Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Not Bonding Well
cara041083 12:20 PM 12-18-2013
Do any of you ladies have kids in your care that you just don't bond with, or just don't fit in with your group? Its not that they are bad kids, or handfuls, but when it comes to changing them or wiping them (you know all the good stuff that goes with our job) you have a hard time doing it? I ask because, I have a lil one in my care, she is a sweetheart, but I just can't bond with her the way I have with others. And she is the first to be drooped off, and the last to leave.I don't treat her any different then the others, but the others really don't intreact with her. I was just wondering how everyone else deals with it? Do you term and find someone who fits in better with the group or do you suck it up and deal with it?
crazydaycarelady 12:30 PM 12-18-2013
I have felt this way before too. We can't possibly mesh with every personality that comes into our lives. I usually just treat them the same as the others and go on with my job. I treat all of the kids the same and I am sure that every parent here believes their child is my favorite. 
EntropyControlSpecialist 12:34 PM 12-18-2013
My response depends on how I truly feel. I do not need to feel like I love and adore every child that walks through my door. But, I also do not need to feel like every last nerve is being grated on. I have helped one family term themselves because I did not feel like the child and I were a good fit (and neither were the parents for that matter). She did not play with the other children for the entire month that she was here and none of them noticed when she was gone. I still see them often as we run in the same circles and they live in the same area.
I had another who just tormented every child so he was terminated. I didn't bond with him at all, obviously. I think he is a sociopath. He is in Kindergarten now.
I currently have a child who I do not click with. I don't dislike him, but I just do not feel a special bond with him. He feels one for me, quite obviously. I do not plan to terminate that family or help them terminate themselves. The other children do find him to be irritating, however, and so he really doesn't have any friends. He plays with them every so often but for the most part he likes to play by himself or talk to me. We are working on appropriate social skills because a know it all, whining, bossy attitude don't get you very far with the preschool crowd.
If you DREAD seeing that child every day, you should consider terming in my opinion. It isn't fair to anyone. I know my days were ten times longer when I was working with a child I truly did not like.
I had another who just tormented every child so he was terminated. I didn't bond with him at all, obviously. I think he is a sociopath. He is in Kindergarten now.
I currently have a child who I do not click with. I don't dislike him, but I just do not feel a special bond with him. He feels one for me, quite obviously. I do not plan to terminate that family or help them terminate themselves. The other children do find him to be irritating, however, and so he really doesn't have any friends. He plays with them every so often but for the most part he likes to play by himself or talk to me. We are working on appropriate social skills because a know it all, whining, bossy attitude don't get you very far with the preschool crowd.
If you DREAD seeing that child every day, you should consider terming in my opinion. It isn't fair to anyone. I know my days were ten times longer when I was working with a child I truly did not like.
EntropyControlSpecialist 12:34 PM 12-18-2013
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady:
I have felt this way before too. We can't possibly mesh with every personality that comes into our lives. I usually just treat them the same as the others and go on with my job. I treat all of the kids the same and I am sure that every parent here believes their child is my favorite.
Exactly. I have felt this way before too. We can't possibly mesh with every personality that comes into our lives. I usually just treat them the same as the others and go on with my job. I treat all of the kids the same and I am sure that every parent here believes their child is my favorite.
GKJNIGMN 12:36 PM 12-18-2013
I have that kid lol I have a DCG 3 who I just do not bond with. Her mother doesn't discipline so at first it was because she was a handful. She now listens to me great but I don't pick her up or cuddle her because she is often dirty and smells.
Sweet kid now that I have her behavior under control. She plays well with my son and I don't have one specific complaint about her, we just don't click. She is fairly moody and pickup is a nightmare if I don't have her outside and handed of immediately.
I chose to keep her because I am able to treat her like the others and she actually fits fairly well with the younger kids. I honestly just remind myself that I am not her mother and I don't have to love her. I just have to treat her fairly and respectfully like I would expect of someone caring for my own child and keep her safe. Honestly though, if it bothers you enough just replace the child. That is the part I love about this job. There is no right answer, I just go with whatever works for me. And please, if you can't treat the child respectfully and equally and the child realizes you don't really care for them as much then terminate. It isn't fair to the child.
Sweet kid now that I have her behavior under control. She plays well with my son and I don't have one specific complaint about her, we just don't click. She is fairly moody and pickup is a nightmare if I don't have her outside and handed of immediately.
I chose to keep her because I am able to treat her like the others and she actually fits fairly well with the younger kids. I honestly just remind myself that I am not her mother and I don't have to love her. I just have to treat her fairly and respectfully like I would expect of someone caring for my own child and keep her safe. Honestly though, if it bothers you enough just replace the child. That is the part I love about this job. There is no right answer, I just go with whatever works for me. And please, if you can't treat the child respectfully and equally and the child realizes you don't really care for them as much then terminate. It isn't fair to the child.
Play Care 12:40 PM 12-18-2013
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady:
I have felt this way before too. We can't possibly mesh with every personality that comes into our lives. I usually just treat them the same as the others and go on with my job. I treat all of the kids the same and I am sure that every parent here believes their child is my favorite.
I have felt this way before too. We can't possibly mesh with every personality that comes into our lives. I usually just treat them the same as the others and go on with my job. I treat all of the kids the same and I am sure that every parent here believes their child is my favorite.
Exactly. Unless there are additional issues, I carry on as the professional I am. If there are other issues on top of the not meshing then I will terminate the child care arrangement.
Soccermom 01:04 PM 12-18-2013
I have a pretty close knit group and I feel like everyone needs to mesh well together in order for our day to be enjoyable.
I have in the past termed a few children because they just did not fit in with the others and were impossible for me to bond with.
I care for children in my home and I feel that it is important for me to really feel connected to all the children in order for the environment to feel like a family home.
I find it sad in a way when a child doesn't fit in. The other kids don't really care for them or play with them. I end up feeling guilty all day for having to force myself to treat the child the same as all the others.
It just doesn't feel right for me so I term but this happens very rarely. Most of the time I will try really hard to find at least one thing about the DCK that I really love and work on it from there. I usually always give myself a good 4-6 months or more to work with the child before giving up.
I have in the past termed a few children because they just did not fit in with the others and were impossible for me to bond with.
I care for children in my home and I feel that it is important for me to really feel connected to all the children in order for the environment to feel like a family home.
I find it sad in a way when a child doesn't fit in. The other kids don't really care for them or play with them. I end up feeling guilty all day for having to force myself to treat the child the same as all the others.
It just doesn't feel right for me so I term but this happens very rarely. Most of the time I will try really hard to find at least one thing about the DCK that I really love and work on it from there. I usually always give myself a good 4-6 months or more to work with the child before giving up.
cara041083 01:45 PM 12-18-2013
Im glad Im not the only one. Its not that she bothers me, I just don't care for her. Man that sounds so bad to say. But in the year that I have been open, I have bonded with all the kids. This is the first time I haven't. Shes not a problem, and I don't cuddle or sit and play with any of the kids. So I was just wondering. Oh and you gals are right about 1 thing, These parent do think there kids is our fav lol.