that parents are completely neglecting to take any time with their child or taking more time with said child's siblings then themselves, there is a big problem.

The first years of life for a child are huge. When the provider takes MORE time than the child's own parent, it's noticeable. Even in necessary situations, it is noticeable. What makes ME mad about the OP's original situation is that the mom won't take BOTH children and the kids are already in daycare more often than at home.

Maybe the younger one doesn't know right now what's going on, but that older one does and the younger one will figure it out. I hate parents that show any kind of favoritism towards their children. It builds resentment among the siblings. Even if that favoritism isn't intentional, it still hurts the child. (
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JoseyJo 11:12 AM 11-28-2013
Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care:
It is sad but I can tell you that I watched my neighbor's daughter from 18mos - 3 1/2. I treated her like my own - she was the daughter that I never had and she was a total gem of a child.

You know what? She's an adult now and has absolutely no recollection of her time spent with me.

So... enjoy your time with the child. The loss is all on the parents. THEY are missing out on precious time that will never come again.
Agreed- we have a dcb who was with us from 2 to 4.5. This fall he started K and his younger brother started here. He was at home w/ mom for about 1 year and when his bro started he didn't know who we are or remember any time spent with us. BUT I know that we had an impact on his life. We taught him things he might not have otherwise learned and gave him a stable loving place to be when his parents were at work. So maybe parents are right- it is possible that the children won't "remember" but it still affects their lives in ways that will be shown when they get older.
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Starburst 04:42 PM 11-28-2013
Originally Posted by LaLa1923:
Sorry, but I'd be putting a stop to that. It's not right, if parents are off I'm off too!!
I would either have Thanksgiving count as a paid holiday (though I understand many people can't get off or can't afford to take the day off) or charge a "holiday bonus" (and possibly close early). People who do work on thanksgiving/holidays normally get time and a 1/2 (at least in my state). But its things like this that ruin pleasantries and favors for others.
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Play Care 10:28 AM 11-29-2013
I learned early on that if I wanted a day off, I needed to take it as parents will almost never keep their child home if I am open. I was off Wednesday, Thursday and today this year. I knew if I was open Wednesday I'd have a full house even if parent were off. I've always been off on Black Friday for the same reason. This way, I don't have to feel bad or resentful if I have kids and parents are off.
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Tags:parent at home, parents not working
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