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Old 09-06-2019, 06:20 AM
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Default Child That Doesn't Play

I provide care for family/friends only. I prefer to keep it to one family at a time but at times will work with two. Right now I have a 2 1/2 year old in my care 7:30-5, Mon-Fri. This child has a lot of issues that I can deal with. But one that bothers me is he won't play. He is constantly entertained at home and I suspect when he is with grandparents it's the same. There is never a time that they just stay home and chill. He comes in in the mornings and just sits. Sits and stares at me or stares into space. His new thing this week is he wants on the couch. ALL...DAY...LONG! Just sitting there like an old man. (We've had issues with him regarding my couch in the past so this is why it's a new thing now. I've just started letting him sit there again.) I have had children in my care for 29 years and he's a first for me. If there is another child here he will play as long as they are entertaining him in some way. If I attempt to get in the floor and play with him he just ignores me. He is this way outside too. Will beg to go out but then just sits unless someone is pulling him in the wagon, etc. He has NO interest in doing anything really. Attempts at crafting are met with him throwing screaming, horrific tantrums. He wants no part of fun things like making cookies, etc. He wants no part of learning colors or singing songs or anything really. Do I just let him sit? He is with me at all times and I interact with him constantly! I try and try to get him to get up and do things and I have a lot of toys that should inspire play. Telling him to get up and find a toy to play with just brings on pouting and crying. Everyone tells me to let him sit if that is what he wants but the mothering instinct in me wants to do things with him and teach him things and have fun!
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Old 09-06-2019, 07:24 AM
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Attempt to engage him at first, when he resists say "okay, well I'll be over here doing such and such. If you change your mind, let me know. Now go find a toy." Walk away and busy yourself with something. I'd try that once an hour, maybe at first until you get a feel for how it goes and adjust accordingly but don't drive yourself crazy trying to entertain him- especially if he isn't interested in what you're offering. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, as they say. Also, maybe make a rule that in order to sit on the couch he has to bring a toy with him, or revoke his couch privileges if you feel like that's standing in the way of him finding something to do.

I know it's incredibly irritating to watch a child just sit there when they're surrounded by things to do, but once they're old enough to understand "go find a toy", I don't worry about it. If they don't move, I just say "okay, well you're going to be pretty bored there" and then move on. This is during freeplay times when they're expected to self entertain. I think it's an important aspect of the day, especially considering how little self entertaining kids do today. I think electronics have their place, but do does being able to sit and build a tower with wooden blocks.
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Old 09-06-2019, 07:32 AM
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You are so lucky to only have experienced this once in 29 years!!!!

The only thing that has worked for me is to busy myself and ignore. He is the boss of what he wants to do and I canít control him, obviously trying to get him to play is not working. It is so hard I totally get it!!!

Many kids come from homes with tv on 24/7, push button toys, YouTube etc so when they come to my house they are not sure what to do. Allow the boredom and he will start using his brain eventually. I also find many kids respond like this when they have anxiety issues.
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Old 09-06-2019, 07:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
You are so lucky to only have experienced this once in 29 years!!!!

The only thing that has worked for me is to busy myself and ignore. He is the boss of what he wants to do and I canít control him, obviously trying to get him to play is not working. It is so hard I totally get it!!!

Many kids come from homes with tv on 24/7, push button toys, YouTube etc so when they come to my house they are not sure what to do. Allow the boredom and he will start using his brain eventually. I also find many kids respond like this when they have anxiety issues.
This has been going on for a year. He has some other issues that concern me but those don't annoy me as much LOL!
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Old 09-06-2019, 07:51 AM
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Originally Posted by knoxmomof2 View Post
Attempt to engage him at first, when he resists say "okay, well I'll be over here doing such and such. If you change your mind, let me know. Now go find a toy." Walk away and busy yourself with something. I'd try that once an hour, maybe at first until you get a feel for how it goes and adjust accordingly but don't drive yourself crazy trying to entertain him- especially if he isn't interested in what you're offering. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, as they say. Also, maybe make a rule that in order to sit on the couch he has to bring a toy with him, or revoke his couch privileges if you feel like that's standing in the way of him finding something to do.

