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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Termed, Feeling Upset with Myself
Denali 03:19 PM 07-29-2015
I had a Child Care Assistance family start back in June, I needed the money so I gave them a little special. Mainly allowing mom (dad and mom going through a nasty separation) to drop off at 7:15, explained no sooner. I was very clear on this as my hours are 7:30 to 5:30.

Have had problems with them since the start. One problem was that her co-pay was $84, It was due on July 1st. She dropped her three kids (5 year old DCG, 4 year old DCB, and 3 month old DCG#2) off on the 1st and paid me $80 and told me she would pay the rest at pick up. She just finally paid the $4 on the 21st.

Problems: My policies state that all children must have a set of extra clothes regardless of age. Mom has basically refused to bring extra clothes, even for the baby, telling me “I shouldn't have to because they shouldn't be getting dirty”

-telling me that her kids "can't be getting sick"

-Took weeks to pay the $4. Telling me that she’ll pay it tomorrow, that she forgot how much was owed, she doesn’t have it because she had to buy formula…

-DCB has days were he is violent. He will go around hitting, kicking, and pushing the other children. He seems to target his baby sister, my daughter who is 1 year old, and my son who is disabled. It got so bad that he would just rotate on and off time out from drop off at 7:15 to 3:40 which was pick up. Mom would blame dad because the children had talked to him the night before.

On July 21st DCB started up again with trying to harm the other kids. By lunch he was doing nothing but rotating. The moment he was off timeout he would hurt someone else, so back onto timeout he’d go. It took DCB trying to stab my son with a fork that I finally broke down and asked DCB why did he keep hurting the other children, and he tells me “because I want to.” I finally called mom to come pick him up, to which mom tells me that she would speak to her manager and come when she could. I allowed her to talk to DCB and he tells her the same thing he told me in regards to why he was hurting the other children. I had her on speaker and heard her lecture him on that he can’t hurt people because he wants to.

I don’t see mom until 3:30. So I’m irritated. Mom comes in, give me $20 to pay the balance of her co-pay, and I have her kids get their things on. I tell DCM that I don’t have change but I’ll get some tonight and give it to her Wednesday.

Mom tells me that she doesn’t know what to do, that DCB acts this way because he “wants to be with me, like he was saying over the phone” and that “at their last day care he was bullied constantly and that’s why we had to leave” (I thought it was because of dad that he acts up? and you left the other daycare because of possible abuse? Not to mention that DCB had very clearly said “because I want to” not “because I want you”)

I stop listening to her long drown out sob story about how hard her life is and that its all the kids father's fault, I’ve heard it all before over the last month. Her kids run off into my front yard, even after me calling after them to come back. I Then told mom that I would work with her, but would need DCB picked up within 30 minutes (this is in my policies) next time due to the fact that I couldn't have him here harming the other kids. DCM then went from all nice to irritated and told me “I can't be leaving work all the time or I'm going to loose my job” “I can't be here within 30 minutes”. I cut her off from another of her ‘life of a single mother’ (I know it's hard. I get it.) speeches and ask what about the people on her alternate pick up list? Her response was “They have a business to run.”

I worked hard to make sure I kept my voice nice and calm, I tell her that wasn’t going to work as I have it stated in my policies and I’m about ready to term her but She cuts me off and tells me that she is giving me 2 week notice. I agree and tell her that I thought that was for the best. (OMG! Backbone! I'm so bad with using my backbone)

DCM seemed taken aback by me agreeing. I told her that 2 weeks from the 21st would be August 4th, and at this point DCM starts telling me that wasn’t going to work for her, that she wasn’t going to be able to bring the kids for that whole time… I told her that I was sorry, but Child care assistance requires that she gives 2 week notice. She starts going on that she needs their last day to be sooner but I cut her off as while we were talking DCG and DCB have gotten my hose out and aiming it at my open window and is soaking my carpet with water.

I tell DCG and DCB that that was not ok and to stop right now, all while mom is standing there not saying anything. DCG and DCB tell me that they are sorry, and mom starts up again about the 4th not working for her for the end of the 2 weeks and she needed it to end sooner. DCM not saying anything to her 2 children or to me about my soaking carpet.

I finally just cut her off and told her that last day of care was August 4th per what was required from CCA and that I’ll have change for the $20 for her Wednesday at drop off. I shut my door.

That was Tuesday of last week. DCM came by at 7:15 to get her change and tell me that the kids were with uncle (and that DCB was in a lot of trouble for hurting the other kids) and I’d see them Thursday. I send a text confirming with her that she gave notice Tuesday the 21st of July. Because I wanted that in writing.

Thursday 7:10 mom texts telling me that kids were not coming that day and to have a nice day. I text back asking if she has updated CCA and if we’d be seeing the kids Friday. She tells me that she has not but will that afternoon and that yes the kids would be at daycare at 7:15 Friday.

Guess who was a no show and no call Friday?

I call CCA and let them know that DCM gave me 2 week notice on the 21st first thing Monday morning. They tell me that mom hadn’t told them and wanted to see the text. Which I printed and gave to them. Tuesday night rolls around and guess who texts me at 10:21pm telling me she was going to be dropping the kids off at 7:10am? That’s right, DCM, who I haven’t heard from at all since Thursday the week before. I text back that 7:10am would be fine, but that it would be drop in which per my policies was a minimum of $26. I know… I just should have said no…

DCM then tells me that I can’t charge her more because CCA covers all care from an hour and a half before I open to a half hour after I get off work (my Hours are 7:30 to 5:30) and she can bring her kids when she wants. She also tells me that CCA pays for full time which was 10 hours so she can use the 10 hours and that she was going to bring this up with her case manager with the state.

