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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>NO Free Time Please......................
daycare 03:10 PM 05-21-2013
for some reason when it comes to me and my daycare parents, when it rains it pours...lol
So I have a dck age 4.
Every day during free play this child could not make a good decision if it landed on his head.
Now during structured lesson, activities or anything that I lead, this child is very well behaved and makes great choices/decisions.
Well every day the kid has a great day until we get to free play. Most of them time whatever he did warrants a talk with the parents.
DCM tells me yesterday that as soon as they get home if she does not having something for him to do, its the same thing. She said she has to have one thing after the next lined up or she will pay the price. OF COURSE now she is asking me to not have free play, because her child can't function during that time.
UUUMMM NOoooooo, not going to happen.
One of the many reasons I use free play as a time to sit and observe the kids. I want to see if the lessons I taught them have stuck. Especially the lessons of making good decisions.
I know some of you have dealt with this before. Any ideas on how to handle both parent and child on this??
So I have a dck age 4.
Every day during free play this child could not make a good decision if it landed on his head.
Now during structured lesson, activities or anything that I lead, this child is very well behaved and makes great choices/decisions.
Well every day the kid has a great day until we get to free play. Most of them time whatever he did warrants a talk with the parents.
DCM tells me yesterday that as soon as they get home if she does not having something for him to do, its the same thing. She said she has to have one thing after the next lined up or she will pay the price. OF COURSE now she is asking me to not have free play, because her child can't function during that time.
UUUMMM NOoooooo, not going to happen.
One of the many reasons I use free play as a time to sit and observe the kids. I want to see if the lessons I taught them have stuck. Especially the lessons of making good decisions.
I know some of you have dealt with this before. Any ideas on how to handle both parent and child on this??
nannyde 03:23 PM 05-21-2013
I would do all free play all the time. He is begging you to leave him be. He doesn't need any help with adult generated activity success. He is gifted in that. He needs “no adult" so he can build that part of his brain.
GO
PLAY
TOYS
I haven't met a kid who didn't want an adult to service their minute to minute. You have just run into one who is slick enough to make it happen.
He's good. Real good. :-)
GO
PLAY
TOYS
I haven't met a kid who didn't want an adult to service their minute to minute. You have just run into one who is slick enough to make it happen.
He's good. Real good. :-)
Rockgirl 03:28 PM 05-21-2013
I've had kids like this. When I see that they're having trouble making a good choice, I give them two options...."Johnny, you may either build with blocks, or play with the farm." Some kids really are overwhelmed with too many choices.
daycare 03:30 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would do all free play all the time. He is begging you to leave him be. He doesn't need any help with adult generated activity success. He is gifted in that. He needs “no adult" so he can build that part of his brain.
GO
PLAY
TOYS
I haven't met a kid who didn't want an adult to service their minute to minute. You have just run into one who is slick enough to make it happen.
He's good. Real good. :-)
nan.....MWF is our scheduled days that we do class time for his age group. I teach pre kinder here.I would do all free play all the time. He is begging you to leave him be. He doesn't need any help with adult generated activity success. He is gifted in that. He needs “no adult" so he can build that part of his brain.
GO
PLAY
TOYS
I haven't met a kid who didn't want an adult to service their minute to minute. You have just run into one who is slick enough to make it happen.
He's good. Real good. :-)
The youngers pretty much play all day until age 4.
On the other days, T and Th, it's all day free play for all of the kids. No matter how many times I say go play, the child does go play, in fact he is quite creative. Can play dramatic play for hours. He just won't listen to any of his friends words and will anger them, then make a bad decision when they react...
I am about to pop on this one.....lol
daycare 03:31 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by when is naptime?:
I've had kids like this. When I see that they're having trouble making a good choice, I give them two options...."Johnny, you may either build with blocks, or play with the farm." Some kids really are overwhelmed with too many choices.
we dont have a ton of choices. We have 3 choices and only two can come out at a time. I've had kids like this. When I see that they're having trouble making a good choice, I give them two options...."Johnny, you may either build with blocks, or play with the farm." Some kids really are overwhelmed with too many choices.
Usually what ends up is that I have to send this child back to the classroom part of the house and have them read or color alone, away from everyone.
I am about to not even offer free choice to the child anymore and just have him go straight to the classroom part of the house and read or color...... I know he can do this without any issues, but would that be the wrong thing to do? Would taking him away from the free play time be a bad thing? I think it would be, because once he leaves on to formal schooling, he will not have someone to HELICOPTER over him like his mom does.UGH.... and I refuse to ever do that.
??
Leigh 03:35 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would do all free play all the time. He is begging you to leave him be. He doesn't need any help with adult generated activity success. He is gifted in that. He needs “no adult" so he can build that part of his brain.
GO
PLAY
TOYS
I haven't met a kid who didn't want an adult to service their minute to minute. You have just run into one who is slick enough to make it happen.
He's good. Real good. :-)
I agree 100%. Most all day at my house is free play or slightly structured play. I don't have a curriculum, and I never will. I am not a preschool-my kids leave here for 3-4 hours of preschool during the day, but I don't do it. I wouldn't want it, either. I would do all free play all the time. He is begging you to leave him be. He doesn't need any help with adult generated activity success. He is gifted in that. He needs “no adult" so he can build that part of his brain.
GO
PLAY
TOYS
I haven't met a kid who didn't want an adult to service their minute to minute. You have just run into one who is slick enough to make it happen.
He's good. Real good. :-)
My firm belief is that kids are over scheduled and over structured-I WANT my kids to play all day: go outside and get dirty, build forts out of couch cushions, collect bugs, make mud pies, and stack my Tupperware up to the ceiling. They DO learn from free play, and I believe they learn so much more from it. We DO talk colors, letters, numbers at my house. We DO read. But I think they are learning all day long from exploring and asking questions (and we all know that we probably, literally, answer 1000 questions a day on some days!
I'm not criticizing you, and I know that many parents want 100% adult driven activities, but if you want a little Stepford child, you're talking to the wrong provider.
I'd tell Mom that kids need to learn how to fill their time on their own. THIS is what gives them the skills to be leaders in the real world when they grow up.
daycare 03:44 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by Leigh:
I agree 100%. Most all day at my house is free play or slightly structured play. I don't have a curriculum, and I never will. I am not a preschool-my kids leave here for 3-4 hours of preschool during the day, but I don't do it. I wouldn't want it, either.
My firm belief is that kids are over scheduled and over structured-I WANT my kids to play all day: go outside and get dirty, build forts out of couch cushions, collect bugs, make mud pies, and stack my Tupperware up to the ceiling. They DO learn from free play, and I believe they learn so much more from it. We DO talk colors, letters, numbers at my house. We DO read. But I think they are learning all day long from exploring and asking questions (and we all know that we probably, literally, answer 1000 questions a day on some days!
I'm not criticizing you, and I know that many parents want 100% adult driven activities, but if you want a little Stepford child, you're talking to the wrong provider.
I'd tell Mom that kids need to learn how to fill their time on their own. THIS is what gives them the skills to be leaders in the real world when they grow up.
all of my teaching are learn through play, excluding my pre-kinder program. I am a in-home preschool. So this is what I do.I agree 100%. Most all day at my house is free play or slightly structured play. I don't have a curriculum, and I never will. I am not a preschool-my kids leave here for 3-4 hours of preschool during the day, but I don't do it. I wouldn't want it, either.
My firm belief is that kids are over scheduled and over structured-I WANT my kids to play all day: go outside and get dirty, build forts out of couch cushions, collect bugs, make mud pies, and stack my Tupperware up to the ceiling. They DO learn from free play, and I believe they learn so much more from it. We DO talk colors, letters, numbers at my house. We DO read. But I think they are learning all day long from exploring and asking questions (and we all know that we probably, literally, answer 1000 questions a day on some days!
