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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Potty Training...Help Me with This One Please!
Baby Beluga 05:59 AM 12-14-2015
DCB (who will be 3 in Jan) came in today and DCD said he was heavily potty training at home.

Mom wrote a note saying they set a timer on the stove and DCB goes potty every 30 minutes when the timer beeps. This is not something I am willing nor can I logistically do here.

Here, DCB has zero interest in using the potty on his own. He will go during our usual potty breaks, but will soak in diaper in less then 1.5 hours without telling me.

How do I kindly but firmly tell the parents that they are trained and not DCB? That he needs to listen to his body and not a timer?

FWIW: I have a potty training policy and it states that all children must remain dry for 2 full weeks before graduating to underwear.
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Blackcat31 06:28 AM 12-14-2015
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
DCB (who will be 3 in Jan) came in today and DCD said he was heavily potty training at home.

Mom wrote a note saying they set a timer on the stove and DCB goes potty every 30 minutes when the timer beeps. This is not something I am willing nor can I logistically do here.

Here, DCB has zero interest in using the potty on his own. He will go during our usual potty breaks, but will soak in diaper in less then 1.5 hours without telling me.

How do I kindly but firmly tell the parents that they are trained and not DCB? That he needs to listen to his body and not a timer?

FWIW: I have a potty training policy and it states that all children must remain dry for 2 full weeks before graduating to underwear.
I would just straight up tell them that a timer at set intervals is not something you can add into your already busy day unless you hire an extra set of hands to assist you and since they probably don't want to fork over additional monies for an assistant, I would just say that once DCB has mastered going at the timed intervals at hoe AND has then mastered the next step (listening to his own body cues) then and only then will you step in and begin assisting in the process.

Just explain that setting the timer is something done very early on in the training process and if they still rely on a timer, then he isn't far enough along to bring you into it yet.
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Baby Beluga 05:51 AM 12-15-2015
Thanks BC. I sent an email to the parents outlining what we do here (diaper/potty break every 1.5 hours) and that it was not logistically possible for me to take DCB every 30 minutes as I have to take all the children to the bathroom at the same time for supervision reasons (can't see playroom from bathroom).

Parents never responded to email. Today at drop off DCD asked me if I would set my oven timer every 1.5 hours because when DCB is asked if he has to go potty he says "no, I have to wait for the timer."
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Blackcat31 06:28 AM 12-15-2015
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
Thanks BC. I sent an email to the parents outlining what we do here (diaper/potty break every 1.5 hours) and that it was not logistically possible for me to take DCB every 30 minutes as I have to take all the children to the bathroom at the same time for supervision reasons (can't see playroom from bathroom).

Parents never responded to email. Today at drop off DCD asked me if I would set my oven timer every 1.5 hours because when DCB is asked if he has to go potty he says "no, I have to wait for the timer."
Yikes!

What happens when he gets to school now and they don't have a timer?

Use DCD's comment to help him understand. "DCD, if DCB thinks he has to listen for a timer verses his own body needs, then he is not ready to train here."
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childcaremom 06:35 AM 12-15-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Just explain that setting the timer is something done very early on in the training process and if they still rely on a timer, then he isn't far enough along to bring you into it yet.
I would repeat this to them. And stress that you do not use a timer.

Also ask them to reread your email b/c it outlines your toilet learning policy. Then tell them it is the last time that you will be discussing this.
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spedmommy4 07:04 AM 12-15-2015
Originally Posted by childcaremom:
I would repeat this to them. And stress that you do not use a timer.

Also ask them to reread your email b/c it outlines your toilet learning policy. Then tell them it is the last time that you will be discussing this.
. This, and I also recently revised my own toilet training policies based on a very similar scenario. Mine now say that a child must ask to go potty and that I will not take children at short intervals (30-60 minutes) or use timers.
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Baby Beluga 12:11 PM 12-15-2015
Originally Posted by spedmommy4:
. This, and I also recently revised my own toilet training policies based on a very similar scenario. Mine now say that a child must ask to go potty and that I will not take children at short intervals (30-60 minutes) or use timers.
I just revised mine and thought I had my bases covered, but it is time for a new one again with the bolded incuded. My HB keeps getting longer....and longer....

