Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>This DCD Really Gets Under My Skin...
KIDZRMYBIZ 09:15 AM 03-28-2014
I have a 6mo DCG whose dad tries to micromanage her days with me. I've been doing this a long time, understand first-time parents and their craziness (
), and just go with the flow. DCD thinks she should have a schedule (one that works for him, mind you) that I never allow her to vary on. I believe in "baby-time," not rigid schedules for babies, but she does eat and nap fairly consistently so it hasn't been much of an issue. Ya know, I'm beating around the bush here. I will just say it: the guy is a Class A prick, and a lazy parent to boot. This is a family I whined about on here previously because the weekly rate was with the understanding she would be here no more than 3 days per week, but DCD was dropping her off unannounced on his Mondays.
So, that said, yesterday DCG had a whack-a-doodle day. She catnaps in the mornings, like about 20 min, which is fine (I think it's because she's generally in her crib from about 7:30pm-8:45/9:15am with only a 6am nursing by mama for interaction. I really don't think she's been active long enough with me to be really tired at 10am). Well, she didn't take that little nap in the morning, and did not fall asleep until 2:53!!! It was because one of my oldest clients hung out with us yesterday (a 22yo college girl on spring break-LOVE her and her 19yo sister's visits!) and she could hear me talking in the kitchen. Then by 3:15 all the DCKs were up and my SAs came home, so she only slept till about 3:30. Then I could not get her to take her bottle for anything. She drank about an ounce, but that was all. I was honest about all this on her little slip I send home.
So, DCD comes in this morning and tries to rip me a new one. I ruined their whole evening last night, blah, blah, blah. Questions me why she COULDN'T sleep, and basically insinuates that I am too lazy or impatient or busy and that was why she didn't take the bottle, and instructs me on how to feed her. Says he can't understand why because they have no trouble keeping her on this schedule at home. Tells me that tonight they are having a family picture taken, so I MUST keep to the schedule.
I was hopping mad. This guy really gets my hackles up. I think I know his true colors and what he is like to his wife behind closed doors. I've got your number, buddy, and I will not let you bully me! After his rant, I said to him:
If you have something important to do in the evening that hinges on DCG's entire day, then you should take the day off. What do you expect me to do, DCD? I can't FORCE her to eat or sleep, I can only provide her with the opportunity to do so. What you are suggesting (holding DCG firmly and "encourage" her to eat until the bottle is empty) is way, way, way against regulations and dangerous. Group care is completely different than being at home, which I'm sure you understand.
He then interrupts with "We have no problem in social situations either."
I don't think that's the same thing at all, but I was done talking to this *insert nasty word here*, so I didn't argue. I ended it with a very icy, "I will not FORCE her to eat or sleep. As always, I will continue to take good care of her, and do what's best for her and my group. Have a good day." And I walked away.
Will see what he has to say at pick-up. We may have words, after I've stewed about it all day.
), and just go with the flow. DCD thinks she should have a schedule (one that works for him, mind you) that I never allow her to vary on. I believe in "baby-time," not rigid schedules for babies, but she does eat and nap fairly consistently so it hasn't been much of an issue. Ya know, I'm beating around the bush here. I will just say it: the guy is a Class A prick, and a lazy parent to boot. This is a family I whined about on here previously because the weekly rate was with the understanding she would be here no more than 3 days per week, but DCD was dropping her off unannounced on his Mondays.So, that said, yesterday DCG had a whack-a-doodle day. She catnaps in the mornings, like about 20 min, which is fine (I think it's because she's generally in her crib from about 7:30pm-8:45/9:15am with only a 6am nursing by mama for interaction. I really don't think she's been active long enough with me to be really tired at 10am). Well, she didn't take that little nap in the morning, and did not fall asleep until 2:53!!! It was because one of my oldest clients hung out with us yesterday (a 22yo college girl on spring break-LOVE her and her 19yo sister's visits!) and she could hear me talking in the kitchen. Then by 3:15 all the DCKs were up and my SAs came home, so she only slept till about 3:30. Then I could not get her to take her bottle for anything. She drank about an ounce, but that was all. I was honest about all this on her little slip I send home.
So, DCD comes in this morning and tries to rip me a new one. I ruined their whole evening last night, blah, blah, blah. Questions me why she COULDN'T sleep, and basically insinuates that I am too lazy or impatient or busy and that was why she didn't take the bottle, and instructs me on how to feed her. Says he can't understand why because they have no trouble keeping her on this schedule at home. Tells me that tonight they are having a family picture taken, so I MUST keep to the schedule.