I'm not criticizing you, and I know that many parents want 100% adult driven activities, but if you want a little Stepford child, you're talking to the wrong provider.
I'd tell Mom that kids need to learn how to fill their time on their own. THIS is what gives them the skills to be leaders in the real world when they grow up.
I love what I do and so far this is the only child that I have that CANT function during free play and I guess this would make it the first time that a parent has asked such a crazy request.
daycare 03:49 PM 05-21-2013
I agree with what you guys are saying.. I am such a firm believer in learn through play. But we still set a lesson 3 days a week.
What do I tell this parent? She thinks he does not need free play and I have no clue what to tell her...
Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....
What do I tell this parent? She thinks he does not need free play and I have no clue what to tell her...
Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....
preschoolteacher 04:13 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by Leigh:
I agree 100%. Most all day at my house is free play or slightly structured play. I don't have a curriculum, and I never will. I am not a preschool-my kids leave here for 3-4 hours of preschool during the day, but I don't do it. I wouldn't want it, either.
My firm belief is that kids are over scheduled and over structured-I WANT my kids to play all day: go outside and get dirty, build forts out of couch cushions, collect bugs, make mud pies, and stack my Tupperware up to the ceiling. They DO learn from free play, and I believe they learn so much more from it. We DO talk colors, letters, numbers at my house. We DO read. But I think they are learning all day long from exploring and asking questions (and we all know that we probably, literally, answer 1000 questions a day on some days!
I'm not criticizing you, and I know that many parents want 100% adult driven activities, but if you want a little Stepford child, you're talking to the wrong provider.
I'd tell Mom that kids need to learn how to fill their time on their own. THIS is what gives them the skills to be leaders in the real world when they grow up.
This is MY kind of preschool. I totally disagree with the idea that preschool has to mean adult generated activities. Sounds like you are running a very educational preschool even if you aren't calling it that! I agree 100%. Most all day at my house is free play or slightly structured play. I don't have a curriculum, and I never will. I am not a preschool-my kids leave here for 3-4 hours of preschool during the day, but I don't do it. I wouldn't want it, either.
My firm belief is that kids are over scheduled and over structured-I WANT my kids to play all day: go outside and get dirty, build forts out of couch cushions, collect bugs, make mud pies, and stack my Tupperware up to the ceiling. They DO learn from free play, and I believe they learn so much more from it. We DO talk colors, letters, numbers at my house. We DO read. But I think they are learning all day long from exploring and asking questions (and we all know that we probably, literally, answer 1000 questions a day on some days!
I'm not criticizing you, and I know that many parents want 100% adult driven activities, but if you want a little Stepford child, you're talking to the wrong provider.
I'd tell Mom that kids need to learn how to fill their time on their own. THIS is what gives them the skills to be leaders in the real world when they grow up.
preschoolteacher 04:14 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....
Oh no! I thought maybe giving her some information on play-based learning would help out, but if she's in this profession, then she really should know. Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....
Can you try to explain that by cutting out free time for her son that he will not be able to learn how to play well and behave during free time? If a child couldn't learn to tie his shoes, you wouldn't just take away all shoes with laces and have him wearing Velrco until he's 13--ya know what I mean?
countrymom 04:27 PM 05-21-2013
well the mom thing, he is begging for her attention, thats why he wants her to engage in his play.
now your problem. I would keep telling him to go play toys, watch him and listen to him and just redirect. I always have a third ear so I can hear the convo the kids have and try to help them resolve. Play is really important with kids. I also find that some kids need to be told if its a good decision or not. Sometimes if you give kids a choice a or b they still can't decide.
also, what happens at your daycare is your doing, what happens with mom is her doing. No free play, thats the dumbest thing I heard. How are they going to develop and imagination and engage with friends if all they did was hang out with adults.
now your problem. I would keep telling him to go play toys, watch him and listen to him and just redirect. I always have a third ear so I can hear the convo the kids have and try to help them resolve. Play is really important with kids. I also find that some kids need to be told if its a good decision or not. Sometimes if you give kids a choice a or b they still can't decide.
also, what happens at your daycare is your doing, what happens with mom is her doing. No free play, thats the dumbest thing I heard. How are they going to develop and imagination and engage with friends if all they did was hang out with adults.
Laurel 05:48 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
for some reason when it comes to me and my daycare parents, when it rains it pours...lol
So I have a dck age 4.
Every day during free play this child could not make a good decision if it landed on his head.
Now during structured lesson, activities or anything that I lead, this child is very well behaved and makes great choices/decisions.
Well every day the kid has a great day until we get to free play. Most of them time whatever he did warrants a talk with the parents.
DCM tells me yesterday that as soon as they get home if she does not having something for him to do, its the same thing. She said she has to have one thing after the next lined up or she will pay the price. OF COURSE now she is asking me to not have free play, because her child can't function during that time.
UUUMMM NOoooooo, not going to happen.
One of the many reasons I use free play as a time to sit and observe the kids. I want to see if the lessons I taught them have stuck. Especially the lessons of making good decisions.
I know some of you have dealt with this before. Any ideas on how to handle both parent and child on this??
You say most of the time what he did during free play warrants a talk with the parents. I tend to not tell parents what happens at daycare unless it is really something serious. A kind of "What happens at daycare stays at daycare." I do this because I don't want the parents asking for things like this parent is asking of you. Also, I met a teacher once whose own child had problems at school that she was trying to figure out and working on what was going on with him. She said it was sooo depressing to show up at school and hear something bad every day. Not saying that is going on at your house but that is what your comment made me think of. I'd rather handle it my way in daycare and she can handle it her way at home (cause she is going to anyway for some reason when it comes to me and my daycare parents, when it rains it pours...lol
So I have a dck age 4.
Every day during free play this child could not make a good decision if it landed on his head.
Now during structured lesson, activities or anything that I lead, this child is very well behaved and makes great choices/decisions.
Well every day the kid has a great day until we get to free play. Most of them time whatever he did warrants a talk with the parents.
DCM tells me yesterday that as soon as they get home if she does not having something for him to do, its the same thing. She said she has to have one thing after the next lined up or she will pay the price. OF COURSE now she is asking me to not have free play, because her child can't function during that time.
UUUMMM NOoooooo, not going to happen.
One of the many reasons I use free play as a time to sit and observe the kids. I want to see if the lessons I taught them have stuck. Especially the lessons of making good decisions.
I know some of you have dealt with this before. Any ideas on how to handle both parent and child on this??
)Just on an off chance but do you think he is hearing okay? You mentioned he doesn't listen to the other children's words. Are you sure he is hearing them okay? Just a thought. When my son was in kindergarten the teacher said he wasn't listening and he needed tubes in his ears back then. The doctor said he wasn't hearing the teacher as he had almost no hearing in one ear.
Laurel
Familycare71 05:50 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by Leigh:
I agree 100%. Most all day at my house is free play or slightly structured play. I don't have a curriculum, and I never will. I am not a preschool-my kids leave here for 3-4 hours of preschool during the day, but I don't do it. I wouldn't want it, either.
My firm belief is that kids are over scheduled and over structured-I WANT my kids to play all day: go outside and get dirty, build forts out of couch cushions, collect bugs, make mud pies, and stack my Tupperware up to the ceiling. They DO learn from free play, and I believe they learn so much more from it. We DO talk colors, letters, numbers at my house. We DO read. But I think they are learning all day long from exploring and asking questions (and we all know that we probably, literally, answer 1000 questions a day on some days!
I'm not criticizing you, and I know that many parents want 100% adult driven activities, but if you want a little Stepford child, you're talking to the wrong provider.
I'd tell Mom that kids need to learn how to fill their time on their own. THIS is what gives them the skills to be leaders in the real world when they grow up.