I know it's incredibly irritating to watch a child just sit there when they're surrounded by things to do, but once they're old enough to understand "go find a toy", I don't worry about it. If they don't move, I just say "okay, well you're going to be pretty bored there" and then move on. This is during freeplay times when they're expected to self entertain. I think it's an important aspect of the day, especially considering how little self entertaining kids do today. I think electronics have their place, but do does being able to sit and build a tower with wooden blocks.
This has been going on for a year. I try every single day to get him to get up and move around and play. My attempts are usually met with his bottom lip out and crying. If I say "get up and find a toy to play with" he will scoot his butt over a little bit then pout and cry. And getting busy myself just leads to him running over and demanding to go where ever I am or demanding to be picked up. He wants to be constantly entertained and to be the total and complete center of attention at all times.
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Old 09-06-2019, 07:55 AM
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I had a kid a few years ago that I suspected had ASD and he was similar. Would literally stand in one place doing nothing. Sometimes he would lie in the floor doing nothing. Of course there were other red flags!
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Old 09-06-2019, 07:58 AM
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Originally Posted by gonecrazy View Post
This has been going on for a year. He has some other issues that concern me but those don't annoy me as much LOL!
Before I quit daycare,I had a child just like this. When I would tell him to get a toy, he would either ignore me or cry. When he would finally get a toy, he would not play with it. He would just hold it or fiddle with it repetitively. He was very, very babied at home, but he had other issues too that made me feel like he had autism or a mild developmental disorder. He would always hold his fingers in the "ok" sign with his thumb touching his pointer finger. He was so resistant to open his fingers. He also relied heavily on routines and had to come in the exact same way and do the exact same thing at the exact time every day or he would have a major tantrum. He was only 2! I also had a no couch rule as he would just sit there for hours staring if I let him even though I never had the TV on. He also wouldn't communicate basic wants and needs. If he wanted more food, he would just stare at me or start crying. No pointing or indicating an any way that he wanted something. I was so happy to get out of that situation because I did not want to be blamed for the troubles he was going to have once he started preschool.
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Old 09-06-2019, 08:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
I had a kid a few years ago that I suspected had ASD and he was similar. Would literally stand in one place doing nothing. Sometimes he would lie in the floor doing nothing. Of course there were other red flags!
I suspect he may have something going on as well. He has other issues like repeating things over and over, can't/won't look at you when you talk to him, gets stuck on things until it's almost obsessive, etc. For instance he will ask me anywhere from 10-30 times a day who is picking him up. His new thing is to ask me over and over if it's 9:00. He seems to have trouble learning also. I've been working with him since the first of Nov. on colors and he's managed to learn ONE! And he can't tell you that consistently.
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Old 09-06-2019, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Indoorvoice View Post
Before I quit daycare,I had a child just like this. When I would tell him to get a toy, he would either ignore me or cry. When he would finally get a toy, he would not play with it. He would just hold it or fiddle with it repetitively. He was very, very babied at home, but he had other issues too that made me feel like he had autism or a mild developmental disorder. He would always hold his fingers in the "ok" sign with his thumb touching his pointer finger. He was so resistant to open his fingers. He also relied heavily on routines and had to come in the exact same way and do the exact same thing at the exact time every day or he would have a major tantrum. He was only 2! I also had a no couch rule as he would just sit there for hours staring if I let him even though I never had the TV on. He also wouldn't communicate basic wants and needs. If he wanted more food, he would just stare at me or start crying. No pointing or indicating an any way that he wanted something. I was so happy to get out of that situation because I did not want to be blamed for the troubles he was going to have once he started preschool.
He talks very well and communicates what he wants or needs. However he has trouble understanding directions. He still struggles at times with diaper changes. He will come and lay down on his stomach. Or he will lay with his head near me instead of his feet. There are times he will come and stand and I can see the struggle as he is trying to figure out how to do it. He doesn't look and focus on you when you talk to him. He repeats things on and on until you tell him to stop, etc.
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Old 09-06-2019, 08:18 AM
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The ability to play isn't born with a child.
If a child doesn't know how to play, he will cray when someone says to him "go, take a toy and play". He doesn't know how to do it. Teach him. For example, you can sit near him and play with cars/ color some pictures, pretend that you are cooking and feeding dols... Don't ask him any questions, don't ask him to join you. Just play in a very enjoyable way and tell aloud what you are doing or going to do, and let him see and hear it. You don't need to do it all day. A few minutes 2-3 time a day. His parents MUST do the same at home. He will decide when he is ready to join your activities. Do not make a big deal from it in front of him, just include him in your activities and allow him to do it as long and as much he wants.