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Yikes!

What happens when he gets to school now and they don't have a timer?

Use DCD's comment to help him understand. "DCD, if DCB thinks he has to listen for a timer verses his own body needs, then he is not ready to train here."
This. I fear the timer is going to do more harm then good and will confuse DCB. DCD swore up and down that DCB would be trained by 3. He turns 3 in two weeks and I think parents are feeling the rush to train now.
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NoMoreJuice! 08:33 PM 12-15-2015
No way do I do any sort of timers or schedules. Do they not understand the point of potty training? I really believe most parents think potty training is a success when the kid just stays dry.

Let them know the GOALS of potty training and then after they understand them, come up with a plan to meet those goals that works for both of you. Or most importantly, the child.

A successfully potty trained child will:
1. Recognize the feeling of a full bladder or bowel.
2. Communicate the urge to parents and caregivers.
3. Be able to hold the urge until a toilet is reached.
4. Find a bathroom and pull down their own pants.
5. Use the restroom, flush, and wash hands on their own.

That is what potty training means to me and those are the goals I give my parents. Now I would ask the parents where a timer fits into these goals.

On a side note, I detest "conventional" potty training methods, and always recommend the 3 day potty train to my parents. It saves so much time for both the parents and (most importantly) me. I feel it is the best way for a child to master goal #1, to recognize the feeling of needing to go. Of course, I'm a cold turkey kind of person (binkies, bottles, long morning goodbyes) and not everyone appreciates such an abrupt method.
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Blackcat31 05:34 AM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by NoMoreJuice!:
No way do I do any sort of timers or schedules. Do they not understand the point of potty training? I really believe most parents think potty training is a success when the kid just stays dry.

Let them know the GOALS of potty training and then after they understand them, come up with a plan to meet those goals that works for both of you. Or most importantly, the child.

A successfully potty trained child will:
1. Recognize the feeling of a full bladder or bowel.
2. Communicate the urge to parents and caregivers.
3. Be able to hold the urge until a toilet is reached.
4. Find a bathroom and pull down their own pants.
5. Use the restroom, flush, and wash hands on their own.

That is what potty training means to me and those are the goals I give my parents. Now I would ask the parents where a timer fits into these goals.



Originally Posted by NoMoreJuice!:
On a side note, I detest "conventional" potty training methods, and always recommend the 3 day potty train to my parents. It saves so much time for both the parents and (most importantly) me. I feel it is the best way for a child to master goal #1, to recognize the feeling of needing to go.
Do you recommend to parents that this be done at home on their time or do you participate as well when the child is in care one of those 3 days?

Originally Posted by NoMoreJuice!:
Of course, I'm a cold turkey kind of person (binkies, bottles, long morning goodbyes) and not everyone appreciates such an abrupt method.
I do!!!!! Nice to know I am not the only one.

The reaction most received is that cold turkey is mean.
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NoMoreJuice! 10:43 AM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:

Do you recommend to parents that this be done at home on their time or do you participate as well when the child is in care one of those 3 days?
I actually offer in my policy handbook/contract a free unpaid day off if they successfully complete the 3 day potty train. So if they take off Friday to train, come back Monday in great shape, I will discount a day. If they come back at square one (this has only happened once) the day is not discounted but they have the opportunity try again as many times as they'd like. It's extra motivation, and has worked more times than I can count.
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Blackcat31 11:20 AM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by NoMoreJuice!:
I actually offer in my policy handbook/contract a free unpaid day off if they successfully complete the 3 day potty train. So if they take off Friday to train, come back Monday in great shape, I will discount a day. If they come back at square one (this has only happened once) the day is not discounted but they have the opportunity try again as many times as they'd like. It's extra motivation, and has worked more times than I can count.
Nice!!
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Mom2Two 04:04 PM 12-16-2015
It sounds like the parents are trying to drive the potty training based on their own wishes rather than reality.
If a child can't "let it go" or "hold it" at will, there's a change in the brain that hasn't happened yet. They can't be fully potty trained until that change happens, and for some it doesn't happen til four years of age.