It is SO nice to hear someone else believe this!!! Sometimes I feel like I'm "being lazy" or not guiding enough but I believe 13 years of school is plenty! Kids NEED to play and explore!! I also use "teachable" moments but I don't want to direct them every moment- I want them to explore and learn how to be good friends!!I agree 100%. Most all day at my house is free play or slightly structured play. I don't have a curriculum, and I never will. I am not a preschool-my kids leave here for 3-4 hours of preschool during the day, but I don't do it. I wouldn't want it, either.
My firm belief is that kids are over scheduled and over structured-I WANT my kids to play all day: go outside and get dirty, build forts out of couch cushions, collect bugs, make mud pies, and stack my Tupperware up to the ceiling. They DO learn from free play, and I believe they learn so much more from it. We DO talk colors, letters, numbers at my house. We DO read. But I think they are learning all day long from exploring and asking questions (and we all know that we probably, literally, answer 1000 questions a day on some days!
I'm not criticizing you, and I know that many parents want 100% adult driven activities, but if you want a little Stepford child, you're talking to the wrong provider.
I'd tell Mom that kids need to learn how to fill their time on their own. THIS is what gives them the skills to be leaders in the real world when they grow up.
Leigh 07:29 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
I agree with what you guys are saying.. I am such a firm believer in learn through play. But we still set a lesson 3 days a week.
What do I tell this parent? She thinks he does not need free play and I have no clue what to tell her...
Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....
Whoa...you deserve a medal for even accepting one of her kids! I honestly don't think I would even consider the child of a psychologist. I am NOT knocking Child Psy., but I wouldn't want to deal with one as a daycare parent!I agree with what you guys are saying.. I am such a firm believer in learn through play. But we still set a lesson 3 days a week.
What do I tell this parent? She thinks he does not need free play and I have no clue what to tell her...
Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....
daycare 07:48 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by Laurel:
You say most of the time what he did during free play warrants a talk with the parents. I tend to not tell parents what happens at daycare unless it is really something serious. A kind of "What happens at daycare stays at daycare." I do this because I don't want the parents asking for things like this parent is asking of you. Also, I met a teacher once whose own child had problems at school that she was trying to figure out and working on what was going on with him. She said it was sooo depressing to show up at school and hear something bad every day. Not saying that is going on at your house but that is what your comment made me think of. I'd rather handle it my way in daycare and she can handle it her way at home (cause she is going to anyway)
Just on an off chance but do you think he is hearing okay? You mentioned he doesn't listen to the other children's words. Are you sure he is hearing them okay? Just a thought. When my son was in kindergarten the teacher said he wasn't listening and he needed tubes in his ears back then. The doctor said he wasn't hearing the teacher as he had almost no hearing in one ear.
Laurel
the things that he is doing unfortunately warrant a phone call home. Stuff like hitting, spitting, or basically hurting others or himself. its not every day, but I would say about 3 days a week on average. I always do my best to leave daycare and at daycare and vs.You say most of the time what he did during free play warrants a talk with the parents. I tend to not tell parents what happens at daycare unless it is really something serious. A kind of "What happens at daycare stays at daycare." I do this because I don't want the parents asking for things like this parent is asking of you. Also, I met a teacher once whose own child had problems at school that she was trying to figure out and working on what was going on with him. She said it was sooo depressing to show up at school and hear something bad every day. Not saying that is going on at your house but that is what your comment made me think of. I'd rather handle it my way in daycare and she can handle it her way at home (cause she is going to anyway
)Just on an off chance but do you think he is hearing okay? You mentioned he doesn't listen to the other children's words. Are you sure he is hearing them okay? Just a thought. When my son was in kindergarten the teacher said he wasn't listening and he needed tubes in his ears back then. The doctor said he wasn't hearing the teacher as he had almost no hearing in one ear.
Laurel
I know what you mean about always having to here the bad things. Trust me when I tell you that there are many days that I just don't say anything at all.
The child is VERY loud. He talks to you as though you are in the other room, when we are sitting right there. I think it has to do with that the mom is a yeller. I am pretty sure that he hears just fine. I asked mom last year about if they had tested it and they said yes, hes fine???? His first week with me about 2 years ago, I thought the same thing. Wow why is he not listening to anyone and why does he talk so loud. I whisper pretty much all day and tell the kids if you can't hear me, then you are talking too loud.
daycare 07:51 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by Leigh:
Whoa...you deserve a medal for even accepting one of her kids! I honestly don't think I would even consider the child of a psychologist. I am NOT knocking Child Psy., but I wouldn't want to deal with one as a daycare parent!
lol....I feel like I beat my head on the wall many days... It stinks. But awhile back the economy was so bad that I took on the family. Of course they put their best foot forward and I thought they were great. As time went on, I saw that our parenting styles are sooooooooo different that it was not going to work. But with having two kids with me, I had to keep them. I am in a MUCH better position now to let them go and if I don't get this figured out soon, that is what is going to happen.. Whoa...you deserve a medal for even accepting one of her kids! I honestly don't think I would even consider the child of a psychologist. I am NOT knocking Child Psy., but I wouldn't want to deal with one as a daycare parent!
It stinks, but I would rather have my piece of mind that have a parent constantly blame me for everything and then come back with some crazy request..................
I am just hoping they walk in tomorrow telling me that they are moving to a new childcare.....
Cradle2crayons 08:07 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
I agree with what you guys are saying.. I am such a firm believer in learn through play. But we still set a lesson 3 days a week.
What do I tell this parent? She thinks he does not need free play and I have no clue what to tell her...
Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....
You tell the parent that free play is part of the wonderful program you do and they pay for and your program isn't set up the way she wants it. Don't give her a choice. Just explain this is how you run your program and leave it at that.I agree with what you guys are saying.. I am such a firm believer in learn through play. But we still set a lesson 3 days a week.
What do I tell this parent? She thinks he does not need free play and I have no clue what to tell her...
Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....
daycare 08:20 PM 05-21-2013
well I chickened out today at pick up...... Normally I have kids all ready to go at pick up, but she came early so the kids were not ready . They ran all over the entire house and went nuts......... My asst ended up pissing her off when she raised her voice and put them in their place so that they could get their shoes on. My asst is new, so she does things differently than me. But she did things ok. She got control of the kids because mom was not and got them to move on out.
So dcm got into a bad mood because of what my asst did so I knew it was not a good time to tell her BTW We are doing free play, it's not something we will ever plan on going without....
Is it friday yet?????
So dcm got into a bad mood because of what my asst did so I knew it was not a good time to tell her BTW We are doing free play, it's not something we will ever plan on going without....
Is it friday yet?????
cheerfuldom 08:23 PM 05-21-2013
No discussions. Just "this is how I run my program. If you think it is no longer a good fit, feel free to look for other care and dont forget to provide a two weeks notice"
But I am wondering a bit if something is "off" with this child as well. I wonder if he has sensory issues only because he sounds a lot like my daughter. Yes, sometimes it is a problem created by mom but its not that all the times. "Go play" does not work for every child because there are some kids that really cannot handle the unstructured portions of the day. Lashing out in socially inappropriate ways is very common with kids that have sensory issues. I am not saying that this is your problem to solve OP, only throwing it out there as a possibility of being something else besides manipulation by the child.
But I am wondering a bit if something is "off" with this child as well. I wonder if he has sensory issues only because he sounds a lot like my daughter. Yes, sometimes it is a problem created by mom but its not that all the times. "Go play" does not work for every child because there are some kids that really cannot handle the unstructured portions of the day. Lashing out in socially inappropriate ways is very common with kids that have sensory issues. I am not saying that this is your problem to solve OP, only throwing it out there as a possibility of being something else besides manipulation by the child.
daycare 08:29 PM 05-21-2013
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
No discussions. Just "this is how I run my program. If you think it is no longer a good fit, feel free to look for other care and dont forget to provide a two weeks notice"
But I am wondering a bit if something is "off" with this child as well. I wonder if he has sensory issues only because he sounds a lot like my daughter. Yes, sometimes it is a problem created by mom but its not that all the times. "Go play" does not work for every child because there are some kids that really cannot handle the unstructured portions of the day. Lashing out in socially inappropriate ways is very common with kids that have sensory issues. I am not saying that this is your problem to solve OP, only throwing it out there as a possibility of being something else besides manipulation by the child.