I was hopping mad. This guy really gets my hackles up. I think I know his true colors and what he is like to his wife behind closed doors. I've got your number, buddy, and I will not let you bully me! After his rant, I said to him:
If you have something important to do in the evening that hinges on DCG's entire day, then you should take the day off. What do you expect me to do, DCD? I can't FORCE her to eat or sleep, I can only provide her with the opportunity to do so. What you are suggesting (holding DCG firmly and "encourage" her to eat until the bottle is empty) is way, way, way against regulations and dangerous. Group care is completely different than being at home, which I'm sure you understand.
He then interrupts with "We have no problem in social situations either."
I don't think that's the same thing at all, but I was done talking to this *insert nasty word here*, so I didn't argue. I ended it with a very icy, "I will not FORCE her to eat or sleep. As always, I will continue to take good care of her, and do what's best for her and my group. Have a good day." And I walked away.
Will see what he has to say at pick-up. We may have words, after I've stewed about it all day.
cheerfuldom 09:23 AM 03-28-2014
go you! what a jerk. one dad (WAY bigger than me, mind you) got in my face and screamed at me....what is wrong with people!? I really wouldnt be surprised AT ALL to know that this dad was abusive behind closed doors.
anyway, you did the right thing. I would be clear that you, and no other provider, can guarantee that the babys day is exactly the same as the day before. You care for children, not robots, and his rude actions are undermining your working relationship!
anyway, you did the right thing. I would be clear that you, and no other provider, can guarantee that the babys day is exactly the same as the day before. You care for children, not robots, and his rude actions are undermining your working relationship!
Blackcat31 09:25 AM 03-28-2014
Did you feel/hear that?
It was me deep breathing and enduring a long silent pause before typing anything .....
Wow! I would be steaming mad that he treated you like that!
As a matter of fact, I'd put the DCG down for a nap today and call him IMMEDIATELY for pick up. Tell him she won't sleep and you wouldn't want a repeat of last night so he will have to come pick her up right.now.
Do it every single day for the next week. Try to pick the most inopportune time for dad.
IF he says they have nothing planned for that particular evening, tell him it doesn't matter...you just want to guarantee that her lack of sleeping is NEVER your issue since HE is the one who seems to have an issue with it.
WOW. Just wow!
TO YOU!!
It was me deep breathing and enduring a long silent pause before typing anything .....
Wow! I would be steaming mad that he treated you like that!
As a matter of fact, I'd put the DCG down for a nap today and call him IMMEDIATELY for pick up. Tell him she won't sleep and you wouldn't want a repeat of last night so he will have to come pick her up right.now.
Do it every single day for the next week. Try to pick the most inopportune time for dad.
IF he says they have nothing planned for that particular evening, tell him it doesn't matter...you just want to guarantee that her lack of sleeping is NEVER your issue since HE is the one who seems to have an issue with it.
WOW. Just wow!
TO YOU!!
EntropyControlSpecialist 09:38 AM 03-28-2014
How rude of him to speak to the care provider of his baby like that. While they may be able to do x, y, z with no other children present you run a daycare. You are not his nanny. 
not that a nanny can force a child to adhere to the exact same schedule daily either.
not that a nanny can force a child to adhere to the exact same schedule daily either.
Laurel 09:40 AM 03-28-2014
I'm glad you told him off but I wouldn't send home a sheet. If she usually has no problems then I wouldn't even mention a bad day.
If he calls (because she isn't 'on schedule' at home), I'd say "Oh she was fine here. Wouldn't know what was wrong. Have a good evening."
Laurel
If he calls (because she isn't 'on schedule' at home), I'd say "Oh she was fine here. Wouldn't know what was wrong. Have a good evening."
Laurel
EntropyControlSpecialist 09:41 AM 03-28-2014
Originally Posted by Laurel:
I'm glad you told him off but I wouldn't send home a sheet. If she usually has no problems then I wouldn't even mention a bad day.
If he calls (because she isn't 'on schedule' at home), I'd say "Oh she was fine here. Wouldn't know what was wrong. Have a good evening."
Laurel
I would do this, too.I'm glad you told him off but I wouldn't send home a sheet. If she usually has no problems then I wouldn't even mention a bad day.