What they want to do at their house is their businessnes, but pull ups are much easier than messing with a child who doesn't know what they're doing as far as potty training goes.

I would be clear up front with the parents. If you let it drag out, it will get harder.
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ColorfulSunburst 10:07 PM 12-16-2015
I use stove's timer here when I start potty training with a child. It works very well to me. As a result right now only two infant (1.3 and 1.4) and 3yo twins (who are a little behind of their age) use diapers. The all other children use potty here. After the holidays I'm going to take diapers away from twins and then will start working on it with infants. At the spring time no one here will use diaper. I hope
I prefer to work hard a few weeks and then have no stinky diapers here.
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ColorfulSunburst 10:17 PM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by Mom2Two:
They can't be fully potty trained until that change happens, and for some it doesn't happen til four years of age.
they can. Believe me. That change happens very early if someone works on it.
I still don't understand why we teach kids use spoon, cup, put shoes on .... but can not teach use potty? what is different? They can control their own bodies even if they can not speak clear enough.
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Laurel 06:21 AM 12-17-2015
Personally I would have told dad I'd try it. Since you are taking everyone anyway, it's not hard to just set the timer. Then if it works that's great and if it doesn't then you can say you tried.

I've had children that I thought were not interested and just for grins tried a halfway reasonable suggestion by a parent and they were right.

That said, I LOVED parents who just were laid back and content to do it my way. I had a few that wanted to wait longer than I did.
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Baby Beluga 09:01 AM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst:
I use stove's timer here when I start potty training with a child. It works very well to me. As a result right now only two infant (1.3 and 1.4) and 3yo twins (who are a little behind of their age) use diapers. The all other children use potty here. After the holidays I'm going to take diapers away from twins and then will start working on it with infants. At the spring time no one here will use diaper. I hope
I prefer to work hard a few weeks and then have no stinky diapers here.
May I ask how your children make the transition from listening to a timer to listening to their bodies? (genuine curiosity)
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Play Care 09:32 AM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst:
they can. Believe me. That change happens very early if someone works on it.
I still don't understand why we teach kids use spoon, cup, put shoes on .... but can not teach use potty? what is different? They can control their own bodies even if they can not speak clear enough.
I have just found that to not be the case when it comes to potty training. And often kids will start to fight me about going at timed intervals (screaming, throwing themselves on the floor, lots of "accidents" etc)

When kids are ready the process is quick, and NO work. Why would I spend months dragging kids to the bathroom, cleaning up mess, etc when I don't have to? Color me lazy, but it works

The kids in my care who trained the earliest (due to parental pressure) often had the most accidents, sometimes years afterward.
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ColorfulSunburst 11:22 AM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
May I ask how your children make the transition from listening to a timer to listening to their bodies? (genuine curiosity)
They don't listen to a timer. I do. It helps me don't forget to send them to toilet. They have no diaper. So their own feeling tells them, that peeing on themselves is not good.
Right now I have eight completely potty trained kids (2.7, 2.10, 2.11, 3.1, 3.5, 3.6) and they are potty trained a long time. I also have two kids who wear diaper during nap time (2.6, 3.5 - this boy has an autism spectrum and is a little behind). Two more kids (3.3) are a little behind too (speech delay, fine and gross motor skills delay...) and they still wear diaper but they also use potty with all other children here. Plus there are two infants (1.2, 1.3) The second one is ready to start his potty training.
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ColorfulSunburst 11:30 AM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
When kids are ready the process is quick, and NO work. Why would I spend months dragging kids to the bathroom, cleaning up mess, etc when I don't have to? Color me lazy, but it works