Just pretend a situation: you cannot cook, but someone every day asks you to go to the kitchen and make dinner. You even don't know how to turn on the tap or stove. How will you feel at that situation?
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Old 09-06-2019, 08:30 AM
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As I introduce new toys to the group and new kids to the toys, I model their intended use. I simply pick up the toy, sit on a rug and play with it a couple of minutes. I then put it away and go back to my desk. I don't have to do anything else. Nature does give them natural curiosity.

I also never buy just one of any free play toy, I make sure there are enough for everyone. The individual play toys only come out during individual playtimes or this method would cause chaos.
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Old 09-06-2019, 08:47 AM
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The ability to play isn't born with a child.
If a child doesn't know how to play, he will cray when someone says to him "go, take a toy and play". He doesn't know how to do it. Teach him. For example, you can sit near him and play with cars/ color some pictures, pretend that you are cooking and feeding dols... Don't ask him any questions, don't ask him to join you. Just play in a very enjoyable way and tell aloud what you are doing or going to do, and let him see and hear it. You don't need to do it all day. A few minutes 2-3 time a day. His parents MUST do the same at home. He will decide when he is ready to join your activities. Do not make a big deal from it in front of him, just include him in your activities and allow him to do it as long and as much he wants.

Just pretend a situation: you cannot cook, but someone every day asks you to go to the kitchen and make dinner. You even don't know how to turn on the tap or stove. How will you feel at that situation?
He does know how to play. There are days when he will come in and play just fine. It's just very rare. He can also play when other kids are here. And myself and my husband have both tried to "teach him". He either totally ignores us (will turn his back on us) or throws a tantrum. I think there are other issues that lead to this problem along with constantly being entertained in big ways at home. It's definitely not an issue of not knowing how.
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Old 09-06-2019, 08:50 AM
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As I introduce new toys to the group and new kids to the toys, I model their intended use. I simply pick up the toy, sit on a rug and play with it a couple of minutes. I then put it away and go back to my desk. I don't have to do anything else. Nature does give them natural curiosity.

I also never buy just one of any free play toy, I make sure there are enough for everyone. The individual play toys only come out during individual playtimes or this method would cause chaos.
He knows how to play with everything here. I had a five year old daycare child here on Fridays all of last school year and during the summer. Every single toy has been played with multiple times in front of or by 2 year old. He knows how to play. He just rarely chooses to do it.
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Old 09-06-2019, 08:59 AM
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The ability to play isn't born with a child.
If a child doesn't know how to play, he will cray when someone says to him "go, take a toy and play". He doesn't know how to do it. Teach him. For example, you can sit near him and play with cars/ color some pictures, pretend that you are cooking and feeding dols... Don't ask him any questions, don't ask him to join you. Just play in a very enjoyable way and tell aloud what you are doing or going to do, and let him see and hear it. You don't need to do it all day. A few minutes 2-3 time a day. His parents MUST do the same at home. He will decide when he is ready to join your activities. Do not make a big deal from it in front of him, just include him in your activities and allow him to do it as long and as much he wants.

