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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Infant Advice...Please Help!
MommyMuffin 02:52 PM 02-14-2011
I have a 5 month old who wants to be held all the time and just cries when in swing, bouncer, floor. I make sure he is clean, fed and has had naps. I spend quality time playing with him during nap time.

I have other children and cannot hold him all the time. I cannot wear him either because I am pregnant.

What can I do. He just cries and I really dont want to term him but I dont know if he
1.) is held all the time at home.
2.Is he old enough to cry it out?
3.) Is he just not a good fit for daycare

I dont know what to do please advise.
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angelpayne24 04:36 PM 02-14-2011
it doesn't hurt a child to cry. if he is clean, fed, and well rested, there isn't much else you can do. sometimes babies cry if they are gassy. gas drops can do wonders! the 6 month old i have, will cry a lot on mondays, because he is held a lot on the weekends and it takes him a day to get used to not being held constantly. but it took me awhile to get him to that point.

try this:
let him cry it out for 5 minutes. if he is still crying, play with him for 5 minutes. then put him back down. do this for awhile and see if it eventually starts to help, or the time he cries gets shorter. if that doesn't work, he may not be the right fit.
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Unregistered 08:58 AM 02-15-2011
Thats good advice, get him used to being on the floor now! There is nothing wrong with asking mom if he is held a lot at home. Afterall you need to know these things. As long as the baby is well taken care of, theres no harm in him being on the floor. I would let him cry 5 or so minutes then play with him for a while then put him down. Your not hurting him by letting him cry some. Also dont be to hard on your self, not every provider is a match to evey child. How long have you had him?
Debbie
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Atroya 12:09 PM 02-15-2011
I am having the same problem with a 7 month old. He cries all the time unless he is either being held or being given complete attention. If I walk away from him to go into the kitchen or to the bathroom, he screams louder. While he cries, he holds his hands up, so I know it is because he wants to be held. I have had him since he was 2 months old, and I just can't get him to stop. At the moment, he is my only full timer, but even though I have the time to spend with him, I refuse to hold him all the time and play with him all the time because for one thing, I never did that with my kids and they were perfectly happy, and two, if I can pick up another full timer, I won't have that time to dedicate to him.

There was another post about this subject and I took some of the advice on that one...set up a pack and play in another room, and when the baby is crying when you know all his needs are met, put him in there and let him cry it out. Only go back in when he gets quiet. My dcb was starting to get it, then he must have had a great weekend of getting held all the time..and we are back to square one this week. He cried for an hour both yesterday and today. I informed the parents that I was doing this, hoping they would take the hint and maybe not hold him so much at home. Another factor is that he has a 6 yr old sister that CONSTANTLY plays with him, and any time he makes a noise, she runs to him. I have asked her not to do that here, but I am sure she does it at home. Not sure how to go about fixing this...I am pretty much back to square one every Monday.

I will try the idea of playing with him for 5 min, then letting him cry for 5 min, but then what happens when he starts expecting you to play with him every 5 min? I don't want to get into that either..he should learn to play on his own.
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Unregistered 12:22 PM 02-15-2011
Babies need the floor time so don't feel bad about facilitating that floor time! It's how they develop the skills to sit, crawl and eventually walk. Also, you have other kids to give your attention to and baby wearing isn't a solution to the problem. I've found that as long as I keep talking to the babies that I have, then they have no problem with not being held. They are content to listen to me talk to them, and they enjoy watching the other kids play and now that they are all mobile, they take part in the playing.

It can be a little stressful at first when a baby is crying and the baby is fed, changed, and has had a nap. Sometimes they are so accustomed to being held that they expect it from everyone if the parents do it at home. Hang in there!
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MommyMuffin 07:38 AM 02-16-2011
Thank you for the advice. I have had him since he was 3 months. Mom said she will soon start cereal and she said I could use a wet wash cloth for the teething. (She does not believe in teething tablets or baby orajel).

Although I think he just wants to be held all the time. I am going to try some of your tips and just hope that with time he will adjust.

Yesterday I tried to mention to mom that he might be having hard days here because I cannot hold him all the time.

I do not expect her to stop holding him as much as she wants to but I figure at least she will know in the back of her head that it makes it harder for me.
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SandeeAR 08:41 AM 02-16-2011
The best teethers I've ever used are a baby rubber spoon and a baby toothbrush. Both are designed for the mouth. Yes, they will gag a few times when they start chewing on them, but they quickly learn not to shove it so far back in their mouths. They love them, b/c they can put them back on their gums, which they can't do with the usual teethers.
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PeanutsGalore 11:03 AM 02-16-2011
As far as teething goes, my son was an early teether and I wasn't comfie using meds at 2 months old. I gave him his bottles of breast milk cold (this worked the best to sooth his pain quickly), and I also froze some milk and let him chew on it through those mesh feeders...that should help. That wet washcloth thing wasn't very reliable. He also loves the toothbrush.