If he calls (because she isn't 'on schedule' at home), I'd say "Oh she was fine here. Wouldn't know what was wrong. Have a good evening."
Laurel
KIDZRMYBIZ 09:43 AM 03-28-2014
Thank you, both of you. Some men just really seem to have a problem with not being able to control their kid's day. I'm sure some moms do, too, I just haven't had the pleasure.
And I've done it plenty of times, just telling them what they want to hear and then all is well, even if it isn't even remotely close to what actually went down.
But I don't want to do that here. Not with this guy. He WILL see it my way, or it's the highway. Too many people want that infant spot, so I'm not going to indulge his asinine behavior.
And I've done it plenty of times, just telling them what they want to hear and then all is well, even if it isn't even remotely close to what actually went down.
But I don't want to do that here. Not with this guy. He WILL see it my way, or it's the highway. Too many people want that infant spot, so I'm not going to indulge his asinine behavior.
TwinKristi 09:48 AM 03-28-2014
wow!! Sounds like they need a nanny not a daycare! What a prick!
KIDZRMYBIZ 09:48 AM 03-28-2014
I didn't see Laurel or Entropy's posts before my 2nd post, but I kinda' answered them with my rambling anyhoo! But thank you, too, for your suggestions. I'd love to inconvenience DCD, and may just do that on the days that I doubt he's at work...
I really adore the DCM, and DCG is sweet and a good baby. If I can make DCD back down, all will be well. We will see.
I really adore the DCM, and DCG is sweet and a good baby. If I can make DCD back down, all will be well. We will see.
llpa 10:04 AM 03-28-2014
What a jerk!!! I would never be able to keep my cool!! You rock!!! I would have handed her right back to him and said goodby. Poor baby to have a Dad like that!
melilley 10:15 AM 03-28-2014
Oh wow! What an ass! I like what you said to him though. I agree with pp, sounds like this did needs to hire a nanny. I don't think some parents get the concept of group care. I am fortunate that my two babies dcp's understand that their routine at home may be different than here. I hope he doesn't give you any crap at p/u and if he does, I hope you give him what he deserves! 
countrymom 10:17 AM 03-28-2014
that guys is a jerk. Good for you and don't him be a bully.
I will say that I know families like this, micromanage people. Sadly they have the worst kids.
I will say that I know families like this, micromanage people. Sadly they have the worst kids.
CraftyMom 10:46 AM 03-28-2014
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
Too many people want that infant spot, so I'm not going to indulge his asinine behavior.
Be sure to bring this to dad's attention today. "I can see this isn't working out for you, since you don't agree with the way I do things. Will this be your 2 weeks notice? I having several families waiting for an infant spot, and will gladly give the spot to next family since it is clear that this isn't working for you"Too many people want that infant spot, so I'm not going to indulge his asinine behavior.
Naptime yet? 10:49 AM 03-28-2014
Wow. Just when I thought I'd heard it all...
Good for you for keeping your cool, I'd be shaking like a leaf with anger.
Isn't he special?
Good for you for keeping your cool, I'd be shaking like a leaf with anger.
Isn't he special?
My3cents 10:53 AM 03-28-2014
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
Thank you, both of you. Some men just really seem to have a problem with not being able to control their kid's day. I'm sure some moms do, too, I just haven't had the pleasure.
And I've done it plenty of times, just telling them what they want to hear and then all is well, even if it isn't even remotely close to what actually went down.
But I don't want to do that here. Not with this guy. He WILL see it my way, or it's the highway. Too many people want that infant spot, so I'm not going to indulge his asinine behavior.
Thank you, both of you. Some men just really seem to have a problem with not being able to control their kid's day. I'm sure some moms do, too, I just haven't had the pleasure.
And I've done it plenty of times, just telling them what they want to hear and then all is well, even if it isn't even remotely close to what actually went down.
But I don't want to do that here. Not with this guy. He WILL see it my way, or it's the highway. Too many people want that infant spot, so I'm not going to indulge his asinine behavior.