Just pretend a situation: you cannot cook, but someone every day asks you to go to the kitchen and make dinner. You even don't know how to turn on the tap or stove. How will you feel at that situation?
Unless there is some sort of disability, children ARE born with the ability to play. They need plenty of opportunities, nurturing, and space to foster it, yes. But it does not need to be taught. Children who have been given the space to explore without adult interruption will know how to play just fine. Babies participate in the earliest forms of play by reaching for their toes, looking at objects, and interacting with their favorite adults. We didn't teach them to do that, it just happens. An otherwise typically developing child who doesn't know how to play has probably been in an environment where the adult takes the lead on play or they are not allowed to play freely under their own terms consistently. Or probably more likely,are used to being entertained by electronics. None of my other kids have been taught to play. I provide the toys, the environment, and the boundaries, and they do the rest!
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Old 09-06-2019, 09:00 AM
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He just rarely chooses to do it.
Then that is his choice.

If he is whining/crying he goes to the calm down spot (soft seating/books/puzzles on rug). If he is blocking other kids he goes to another center rug (blocks work great).

No couch sitting allowed. Living room furniture is for adults. Kids play on rugs or kids tables indoors.

Do you have the tv on during the day?
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Old 09-06-2019, 09:09 AM
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I suspect he may have something going on as well. He has other issues like repeating things over and over, can't/won't look at you when you talk to him, gets stuck on things until it's almost obsessive, etc. For instance he will ask me anywhere from 10-30 times a day who is picking him up. His new thing is to ask me over and over if it's 9:00. He seems to have trouble learning also. I've been working with him since the first of Nov. on colors and he's managed to learn ONE! And he can't tell you that consistently.
Are the parents aware of these issues? Have you suggested to them that he be evaluated? If it were me, I'd ask that they mention your concerns to his pediatrician to see what his doctor thinks.
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Old 09-06-2019, 09:21 AM
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Unless there is some sort of disability, children ARE born with the ability to play. They need plenty of opportunities, nurturing, and space to foster it, yes. But it does not need to be taught. Children who have been given the space to explore without adult interruption will know how to play just fine. Babies participate in the earliest forms of play by reaching for their toes, looking at objects, and interacting with their favorite adults. We didn't teach them to do that, it just happens. An otherwise typically developing child who doesn't know how to play has probably been in an environment where the adult takes the lead on play or they are not allowed to play freely under their own terms consistently. Or probably more likely,are used to being entertained by electronics. None of my other kids have been taught to play. I provide the toys, the environment, and the boundaries, and they do the rest!
I agree completely! Children do know instinctively how to play unless there is a disability or some other issue. I have had children in my care for 29 years and have never once had to teach one how to play!
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Old 09-06-2019, 09:52 AM
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Then that is his choice.

If he is whining/crying he goes to the calm down spot (soft seating/books/puzzles on rug). If he is blocking other kids he goes to another center rug (blocks work great).

No couch sitting allowed. Living room furniture is for adults. Kids play on rugs or kids tables indoors.

Do you have the tv on during the day?
I don't run a center, I just provide care in my home. It's a very laid back atmosphere where I care for children like I did my own. It's very family based with me cooking, doing housework, baking, etc. while the children are here. Kind of a home away from home so to speak. So yes, the tv is on a lot of the time. Some cartoons that are age appropriate, some shows like the Waltons, etc. Until about 2 weeks ago he paid very little attention to it though. He is now wanting to watch Paw Patrol all the time but I limit it and have been turning the tv completely off at times when I feel he is too involved in it.
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Old 09-06-2019, 09:54 AM
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Are the parents aware of these issues? Have you suggested to them that he be evaluated? If it were me, I'd ask that they mention your concerns to his pediatrician to see what his doctor thinks.
Yes they are aware.
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Old 09-06-2019, 09:59 AM
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I don't run a center, I just provide care in my home. It's a very laid back atmosphere where I care for children like I did my own. It's very family based with me cooking, doing housework, baking, etc. while the children are here. Kind of a home away from home so to speak. So yes, the tv is on a lot of the time. Some cartoons that are age appropriate, some shows like the Waltons, etc. Until about 2 weeks ago he paid very little attention to it though. He is now wanting to watch Paw Patrol all the time but I limit it and have been turning the tv completely off at times when I feel he is too involved in it.
Got it.