I have wondered this in the past...... Of course this is NEVER something that I could talk openly with DCM about. The child does not handle change well at all.No discussions. Just "this is how I run my program. If you think it is no longer a good fit, feel free to look for other care and dont forget to provide a two weeks notice"
But I am wondering a bit if something is "off" with this child as well. I wonder if he has sensory issues only because he sounds a lot like my daughter. Yes, sometimes it is a problem created by mom but its not that all the times. "Go play" does not work for every child because there are some kids that really cannot handle the unstructured portions of the day. Lashing out in socially inappropriate ways is very common with kids that have sensory issues. I am not saying that this is your problem to solve OP, only throwing it out there as a possibility of being something else besides manipulation by the child.
I guess I chalked it up to behavior, because as soon as this parent arrives I see the child go from slightly bad behavior to over the top out of control behavior. The mom has No clue how to deal with it at all and will throw her arms up and then say can you throw me a bone. Of course I just want them out and done, so I get them under control and get them out. NOt always, but it happens.
Can you tell me more about the sensory issue with your daughter. Is there more??
rmc20021 04:35 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by Laurel:
You say most of the time what he did during free play warrants a talk with the parents. I tend to not tell parents what happens at daycare unless it is really something serious. A kind of "What happens at daycare stays at daycare." I do this because I don't want the parents asking for things like this parent is asking of you. Also, I met a teacher once whose own child had problems at school that she was trying to figure out and working on what was going on with him. She said it was sooo depressing to show up at school and hear something bad every day. Not saying that is going on at your house but that is what your comment made me think of. I'd rather handle it my way in daycare and she can handle it her way at home (cause she is going to anyway)
Just on an off chance but do you think he is hearing okay? You mentioned he doesn't listen to the other children's words. Are you sure he is hearing them okay? Just a thought. When my son was in kindergarten the teacher said he wasn't listening and he needed tubes in his ears back then. The doctor said he wasn't hearing the teacher as he had almost no hearing in one ear.
Laurel
I used to work at the local middle school with students in the 6-8th grade age range. I started observing some of the kids behaviors and realized that the ONLY time parents were notified of what was going on with their child at school was for bad behaviors. I believed that to encourage the bad behaviors.You say most of the time what he did during free play warrants a talk with the parents. I tend to not tell parents what happens at daycare unless it is really something serious. A kind of "What happens at daycare stays at daycare." I do this because I don't want the parents asking for things like this parent is asking of you. Also, I met a teacher once whose own child had problems at school that she was trying to figure out and working on what was going on with him. She said it was sooo depressing to show up at school and hear something bad every day. Not saying that is going on at your house but that is what your comment made me think of. I'd rather handle it my way in daycare and she can handle it her way at home (cause she is going to anyway
)Just on an off chance but do you think he is hearing okay? You mentioned he doesn't listen to the other children's words. Are you sure he is hearing them okay? Just a thought. When my son was in kindergarten the teacher said he wasn't listening and he needed tubes in his ears back then. The doctor said he wasn't hearing the teacher as he had almost no hearing in one ear.
Laurel
I was only an aide, but I began taking the kids who I worked with (at risk kids) and each and every day, I would write the parents a note about their child's behaviors at school that day. I did NOT write anything negative. I focused on what they had done well that day...even if it was something very minor.
The kids behaviors started turning around because they wanted me to write good reports about them and it encouraged their better behaviors. Even the expressions on their faces changed from angry and frustrated to smiling and WANTING to do well.
Cradle2crayons 04:47 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by rmc20021:
I used to work at the local middle school with students in the 6-8th grade age range. I started observing some of the kids behaviors and realized that the ONLY time parents were notified of what was going on with their child at school was for bad behaviors. I believed that to encourage the bad behaviors.
I was only an aide, but I began taking the kids who I worked with (at risk kids) and each and every day, I would write the parents a note about their child's behaviors at school that day. I did NOT write anything negative. I focused on what they had done well that day...even if it was something very minor.
The kids behaviors started turning around because they wanted me to write good reports about them and it encouraged their better behaviors. Even the expressions on their faces changed from angry and frustrated to smiling and WANTING to do well.
ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY TRUE. So glad you brought this up. It's is a huge thing with my daughter. I think sometimes kids get into like a FUNK. They have several episodes of not so desirable behavior and the negatives escalate to the point that they just continue to do them because they know the adults expect them to.I used to work at the local middle school with students in the 6-8th grade age range. I started observing some of the kids behaviors and realized that the ONLY time parents were notified of what was going on with their child at school was for bad behaviors. I believed that to encourage the bad behaviors.
I was only an aide, but I began taking the kids who I worked with (at risk kids) and each and every day, I would write the parents a note about their child's behaviors at school that day. I did NOT write anything negative. I focused on what they had done well that day...even if it was something very minor.
The kids behaviors started turning around because they wanted me to write good reports about them and it encouraged their better behaviors. Even the expressions on their faces changed from angry and frustrated to smiling and WANTING to do well.
Rewarding even a small positive with a verbal acknowledgement goes a LONG WAY.
Laurel 04:59 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
the things that he is doing unfortunately warrant a phone call home. Stuff like hitting, spitting, or basically hurting others or himself. its not every day, but I would say about 3 days a week on average. I always do my best to leave daycare and at daycare and vs.
I know what you mean about always having to here the bad things. Trust me when I tell you that there are many days that I just don't say anything at all.
The child is VERY loud. He talks to you as though you are in the other room, when we are sitting right there. I think it has to do with that the mom is a yeller. I am pretty sure that he hears just fine. I asked mom last year about if they had tested it and they said yes, hes fine???? His first week with me about 2 years ago, I thought the same thing. Wow why is he not listening to anyone and why does he talk so loud. I whisper pretty much all day and tell the kids if you can't hear me, then you are talking too loud.
Hmmm, I'm just wondering if he has anybody close to his own age to play with or are there just toddlers around him? Here our 4 year olds usually leave because our state has a voluntary FREE pre kindergarten program. I have had some with late birthdays be almost 5 when they left my care and I found it hard when I just had one 4 year old and then babies/toddlers. the things that he is doing unfortunately warrant a phone call home. Stuff like hitting, spitting, or basically hurting others or himself. its not every day, but I would say about 3 days a week on average. I always do my best to leave daycare and at daycare and vs.
I know what you mean about always having to here the bad things. Trust me when I tell you that there are many days that I just don't say anything at all.
The child is VERY loud. He talks to you as though you are in the other room, when we are sitting right there. I think it has to do with that the mom is a yeller. I am pretty sure that he hears just fine. I asked mom last year about if they had tested it and they said yes, hes fine???? His first week with me about 2 years ago, I thought the same thing. Wow why is he not listening to anyone and why does he talk so loud. I whisper pretty much all day and tell the kids if you can't hear me, then you are talking too loud.
When I have a spitting child I give them a paper cup and tell them to go into the bathroom and spit in it until they fill it up. Of course, they're not going to fill it up
but it sure isn't fun to spit if it doesn't bug anybody. 
Laurel
Laurel 05:01 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by rmc20021:
I used to work at the local middle school with students in the 6-8th grade age range. I started observing some of the kids behaviors and realized that the ONLY time parents were notified of what was going on with their child at school was for bad behaviors. I believed that to encourage the bad behaviors.
I was only an aide, but I began taking the kids who I worked with (at risk kids) and each and every day, I would write the parents a note about their child's behaviors at school that day. I did NOT write anything negative. I focused on what they had done well that day...even if it was something very minor.
