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Onawhim 05:31 PM 06-08-2015
Does anyone else have parents that have zero control? I have one family and as soon as mom gets there things go down hill even if they were having a good day. They start fighting.. Throwing things.. Yelling at mom.. Trying to hit mom.. Just plain rotten!! Mom asked if they do this for me, never because I would never allow it. How would you handle this.
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spedmommy4 06:13 PM 06-08-2015
I have 2 sibling sets like this. For me, they are amazing. As soon as mom walks in, all bets are off. Thankfully, siblings set 1 leaves in the morning and set 2 leaves at closing. With all 4 kids, I keep goodbye short and maintain control until mom leaves. There is no rule breaking until they leave my property.

One kid was a toy dumper and would proceed to empty all the toy bins as soon as mom arrived. I did not allow mom to clean and had the child clean up every toy while mom waited. She doesn't allow him in the classroom and is supper speedy with pick ups now.

Other sibling set has a hitter. The oldest smacks mom. I let the little one know that the soft hands rule applies to mom at school, and I enforce it.

HTH
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MsLisa 06:55 AM 06-09-2015
I have one.
Two girls, 7 & 8 who are all super affectionate (like super clingy)and generally well-behaved to my aide and I. But the moment Mom walks in, they instantly change. They throw their backpacks and stuff at their mom, refuse to carry anything and whine/fight or hide before she can even sign them out. They won't hug her. They treat her like a servant. On the mom's birthday the youngest demanded they go to a science fair regardless of it being her birthday. No hugs, no birthday wish or card. My aide and I felt so bad for her.
Yet, this is the same mom who goes "I have a surprise for you in the car..." or "We'll go to ____ and get you _____." She's too soft and it drives me nuts.
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Blackcat31 06:58 AM 06-09-2015
Originally Posted by Onawhim:
Does anyone else have parents that have zero control? I have one family and as soon as mom gets there things go down hill even if they were having a good day. They start fighting.. Throwing things.. Yelling at mom.. Trying to hit mom.. Just plain rotten!! Mom asked if they do this for me, never because I would never allow it. How would you handle this.
Is this AT pick up or drop off?

I would do what I could to make it so that the time BOTH you and the parent are present together very limited.

If SHE has zero control, then that chaos should happen on HER time, not yours.

If it's pick up, have her call ahead of time and let you know she is on her way. Have the kids get ready and then pretty much push them out the door when she arrives. If she needs to talk with you about anything, have her e-mail or call later.

If it's drop off do the same... have her say her goodbyes BEFORE entering your home and then open the door, walk them in and leave IMMEDIATELY.

The less you and she are present in the same area the less likely this chaos will happen.

If the kids are good for you, you are fine...it's HER time she needs to figure out but no matter what she does or doesn't do, don't let this issue become yours.
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laundrymom 09:29 AM 06-09-2015
I handle the fit just as I would if mom were not here. If they HIT anyone they would get the big voice,
"You will not hit at my house"
and then a quick trip to time out. Yes. I would remove them from moms arms, lap, whatever and carry them to the spot.
Moms mouth will drop, she will begin a tantrum of sorts and I will say
"My house. My rules. Julie will NOT hit here."
At this point child might be getting up, heading back for mom or screaming at me. I will return them to the spot or remind them that yelling and screaming is unacceptable.
When they have calmed down and are ready to go home quietly, they may leave. I refuse to act differently just because a mom is here. If I'm just starting this method I would remind child before mom picks up that if they misbehave while mom is here they will sit in the spot until they can behave. I would also text mom and let her know that the old routine of them turning into monsters is over and that you're using a different approach. To please support you.
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mia 10:23 AM 06-09-2015
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I handle the fit just as I would if mom were not here. If they HIT anyone they would get the big voice,
"You will not hit at my house"
and then a quick trip to time out. Yes. I would remove them from moms arms, lap, whatever and carry them to the spot.
Moms mouth will drop, she will begin a tantrum of sorts and I will say
"My house. My rules. Julie will NOT hit here."
At this point child might be getting up, heading back for mom or screaming at me. I will return them to the spot or remind them that yelling and screaming is unacceptable.
When they have calmed down and are ready to go home quietly, they may leave. I refuse to act differently just because a mom is here. If I'm just starting this method I would remind child before mom picks up that if they misbehave while mom is here they will sit in the spot until they can behave. I would also text mom and let her know that the old routine of them turning into monsters is over and that you're using a different approach. To please support you.

