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  #1  
Old 01-06-2011, 06:16 AM
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Default Advice On Past Client

Back story--Last spring I termed a long time girl because she called my referral service told them i was NOT doing my job that i did nothing school related with the kids she made an appointment for the mentor to come here, and have a meeting with me her and mentor to revamp my wholeprogram to do pre k with her kid. All behind my back. I told her I do NOT offer pre k. So she tried to bully me into doing pre k with her 4 year old. She then searched out and found a center to take her come august for pre k. She called the referral service to find a program to transport her from me to preschool and back for free she said since they wouldnt force me to do pre k then they should provide transport to an from someone who would. Then she expected me to subtract preschool fees from her bill because I wouldn't provide it. She was paid up 1200 bucks because her employer paid childcare and they pay 12 Weeks behind. Because of paperwork lagtime But I require payment up front. So she was paid up 12 weeks. Well when I found out she called and attempted to get me in trouble I confronted her, termed her and refunded her the money.


Well I got a call Tuesday and didn't answer it. It went to voicemail. It was the girl, it's me call me. I miss you.

I didn't call. So I get a text yesterday morning, I told her you would call today. I will be with her at 6 pm.

Then I get one later saying I'm with her now she is waiting on your call.

Then I get one late last night saying,... She is in bed I told her you would call tomorrow

So,..... What do I do????

Ignoring isn't working

But I don't want to restart a relationship with them. They aren't my friends, they aren't clients, I'm done being her therapist. I don't want the drama. So,....

Do I text back saying I'll call the girl and say happy birthday to her today.

Ignore and wait for her toshow up at my door?

Text back and tell mom to leave me alone?

Call girl, tell her happy birthday, chat a moment or two and then text mom saying that I think it best to allow her to forget us. That since she is no longer part of our program I feel it best to let the connection be forgotten. I have no desire to cultivate a friendship with this mother. She has mistakingly interpreted my professional relationship while she was a client for lifelong friendship. We have never been social friends. We are 15 years aged apart, she is single, dating a felon in jail. We don't share interests, I was her provider, her friendly face every morning. Not her gal pal and after the way she backstabbed me I don't want to be her friend. So I need words. Help.
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  #2  
Old 01-06-2011, 06:25 AM
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That's just weird. I think I would call the mother at a time when I knew the child would not be with her. I would tell her that, while you care about her child, due to the circumstances that she created in the past, you are not interested in having any kind of relationship with the family (either personal or professional). I might also shame her a little bit for creating a situation that hurt you and hurt her child. In a caring way, of course.
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  #3  
Old 01-06-2011, 06:33 AM
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don't call, save the messages just in case......if you call you are opening yourself up to a whole new can of worms and a problems.
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  #4  
Old 01-06-2011, 06:44 AM
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How about dropping a birthday card to the girl in the mail. Then text mom and tell her that you remembered it was dcg's birthday, and a card for her should be arriving "anyday now" in the mail...and let it at that??

I'm a very non-confrontational person - so I'd just ignore her texts/calls, and hope that she takes the hint

Good luck!
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  #5  
Old 01-06-2011, 06:45 AM
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I feel bad for the child and almost want to say to call to talk to her only because it's the child that wants to talk to you but then again that would open up conversation with the mom which I would NOT want to do.

If you were to decide to contact them I'd call as above posted and say happy birthday and then call mom at another time to talk to her about having them not call anymore. Don't leave a message, don't e-mail, don't text, if you call speak to her directly.
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  #6  
Old 01-06-2011, 06:56 AM
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I think if you respond with anything but a short explanation of how you are NOT and will NEVER be friends you are, as a pp said, opening up a can of worms and will surely get drawn in. Maybe text the mom and tell her that you do not wish to have any contact. The mom can explain to her dd why there is no relationship if she wishes to do so, but in your own post you have made it clear to me that you do not wish to have ANY type of relationship with this family. My advice keep it simple and short. Maybe something like: "Please do not lead your dd on that we are or will be friends. Our relationship was purely business and I do not wish to take it any farther. Please let your dd know that I hope she has a wonderful birthday and best of luck to you and your family in the future." Then I personallly would NOT respond to any further calls or texts. period. If, by chance, she shows up at your door, I would simply state that you are busy and do not have time to visit. I have a feeling that if you lead her on, she is going to run with it. Good luck. What a weird situation this mom has put you in.....
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  #7  
Old 01-06-2011, 07:00 AM
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I would text her and say what blackcat suggest, (tell her that you do not wish to have any contact.)
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  #8  
Old 01-06-2011, 07:05 AM
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No. I would not call her. If you call her, you are basically inviting her into your life. Seems as though she only contacted you because it's her daughter's bday.....fishing for a gift, IMO. If it has been since last spring and this is the first contact, the child isn't really missing you, or Mom would have called sooner.