The kids behaviors started turning around because they wanted me to write good reports about them and it encouraged their better behaviors. Even the expressions on their faces changed from angry and frustrated to smiling and WANTING to do well.
That would be a great idea for the OP to do! Good idea. I used to work at the local middle school with students in the 6-8th grade age range. I started observing some of the kids behaviors and realized that the ONLY time parents were notified of what was going on with their child at school was for bad behaviors. I believed that to encourage the bad behaviors.
I was only an aide, but I began taking the kids who I worked with (at risk kids) and each and every day, I would write the parents a note about their child's behaviors at school that day. I did NOT write anything negative. I focused on what they had done well that day...even if it was something very minor.
The kids behaviors started turning around because they wanted me to write good reports about them and it encouraged their better behaviors. Even the expressions on their faces changed from angry and frustrated to smiling and WANTING to do well.
Laurel
itlw8 05:44 AM 05-22-2013
do you have a rug about bath size that he can use for his place ? not a punishment but he could choose a toy to pay with on that rug. Then for now IF he wants to let a friend join great.
It might be easier for him to learn to pay if he can control the amount of children around him
It might be easier for him to learn to pay if he can control the amount of children around him
wdmmom 06:53 AM 05-22-2013
What does this family think they are paying for? If your kid doesn't play, your kid doesn't belong in daycare!
daycare 06:58 AM 05-22-2013
I am going to answer the last few replies all here and I don't really know how to quote each one of you..
First off my ages are:
1 child- 18 months
2- 2 year old
4- 3 year old
3- 4 year old
3- 5 year old
So he has plenty of kids in his age group to play with. He is 4 and a very young 4 at that.
The letter idea sounds great. But do you really think that at age 4 that he would make that connection with the letter? It sounds like an amazing idea. I am just wondering if he will undertand it.
My next question would be how do I NOT tell the parents when he hit someone or hurt someone? I honestly think that the parents need to know when their child is doing this. If I always make everything sunshine and rainbows, then if I ever have to term for his behavior I won't have those emails of the unwanted behavior...
ONe thing that myself and my assistants have noticed is that no matter what we say to this DCM, she is always in a pissy mood. Just yesterday she got mad and slammed my front door. I do send home emails to her of good news. JUst seems the bad out weights the good.
When I write an email home to tell dcm that he hit someone or something to that degree I never forget to leave out the positive things he did as well. BUt DCM will always focus on the bad and get angered at me.
I doubt myself A LOT.........just when I think I am doing good, something happens and makes me feel insecure. I feel like I am in a boat in a stream with no paddles....... Hope there are not any more alligator moms in this stream................
First off my ages are:
1 child- 18 months
2- 2 year old
4- 3 year old
3- 4 year old
3- 5 year old
So he has plenty of kids in his age group to play with. He is 4 and a very young 4 at that.
The letter idea sounds great. But do you really think that at age 4 that he would make that connection with the letter? It sounds like an amazing idea. I am just wondering if he will undertand it.
My next question would be how do I NOT tell the parents when he hit someone or hurt someone? I honestly think that the parents need to know when their child is doing this. If I always make everything sunshine and rainbows, then if I ever have to term for his behavior I won't have those emails of the unwanted behavior...
ONe thing that myself and my assistants have noticed is that no matter what we say to this DCM, she is always in a pissy mood. Just yesterday she got mad and slammed my front door. I do send home emails to her of good news. JUst seems the bad out weights the good.
When I write an email home to tell dcm that he hit someone or something to that degree I never forget to leave out the positive things he did as well. BUt DCM will always focus on the bad and get angered at me.
I doubt myself A LOT.........just when I think I am doing good, something happens and makes me feel insecure. I feel like I am in a boat in a stream with no paddles....... Hope there are not any more alligator moms in this stream................
rmc20021 07:47 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
I am going to answer the last few replies all here and I don't really know how to quote each one of you..
First off my ages are:
1 child- 18 months
2- 2 year old
4- 3 year old
3- 4 year old
3- 5 year old
So he has plenty of kids in his age group to play with. He is 4 and a very young 4 at that.
The letter idea sounds great. But do you really think that at age 4 that he would make that connection with the letter? It sounds like an amazing idea. I am just wondering if he will undertand it.
My next question would be how do I NOT tell the parents when he hit someone or hurt someone? I honestly think that the parents need to know when their child is doing this. If I always make everything sunshine and rainbows, then if I ever have to term for his behavior I won't have those emails of the unwanted behavior...
ONe thing that myself and my assistants have noticed is that no matter what we say to this DCM, she is always in a pissy mood. Just yesterday she got mad and slammed my front door. I do send home emails to her of good news. JUst seems the bad out weights the good.
When I write an email home to tell dcm that he hit someone or something to that degree I never forget to leave out the positive things he did as well. BUt DCM will always focus on the bad and get angered at me.
I doubt myself A LOT.........just when I think I am doing good, something happens and makes me feel insecure. I feel like I am in a boat in a stream with no paddles....... Hope there are not any more alligator moms in this stream................
He is really too young for a letter per se, but what I would do is every day when dcm/dcd picks up, I would elaborate on something he did very well that day...even if it's something as simple as smiling at another child in a positive way. Make a comment to him when he does it, then make sure to follow up by telling mom/dad when they pick up. I am going to answer the last few replies all here and I don't really know how to quote each one of you..
First off my ages are:
1 child- 18 months
2- 2 year old
4- 3 year old
3- 4 year old
3- 5 year old
So he has plenty of kids in his age group to play with. He is 4 and a very young 4 at that.
The letter idea sounds great. But do you really think that at age 4 that he would make that connection with the letter? It sounds like an amazing idea. I am just wondering if he will undertand it.
My next question would be how do I NOT tell the parents when he hit someone or hurt someone? I honestly think that the parents need to know when their child is doing this. If I always make everything sunshine and rainbows, then if I ever have to term for his behavior I won't have those emails of the unwanted behavior...
ONe thing that myself and my assistants have noticed is that no matter what we say to this DCM, she is always in a pissy mood. Just yesterday she got mad and slammed my front door. I do send home emails to her of good news. JUst seems the bad out weights the good.
When I write an email home to tell dcm that he hit someone or something to that degree I never forget to leave out the positive things he did as well. BUt DCM will always focus on the bad and get angered at me.
I doubt myself A LOT.........just when I think I am doing good, something happens and makes me feel insecure. I feel like I am in a boat in a stream with no paddles....... Hope there are not any more alligator moms in this stream................
IF he does something negative, relate the info to parents by email, or something for which the child cannot actually hear and encourage them to handle it in a manner in which is more positive. I think this kid needs a lot more positive encouragement.
Unregistered 07:50 AM 05-22-2013
The only problem I see is teling her everyday about incidents.
I have never told a parent about trouble their kid has during the day.Once I have dealt with it it's over.Unless of course it's an everyday thing and the same thing over and over(hitting or biting)
If it's a serious offense and my solution doesn't seem to work THEN I have a discussion and we come up with a solution on how to work with the problem.If I see no change or no help fom a parent then they are put on a two week probation.After that,if nothing has changed they are terminated.
If you believe you have done everything and she isn't willing to get on the same page,it's time for him to go.
As far as the no free play,don't even discuss that with her.If he can't get along with other children he needs to be taught all over again,like a two year old how to play with his friends.
What exactly is he doing? Hitting? Taking toys? You will have to deal with each behavior and teach him what you want him to do,how to play.
Good luck!
I have never told a parent about trouble their kid has during the day.Once I have dealt with it it's over.Unless of course it's an everyday thing and the same thing over and over(hitting or biting)
If it's a serious offense and my solution doesn't seem to work THEN I have a discussion and we come up with a solution on how to work with the problem.If I see no change or no help fom a parent then they are put on a two week probation.After that,if nothing has changed they are terminated.
