Hi Ladies,

I know this has been addressed before in other threads, but today I'm so at wits end that I needed to vent!

I've had this DCG since she was 2 months old. I was told from the beginning "She really likes being held and doesn't like being put down". Thankfully I only have this baby for 2 days one week and 3 days the next (alternating), because it is all I can do to make it through those days. I have *NO* idea what DCD does as he is home with the baby on the other days of the week.

This baby will allow me to put her down for about 5 minutes at a time to play on the floor, and sometimes in the swing (which she used to love for the first month she was here..but no more). I have resorted to putting her in a sling when it makes sense to do so (ie. scrubbing up messes from the floor doesn't work well with baby in the sling), and otherwise I have had to simply put her in a swing or pack-n-play to CIO during such situations as cooking and serving lunch and arts-and-crafts time.

DCM is in fantasy land and feels I should just hold the baby all day long if it bothers me so much (which is simply not practical when you have other kids to deal with).

Thoughts or simply cyber pats on the shoulder welcome

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aww man....

Main reason most of us don't take PT infants. It's almost impossible to "train" them.

At the very least, stop feeling guilty about it! They are not paying you for one-on-one care. They've enrolled their child in a GROUP program, and that is the service they are paying for. You're doing more than most of us! You're going to get one recurring answer here, btw...

TERM!

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Why are continuing to do this?????

There is NO amount of money in the world that would compensate me for having to deal with all of that.

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Yup. I kept my screamer baby for 9 months. 9.long.months. Seriously, looking back, I don't know why *I* tried for so long, why *I* tried so much and why *I* didn't put the ball back in Moms court.

You need to take charge of this: It isn't fair that baby is upset all day. Baby's needs are met. Baby is NOT ready for group care.

I would sit the parents down and explain the realities of group care. Baby either learns to be content while you do X Y Z or baby cries while you do X Y Z. It isn't ok that baby cries, so parents need to get on board with helping her OR hire a nanny.

PLUS, without floor time, solo play baby is seriously missing out on things... tummy time and strengthening large muscles for future sitting and crawling, small muscles with toys, problem solving (without screaming!) I have seen babies want a toy and invent some clever ways to get to it (rolling over and over, scooting, pulling the blanket it is on, etc.)

I do NOT understand parents who hold their infants all day. It does them a great disservice.

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I totally understand the parents that hold their infants all day, I don't understand the providers who are willing to put up with it.

BTDT. NEVER ever again.

It is not fair to anyone involved, especially the provider.

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I dont take part time infants and I know A LOT of people who refuse to do it as well. This is why. You either can handle the all day crying or you just dont take them. I havent found anything that helps with part time infants. Crying is just a part of the deal unless you have a rare baby that handles the coming and going and multiple caregivers well. Most babies cant handle it and parents that spoil babies make it worse.

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I have a 4 mth old dcb that is getting exactly the same way. I have had him since 2 mths snd it just gets worse the older he gets. He used to be content in the swing, pak n play for a few mins. Not anymore...and heis here 4 days a week, so not really part time. He is such a sweet baby, just smiles and coos when you hold him but I just cant hold him that much. So he cries...and screams...
I am closing for a while...several months at least after this month, or I would have to term.

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Does the baby at least sleep well? At 5mos she should still be sleeping quite a bit. Have you tried swaddling?

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Dear (insert idiot mom's name)

