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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>SCREAMING at Dropoff After 1 1/2 Years!
WBee 05:44 AM 06-29-2017
Help! I have a now 2 year old who screams, cries and sometimes kicks at dropoff. He's been doing this for over a year now and I am at my wits end with options. I've tried ignoring-I end up with boogers on my rug and furniture. I've tried being firm saying, "That hurts my ears. Please stop. No kicking!" I have now been putting him in a pack-n-play in a separate room, telling him, "All done. Let me know when you are ready to come out and play." and shut the door.-This works within 2 minutes however, shouldn't it have stopped by now? He been coming here 2-3 days per week. He is worse when Dad drops off. Mom tells him to just close his eyes and make believe no one can see him. Both parents are good at dropping off without lingering and say their goodbyes. I've been doing this job for 20 years now and my mind is blank with frustration. Any suggestions?
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Blackcat31 06:16 AM 06-29-2017
Originally Posted by WBee:
Help! I have a now 2 year old who screams, cries and sometimes kicks at dropoff. He's been doing this for over a year now and I am at my wits end with options. I've tried ignoring-I end up with boogers on my rug and furniture. I've tried being firm saying, "That hurts my ears. Please stop. No kicking!" I have now been putting him in a pack-n-play in a separate room, telling him, "All done. Let me know when you are ready to come out and play." and shut the door.-This works within 2 minutes however, shouldn't it have stopped by now? He been coming here 2-3 days per week. He is worse when Dad drops off. Mom tells him to just close his eyes and make believe no one can see him. Both parents are good at dropping off without lingering and say their goodbyes. I've been doing this job for 20 years now and my mind is blank with frustration. Any suggestions?
Honestly, I'd just keep putting him right into the PNP.

Some kids take a lot longer to break a bad habit and if he's been doing the whole screaming and kicking fit for over a year and a half, you are going to have to put him in the PNP for a while.....

What I would do though is when he is ready to join others and not scream I would reward those that came in without screaming...(sticker charts, big kid activities etc) and not reward him but remind him that when he starts coming in like a little boy verses a rabid dog then he too will be rewarded.

Right now he is using the behaviors and skills he has learned work. Show him how those skills and behaviors actually work against him. (loss of privilege or activity etc).


Most of all you just have to make sure you have more patience than he does.....
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Ariana 06:35 AM 06-29-2017
My niece was like this. She was in a center and it became a learned habit then she came to me and it continued. It was ridiculous and it only happened with dad so I had to get my sister to do drop offs. After a few weeks we went back to Dad dropping off and there were no tears for a while but they sure enough started again. The dynamic between my niece and her dad was the problem and there was very little I could do besides get my sister to drop off, which couldn't happen all the time, and ignoring.
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trix23 06:45 AM 06-29-2017
What was the dynamic between the dad and child that caused this issue? Was dad easily swayed by behavior?
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WBee 07:03 AM 06-29-2017
Originally Posted by trix23:
What was the dynamic between the dad and child that caused this issue? Was dad easily swayed by behavior?
He does it with both parents, just more aggressively with dad here. Dad seldom drops off. Maybe that's why. His brother says he does it at home too. Dad doesn't know what to do. It's written on his face. He doesn't say much, ever.
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midaycare 07:19 AM 06-29-2017
I find it's an issue with mom and dad usually. They are making a big deal out of leaving dck.
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trix23 07:37 AM 06-29-2017
Be sure that the parent "talks up" about where they are going while on the way to daycare. And then make sure the patent stays firm "We are going to see the kids today! Going to see Miss Holly!" Then at drop-off "All right, daddy's gotta go. I'll pick you up later tonight. *hug* I love you. Have fun!" And leave.
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Ariana 10:43 AM 06-29-2017
Originally Posted by trix23:
What was the dynamic between the dad and child that caused this issue? Was dad easily swayed by behavior?
Cajoling, coddling, incessant discussion about the behavior. At one point I was watching him outside my door down at her level just talking and talking and talking. No matter how many times I told him it was making it worse he knew more than I did about it. My BIL is one of those "know it all" types and got highly offended when I intervened and tried to get him to leave. He also has to always be the one in control.
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Ariana 10:47 AM 06-29-2017
Originally Posted by midaycare:
I find it's an issue with mom and dad usually. They are making a big deal out of leaving dck.
Yes this is it right here. Any attention for the behavior makes it worse. There are a lot of advice forums where parents tell other parents that if your child hates going to daycare then it always means abuse. So this is what all parents think is happening. Then they start second guessing their decision, coddling, cajoling, asking what is going on at daycare which is primo one on one attention.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 11:16 AM 06-29-2017
Originally Posted by Ariana:
Yes this is it right here. Any attention for the behavior makes it worse. There are a lot of advice forums where parents tell other parents that if your child hates going to daycare then it always means abuse. So this is what all parents think is happening. Then they start second guessing their decision, coddling, cajoling, asking what is going on at daycare which is primo one on one attention.
YEP! I hate that so much. It's ridiculous.

Pack n play it is! I used that method for a 2-year-old and it took about a month.
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Meeko 01:00 PM 06-29-2017
PNP...but in a place where he can see and hear the other kids getting praised/rewarded for arriving so nicely.... Go overboard on the high-fives and comments about how proud you are etc. He'll soon catch on that GOOD behavior gets the most attention.
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