If you believe you have done everything and she isn't willing to get on the same page,it's time for him to go.
As far as the no free play,don't even discuss that with her.If he can't get along with other children he needs to be taught all over again,like a two year old how to play with his friends.
What exactly is he doing? Hitting? Taking toys? You will have to deal with each behavior and teach him what you want him to do,how to play.
Good luck!
daycare 08:00 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by rmc20021:
He is really too young for a letter per se, but what I would do is every day when dcm/dcd picks up, I would elaborate on something he did very well that day...even if it's something as simple as smiling at another child in a positive way. Make a comment to him when he does it, then make sure to follow up by telling mom/dad when they pick up.
IF he does something negative, relate the info to parents by email, or something for which the child cannot actually hear and encourage them to handle it in a manner in which is more positive. I think this kid needs a lot more positive encouragement.
this is exactly what I do.... When things are not of good nature, a letter goes home via email. I agee, I don't want to talk about a kids day not only in front of them, but possibly in front of another parent.He is really too young for a letter per se, but what I would do is every day when dcm/dcd picks up, I would elaborate on something he did very well that day...even if it's something as simple as smiling at another child in a positive way. Make a comment to him when he does it, then make sure to follow up by telling mom/dad when they pick up.
IF he does something negative, relate the info to parents by email, or something for which the child cannot actually hear and encourage them to handle it in a manner in which is more positive. I think this kid needs a lot more positive encouragement.
As stated in my previous post, NO matter what, when I do have to tell them that the child hit or something, I do tell them positive things as well....
daycare 08:02 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
The only problem I see is teling her everyday about incidents.
I have never told a parent about trouble their kid has during the day.Once I have dealt with it it's over.Unless of course it's an everyday thing and the same thing over and over(hitting or biting)
If it's a serious offense and my solution doesn't seem to work THEN I have a discussion and we come up with a solution on how to work with the problem.If I see no change or no help fom a parent then they are put on a two week probation.After that,if nothing has changed they are terminated.
If you believe you have done everything and she isn't willing to get on the same page,it's time for him to go.
As far as the no free play,don't even discuss that with her.If he can't get along with other children he needs to be taught all over again,like a two year old how to play with his friends.
What exactly is he doing? Hitting? Taking toys? You will have to deal with each behavior and teach him what you want him to do,how to play.
Good luck!
hitting, spitting, taking toys, not listening to his friends words, invading others space, knocking over their towers, taking apart things friends are putting together. Every day its something different. I normally don't do an email home unless it happened several times in one day.....The only problem I see is teling her everyday about incidents.
I have never told a parent about trouble their kid has during the day.Once I have dealt with it it's over.Unless of course it's an everyday thing and the same thing over and over(hitting or biting)
If it's a serious offense and my solution doesn't seem to work THEN I have a discussion and we come up with a solution on how to work with the problem.If I see no change or no help fom a parent then they are put on a two week probation.After that,if nothing has changed they are terminated.
If you believe you have done everything and she isn't willing to get on the same page,it's time for him to go.
As far as the no free play,don't even discuss that with her.If he can't get along with other children he needs to be taught all over again,like a two year old how to play with his friends.
What exactly is he doing? Hitting? Taking toys? You will have to deal with each behavior and teach him what you want him to do,how to play.
Good luck!
NeedaVaca 08:08 AM 05-22-2013
If I had a DCP slam my door they wouldn't be here much longer! I wouldn't allow that in my house...I have to wonder if his behavior stems from seeing his mom act that way all the time? If he sees her angry, slamming doors, yelling...it's bound to rub off on him. His acting out could be a direct result of her behavior.
daycare 08:11 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
If I had a DCP slam my door they wouldn't be here much longer! I wouldn't allow that in my house...I have to wonder if his behavior stems from seeing his mom act that way all the time? If he sees her angry, slamming doors, yelling...it's bound to rub off on him. His acting out could be a direct result of her behavior.
I think I will have to agree with you on this....dcm and the grandma live together and they fight non-stop. I have told DCM this before....If I had a DCP slam my door they wouldn't be here much longer! I wouldn't allow that in my house...I have to wonder if his behavior stems from seeing his mom act that way all the time? If he sees her angry, slamming doors, yelling...it's bound to rub off on him. His acting out could be a direct result of her behavior.
ugh........I am so over this.............I need to fix this or its going to eat at me
Unregistered 08:42 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
hitting, spitting, taking toys, not listening to his friends words, invading others space, knocking over their towers, taking apart things friends are putting together. Every day its something different. I normally don't do an email home unless it happened several times in one day.....
Yes,he doesn't know how to properly play with his peers. Start all over with him. Have him sit on a rug with one toy at a time.Have him put that toy away when he's done and then get another.When he can follow that task, have him go play with the others.Let him know the rules."There will be no hitting,spitting,taking your friends toys.If you can't follow the rules you will have to sit back on your mat"hitting, spitting, taking toys, not listening to his friends words, invading others space, knocking over their towers, taking apart things friends are putting together. Every day its something different. I normally don't do an email home unless it happened several times in one day.....
Then follow through.Allow him a lot of chances but as soon as he shows you he can't handle it,back to his rug.
One thing I have in my daycare that may help in this situation.
Each childen here has a rug,they may get a toy and either sit on their rug or at the table.When they are done they put the toy back on the shelf before they can get another one.I do allow more then one child to sit on a rug if they have asked their friend if they can join them.Sometimes the kids say yes,other times they say "No thank you,I want to play by myself"
It helps in this kind of situation where kids are knocking other's toys over while they are trying to play. Even my little ones know how to sit and play,we are still working on returning toys to the shelf but they get it very quickly.With that many kids in your are it might cut down on some problems.
As for his mom,she sounds rude.You need to let her know she can't act that way in your home.Sounds like he's learning alot from his mother's behavior.Time for a talk with her!
Play Care 09:34 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Yes,he doesn't know how to properly play with his peers. Start all over with him. Have him sit on a rug with one toy at a time.Have him put that toy away when he's done and then get another.When he can follow that task, have him go play with the others.Let him know the rules."There will be no hitting,spitting,taking your friends toys.If you can't follow the rules you will have to sit back on your mat"
Then follow through.Allow him a lot of chances but as soon as he shows you he can't handle it,back to his rug.
One thing I have in my daycare that may help in this situation.
Each childen here has a rug,they may get a toy and either sit on their rug or at the table.When they are done they put the toy back on the shelf before they can get another one.I do allow more then one child to sit on a rug if they have asked their friend if they can join them.Sometimes the kids say yes,other times they say "No thank you,I want to play by myself"
It helps in this kind of situation where kids are knocking other's toys over while they are trying to play. Even my little ones know how to sit and play,we are still working on returning toys to the shelf but they get it very quickly.With that many kids in your are it might cut down on some problems.
As for his mom,she sounds rude.You need to let her know she can't act that way in your home.Sounds like he's learning alot from his mother's behavior.Time for a talk with her!
Great suggestions! Yes,he doesn't know how to properly play with his peers. Start all over with him. Have him sit on a rug with one toy at a time.Have him put that toy away when he's done and then get another.When he can follow that task, have him go play with the others.Let him know the rules."There will be no hitting,spitting,taking your friends toys.If you can't follow the rules you will have to sit back on your mat"
Then follow through.Allow him a lot of chances but as soon as he shows you he can't handle it,back to his rug.
One thing I have in my daycare that may help in this situation.
Each childen here has a rug,they may get a toy and either sit on their rug or at the table.When they are done they put the toy back on the shelf before they can get another one.I do allow more then one child to sit on a rug if they have asked their friend if they can join them.Sometimes the kids say yes,other times they say "No thank you,I want to play by myself"
It helps in this kind of situation where kids are knocking other's toys over while they are trying to play. Even my little ones know how to sit and play,we are still working on returning toys to the shelf but they get it very quickly.With that many kids in your are it might cut down on some problems.