In group childcare, each child is part of a group. We need to begin acclimating your child to a group environment. Because your child is part-time, this means you will need to help at home with exercises which foster your child's ability to self soothe.
We need to sit down and discuss a plan. If your child cannot acclimate within the next 3-4 weeks to being put down and having tummy and play time without the need for an adult to be physically touching her, we will not be able to meet her extremely elevated need for attention and will no longer be able to provide childcare for your family, which would be a shame. We have to consider the other children in our care however, and it is not fair that they either get ignored in favor of holding your child all day, or they have to be subjected to the anxiety and stress of listening to her scream for constant adult interaction. It is distracting and makes it hard for us to teach the older children, which is part of our job.
My goal is to love your child and keep her safe. I also want her to develop healthy normal activity levels and meet developmental milestones. She cannot learn to roll over or crawl inside a sling. She cannot learn to play with toys if she is always hanging in a device. She cannot learn to sleep soundly in a moving vehicle (such as a swing). I am sure you want for your daughter to have the best possible advantage when it come to learning and at this age she needs to begin learning how to interact with the world without being held all the time. I know that you would not want us to ignore your child all day while we held someone else's baby to keep them from crying. In a group, one member cannot be way more important than the others.
I hope you will sit down with me and begin working on adjusting your child to being part of a group. If this is not something you want to attempt, then I will need to determine whether or not our childcare will be able to devote enough time to the other children and still meet your demands. I do not see that being possible.
Please let me know when we can sit down. Please bring any questions you have and I will bring a list of items to discuss.

Thanks

This letter will start the ball rolling. It tells her it is not about you, it isn't fair to the other children in care. She will make all kinds of excuses why you should give in. Make it clear that you cannot. Then give her a deadline and tell her it is time to start letting her child fuss a little on her time instead of yours.

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Hi!
I'm not the original poster, but I have a 5 month old that is similar. If I even look at her while she's playing on the playmat or exersaucer, she screams for me.

Today during nap, she poops, so I change her. She has now been crying for almost 20 minutes. She's changed, fed, burped. Just wants me to walk around w her in my arms.
I've been feeling bad about how much she cries, so help me out here ladies - do I keep working w her by not picking her up when she cries? How long so I need to do that for?

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Anybody?

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Ugh. Honestly, a routine and not picking up when crying just to be held has helped somewhat, but my 8.5 month old DCG is still like this after 6 months. :/

I keep telling myself it'll get better at ___ milestone, but nope. Parents *say* they've been holding her less, but Mondays and Tuesdays are awful every week, so I seriously doubt it.

Hopefully, if your parents are willing to work with you it'll improve. Otherwise, it's just playing the "how much more screaming am I willing to put up with before I term" game that I'm currently playing.

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Ok...so my "intense" baby is now 8 months, and mom really did nothing to help him transition, but he is totally cool here 95% of the time. Already, his tune literally changes when he sees mom at the end of the day. It's kind of cute, because he's playing contently, sees here, and immediately started "whehehehe" and starts swimming on the ground.

Consistency, consistency, and they DO eventually get it. The big thing here was learning to move independently. That was a huge difference for him.

Lots of floor time, alternated by short periods of time in a bouncer/walker thing. He liked the old one (without a base) much better, because on my hardwood floors, he used it as a walker. He's a great explorer. Now, he can military crawl, and there's no stopping him.

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Mine flipped a switch at about 6 1/2 months, once he could move. See my other post. The key for me was STOP FEELING GUILTY.

I knew what I was doing was ok, but I felt so darn guilty if he cried. I also felt like I needed to overshare with mom, thinking if I did, she'd help me try to fix it. That's not usually how it works. You just have to do what is best for you, your group, and HIM, in the long run. You don't have to detail every minute of the day to his parents. Highlight the good stuff, deal with the rest, and know it's ok.

If it gets to be too much for you, the right thing to do is to move him away, somewhere safe, and give yourself and the others a break. I actually would take mine to the other room (nearby and in my line of sight) and say "your whining is hurting our ears. Here are some toys. I will go make lunch (or whatever) and then come back and get you." Put him down on the floor facing away from me, and walk away. Then, he sometimes cry or sometimes play, but was more likely to play if he couldn't see me. I think he forgot I existed once I was out of sight.

The one thing I never do is put them in their beds unless it's nap, though. I want bed to be associated with sleep and rest. So, if you need to use a pnp for that, use a different one in a different location. I didn't use one, just set him on the floor, but I don't know how your space is.

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I like your advice of facing the baby away from you to play. I notice my DCG gets way more worked up when she sees me and remembers that she's not being held.

Yesterday was an extremely rough day when I responded, so I may have sounded a little cynical.

Just wanted to say thank you for the advice you gave the other poster. I love how much help is available on this forum!

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