I would demand respect or he could leave with child and find alternate care. I would tell him that too. Its one thing to work with a parent, but when a child is in group care the care is for the best interest of the group as a whole. Him talking to you in that manner is not acceptable and I wouldn't want to be a part of that, not a tad bit. See ya-
There is a side of me that would want to sabotage that family picture too but I wouldn't stoop to that level either- I have the little angel on my one side.........saying don't do it and on the other side a little red man egging me on...........
you sound like you have this one covered. Try to update us on how you make out at pick up time- I hope it turns out well and the Dad realizes he was not a very nice man this morning-
taylorw1210 11:01 AM 03-28-2014
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
Be sure to bring this to dad's attention today. "I can see this isn't working out for you, since you don't agree with the way I do things. Will this be your 2 weeks notice? I having several families waiting for an infant spot, and will gladly give the spot to next family since it is clear that this isn't working for you"
Exactly. Why even bother allowing him to treat you like dirt? Adios, buddy! You don't come into my home and talk to me like a child...Be sure to bring this to dad's attention today. "I can see this isn't working out for you, since you don't agree with the way I do things. Will this be your 2 weeks notice? I having several families waiting for an infant spot, and will gladly give the spot to next family since it is clear that this isn't working for you"
Unregistered 11:06 AM 03-28-2014
I would send an email to the mom's email address or both.
I understand from the conversation this morning at drop off that the childcare arrangement we have is not working for your family. Would you like to set up a meeting to go over the daycare routine and policies again, or are you feeling it is time to end our childcare contract? Please let me know by such'n'such date, as I have several families waiting on an infant spot should your family have decided we are not a good fit for care.
I understand from the conversation this morning at drop off that the childcare arrangement we have is not working for your family. Would you like to set up a meeting to go over the daycare routine and policies again, or are you feeling it is time to end our childcare contract? Please let me know by such'n'such date, as I have several families waiting on an infant spot should your family have decided we are not a good fit for care.
KIDZRMYBIZ 11:58 AM 03-28-2014
I am going to give him ONE chance to redeem himself at pick-up with an apology.
If not, I will be sending an e-mail reiterating what has already been said, and include something about mutual respect and a suggestion that perhaps it is not working out. Then, either he will be ticked and pull, or I will have no more problems. Either way, I win (although I would miss DCG, but we all get over it).
I will let you know how it pans out!
If not, I will be sending an e-mail reiterating what has already been said, and include something about mutual respect and a suggestion that perhaps it is not working out. Then, either he will be ticked and pull, or I will have no more problems. Either way, I win (although I would miss DCG, but we all get over it).
I will let you know how it pans out!
spud912 02:22 PM 03-28-2014
Can't wait to hear the update. That dcd seems like a real "winner" . It makes me wonder what he does on the weekends if his baby isn't following the "perfect" schedule.......
. It makes me wonder what he does on the weekends if his baby isn't following the "perfect" schedule.......
TwinKristi 03:28 PM 03-28-2014
Update?!?!?
playdate4 05:18 PM 03-28-2014
Update?
Laurel 03:46 AM 03-29-2014
Originally Posted by jbshell:
Update?
Yes update, we all hate cliffhangers! Update?
Laurel
Luna 05:21 AM 03-29-2014
Enjoy your weekend, but we want to see you here first thing Monday morning!
CraftyMom 06:55 AM 03-29-2014
Haha! I also came on here this morning to check for an update! Hope it wasn't too stressful at pick up!
KIDZRMYBIZ 08:08 AM 03-31-2014
Sheepish here...I drug my feet about updating because I'm kinda going to let it slide. Kinda.
DCA (new acronym for DayCareA$$hole) did not apologize at pick-up, but I admit I didn't give him much room to. When he came in and didn't immediately say something along the lines of "Can we talk?" or "I'm sorry about this morning." I handed DCG over and said, "Here she is." Then handed him the bottle I was feeding her and said, "Here this is. Have a good weekend. Goodnight." Then walked back into my playroom and busied myself with the kids. He said "See you later" when he left and that was it.
After venting with DH, I decided I made it quite clear that I won't be pushed around, and I really do think he will back off now and be (fake) sweet as pie, at least until the cycle comes full circle again (how abusers work, ya know). The reason this guy bothers me so is that he is exactly like my brother, so I can see right through him, but I also know how to handle this type. He does not scare me or intimidate me whatsoever.
Instead, I finally sent an e-mail with a new contract that states that they can only be here 3 days per week, or pay extra for the 1 or 2 additional days. If you remember me posting about that, I was only going to charge them $10 for extra days because I was feeling generous and grateful for their business and really don't need the extra amount... Well, guess what? My feelings are not quite so fuzzy anymore, so I set it at $25 per day. I can put up with DCA an extra 1 or 2 days for that amount.