As for his mom,she sounds rude.You need to let her know she can't act that way in your home.Sounds like he's learning alot from his mother's behavior.Time for a talk with her!
I have a young group right now and they can NOT handle "true" free play so we do something similar. The only time I allow free play is when I can be right in the middle of it, observing, encouraging, etc.
Not saying this is the case for the OP, but I think "free play" is another term that gets misused in child care. I'm good friends with a provider in my town and we arranged a "play date" one day. Walk to her house. Only to be APPALLED by what she considered "free" play. It was more like free for all...
Meanwhile she was sitting drinking tea and noting my look of growing concern kept reassuring me "Oh, it's just free play!" 
I like her a lot and she has a lot of great ideas, but man oh man! We didn't stay long! I also never told her but a couple of years ago I got one of her PT clients because mom was tired of all the "wrestling" that went on at this providers home (aka "Free play"
)
My3cents 10:05 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
all of my teaching are learn through play, excluding my pre-kinder program. I am a in-home preschool. So this is what I do.
I love what I do and so far this is the only child that I have that CANT function during free play and I guess this would make it the first time that a parent has asked such a crazy request.
I am more for a balance of both. This kid seems to be screaming he wants more to do- let him have at it. Maybe have a box of stuff just for him to play with that is on a higher level then the rest of his group. Take it out here and there for him. I would hear the parent, but when the child is in your care I feel you know what is best for the child and the group as a whole. Do what works for you. If she is adamant about his day being structured then maybe your program is not the best for him and I would explain that to her. Good luck-all of my teaching are learn through play, excluding my pre-kinder program. I am a in-home preschool. So this is what I do.
I love what I do and so far this is the only child that I have that CANT function during free play and I guess this would make it the first time that a parent has asked such a crazy request.
My3cents 10:07 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
I agree with what you guys are saying.. I am such a firm believer in learn through play. But we still set a lesson 3 days a week.
What do I tell this parent? She thinks he does not need free play and I have no clue what to tell her...
Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....
ey ey eyyyyy....... your up the creek with out the paddle. I would tell her that your program is not set up that way and that you believe in free play and why and you do offer both. Yikes.... sounds like you don't stand a chance with this one. At least try~I agree with what you guys are saying.. I am such a firm believer in learn through play. But we still set a lesson 3 days a week.
What do I tell this parent? She thinks he does not need free play and I have no clue what to tell her...
Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....
My3cents 10:14 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by preschoolteacher:
Oh no! I thought maybe giving her some information on play-based learning would help out, but if she's in this profession, then she really should know. she might have a different opinion on style of learning, and that is ok. If she is successful then she might look at what got her to where she is and feel that is what she wants for her son. She might be smart enough to say that the books are not the one and only way of doing things, as each child is unique and different in how they learn and thrive. I am not knocking free play, but I think keeping your kids active in different things and engaged is not bad either. She may know is my point but have a different view as to what she wants for her child.
Can you try to explain that by cutting out free time for her son that he will not be able to learn how to play well and behave during free time? If a child couldn't learn to tie his shoes, you wouldn't just take away all shoes with laces and have him wearing Velrco until he's 13--ya know what I mean?
the velcro thing........if it was hip and cool to be in velcro at all ages......heck ya.... Why not make life easier for everyone. tee hee..... I just had tooOh no! I thought maybe giving her some information on play-based learning would help out, but if she's in this profession, then she really should know. she might have a different opinion on style of learning, and that is ok. If she is successful then she might look at what got her to where she is and feel that is what she wants for her son. She might be smart enough to say that the books are not the one and only way of doing things, as each child is unique and different in how they learn and thrive. I am not knocking free play, but I think keeping your kids active in different things and engaged is not bad either. She may know is my point but have a different view as to what she wants for her child.
Can you try to explain that by cutting out free time for her son that he will not be able to learn how to play well and behave during free time? If a child couldn't learn to tie his shoes, you wouldn't just take away all shoes with laces and have him wearing Velrco until he's 13--ya know what I mean?
My3cents 10:18 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by Laurel:
You say most of the time what he did during free play warrants a talk with the parents. I tend to not tell parents what happens at daycare unless it is really something serious. A kind of "What happens at daycare stays at daycare." I do this because I don't want the parents asking for things like this parent is asking of you. Also, I met a teacher once whose own child had problems at school that she was trying to figure out and working on what was going on with him. She said it was sooo depressing to show up at school and hear something bad every day. Not saying that is going on at your house but that is what your comment made me think of. I'd rather handle it my way in daycare and she can handle it her way at home (cause she is going to anyway)I like what your saying here and agree but how do address the parent at pick up after a day of pure he** with a child? Can you go into this more-
Just on an off chance but do you think he is hearing okay? You mentioned he doesn't listen to the other children's words. Are you sure he is hearing them okay? Just a thought. When my son was in kindergarten the teacher said he wasn't listening and he needed tubes in his ears back then. The doctor said he wasn't hearing the teacher as he had almost no hearing in one ear.
Laurel
I replied above.....You say most of the time what he did during free play warrants a talk with the parents. I tend to not tell parents what happens at daycare unless it is really something serious. A kind of "What happens at daycare stays at daycare." I do this because I don't want the parents asking for things like this parent is asking of you. Also, I met a teacher once whose own child had problems at school that she was trying to figure out and working on what was going on with him. She said it was sooo depressing to show up at school and hear something bad every day. Not saying that is going on at your house but that is what your comment made me think of. I'd rather handle it my way in daycare and she can handle it her way at home (cause she is going to anyway
)I like what your saying here and agree but how do address the parent at pick up after a day of pure he** with a child? Can you go into this more-Just on an off chance but do you think he is hearing okay? You mentioned he doesn't listen to the other children's words. Are you sure he is hearing them okay? Just a thought. When my son was in kindergarten the teacher said he wasn't listening and he needed tubes in his ears back then. The doctor said he wasn't hearing the teacher as he had almost no hearing in one ear.
Laurel
Heidi 10:37 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would do all free play all the time. He is begging you to leave him be. He doesn't need any help with adult generated activity success. He is gifted in that. He needs “no adult" so he can build that part of his brain.
GO
PLAY
TOYS
I haven't met a kid who didn't want an adult to service their minute to minute. You have just run into one who is slick enough to make it happen.
He's good. Real good. :-)
I would do all free play all the time. He is begging you to leave him be. He doesn't need any help with adult generated activity success. He is gifted in that. He needs “no adult" so he can build that part of his brain.
GO
PLAY
TOYS
I haven't met a kid who didn't want an adult to service their minute to minute. You have just run into one who is slick enough to make it happen.
He's good. Real good. :-)
Heidi 10:40 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
I agree with what you guys are saying.. I am such a firm believer in learn through play. But we still set a lesson 3 days a week.
What do I tell this parent? She thinks he does not need free play and I have no clue what to tell her...
Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....
Try this:I agree with what you guys are saying.. I am such a firm believer in learn through play. But we still set a lesson 3 days a week.
What do I tell this parent? She thinks he does not need free play and I have no clue what to tell her...
Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....
http://www.naeyc.org/play
My3cents 10:47 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
I am going to answer the last few replies all here and I don't really know how to quote each one of you..
First off my ages are:
1 child- 18 months
2- 2 year old
4- 3 year old
3- 4 year old
3- 5 year old
So he has plenty of kids in his age group to play with. He is 4 and a very young 4 at that.
The letter idea sounds great. But do you really think that at age 4 that he would make that connection with the letter? It sounds like an amazing idea. I am just wondering if he will undertand it.
