Daycare.com Forum
Parents and Guardians Forum>Not DC Related- Kid Anxiety
Unregistered 09:48 AM 04-05-2014
My almost 3 year old has the worst stranger anxiety. I get that it's a phase, but it's really impacting our lives. She just recently stopped crying at drop off to a provider she's had since she was an infant. She was big into wanting dance lessons, but cried so much when we tried, we had to leave. This morning we tried swim lessons- which she was super excited about, but as soon as we got there, began crying and wouldn't let go of my leg. (I know it wasn't about the water. We have a pool and she's a little fish, it was about the other kids and the instructor). I'm trying not to be, but I'm actually angry at her about it. I'm just frustrated that we can't go anywhere or do anything new without her freaking out. It's also embarrassing for me and I'm worried that people around me wonder why I did wrong as a parent. Then sometimes out of the blue she'll make best friends with the big burly guy in the check out line behind us. It's odd. Suggestions for her- suggestions for me not to be so frustrated!
NightOwl 10:14 AM 04-05-2014
I wish I had suggestions, because I could use some! My 5.5yo son had been afraid of the dark/being alone for 5.5 years! And I find myself getting very frustrated with him also. I mean, he's pushing 6yo. He won't go into any room alone, dark or not. Not to use the potty, not to get his favorite game, not to get food, no reason is good enough to get him to go alone. We've had many discussions about it, trying to reassure him, find alternatives, get to the root of the problem, and nada.
Cradle2crayons 10:21 AM 04-05-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
I wish I had suggestions, because I could use some! My 5.5yo son had been afraid of the dark/being alone for 5.5 years! And I find myself getting very frustrated with him also. I mean, he's pushing 6yo. He won't go into any room alone, dark or not. Not to use the potty, not to get his favorite game, not to get food, no reason is good enough to get him to go alone. We've had many discussions about it, trying to reassure him, find alternatives, get to the root of the problem, and nada.
I have a 22 month old daycare girl who co sleeps at home... On interview her parents said she's terrified of being alone, sleeping alone, terrified of the darke to etc. They even wrote it on her intake form and told me two more times.I wish I had suggestions, because I could use some! My 5.5yo son had been afraid of the dark/being alone for 5.5 years! And I find myself getting very frustrated with him also. I mean, he's pushing 6yo. He won't go into any room alone, dark or not. Not to use the potty, not to get his favorite game, not to get food, no reason is good enough to get him to go alone. We've had many discussions about it, trying to reassure him, find alternatives, get to the root of the problem, and nada.
The truth is the child sleeps in a pnp here ALONE.. In the DARK.. And has no problems.
My daughter used to have stranger anxiety only if I was involved. If I wasn't with her she was quite the charmer. I never did really figure out what I had to do with it but it was apparently something. Fast fwd to now and she's the complete opposite.
I'm not sure the dynamics op but how is the child when you aren't involved in the picture??
Unregistered 02:11 PM 04-05-2014
OP here- yeah, she is a lot different when in with her as far as behavior, but she's always had the stranger anxiety issues with or without me. Picture day at daycare is a disaster and g-d forbid they have a special guest come in. I've calmed down from the swim lesson disaster this am, am feel really guilty for being upset, but I just don't know what to do. She does cosleep and refuses her own bed, let alone her own room. On that note, it's annoying when others say I should just put her in her room and let her cry. They don't know the pain of having a child with real anxiety. I'm almost at the point of looking into medication. 
Cradle2crayons 08:44 AM 04-06-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
OP here- yeah, she is a lot different when in with her as far as behavior, but she's always had the stranger anxiety issues with or without me. Picture day at daycare is a disaster and g-d forbid they have a special guest come in. I've calmed down from the swim lesson disaster this am, am feel really guilty for being upset, but I just don't know what to do. She does cosleep and refuses her own bed, let alone her own room. On that note, it's annoying when others say I should just put her in her room and let her cry. They don't know the pain of having a child with real anxiety. I'm almost at the point of looking into medication.