And if ever he is rude to me again, or even brings up last Friday ever, I will tell him to his face that I will not tolerate it, and next time you are TERMINATED. And no, Ah-nold, you won't be back!
DCA (new acronym for DayCareA$$hole
) did not apologize at pick-up, but I admit I didn't give him much room to. When he came in and didn't immediately say something along the lines of "Can we talk?" or "I'm sorry about this morning." I handed DCG over and said, "Here she is." Then handed him the bottle I was feeding her and said, "Here this is. Have a good weekend. Goodnight." Then walked back into my playroom and busied myself with the kids. He said "See you later" when he left and that was it.After venting with DH, I decided I made it quite clear that I won't be pushed around, and I really do think he will back off now and be (fake) sweet as pie, at least until the cycle comes full circle again (how abusers work, ya know). The reason this guy bothers me so is that he is exactly like my brother, so I can see right through him, but I also know how to handle this type. He does not scare me or intimidate me whatsoever.
Instead, I finally sent an e-mail with a new contract that states that they can only be here 3 days per week, or pay extra for the 1 or 2 additional days. If you remember me posting about that, I was only going to charge them $10 for extra days because I was feeling generous and grateful for their business and really don't need the extra amount... Well, guess what? My feelings are not quite so fuzzy anymore, so I set it at $25 per day. I can put up with DCA
an extra 1 or 2 days for that amount.And if ever he is rude to me again, or even brings up last Friday ever, I will tell him to his face that I will not tolerate it, and next time you are TERMINATED. And no, Ah-nold, you won't be back!
KIDZRMYBIZ 03:25 PM 04-01-2014
DCD called me last night and was angry. I defended my position, repeated what they told me upon enrollment and interview about using only 3 days, thus the discounted rate. I said he had two options to keep weekly rate the same/trade days if you want/pay extra for extra days OR go to a full-time contract and DCG can be here any day, every day, all day. I wanted to tell him there is a 3rd option-leaving-but it would sound snarky and he knows that anyway. He asked if I was raising everyones rates and other equally stupid things. I stood my ground and was only professional. Then he asked to trade today for wed. Sure thing.
The way he was at drop off and she was at pick up, I'm sure they will bail soon. The deal I am offering them for more than 3 days is steep, but idc. DCD is lazy, rude, and I just am not willing to watch kids for free, even if it is only $20.
The way he was at drop off and she was at pick up, I'm sure they will bail soon. The deal I am offering them for more than 3 days is steep, but idc. DCD is lazy, rude, and I just am not willing to watch kids for free, even if it is only $20.
Zoe 04:49 AM 04-02-2014
Good for you for standing your ground! 
KIDZRMYBIZ 07:46 AM 04-04-2014
Wellpers, DCG was scheduled to be here yesterday-she stayed home "sick." Scheduled for today but texted last night that DCM has day off so will keep her home. I bet they are interviewing new daycares. 
That's ok. Fully expecting it. I have an interview tomorrow for spot in July. I will just keep on interviewing so I'm ready for their notice. I collect those last two weeks payment at enrollment so absolutely no worries. It took a long education of hard knocks to get here. It sure does feel good now! I wish I had provider friends in my area. My friend that quit and I would always compare notes and we would know when someone was shopping around.
Also, DCM has next Th off so they asked to trade T for Th. Amazing how they are exercising that trade option when they don't work when they aren't going to get free extra days anymore, huh?
That's ok. Fully expecting it. I have an interview tomorrow for spot in July. I will just keep on interviewing so I'm ready for their notice. I collect those last two weeks payment at enrollment so absolutely no worries. It took a long education of hard knocks to get here. It sure does feel good now! I wish I had provider friends in my area. My friend that quit and I would always compare notes and we would know when someone was shopping around.Also, DCM has next Th off so they asked to trade T for Th. Amazing how they are exercising that trade option when they don't work when they aren't going to get free extra days anymore, huh?
cheerfuldom 11:32 AM 04-04-2014
yeah they are definitely shopping around for daycares. but no worries. you are prepared to replace them and I would not be ashamed to say "I understand. I figured that is what you might be planning to do and already have a replacement so this worked out well for all of us" when they gave notice. with a smile on my face