I don't run a center either, we are just no longer allowed to operate like you do. Our regs mandate only 30 minutes of screen time per week (specific programming), none for under two, play centers, kid furniture, supply lists, curriculum, lesson plans, assessments, the works. It started with QRIS but then was worked into basic regulations.

You have a lot more freedom.
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Old 09-06-2019, 10:09 AM
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This thread interests me from a psychology standpoint. Children's environment, generally, dictates how a child reacts to anything, including play. While I offer a "BROAD" range of activities, child-directed and adult-directed, many times my hands are tied when it comes to some children.

Mom and I had this discussion yesterday. Case in point, during preschool which I began Wednesday this week, I have too many children that look like the kids in the "Ferris Buellers Day Off" movie? In the past, my program has been able to counter "environmental" issues, but that has become more and more difficult over the past few years. Used to, we only confronted those issues on Monday and things progressed through the week toward the positive. However, I feel it is a battle every day to keep kids attention, to teach them, to allow them to play and play "like kids used to".

For whatever reason, it just isn't happening naturally anymore!

My personal belief is the kids whom were raised in the generation where child care became geared strictly for children where children do not adapt whether it be for furniture or following directions allowing kids to make ALL their choices now are having kids. Screen time does play a part but I feel takes too much blame. Parenting is not parenting any more. It is the good ole' friend game now. There is no authority, no expectations, just do what you want when you want and so what everyone else thinks.

As for the little boy who doesn't play, I would offer to teach but if he doesn't pick it up, just let him be and respect whom he is. As a child care provider, I have felt I could cure everything and in the past, maybe I did, but the last two years have shown me different.
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Old 09-06-2019, 10:19 AM
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Got it.

I don't run a center either, we are just no longer allowed to operate like you do. Our regs mandate only 30 minutes of screen time per week (specific programming), none for under two, play centers, kid furniture, supply lists, curriculum, lesson plans, assessments, the works. It started with QRIS but then was worked into basic regulations.

You have a lot more freedom.
Yes I do thankfully. So many parents in my area want this type of care and I turn down several families each year because I don't want to run a center with multiple children, regulations, etc. I like to keep it very small and family based. I do teach things like colors, counting, recognizing numbers, letters and shapes, etc. but in a laid back way. We have rules and I insist on manners! They even help with chores like folding laundry, sweeping the floor, etc. He is just a different kind of child than I have ever known and it makes me feel like I am not doing my job although I know that's silly because I absolutely am! I go above and beyond for my kiddos! I have changed a lot of how I do things for this one but it just doesn't seem to click. I guess I just need to let him sit and do his thing and not worry about it so much.
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Old 09-06-2019, 10:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Annalee View Post
This thread interests me from a psychology standpoint. Children's environment, generally, dictates how a child reacts to anything, including play. While I offer a "BROAD" range of activities, child-directed and adult-directed, many times my hands are tied when it comes to some children.

Mom and I had this discussion yesterday. Case in point, during preschool which I began Wednesday this week, I have too many children that look like the kids in the "Ferris Buellers Day Off" movie? In the past, my program has been able to counter "environmental" issues, but that has become more and more difficult over the past few years. Used to, we only confronted those issues on Monday and things progressed through the week toward the positive. However, I feel it is a battle every day to keep kids attention, to teach them, to allow them to play and play "like kids used to".

For whatever reason, it just isn't happening naturally anymore!

My personal belief is the kids whom were raised in the generation where child care became geared strictly for children where children do not adapt whether it be for furniture or following directions allowing kids to make ALL their choices now are having kids. Screen time does play a part but I feel takes too much blame. Parenting is not parenting any more. It is the good ole' friend game now. There is no authority, no expectations, just do what you want when you want and so what everyone else thinks.