As far as the crying goes, if you've had him for a few months he may need a rigid schedule of consistency at your house. If you think he's ready for crying it out, then don't hold him at all if he's crying (unless, of course, he needs something). Sit on the floor near him, sing to him when you walk away, but only hold him when he stops crying. His mom isn't going to change her behavior when he's with her, but if you are very, VERY consistent at your house, he'll get the point eventually. This is the right age for CIO as long as the caregiver thinks the baby can handle it.

If that doesn't work along with the other suggestions, he's either not ready for CIO and you might want to look into getting a baby carrier, or he may not be a good fit.

Good luck!
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dEHmom 11:21 AM 02-16-2011
as long as his basic needs are being met
-clean bum
-fed
-loved

then there is NOTHING wrong with letting him cry it out. He will learn crying doesn't get him everything. some kids pick this up quickly, others take a little longer.

you have the right to tell mom/dad, that if he is being coddled at home too much, it will interfere with babies ability to fit in within your daycare. And termination will be inevitable should this continue. You are not telling mom/dad to stop babying him at home, you are simply giving them the option to work with you, or find care elsewhere.

crying is the communication for babies who do not speak, and it is also the only exercise they get until they start moving around on their own. It's important that a baby learn how to cry, as this is a stepping stone in communication.
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dEHmom 11:22 AM 02-16-2011
For teething, I'm saying this from a parent standpoint, not a daycare provider standpoint...

FROZEN WAFFLES!

Amazing for teething, but never give the whole thing at once, because they thaw too fast. Give baby half a frozen waffle.
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MommyMuffin 11:37 AM 02-16-2011
Not sure how the rest of the day will go but my dcb is busy chewing on a toothbrush!!!
Thanks, never would have thought of it.
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Unregistered 09:43 PM 04-10-2012
Wow. I am glad to read this. I am a mother to a 4 month old whose daycare provider says she wants to be held all of the time. I don't hold her all day at home. Now that I know someof you are suggesting that a child be left to cry in another room I may think twice about daycare. I understand there are other children but I won't be happy if my child is screaming in the other room. If you don't want to nurture a baby's needs which include being held then don't accept infants. Oh I guess that would affect your annual salary since we do pay more for you to hold them all day.
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Meyou 04:43 AM 04-11-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Wow. I am glad to read this. I am a mother to a 4 month old whose daycare provider says she wants to be held all of the time. I don't hold her all day at home. Now that I know someof you are suggesting that a child be left to cry in another room I may think twice about daycare. I understand there are other children but I won't be happy if my child is screaming in the other room. If you don't want to nurture a baby's needs which include being held then don't accept infants. Oh I guess that would affect your annual salary since we do pay more for you to hold them all day.
Could you hold your 4 month old ALL DAY LONG and look after 4 or 5 other children? Could you change diapers, make snacks and meals, help with toileting, get kids dressed and undressed and generally go about your day as normal ALL while NEVER putting your 4 month old down?? If you can....then PLEASE give some tips so providers in general can learn how to manage little ones that need to be carried all the time.

If you can't do that all day every day WITH a smile on your face and in your heart then please take a step back and realize that sometimes we need to put a fed, dry, not tired baby down in a safe space sometimes to tend to the other children.
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AfterSchoolMom 05:26 AM 04-11-2012
Brings up a year old thread, stirs up harsh feelings... I smell a troll.
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Meyou 05:30 AM 04-11-2012
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom:
Brings up a year old thread, stirs up harsh feelings... I smell a troll.
Dammit. I fed the troll.
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Soupyszoo 05:49 AM 04-11-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Wow. I am glad to read this. I am a mother to a 4 month old whose daycare provider says she wants to be held all of the time. I don't hold her all day at home. Now that I know someof you are suggesting that a child be left to cry in another room I may think twice about daycare. I understand there are other children but I won't be happy if my child is screaming in the other room. If you don't want to nurture a baby's needs which include being held then don't accept infants. Oh I guess that would affect your annual salary since we do pay more for you to hold them all day.
If you believe your infant should be held all day and that's what you do every spare second you have with them, then stay home with your child and take care of them yourself. OR hire a private nanny with the understanding that she will be attached to your baby while you go about your business.

This provider is asking for advice because she deals with a lot all day. There is a balance that we have to find when caring for multiple children. If you were the parent of one of the reasonable children that she watches, would you be completely understanding that your child gets less attention because of the infant that can't sit in a bouncy chair alone without screaming for 5 minutes?

I can't stand people who pass judgement when they have no idea what they're talking about...
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Soupyszoo 05:53 AM 04-11-2012
Originally Posted by Meyou:
Dammit. I fed the troll.
Shoot me too oh well... Happy Wednesday friends!

To OP I hope you have a better day. I have nothing but infants... I looooove them. I've had a few in the past that have been as you describe and all I can tell you is it will either get better or it won't! I know that's insightful huh?! Lol, I had one dcbaby for 6 months and it never got better so I termed. The baby I have in her place is amazing! Shes sweet and happy and her parents are respectful and understanding! Don't be too hard on yourself
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Tags:confinement, infant, infant - behavior, infant - crying, infant - safety, infant care, rage baby
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