She sounds like trouble. I say move on. Text Mom back, tell her that you are not interested in cultivating a relationship with her family outside of business and since she is no longer a client, please do not contact you again.
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  #9  
Old 01-06-2011, 07:25 AM
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I'm in agreement with everyone who said to not call, but to text a short, to the point message about wanting no contact with that family.
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  #10  
Old 01-06-2011, 07:27 AM
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She sounds like she is a color short from a full box of crayons

I think I would just keep ignoring it, even a text saying you dont want to contact may be enough for her to try and get you in trouble again or something else.
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  #11  
Old 01-06-2011, 08:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pammie View Post
How about dropping a birthday card to the girl in the mail. Then text mom and tell her that you remembered it was dcg's birthday, and a card for her should be arriving "anyday now" in the mail...and let it at that??

I'm a very non-confrontational person - so I'd just ignore her texts/calls, and hope that she takes the hint

Good luck!
this is EXACTLY what i was thinking. no, i wouldn't want to have a relationship or open up a conversation - but i would feel a little bad that a 4/5year old was promised contact from me (no matter how idiotic that is) and send a card (a nice, pretty card) so her mom could tell her to expect it in the mail and she would get it.

i think mom would get the hint and it'd probably be the only card you'd have to send.
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Old 01-06-2011, 09:08 AM
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Nope. No call, no text, nothing. Just pretend like the voicemail and texts never occurred.
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  #13  
Old 01-06-2011, 10:18 AM
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ive decided not to contact her.
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  #14  
Old 01-06-2011, 11:54 AM
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Call block.
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  #15  
Old 01-06-2011, 01:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joyce View Post
Nope. No call, no text, nothing. Just pretend like the voicemail and texts never occurred.
YUP!....ignore her drama!
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  #16  
Old 01-06-2011, 02:00 PM
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Well no text yet tonight. Lol.
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  #17  
Old 01-06-2011, 02:05 PM
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she need daycare for spring break or something?
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  #18  
Old 01-06-2011, 02:32 PM
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I wouldn't have contacted her either. Not a card or anything. It's a shame how some parents are.
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  #19  
Old 01-06-2011, 04:34 PM
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I feel bad for the little girl. She has no idea her mom is trouble.....yet
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  #20  
Old 01-06-2011, 04:55 PM
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I had one show up 4 years later (I moved across the state during that time, NO contact) with an 8 year old saying he had been crying for me for a week at night and she did not know what to do. He did not want to see me.

Grandma had been telling a story to her friends about the care he received while showing photos I sent her, he overheard, and started asking to go back to me instead of his new public school.

Mom then started to bargain that he could call me and tell me how his day was everyday, instead . He is 12 now and still calls to tell on his mother whenever he does not agree with her rules. I fielded many "overnight", "weekend visit" and "can I come to your party" requests.

Seriously, Call Block, now.... Once they can text, email, facebook AND google Earth you, it is too late.

Kids.

There is no shame in sending an anonymous Happy Birthday balloon arrangement, tough.... Not all imaginary friends have to have a phone number
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  #21  
Old 01-06-2011, 05:52 PM
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Ok so I get a text that says.....
Sorry I let p call. She talked about u tellin her she could see you when u werent working. And asked to call u she jumps everytime the phone rings and asks if it's u. I never thought u would have a problem with her calling

Then 15 min later

I hope u can find it in your heart to call her. She started crying and told me u were supposed to be mad at me not her

Geeze!!!! What now ?