This is all happening at 5am this morning. I’m tired. Mad. Upset. So I text her that CCA does not dictate my hours of operation and my policies. That her contracted hours with me are 7:15 to 3:40 and any time before those times would be drop in or late pick up. That I felt that since we are having so many disagreements on my policies that it would be best the children not attend care until she speaks to CCA about this. That was the last I heard from her.

And guess who then showed up for drop off at 7:19? GRRRRRRrrrrrr!!!!

I didn’t answer my door.

About 8:45 I sent DCM a text terming her due to her having trouble following my policies. I then called CCA also informing them of the same thing. DCM replied back at 9:10 that is what her case manager with CCA said would be best and that she had a meeting with her in about an hour and will show her my message.

I’m very upset and frustrated right now. I feel like I let her win, but terminating care was for the best and should have happened sooner. I know I behaved poorly also…

I have not told Child Care Assistance anything other then that I termed do to her not following my policies. I feel like I need to say more, but also feel that I should just leave it be….

What would you do?
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Leigh 04:11 PM 07-29-2015
Where do you live that CCA requires you to give 2 weeks notice to terminate care? I guess I'm not following why you needed to call them. I know that every state is different, though, so letting us know what state you're in might help you get an answer. For me, if I'm done with a client, I'm done. I don't have to give notice.
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Thriftylady 04:24 PM 07-29-2015
Originally Posted by Leigh:
Where do you live that CCA requires you to give 2 weeks notice to terminate care? I guess I'm not following why you needed to call them. I know that every state is different, though, so letting us know what state you're in might help you get an answer. For me, if I'm done with a client, I'm done. I don't have to give notice.
I don't take state pay kids now, but when I did in Kansas I always sent a copy of the written term. notice to the caseworker as well as the parent. My term notices always list the reasons, dates, any fees owed etc.
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Denali 04:31 PM 07-29-2015
Originally Posted by Leigh:
Where do you live that CCA requires you to give 2 weeks notice to terminate care? I guess I'm not following why you needed to call them. I know that every state is different, though, so letting us know what state you're in might help you get an answer. For me, if I'm done with a client, I'm done. I don't have to give notice.

I live in Alaska and that's what I was told by CCA a while back when dealing with another family and what DCM told me herself. Said CCA requires a written two week notice for her to cancel care and she learned that from her last daycare that she accused them of abuse. I am the second daycare she has been to in the last four months.

Mom is the one that had to give 2 weeks notice or risk loosing her assistance. My policies state I must give two weeks notice unless I have a reason term sooner. I felt I couldn't term after she gave notice ( unless she broke my policies again) because she seems to be one of those people who would have said it was in retaliation, even if that was what she wanted.
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spedmommy4 06:27 PM 07-29-2015
Originally Posted by Denali:
I live in Alaska and that's what I was told by CCA a while back when dealing with another family and what DCM told me herself. Said CCA requires a written two week notice for her to cancel care and she learned that from her last daycare that she accused them of abuse. I am the second daycare she has been to in the last four months.

Mom is the one that had to give 2 weeks notice or risk loosing her assistance. My policies state I must give two weeks notice unless I have a reason term sooner. I felt I couldn't term after she gave notice ( unless she broke my policies again) because she seems to be one of those people who would have said it was in retaliation, even if that was what she wanted.
In this situation, I would let her out early. I don't know about AK but here the state won't pay if the kids don't attend. Even if they do pay, that is a lot of stress and drama. For me, it wouldn't be worth it.

Respect my policies or there's the door.
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cheerfuldom 06:29 AM 07-30-2015
I would call the dept. and let them know exactly what happened.
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Shell 11:16 AM 07-30-2015
Ugh, what a mess!

I know it's hard not to get emotional, and I feel you handled yourself well.

I would call and explain what happened- just the facts- make it as simplified as you can.

I would also let her out of the 2 weeks- you don't need this drama, and I would just want them out! How rude they were soaking your carpet and she did nothing to stop them!

You don't need this drama- I've been there with a parent before and if I could do it all over again, I would have kept it short and sweet- dcm really tried instigating me and I feel for it a little. These experiences make for great learning experiences, though! But again, I think you've handled yourself well.
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Blackcat31 12:45 PM 07-30-2015
Originally Posted by Denali:
I live in Alaska and that's what I was told by CCA a while back when dealing with another family and what DCM told me herself. Said CCA requires a written two week notice for her to cancel care and she learned that from her last daycare that she accused them of abuse. I am the second daycare she has been to in the last four months.

Mom is the one that had to give 2 weeks notice or risk loosing her assistance. My policies state I must give two weeks notice unless I have a reason term sooner. I felt I couldn't term after she gave notice ( unless she broke my policies again) because she seems to be one of those people who would have said it was in retaliation, even if that was what she wanted.
The rules for your state's CCA Program can be found here: (on page 68 of the CCA II/III manual)

http://dhss.alaska.gov/dpa/Pages/ccare/parents.aspx

It says:
Attached: Alaska CCAP.pdf (198.6 KB) 
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