If she's different away from you then I'd start there. Have someone else drop her at daycare, someone else take her to swim lessons. Anything you can do to foster independence.OP here- yeah, she is a lot different when in with her as far as behavior, but she's always had the stranger anxiety issues with or without me. Picture day at daycare is a disaster and g-d forbid they have a special guest come in. I've calmed down from the swim lesson disaster this am, am feel really guilty for being upset, but I just don't know what to do. She does cosleep and refuses her own bed, let alone her own room. On that note, it's annoying when others say I should just put her in her room and let her cry. They don't know the pain of having a child with real anxiety. I'm almost at the point of looking into medication.
Unregistered 08:49 AM 04-07-2014
OP I could have written your post. I have been dealing with my 7 year old son since he was about 2 years old acting the same way. Sports activities, birthday parties, play dates...
Its cruel but I have found for most things I have to force him and be mean to him to do activities such as telling him I am never bringing him to a birthday party, or he is going to have to go in his room when he gets home) I don't want to scold him or tell him he is acting like a baby but it seems like the only thing that works (mostly) It has taken 3 years of little league for him to feel confortable on his team. He generally doesn't play with the kids on the team. If he sees them doing something fun he will ask me to ask them to let him play. Most times I just encourage him to go over and start doing what they are doing and they will let him play too.
He wanted to play on a basketball team in the worse way this past winter. I found a team, signed him up and he spent the majority of the time out on the court crying that he didn't want to play. It is heartbreaking to watch him basically get sick from crying because his anxiety gets in the way. He was so upset at the basketball practice I ended up not taking him back and just ate the cost we lost.
He is at an age where he is invited to a lot of birthday parties. Which are not cheap and cost the families throwing the party money so I hate him wasting it by not participating. We were recently invited to a trampoline party. He has been on trampolines before. Well he refused to do any jumping at the party. I had to beg him to give it a try one time even though he was crying because I knew once he did it one or two times he would love it. After he got over his initial fear he had a super time.
Its cruel but I have found for most things I have to force him and be mean to him to do activities such as telling him I am never bringing him to a birthday party, or he is going to have to go in his room when he gets home) I don't want to scold him or tell him he is acting like a baby but it seems like the only thing that works (mostly) It has taken 3 years of little league for him to feel confortable on his team. He generally doesn't play with the kids on the team. If he sees them doing something fun he will ask me to ask them to let him play. Most times I just encourage him to go over and start doing what they are doing and they will let him play too.
He wanted to play on a basketball team in the worse way this past winter. I found a team, signed him up and he spent the majority of the time out on the court crying that he didn't want to play. It is heartbreaking to watch him basically get sick from crying because his anxiety gets in the way. He was so upset at the basketball practice I ended up not taking him back and just ate the cost we lost.
He is at an age where he is invited to a lot of birthday parties. Which are not cheap and cost the families throwing the party money so I hate him wasting it by not participating. We were recently invited to a trampoline party. He has been on trampolines before. Well he refused to do any jumping at the party. I had to beg him to give it a try one time even though he was crying because I knew once he did it one or two times he would love it. After he got over his initial fear he had a super time.
Unregistered 06:26 PM 04-07-2014
OP again-
thanks all for not making me feel like I screwed her up!
Having another person drop off is a good idea. It wouldn't work for daycare, and she's doing much better there anyways, but for other things it makes sense.
I try not to force too much because her dad had similar issues as a kid and has some really negative feeling about events and groups his parents forced him to be part of. He's the one who originally suggested medication because he says he knows how she's feeling.
It stinks. I guess I'll just keep trying. She's little- maybe she will grow out of it and maybe I should just keep trying to expose her to things. We have a birthday party in two weeks. Fingers crossed that goes well!
thanks all for not making me feel like I screwed her up!
Having another person drop off is a good idea. It wouldn't work for daycare, and she's doing much better there anyways, but for other things it makes sense.
I try not to force too much because her dad had similar issues as a kid and has some really negative feeling about events and groups his parents forced him to be part of. He's the one who originally suggested medication because he says he knows how she's feeling.
It stinks. I guess I'll just keep trying. She's little- maybe she will grow out of it and maybe I should just keep trying to expose her to things. We have a birthday party in two weeks. Fingers crossed that goes well!