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Old 06-20-2012, 12:21 PM
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Default Parents Lying To Each Other About Behavior Issues?

So I have a dcm who makes dad 'the bad guy' by saying things like "You don't want your father to hear this!"

Well, last week there was a behavior problem that warranted a discussion of a previous problem (ie the same type of issue we had 2 weeks ago resurfaced). Dcd picked up and of course I referenced the previous problem too, as its significant. We already deal with it! Well, he didn't know about the problem and was apparently mad. Not my problem-he needed to hear it.

Now, we had another issue yesterday (same type..hurting others) and mom came in today saying that they didn't tell dad again. I don't agree with this 'good guy/bad guy' thing because of so many reasons. Creating different levels of power, teaching kids to lie, etc. I can't decide how kids are parented but now if this happens again, I can see last week repeating. Dad may pick up, and I will not lie for mom. I will list all of the similar occurrences we've been having!

Would you say anything to mom or just let it play out and be honest with dad? The parents are married and together and this is so obnoxious. Thanks!
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Old 06-20-2012, 12:26 PM
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I would talk with the mom and tell her what kind of position she is not only putting the child in but you as well.

They are suppose to be a partnership between the two of them. Working together to raise their child. Not having all the information about the child is not helping anyone.

I believe if this continues it will cause huge problems in a few years. Talking from experience here.

So I think you should talk to the mom. Maybe even suggest a meeting with the 3 of you.
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Old 06-20-2012, 12:35 PM
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Wow that really puts you in a pickle.

I am guessing that if Mom tells Dad, Dad is going to be firmer then she is-

Ugh-

I would pull both of them in and say look, when something occurs at daycare I need to be able to talk to both of you and not feel uncomfortable or that I can't approach you with what is going on. Then say nothing- Let them take it in. Just explain that it is making you uncomfortable, and you feel it is not in the best interest of the child. They prob don't realize what they are doing-
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Old 06-20-2012, 12:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by B Lou View Post
I would talk with the mom and tell her what kind of position she is not only putting the child in but you as well.

They are suppose to be a partnership between the two of them. Working together to raise their child. Not having all the information about the child is not helping anyone.

I believe if this continues it will cause huge problems in a few years. Talking from experience here.

So I think you should talk to the mom. Maybe even suggest a meeting with the 3 of you.
Thanks. At first I think its not my business but u worded it great. Shes putting me in a bad situation
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Old 06-20-2012, 01:27 PM
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Good guy bad guy only work with polices I would talk to the mom and if she still dont do anything about it. Then you need to sit both of them down and explain why its bad. It confused the child. It also, bad for your daycare, and kids under your care to have such a kid who do not respect others. If parents cant allow the child to be dispense than i would not have the child in my daycare. I would not let my kids go to the daycare where kids are hitting each other.
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Old 06-20-2012, 03:44 PM
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Address both of them next time - not in person.

Send a text or email to both. Short, simple, but to both.

Get yourself out of the triangle.
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Old 06-20-2012, 04:20 PM
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Address both of them next time - not in person.

Send a text or email to both. Short, simple, but to both.

Get yourself out of the triangle.
Ditto this.
Whoever participates in pick up is emailed. Parents only. Whatever I tell mom I tell dad.
I email it that way they can't confuse the story.

If things continue to sour with behavior both parents are addresses to schedule a meeting together.

I look at it as though we all share in guiding and disiplining this child and anyone who participates needs to be aware of what's going on and everyone on the same page.
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Old 06-20-2012, 05:24 PM
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Oh gosh - Mom was a SAHM and it was always "Wait until your father gets home!" when we did something wrong.

For us it was a mad dash to the door to greet Dad and tell him our side of the story first.

Mom was little and wimpy. Dad always backed her up.
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Old 06-20-2012, 05:53 PM
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Thanks guys. I talked to dcm tonight. She apologized for the situation she put me in and filled in the dad on everything. I knew it was never her intentions to make ME a liar, but it was what was about to happen. Phew. Thanks for the advice!
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