My next question would be how do I NOT tell the parents when he hit someone or hurt someone? I would not let these opportunities for this to happen to someone take place anymore, giving him his own space whatever it takes. I honestly think that the parents need to know when their child is doing this. If I always make everything sunshine and rainbows, then if I ever have to term for his behavior I won't have those emails of the unwanted behavior...I agree with you here too, but I also agree with if it is always negative, the negative becomes the norm. I am looking for ideas and solutions too here. I have one and Mom ask how his day was and most days it is not good and I am not good at saying it was ok when it was not.
ONe thing that myself and my assistants have noticed is that no matter what we say to this DCM, she is always in a pissy mood. Address this to her....say to her hey Mom, I have noticed that you don't seem to be in a good mood when you come to pick up little one. Is everything ok? Just addressing it to her might be enough for her to see this and change herself, if it nothing related with you.Just yesterday she got mad and slammed my front door. No, this would not be happening. call her out on this. Mom you can be upset but slamming my door is not going to be tolerated here. Please don't do this again. I do send home emails to her of good news. JUst seems the bad out weights the good. I am looking for ideas on how to handle this too that work. I don't want to be a negative Nelly but sometimes it is reality of how this child's day went. I have more then one of these.
When I write an email home to tell dcm that he hit someone or something to that degree I never forget to leave out the positive things he did as well. BUt DCM will always focus on the bad and get angered at me.I would not allow her to get angry at me. Your not the problem, your trying to be the solution and remind her of this.
I doubt myself A LOT.........just when I think I am doing good, something happens and makes me feel insecure. your not alone I think many of us do this from time to time. Be ok with your policies and what your willing and not willing to put up with. You will be respected more. I feel like I am in a boat in a stream with no paddles....... Hope there are not any more alligator moms in this stream................
I just wrote this that you sound like your in a boat with no paddles.... I am seeing that your confidence in your program to this Mom who clearly intimidates you and <sorry but rightfully> so needs to be brought up to a higher level. I am going to answer the last few replies all here and I don't really know how to quote each one of you..
First off my ages are:
1 child- 18 months
2- 2 year old
4- 3 year old
3- 4 year old
3- 5 year old
So he has plenty of kids in his age group to play with. He is 4 and a very young 4 at that.
The letter idea sounds great. But do you really think that at age 4 that he would make that connection with the letter? It sounds like an amazing idea. I am just wondering if he will undertand it.
My next question would be how do I NOT tell the parents when he hit someone or hurt someone? I would not let these opportunities for this to happen to someone take place anymore, giving him his own space whatever it takes. I honestly think that the parents need to know when their child is doing this. If I always make everything sunshine and rainbows, then if I ever have to term for his behavior I won't have those emails of the unwanted behavior...I agree with you here too, but I also agree with if it is always negative, the negative becomes the norm. I am looking for ideas and solutions too here. I have one and Mom ask how his day was and most days it is not good and I am not good at saying it was ok when it was not.
ONe thing that myself and my assistants have noticed is that no matter what we say to this DCM, she is always in a pissy mood. Address this to her....say to her hey Mom, I have noticed that you don't seem to be in a good mood when you come to pick up little one. Is everything ok? Just addressing it to her might be enough for her to see this and change herself, if it nothing related with you.Just yesterday she got mad and slammed my front door. No, this would not be happening. call her out on this. Mom you can be upset but slamming my door is not going to be tolerated here. Please don't do this again. I do send home emails to her of good news. JUst seems the bad out weights the good. I am looking for ideas on how to handle this too that work. I don't want to be a negative Nelly but sometimes it is reality of how this child's day went. I have more then one of these.
When I write an email home to tell dcm that he hit someone or something to that degree I never forget to leave out the positive things he did as well. BUt DCM will always focus on the bad and get angered at me.I would not allow her to get angry at me. Your not the problem, your trying to be the solution and remind her of this.
I doubt myself A LOT.........just when I think I am doing good, something happens and makes me feel insecure. your not alone I think many of us do this from time to time. Be ok with your policies and what your willing and not willing to put up with. You will be respected more. I feel like I am in a boat in a stream with no paddles....... Hope there are not any more alligator moms in this stream................
good luck, look forward to reading more as I struggle with this from time to time myself with a couple of my kids.
Laurel 10:55 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
If I had a DCP slam my door they wouldn't be here much longer! I wouldn't allow that in my house...I have to wonder if his behavior stems from seeing his mom act that way all the time? If he sees her angry, slamming doors, yelling...it's bound to rub off on him. His acting out could be a direct result of her behavior.
Good observation. I didn't think of that.If I had a DCP slam my door they wouldn't be here much longer! I wouldn't allow that in my house...I have to wonder if his behavior stems from seeing his mom act that way all the time? If he sees her angry, slamming doors, yelling...it's bound to rub off on him. His acting out could be a direct result of her behavior.
Laurel
Laurel 11:01 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Yes,he doesn't know how to properly play with his peers. Start all over with him. Have him sit on a rug with one toy at a time.Have him put that toy away when he's done and then get another.When he can follow that task, have him go play with the others.Let him know the rules."There will be no hitting,spitting,taking your friends toys.If you can't follow the rules you will have to sit back on your mat"
Then follow through.Allow him a lot of chances but as soon as he shows you he can't handle it,back to his rug.
One thing I have in my daycare that may help in this situation.
Each childen here has a rug,they may get a toy and either sit on their rug or at the table.When they are done they put the toy back on the shelf before they can get another one.I do allow more then one child to sit on a rug if they have asked their friend if they can join them.Sometimes the kids say yes,other times they say "No thank you,I want to play by myself"
It helps in this kind of situation where kids are knocking other's toys over while they are trying to play. Even my little ones know how to sit and play,we are still working on returning toys to the shelf but they get it very quickly.With that many kids in your are it might cut down on some problems.
As for his mom,she sounds rude.You need to let her know she can't act that way in your home.Sounds like he's learning alot from his mother's behavior.Time for a talk with her!
That's exactly how we did it when I worked in a Montessori preschool. They could take their work to a table or a mat and had the option of telling someone to join them or say no thank you.Yes,he doesn't know how to properly play with his peers. Start all over with him. Have him sit on a rug with one toy at a time.Have him put that toy away when he's done and then get another.When he can follow that task, have him go play with the others.Let him know the rules."There will be no hitting,spitting,taking your friends toys.If you can't follow the rules you will have to sit back on your mat"
Then follow through.Allow him a lot of chances but as soon as he shows you he can't handle it,back to his rug.
One thing I have in my daycare that may help in this situation.
Each childen here has a rug,they may get a toy and either sit on their rug or at the table.When they are done they put the toy back on the shelf before they can get another one.I do allow more then one child to sit on a rug if they have asked their friend if they can join them.Sometimes the kids say yes,other times they say "No thank you,I want to play by myself"
It helps in this kind of situation where kids are knocking other's toys over while they are trying to play. Even my little ones know how to sit and play,we are still working on returning toys to the shelf but they get it very quickly.With that many kids in your are it might cut down on some problems.
As for his mom,she sounds rude.You need to let her know she can't act that way in your home.Sounds like he's learning alot from his mother's behavior.Time for a talk with her!
Laurel
Laurel 11:11 AM 05-22-2013
Originally Posted by My3cents:
I replied above.....
Well most of the time I just do like I do with the others. I just say goodbye and see you tomorrow and smile at mom or dad. Then close the door and do a silent thumbs up cause they're out the door and go complain to my husband or grown children about what a rough time I had. I replied above.....
If it has been particularly bad and mom or dad know I am working on some behavior or the other I might say "Whew not so great today but we're working on it." Then change the subject unless they ask for specifics.
Laurel
Edited to add: I re-read your above post and realized the parent must ask you every day. I try to discourage parents asking me how they did today...every..single...day. I just say the above and change the subject. I think by changing the subject they tend not to ask every day. They know if something is WAY out of line, I'll tell them. Other than that, I think changing the subject after a brief statement gets the point across that I don't want to make pick up time a daily complaint session. Also I talk in person. I don't do email. Just old fashioned I guess.