Do I still ignore?

Do I text back saying that I'm not mad at anyone but ?????????

Do I call????

Do I text saying that while I miss her, I think it best to remain in her past.

Do I just say , why after 10 months would she want to call me?

Or

I still say I'm going to ignore her. Or should I just say,

Gosh idk. Someone help
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  #22  
Old 01-06-2011, 06:11 PM
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Did you and the child ever have a phone relationship?

This is too emotional blackmail/munchausen-like for me.

Maybe text back "It is unhealthy to allow her to obsess on this. We are not family or friends. This is making me uncomfortable. Stop this, now. I will file a report if necessary."

Check out http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs3-hrs2.htm
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  #23  
Old 01-06-2011, 06:17 PM
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No phone relationship. On her last day she said can I see you? I said sure honey. We will see each other, we live in the same town. That was in march of 2010. Nothing until now.
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  #24  
Old 01-06-2011, 07:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherder View Post
Did you and the child ever have a phone relationship?

This is too emotional blackmail/munchausen-like for me.

Maybe text back "It is unhealthy to allow her to obsess on this. We are not family or friends. This is making me uncomfortable. Stop this, now. I will file a report if necessary."

Check out http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs3-hrs2.htm
I agree with this. Something seems very off about it to me.
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Old 01-06-2011, 08:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherder View Post
Did you and the child ever have a phone relationship?

This is too emotional blackmail/munchausen-like for me.

Maybe text back "It is unhealthy to allow her to obsess on this. We are not family or friends. This is making me uncomfortable. Stop this, now. I will file a report if necessary."

Check out http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs3-hrs2.htm
Yep, I agree also. Was this mom this freaky/flaky when you cared for her daughter? If this was my issue, I would text exactly what Catherder typed.
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  #26  
Old 01-06-2011, 10:18 PM
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Ignore, ignore, ignore. Don't even read the texts if it's going to bother you. Just delete as they come in. She is using this child to get to your emotions. Don't allow it. If the child took 10 months to "cry" over you, something is way off. Rise above it and don't let it get you down. YOU did nothing wrong here. Just go on with your life as if she never tried to contact you. If you see them (or the girl) around town, then of course say hi and ask what they've been up to, etc., but don't allow her to guilt you into anything.
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  #27  
Old 01-07-2011, 02:29 AM
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Thanks guys,.... I'm still ignoring her. Yes she is a needy whiney drama one. You know, different daddy for the girl every 6 mo. Then boyfriend in jail shes paying his bills, car cell etc. Sending him money. Telling child daddy is away working. It's not her dad. Her dads a real piece of work too. Loads of drama. I'm just ignoring. She knows how to push my buttons
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Old 01-07-2011, 07:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherder View Post
Did you and the child ever have a phone relationship?

This is too emotional blackmail/munchausen-like for me.

Maybe text back "It is unhealthy to allow her to obsess on this. We are not family or friends. This is making me uncomfortable. Stop this, now. I will file a report if necessary."

Check out http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs3-hrs2.htm
I like catherders idea. This whole situation would creep me out.....maybe it is mom and she is obsesed with you?!?!? Watch for strange headlights parked at the end of your block......
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Old 01-07-2011, 08:30 AM
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I like catherders idea. This whole situation would creep me out.....maybe it is mom and she is obsesed with you?!?!? Watch for strange headlights parked at the end of your block......
Ok now THAT frightens me.
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  #30  
Old 01-07-2011, 09:06 AM
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Would you consider taking this to your mentor (the one who visited your program) to ask for advice? That way, it is documented should she pull another prank complaint like last time, and you will get some sound advice as well from someone who has a background in this situation.
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Old 01-07-2011, 09:08 AM
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I think I will,... shes on vaca this weel but I willl be calling monday. what a great idea thanks nikki.

Quote:
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Would you consider taking this to your mentor (the one who visited your program) to ask for advice? That way, it is documented should she pull another prank complaint like last time, and you will get some sound advice as well from someone who has a background in this situation.
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