Daycare.com Forum
Parents and Guardians Forum>Should I Say Something?
Unregistered 05:40 AM 08-30-2013
Picking up my child yesterday just didn't like the tone one of the teachers was using- nothing serious- it was obvious she was having a rough day and one of the kids was seriously pushing some buttons. It bugged me enough that later on I was going to say something to the director. Maybe she needed a break or some training or just a gentle reminder to take a breath. I just don't want to get her into trouble and was wondering if I should have pulled her aside and said something, but I don't want to cause tension. Should I just let the whole thing go and chaulk it up to a bad day. I'm torn. I've probably said worse to my kid, but I also thought if this is how she acts with a parent in the room, what does she do when I'm not there? Thoughts?
NeedaVaca 07:02 AM 08-30-2013
What exactly did she say/do? I'm having a hard time picturing what you are trying to say. I'm leaning towards no because based on what you are saying it doesn't seem very serious but maybe if I had more details I would change my opinion.
Cat Herder 07:04 AM 08-30-2013
Were the kids cowering or following her directions when she used this "tone"?
Blackcat31 07:07 AM 08-30-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Picking up my child yesterday just didn't like the tone one of the teachers was using- nothing serious- it was obvious she was having a rough day and one of the kids was seriously pushing some buttons. It bugged me enough that later on I was going to say something to the director. Maybe she needed a break or some training or just a gentle reminder to take a breath. I just don't want to get her into trouble and was wondering if I should have pulled her aside and said something, but I don't want to cause tension. Should I just let the whole thing go and chaulk it up to a bad day. I'm torn. I've probably said worse to my kid, but I also thought if this is how she acts with a parent in the room, what does she do when I'm not there? Thoughts?
I'm also wondering what it was she said. Picking up my child yesterday just didn't like the tone one of the teachers was using- nothing serious- it was obvious she was having a rough day and one of the kids was seriously pushing some buttons. It bugged me enough that later on I was going to say something to the director. Maybe she needed a break or some training or just a gentle reminder to take a breath. I just don't want to get her into trouble and was wondering if I should have pulled her aside and said something, but I don't want to cause tension. Should I just let the whole thing go and chaulk it up to a bad day. I'm torn. I've probably said worse to my kid, but I also thought if this is how she acts with a parent in the room, what does she do when I'm not there? Thoughts?
You said you were bothered by her tone but then said you've probably said worse things to your kid so I'm confused as to whether it was her tone of voice or the actual words she said to the child that is bothering you? or both?
Either way, if you are really uncomfortable with it you could definitely talk with the director or lead teacher and just mention what you saw/heard and ask if the staff has support or training for this kind of situation.
Bottom line, I don't think a parent should ever stay silent about ANYTHING that bothers them or doesn't sit well with them. It's YOUR right as a parent to speak up, ask and/ or comment about it to the right person.
Communication is the key to everything.
Unregistered 07:33 AM 08-30-2013
she told a little boy that he was getting on her nerves. Then she told him if he didn't knock it off he was going to have to sit in the chair until Mommy and Daddy came in 2 hours (not that he would understand what 2 hours was). I saw it as a threat, also center isn't allowed to use time out at all, so that bugged me.
Unregistered 07:36 AM 08-30-2013
no cowering, kids didn't see upset or bothered. I know it's been a stressful week for them because the lead teacher (who is amazing!) has been sick and they recently had a change in directors. I also saw an internal memo that was accidently left on a teacher's desk mentioning tone and use of sarcasm, so I know that they are addressing issues.
NeedaVaca 07:39 AM 08-30-2013
I think that would bother me too...it's not completely horrible but definitely not professional and I would wonder as a parent if this teacher is giving time outs/sitting children on chairs when they are not supposed to since she said that. As a parent I would probably mention it...
Cat Herder 08:15 AM 08-30-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
no cowering, kids didn't see upset or bothered. I know it's been a stressful week for them because the lead teacher (who is amazing!) has been sick and they recently had a change in directors. I also saw an internal memo that was accidently left on a teacher's desk mentioning tone and use of sarcasm, so I know that they are addressing issues.
IMHO, It is already being handled so mentioning it, after the fact, may serve no purpose other than to stress the employees more.no cowering, kids didn't see upset or bothered. I know it's been a stressful week for them because the lead teacher (who is amazing!) has been sick and they recently had a change in directors. I also saw an internal memo that was accidently left on a teacher's desk mentioning tone and use of sarcasm, so I know that they are addressing issues.
I would definitely pay attention and deal with any future incidents as it happens. A simple "*** ("teacher") seems to be having a really rough time with ***(kid) today." can often help the entire group tremendously.
** Unfortunately most owners/directors won't help with disciplinary issues and leave "teachers" with no options for keeping the other kids safe or meeting the needs of the entire group. It is beyond frustrating and wears the "teachers" down fast.
If enough parents speak up about the disruptive kids (requiring all the "teachers" time and attention to the disservice of the others) the director will feel pressured to deal with the problem head on.
What age group was this, btw??
Unregistered 08:56 AM 08-30-2013
I think I will just pay attention and say something if I see it again. This happened on Thursday, they're closed today (Friday) and don't open again until Tuesday. That's a super long time to wait to address something. Anytime I've had issues the director was very responsive, so I don't worry about that. I did mention to the director as we were leaving that we missed the lead teacher and were looking forward to her getting better and coming back. 
It's a group of 3 year olds.
It's a group of 3 year olds.
kimmills 09:15 PM 09-02-2013
From what you say, it appears to be an one-off incident. Or was it? Have you ever seen her like that before? Watch out for future incidents. Maybe let go this one time if it doesn't seem too serious to you.
Unregistered 08:52 AM 09-13-2013
OP here- so I've been keeping an eye out. Things have calmed down. Lead teacher is back, new director began, school is back so summer camp is over. I saw the kid in question acting up pretty bad yesterday when I picked up. I think honesty I would have gotten pretty frustrated with him if I had to deal with him and 5 other toddler all day- not that what she did was ok, but I get it now. The good thing yesterday was that the teacher asked for help from director, and she took him into her office to play for a little while and give the teachers a break, so they seem to be dealing with their frustration in a better way. Although not sure if that reinforces negative behavior, but that's an issue for another time....
Cat Herder 10:09 AM 09-13-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
OP here- so I've been keeping an eye out. Things have calmed down. Lead teacher is back, new director began, school is back so summer camp is over. I saw the kid in question acting up pretty bad yesterday when I picked up. I think honesty I would have gotten pretty frustrated with him if I had to deal with him and 5 other toddler all day- not that what she did was ok, but I get it now. The good thing yesterday was that the teacher asked for help from director, and she took him into her office to play for a little while and give the teachers a break, so they seem to be dealing with their frustration in a better way. Although not sure if that reinforces negative behavior, but that's an issue for another time....
I am so glad to hear that!!! OP here- so I've been keeping an eye out. Things have calmed down. Lead teacher is back, new director began, school is back so summer camp is over. I saw the kid in question acting up pretty bad yesterday when I picked up. I think honesty I would have gotten pretty frustrated with him if I had to deal with him and 5 other toddler all day- not that what she did was ok, but I get it now. The good thing yesterday was that the teacher asked for help from director, and she took him into her office to play for a little while and give the teachers a break, so they seem to be dealing with their frustration in a better way. Although not sure if that reinforces negative behavior, but that's an issue for another time....
It probably does reinforce the behavior, but getting it off the providers is a huge deal. Kudos to your director.
***Between you and me (and the rest of this huge forum
) I'd bet that the director will soon tire of letting kid play in her office and will start the process...