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Unregistered 06:57 AM 03-28-2017
I am having a real problem with a 4 year old in my care. I know it is his parents words being parroted but it is bugging me none the less. Everytime someone doesn't share something or pushes him out of their personal space or takes a toy from him he has taken to calling them bullies. This child has always been the "sensitive" child in the bunch, no concept of personal space and a major league whiner. So when he doesn't get his way he starts either crying or calling names. And obviously he has been whining to his parents about the other kids because this "bully" thing has just cropped up. He is even calling the 18 month old a bully. I have tried talking to him about how to handle himself when he feels wronged but his nature is to retreat and cry. I don't think toddlers have the concept of bullying yet, aggressive behavior yes but not the before thought that goes into true bullying. Would you talk to the parents about this?
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Blackcat31 07:14 AM 03-28-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I am having a real problem with a 4 year old in my care. I know it is his parents words being parroted but it is bugging me none the less. Everytime someone doesn't share something or pushes him out of their personal space or takes a toy from him he has taken to calling them bullies. This child has always been the "sensitive" child in the bunch, no concept of personal space and a major league whiner. So when he doesn't get his way he starts either crying or calling names. And obviously he has been whining to his parents about the other kids because this "bully" thing has just cropped up. He is even calling the 18 month old a bully. I have tried talking to him about how to handle himself when he feels wronged but his nature is to retreat and cry. I don't think toddlers have the concept of bullying yet, aggressive behavior yes but not the before thought that goes into true bullying. Would you talk to the parents about this?
Absolutely! I would ask them to define "bully" and I would also ask them what their son is saying (telling them) as well as what they are advising him to do.

I would listen and then explain what is happening.
If they are the type of parents to encourage their child to call "foul" every time he thinks he's being wronged, it's going to be a tough road in future years.

I am VERY careful of the word "bully" and don't like when parents use it incorrectly or out of context.

I definitely think it's time for a sit down discussion with the parents. It's not a bad idea to include DCB as he needs to see you are working WITH his parents and vice versa so that he isn't able to manipulate the situation into something he perceives as bullying when it is just a matter of sharing.

Name calling IS also a form of bullying. I wonder if his parents realize that as well?
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Meeko 07:15 AM 03-28-2017
His parents have set him up to be a victim. I think a conference with them might help. He needs to learn some life skills, not just automatically assume everyone else is the bad guy.
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daycare 08:09 AM 03-28-2017
I can't stand that word. If you call someone one a bully, even if they are, what does that make you?

I would do as the others suggested and talk with the parents.
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Pestle 08:26 AM 03-28-2017
Last week I had a 6yo, two 4yos, and a 2yo. The 6yo boy was leading the other kids in "I like you. I don't like YOU. I like everybody except for YOU." So I put an embargo on saying we liked people.

Later in the day, he said, "Your daughter is breaking the rules!"

"Dude, she didn't say she doesn't like you. She said she doesn't like what you're DOING. That's a good way to let somebody know to stop instead of screaming. Please leave her alone." But the nuance was beyond him, so he continued to complain AND pick on her while she backed up and squealed "I don't like that I don't like that!" Aaaaand that always ends with playing in separate areas.
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Unregistered 09:16 AM 03-28-2017
I am definitely going to talk to the parents. I also have the 1 year old brother and he also is a sensitive little snowflake. And I can see it in dad when he drops them off. If the baby is crying he has tears in his eyes too and I practically have to unlatch the baby and shut the door in his face while he stands there looking sad. It doesn't't help that they come from a culture where the sun and moon and stars hang on their baby boys. I have to be very careful not to offend.
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nanglgrl 11:13 AM 03-28-2017
I had this same situation. 4 years old, sensitive child except it was my son he was calling a bully. It was obvious the child was blowing things out of proportion and that the parents were making it worse by constantly asking him about every aspect of his day thus giving him attention which caused him to complain more etc. I tried to explain every situation to the parents to show they were just normal childhood behaviors between two 4 year old boys and that oftentimes their son was doing things he accused my son on doing. The real problem was I had 3 4 yo boys. My son preferred to play with the other 4 yo because to be truthful the whining of the other child wasn't fun. The other 4yo preferred to play with my son as well. They were both a little more mature and would call the other 4yo out when he was being whiny or would avoid playing with him. Anyway, parents didn't listen, part of the reason their child behaved like he did was because they acted like he could do no wrong.
At first I was really upset because it involved my son and they were calling him a bully in his own house and everything was just normal 4yo behavior. I almost termed. Instead I told them I would now be separating my son from their son and they could no longer play together. I was strict about it and the other 4yo naturally gravitated to playing with my son leaving the whiny child to play with the babies. It lasted a week before whiny child was going home sad because he couldn't play with my son. The parents got the point after that, the child stopped whiny about being bullied and everyone played together again.
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debbiedoeszip 07:10 AM 03-29-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I am having a real problem with a 4 year old in my care. I know it is his parents words being parroted but it is bugging me none the less. Everytime someone doesn't share something or pushes him out of their personal space or takes a toy from him he has taken to calling them bullies. This child has always been the "sensitive" child in the bunch, no concept of personal space and a major league whiner. So when he doesn't get his way he starts either crying or calling names. And obviously he has been whining to his parents about the other kids because this "bully" thing has just cropped up. He is even calling the 18 month old a bully. I have tried talking to him about how to handle himself when he feels wronged but his nature is to retreat and cry. I don't think toddlers have the concept of bullying yet, aggressive behavior yes but not the before thought that goes into true bullying. Would you talk to the parents about this?
Gah, this was my own child. I had to have a talk with him about the true definition of "bully". I told him that it's the use of force or intimidation to make you do something you wouldn't do voluntarily (like give up your lunch money). It's not someone saying something mean or doing something you don't like, unless they are doing so to get you to do something for them. Being harassed is terrible and there should be consequences for the harasser, but it's not bullying. Semantics LOL.

I had to help him to develop a thicker skin and other coping skills, but I just got so friggin sick of hearing "bullying".
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