As for the little boy who doesn't play, I would offer to teach but if he doesn't pick it up, just let him be and respect whom he is. As a child care provider, I have felt I could cure everything and in the past, maybe I did, but the last two years have shown me different.
Yes! I see this in my daycare kiddos as well. No one stays home and just lets the kids play! It's constant sports, outings, etc. There is no family down time anymore!! And this particular little one has had very little as far as rules and boundaries. He came to me at a year old having never been made to nap, etc. I have rules here but it's been my observation from years of experience that kids act like they are allowed to act at home! They will think those rules should apply everywhere and push your limits constantly if they differ. It's hard caring for other people's kids!
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Old 09-06-2019, 10:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Annalee View Post
This thread interests me from a psychology standpoint. Children's environment, generally, dictates how a child reacts to anything, including play. While I offer a "BROAD" range of activities, child-directed and adult-directed, many times my hands are tied when it comes to some children.

Mom and I had this discussion yesterday. Case in point, during preschool which I began Wednesday this week, I have too many children that look like the kids in the "Ferris Buellers Day Off" movie? In the past, my program has been able to counter "environmental" issues, but that has become more and more difficult over the past few years. Used to, we only confronted those issues on Monday and things progressed through the week toward the positive. However, I feel it is a battle every day to keep kids attention, to teach them, to allow them to play and play "like kids used to".

For whatever reason, it just isn't happening naturally anymore!

My personal belief is the kids whom were raised in the generation where child care became geared strictly for children where children do not adapt whether it be for furniture or following directions allowing kids to make ALL their choices now are having kids. Screen time does play a part but I feel takes too much blame. Parenting is not parenting any more. It is the good ole' friend game now. There is no authority, no expectations, just do what you want when you want and so what everyone else thinks.

As for the little boy who doesn't play, I would offer to teach but if he doesn't pick it up, just let him be and respect whom he is. As a child care provider, I have felt I could cure everything and in the past, maybe I did, but the last two years have shown me different.


THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have had these kids the last 5 years. ..and one in care now. She will stand in the play house..or sit in a coup care for the 3 hrs we are outside. I have tried to engage her in the sand box...water play....bubbles...chalk...catch..obstacle course...you name it...she will just stand there with her hands clenched to her chest . She will.not move unless I physically take her hand and move her.. unfortunately I have been dismissed as "just a babysitter" whenever I broach the subject to a parent.....even with my 3 decades if childcare experience. So know I leave it for a parent to figure out.
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Old 09-06-2019, 10:47 AM
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The knowledge about how to play isn't born with a child.
If a child doesn't know how to play, he will cray when someone says to him "go, take a toy and play". He doesn't know how to do it. Teach him. For example, you can sit near him and play with cars/ color some pictures, pretend that you are cooking and feeding dols... Don't ask him any questions, don't ask him to join you. Just play in a very enjoyable way and tell aloud what you are doing or going to do, and let him see and hear it. You don't need to do it all day. A few minutes 2-3 times a day. His parents MUST do the same at home. He will decide when he is ready to join your activities. Do not make a big deal from it in front of him, just include him in your activities and allow him to do it as long and as much he wants.

Just pretend a situation: you cannot cook, but someone every day asks you to go to the kitchen and make dinner. You even don't know how to turn on the tap or stove. How will you feel at that situation?
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Old 09-06-2019, 11:43 AM
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My husband and I were chatting about this last night. My general theory is that todays world is geared for saturation of dopamine in the neural pathways. A young brain gets so used to these dopamine “hits” it is next to impossible to recreate it with real life events like simple play. Play just cannot compete with an unbalanced brain. They have decreased attention spans and less interest in normal every day life.

I know you mean well with the TV on all day but studies have shown that it decreases cognitive ability even if it is just background noise. I have a 2 yr old who comes from a home where the tv is on all day as background. She definitely has decreased cognitive abilities. Could it be genetic? Sure, but most 2 yr olds can understand simple directions like “throw this in the garbage” and understand that the toilet is not the garbage because you have shown them 10+ times.

The kids I have gravitate towards the swing, trampoline and any toys I have that make noise. When I turn off the sound on the rocket ship, they lose their interest. It is never ending button pushing. When I see pictures of them at home they have so many toys with lights, sounds, vibrations....all to give them their dopamine hit. Manufacturers want your kids addicted to this stuff so you will buy more and tell your friends how long little Johnny played with it. This is why Waldorf schools do not allow these types of toys.
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Old 09-06-2019, 12:34 PM
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My husband and I were chatting about this last night. My general theory is that todays world is geared for saturation of dopamine in the neural pathways. A young brain gets so used to these dopamine “hits” it is next to impossible to recreate it with real life events like simple play. Play just cannot compete with an unbalanced brain. They have decreased attention spans and less interest in normal every day life.