I lost a client from kinda doing this.... we had all come upstairs to get ready for outside / pick up time. I told all the children to have a seat on the couch while some of the children used the bathroom and while I let the dog in so that we could go out. There was one child who's listening had be off for a few days and that day was just the same. The child kept getting up and running and jumping all over the cough and floor, I had repeated myself way too many times and I finally decided that the nice approach was not working and yelled the child's name ( " ____ sit down now before you hurt yourself" ), well the window was open and mom over heard the yell, when she came in and the child seen her the child began to cry... the next day I get a call stating child would not be in, two days later I get the notice that they are leaving for they felt that was to harsh for her child... Dad could not understand what the issue was and didn't really seem to be worried about it, it was all mom.....

So how do you step in and give the time outs and keep the structure when the client will or does not allow any loud voices to be spoken to their child/children..... How do you keep them from treming just because....

I also had a client pull because I was turning rope with my own child and her friend and not sitting playing with her child when her child was with me like 2 seconds before mom came to pick up and only seen the child sitting on step.... mom asked if child had time out for something and I said no child was just playing with us and wanted to go an sit and rest for a moment, mom was like oh ok.... and left...that pay day I received the term notice....
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laundrymom 10:37 AM 06-09-2015
I've never received a term notice from someone unless they were aging out. So I don't know why your parent reacted that way. I do go over it in my interview process and it's stated in my contract. Maybe that's why they're not surprised. ?
Originally Posted by mia:
I lost a client from kinda doing this.... we had all come upstairs to get ready for outside / pick up time. I told all the children to have a seat on the couch while some of the children used the bathroom and while I let the dog in so that we could go out. There was one child who's listening had be off for a few days and that day was just the same. The child kept getting up and running and jumping all over the cough and floor, I had repeated myself way too many times and I finally decided that the nice approach was not working and yelled the child's name ( " ____ sit down now before you hurt yourself" ), well the window was open and mom over heard the yell, when she came in and the child seen her the child began to cry... the next day I get a call stating child would not be in, two days later I get the notice that they are leaving for they felt that was to harsh for her child... Dad could not understand what the issue was and didn't really seem to be worried about it, it was all mom.....

So how do you step in and give the time outs and keep the structure when the client will or does not allow any loud voices to be spoken to their child/children..... How do you keep them from treming just because....

I also had a client pull because I was turning rope with my own child and her friend and not sitting playing with her child when her child was with me like 2 seconds before mom came to pick up and only seen the child sitting on step.... mom asked if child had time out for something and I said no child was just playing with us and wanted to go an sit and rest for a moment, mom was like oh ok.... and left...that pay day I received the term notice....

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mia 10:45 AM 06-09-2015
I will start mentioning that in my interviews and place it in my contract / policy hand outs..... thanks
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Blackcat31 11:15 AM 06-09-2015
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I handle the fit just as I would if mom were not here. If they HIT anyone they would get the big voice,
"You will not hit at my house"
and then a quick trip to time out. Yes. I would remove them from moms arms, lap, whatever and carry them to the spot.
Moms mouth will drop, she will begin a tantrum of sorts and I will say
"My house. My rules. Julie will NOT hit here."
At this point child might be getting up, heading back for mom or screaming at me. I will return them to the spot or remind them that yelling and screaming is unacceptable.
When they have calmed down and are ready to go home quietly, they may leave. I refuse to act differently just because a mom is here. If I'm just starting this method I would remind child before mom picks up that if they misbehave while mom is here they will sit in the spot until they can behave. I would also text mom and let her know that the old routine of them turning into monsters is over and that you're using a different approach. To please support you.
TOTALLY see what you're saying and 100% agree that I wouldn't act differently because a parent was present.
...however, I refuse to parent a child when a parent is present....

I have but prefer not to and only as a last resort AFTER I've requested the parent step up and do their job.

But I am curious.... don't the other kids get upset or out of sorts when this is happening? I mean, if a child is sitting in time out (because they aren't "ready" to go yet) and they are crying/screaming (usually screaming if being "kept from going to their parent) and the parent is waiting by the door for the child to calm down, comply with whatever it is they were suppose to do before they can take their child and go, don't the other kids get upset?