The kids in my care who trained the earliest (due to parental pressure) often had the most accidents, sometimes years afterward.
I am lazy I do not like to change stinky diaper of 2 or 3 yo kids. Potty training is going here without any screaming or drugging children to the bathroom. They enjoy this process and are proud of themselves. I also do not remember any big mess here. For me a few accidents are better then countless changing diapers month by month.
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Baby Beluga 12:24 PM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst:
They don't listen to a timer. I do. It helps me don't forget to send them to toilet. They have no diaper. So their own feeling tells them, that peeing on themselves is not good.
Right now I have eight completely potty trained kids (2.7, 2.10, 2.11, 3.1, 3.5, 3.6) and they are potty trained a long time. I also have two kids who wear diaper during nap time (2.6, 3.5 - this boy has an autism spectrum and is a little behind). Two more kids (3.3) are a little behind too (speech delay, fine and gross motor skills delay...) and they still wear diaper but they also use potty with all other children here. Plus there are two infants (1.2, 1.3) The second one is ready to start his potty training.
Thank you for explaining

In this way I guess we are a bit similar. I do a scheduled diaper/potty break every 1.5 hours. I do this so I know everyone has had a chance to use the restroom and get a clean diaper in a reasonable amount of time. Since our days are scheduled, having set times to take a potty break just makes our day run smoothly. Of course a BM gets changed asap.

However, with that being said when I potty train, it is very much child lead. I start off by having the child pull their pants up and down when I change their diapers. Then as they get older, show signs of readiness and are not afraid of the toilet, then they may try to use it. By the time we get to actually using the toilet the child has usually gained some bladder control and generally doesn't take long for the child to move from diapers to underwear.

I have never used a timer though. Since our day is scheduled and we follow a routine, the kids all know what comes next and know when our usual potty breaks are. What concerned me with this particular child regarding the timer is DCD said" I asked DCB if he wanted to use the potty and he said no, I have to wait for the timer." To me, that is going to confuse DCB.

I went back and looked at this child's daily sheets which states when his diaper was wet/dry and if he used the potty. For a decent amount of time he would remain dry for 1.5 hours and successfully use the toilet. However this week after DCP's implemented the 30 minute rule he has been wet at every single potty break.
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Baby Beluga 12:33 PM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I have just found that to not be the case when it comes to potty training. And often kids will start to fight me about going at timed intervals (screaming, throwing themselves on the floor, lots of "accidents" etc)

When kids are ready the process is quick, and NO work. Why would I spend months dragging kids to the bathroom, cleaning up mess, etc when I don't have to? Color me lazy, but it works

The kids in my care who trained the earliest (due to parental pressure) often had the most accidents, sometimes years afterward.
I have found this as well. Especially with short intervals and throwing tantrums. I mean, if a child is expected to use the bathroom every 30 minutes, the child's entire day is nothing but using the potty. Between working with clothing, using the restroom and washing hands afterward there would be no time left for the child to emerge themselves in play or any other activity.
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ColorfulSunburst 03:23 PM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
I mean, if a child is expected to use the bathroom every 30 minutes, the child's entire day is nothing but using the potty. Between working with clothing, using the restroom and washing hands afterward there would be no time left for the child to emerge themselves in play or any other activity.
a child is on "30 minutes schedule" no more then one day or even less and my kids do not use toilet, they use an individual potty. Because of that I send the all of them on potty at the same time.
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mommiebookworm 06:16 PM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst:
a child is on "30 minutes schedule" no more then one day or even less and my kids do not use toilet, they use an individual potty. Because of that I send the all of them on potty at the same time.
Just curious, do you have to sanitize every potty, every single time?
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ColorfulSunburst 04:49 AM 12-18-2015
Originally Posted by mommiebookworm:
Just curious, do you have to sanitize every potty, every single time?

if every child have own potty a sanitizing must be done one time per day. we do it every evening. Yesterday I had an inspection here. No violations were found.
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