I know you mean well with the TV on all day but studies have shown that it decreases cognitive ability even if it is just background noise. I have a 2 yr old who comes from a home where the tv is on all day as background. She definitely has decreased cognitive abilities. Could it be genetic? Sure, but most 2 yr olds can understand simple directions like “throw this in the garbage” and understand that the toilet is not the garbage because you have shown them 10+ times.

The kids I have gravitate towards the swing, trampoline and any toys I have that make noise. When I turn off the sound on the rocket ship, they lose their interest. It is never ending button pushing. When I see pictures of them at home they have so many toys with lights, sounds, vibrations....all to give them their dopamine hit. Manufacturers want your kids addicted to this stuff so you will buy more and tell your friends how long little Johnny played with it. This is why Waldorf schools do not allow these types of toys.
I don't think the tv has anything to do with it. I raised my own kids with the tv on most all the time (hubby is addicted LOL) and they are two of the smartest, most well rounded, well functioning adults I know. Same with all of the other daycare families I have had over the years. I think his issues are just that...his issues. He is this way with or without the tv on. We haven't had it on all day and he has barely moved all day. We had it on all day Tuesday and he barely moved all day. I also have very few toys that make noise. I think all that I have are vehicles like a Little People airplane, etc. We have no tablets, etc. I do vehicles of all kinds, basic dolls, Legos, etc. He is used to big entertainment at home. He actually asks his mom every evening "what we gonna do today?" They are NEVER home. She takes him to visit someone, to town, for a ride on some type of something they own every single evening and on weekends.
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Old 09-06-2019, 12:46 PM
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I agree, I think screen time of any kind has little to do with it. In the old days, families sat together for at least one meal a day. I think we can start there for this issue. And then things started to spiral and everyone is just scrambling now to "fix" things or do things that make them feel better as a parent. Just my opinions!
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Old 09-06-2019, 01:01 PM
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I agree, I think screen time of any kind has little to do with it. In the old days, families sat together for at least one meal a day. I think we can start there for this issue. And then things started to spiral and everyone is just scrambling now to "fix" things or do things that make them feel better as a parent. Just my opinions!
I think most of all I feel sad for him. He just sits. And sometimes pouts and/or cries. For no reason at all. He's not a snuggly kid at all so holding him to comfort him isn't an option either really. And if I'm perfectly honest I am a little sad for me too I think. I LOVE interacting with kids and doing crafts and baking and snuggling. And none of those things happen with him. But I will just have to adjust to his normal I guess and make the best of it
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Old 09-06-2019, 01:04 PM
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I think most of all I feel sad for him. He just sits. And sometimes pouts and/or cries. For no reason at all. He's not a snuggly kid at all so holding him to comfort him isn't an option either really. And if I'm perfectly honest I am a little sad for me too I think. I LOVE interacting with kids and doing crafts and baking and snuggling. And none of those things happen with him. But I will just have to adjust to his normal I guess and make the best of it
I love my kids in care as well, but this is a business.. we offer a safe/nurturing service but we aren't their parents. As much as I love my job, if I inherited a bunch of money, I would quit immediately
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Old 09-06-2019, 01:25 PM
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And getting busy myself just leads to him running over and demanding to go where ever I am or demanding to be picked up. He wants to be constantly entertained and to be the total and complete center of attention at all times.
With a child that age, just say "no thank you, I have cleaning to do and you have playing to do" or "my job right now is to clean and yours is to play. Go find a toy". Other than terming, repetition is your only hope here. Some are harder to teach than others. I don't pick up kids that old unless they need to be put somewhere they can't get to on their own, or they truly need some attention (like they're hurt or sad or scared), or I feel like picking them up and taking a minute with them. My body is my own just like theirs is their own and I don't do things because a child demands that I do. Just keep on keepin' on!
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Old 09-06-2019, 01:39 PM
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I just read the other replies. If it seems like there is more going on, you might suggest an evaluation for him. It's a hard conversation to have with the parents, but you can just say "things may be just fine, but I'm seeing some behaviors that are concerning me. I don't feel like he's able to get the full benefit of his time here when this or that is happening and I'm unable to get his interest despite all of my experience with little ones." Something like that.
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Old 09-06-2019, 01:50 PM
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I just read the other replies. If it seems like there is more going on, you might suggest an evaluation for him. It's a hard conversation to have with the parents, but you can just say "things may be just fine, but I'm seeing some behaviors that are concerning me. I don't feel like he's able to get the full benefit of his time here when this or that is happening and I'm unable to get his interest despite all of my experience with little ones." Something like that.
I agree.