I do NOT mean that judgmental at all.... I am genuinely interested in learning how others do things (we have an association meeting tonight about supervision during transitions like pick up/drop off)

I am just going over that scenario in my head with my kiddos and all I can see is MORE chaos...kwim? I would sort of feel like I was invoking a power struggle...
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mia 11:21 AM 06-09-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
TOTALLY see what you're saying and 100% agree that I wouldn't act differently because a parent was present.
...however, I refuse to parent a child when a parent is present....

I have but prefer not to and only as a last resort AFTER I've requested the parent step up and do their job.

But I am curious.... don't the other kids get upset or out of sorts when this is happening? I mean, if a child is sitting in time out (because they aren't "ready" to go yet) and they are crying/screaming (usually screaming if being "kept from going to their parent) and the parent is waiting by the door for the child to calm down, comply with whatever it is they were suppose to do before they can take their child and go, don't the other kids get upset?

I do NOT mean that judgmental at all.... I am genuinely interested in learning how others do things (we have an association meeting tonight about supervision during transitions like pick up/drop off)

I am just going over that scenario in my head with my kiddos and all I can see is MORE chaos...kwim? I would sort of feel like I was invoking a power struggle...

I agree with all of what Blackcat has said.... for I know the other child I have would definitely join in and start misbehaving causing more disruption..... So I am wondering as well..... Thanks
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spedmommy4 01:16 PM 06-09-2015
Originally Posted by mia:
I agree with all of what Blackcat has said.... for I know the other child I have would definitely join in and start misbehaving causing more disruption..... So I am wondering as well..... Thanks
I am not sure about others, but I don't use time out. The discipline strategies that I do use are typically tailored to a specific child. For example, I know dcb 4 (one of my pick up problems) hits mom because he missed her and that gets her attention immediately. I didn't know this early on but, you watch it play out over time and it becomes obvious. I also know that he is an extremely logical kid. So before mom comes I remind him at teacher J's house, we use gentle hands. At pick up, "mommy can only talk to you when you use soft hands." The pick ups are golden when mom remembers not to give attention to him for the negative.

All behavior is communication. The kids are getting something out of the shenanigans. The key is is finding out what. When I know, I tell parents, "try this." When it works, parents think you are amazing.
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laundrymom 04:07 PM 06-09-2015
I've never noticed them getting upset. Usually they ignore each other's fits.

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
TOTALLY see what you're saying and 100% agree that I wouldn't act differently because a parent was present.
...however, I refuse to parent a child when a parent is present....

I have but prefer not to and only as a last resort AFTER I've requested the parent step up and do their job.

But I am curious.... don't the other kids get upset or out of sorts when this is happening? I mean, if a child is sitting in time out (because they aren't "ready" to go yet) and they are crying/screaming (usually screaming if being "kept from going to their parent) and the parent is waiting by the door for the child to calm down, comply with whatever it is they were suppose to do before they can take their child and go, don't the other kids get upset?

I do NOT mean that judgmental at all.... I am genuinely interested in learning how others do things (we have an association meeting tonight about supervision during transitions like pick up/drop off)

I am just going over that scenario in my head with my kiddos and all I can see is MORE chaos...kwim? I would sort of feel like I was invoking a power struggle...

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Blackcat31 05:35 PM 06-09-2015
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I've never noticed them getting upset. Usually they ignore each other's fits.
Maybe it's just my environment or maybe even me then....

I was just trying to picture the DCM of my worst behaved child standing at the entryway waiting while their child finished time out or was having a melt down... I would be managing but I'm picturing the other kids coming over or nearby to check out the ruckus and more than likely DCM getting frustrated and upset because at this point she just wants to go home and probably unlikely that DCK is even in their right mind to stop, think and regulate his/her emotions after a long, busy day; and seeing MOM at the door and not being able to go to her.... I don't know, it may be my group or my set up or maybe even my unwillingness to put that much effort into it but I don't think I could do it that way.....

I agree with why you do it on many levels and I think there is value in it for the kids to see it through but it's too much work for me

...another beautiful thing about being able to do what works best for our individual situations.
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laundrymom 06:53 PM 06-09-2015
Absolutely. BC.
I think because I've had most of them since birth they grow up knowing that ms laundry is boss. Even if moms here. Even MR laundry follows my rules. Lol and they know it. Lol
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Tags:parent - interaction, parents - don't cooperate
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