It does sound like something could be going on. It makes me sad for him too; whether due to personality or other reason, I think it's got to be confusing to him, too!

It makes me think of being in a foreign country where you don't speak the language. People are talking to you, pointing and smiling, but you just don't get it. Finally, your loved one comes to take you home, only to take you back the next day.

OP, you stated that he wants your attention, but what does he want you to DO? Does he make eye contact, want you to sing to him or read to him or play with him? Or does he just want you to be next to him?

Here is an article I found. Do you see him in any of these kiddos?

https://ccie-catalog.s3.amazonaws.co...ry/5022138.pdf
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Old 09-06-2019, 03:58 PM
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I agree.

It does sound like something could be going on. It makes me sad for him too; whether due to personality or other reason, I think it's got to be confusing to him, too!

It makes me think of being in a foreign country where you don't speak the language. People are talking to you, pointing and smiling, but you just don't get it. Finally, your loved one comes to take you home, only to take you back the next day.

OP, you stated that he wants your attention, but what does he want you to DO? Does he make eye contact, want you to sing to him or read to him or play with him? Or does he just want you to be next to him?

Here is an article I found. Do you see him in any of these kiddos?

https://ccie-catalog.s3.amazonaws.co...ry/5022138.pdf
It's not so much that he wants me to do anything with or for him. He just doesn't want me to do anything else LOL.
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Old 09-07-2019, 09:50 PM
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Yeah, I'm with the others who are thinking developmental delays.

"All healthy, young mammals play."

Some kids have more creative ideas than others, but they learn from each other. They are always watching what the other kids do and try it out themselves.

DD has/had delays and she was in SPED Pre-K when she was 3 and also 4. When she was 3 she was almost just a warm body at the preschool. She's doing much better now, but for myself, from watching other kids who have come through here, a child who doesn't play probably has some developmental issues.
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Old 09-09-2019, 05:59 AM
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I don't think the tv has anything to do with it. I raised my own kids with the tv on most all the time (hubby is addicted LOL) and they are two of the smartest, most well rounded, well functioning adults I know. Same with all of the other daycare families I have had over the years. I think his issues are just that...his issues. He is this way with or without the tv on. We haven't had it on all day and he has barely moved all day. We had it on all day Tuesday and he barely moved all day. I also have very few toys that make noise. I think all that I have are vehicles like a Little People airplane, etc. We have no tablets, etc. I do vehicles of all kinds, basic dolls, Legos, etc. He is used to big entertainment at home. He actually asks his mom every evening "what we gonna do today?" They are NEVER home. She takes him to visit someone, to town, for a ride on some type of something they own every single evening and on weekends.
I think tv today is way different than tv back then! Not sure how old your kids are though. Nowadays kids have their own stations with on demand programming and the shows are faster paced with more flashing scenes (this is all research based not my opinion). Tv can affect kids in many different ways so even if it did not affect your kids doesn’t mean it does not affect kids (again just based on research). I also meant button pressing toys at home that he is used to. The kids I have all play with buttons and lights at home and I don’t have any of that here so they don’t know what to do with themselves.

Being continuously entertained by mom might also be an issues but like others have said there might be a delay. I always go with my gut instinct, as it can be really hard to figure out what is going on from a description online!
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