I enrolled my 10 month old in day care last week. I signed up on Wednesday, the admissions director had promised that the fee for the week will be pro rated. However, she made me pay for the entire week. She promised that the extra fee charged will be reimbursed. However, I am finding this place odd.

Their focus on money and the way I am treated makes me worry about the care given to my child. The director kept telling that my child always wants to be held and he does not like anyone else being given attention. My baby has always been a great child, we don't hold him a lot and he never cries to be held. He does that only when he is hungry, tired or sick. Largely, he tries to explore our home on his own.

The director does not like me visiting the daycare. I think she wants be to drop the kid off and return only for pickup. There is no means for me to know if my child is ok. They say I can call n check. But I am unable to trust them.

After being in this daycare, my baby wakes up in the middle of the night, scared to death with fear and tears. This has never happened before. Last Friday, he was crying all night. He would sleep for few minutes, then wake up frightened. I am worried if my child was mistreated.

I happened to stumble across a review for this daycare. The review did say the director of the daycare was rude n his teacher does not treat the kids well.

Now, I want to withdraw my baby from this daycare. I remember they said I need to give them 2 weeks notice n must pay for this 2 weeks. Is there a way for me to avoid this? Even if pay I will not send my kid to this daycare. Is there way I can avoid paying this fee.

Any help will be greatly appreciated. I just want to save myself from paying daycares'

Anxious Mama.

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Sorry to hear this is happening my advice to you is that if you feel something smells fishy I suggest you pull your child out. As far as the fee I don't think there's a way out of that. Some daycares usually give you a 10-day probationary time to try out if its working out for you, the provider and the child. This usually at the beginning, I suggest you read over the contract and PHB.
Is this a center or home daycare?

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Thank you very much for your reply.

This is a center. My baby started last week. The handbook does not include any probationary or trial period clause but it does state that a 2 week notice in writing is required n tution must be paid that period.

Is there any state law to cover this?

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You may be obligated to the two weeks. If your not comfortable, definitely pull your child. Personally I give he first two weeks as probationary but it sounds as if this daycare doesn't. Hopefully they will agree that your not a good fit and release you. I would think that they would rather do that and know that their was some good will there than you being really upset.

Here is my advise for the future. I am home provider so my perspective is a little different. You need to feel comfortable with the person that watches your child. Personally I feel home is best for little ones and centers for school age kids. They have a miller group and varied ages. This means your child learns from the older ones and gets to teach the younger ones. They get more flexibility since we have the ability to change the days plans according to the children's needs. Interview several providers. See which one offers what you were looking for and who seems most natural with your child. Ask for references and call them! Ask pertinent questions. Do you have schedule for the day? What types of activities do you do? Do you allow children to watch tv while in your care? What type of food do you serve. How many children they have now and how long they have been with them. A good provider will be very forth coming about these details because they are proud of their program. If you want a glimpse of home child care my fb page is www.facebook.com/MrsSteinelHouse look at providers pages to see what you like.

Once you find a provider, you need to trust them. It is upsetting for you to "visit" during the day because your child will think your picking them up. And please if your provider tells you that naptime is from 12- 3 do not stop by then!! You will probably wake everyone! Ask the provide if she objects to early pick ups. I personally have no objection to parents picking up any time after 3 with no notice. Before that I like a heads up so I can sneak them out without waking everyone else. We like predictable days so we can stay on routine especially in the mornings. Your child is at the prime age to fuss at drop off so don't let that faze you. Leave and if you want reassurance call when you get to work. Generally the kido is quite before your out of he driveway!

Your child at home after entering care will temporarily change these doesn't mean something is "wrong" it means they are adjusting to the new normal. They may wake in the middle of the night because they are checking to see if you're still there they will adjust. Hopefully the provider has an awesome schedule that allows a lot of time to play, be outside, meals and a good nap! Once they adjust to this, things should be better. At 10 months I am obligated to send home a note saying what they ate, diapers, and naps so you should be able to see what happened that day.

Praying you find the perfect provider for your child!

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It really sounds like you don't trust this place. If that's the case you need to pull your child. Put them some where that you can trust you abd your child will be treated the way you want.

Is this the first time the baby has been in care?
Also sounds like some separation anxiety going on

As for the no drop ins during the day, I don't mind if a parent ever does this, they will have To take their child with them when they leave.
It's so hard for a child to say good bye once in a day can you imagine them having to say it twice.

Also think about moving your child. What if this happens at the next place too? Are you going to keep moving him?

I know it's hard, you are placing your child in someone else hands. I promise you that it is always harder on us parents than it is the child.

I hope you are able to get things figured out.....

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I think there are several dynamics going on here in this post

First, is the OP a first time mom placing their child in care for the first time??
If so, it's natural to be scared, both for the mom and the baby. The entire dynamic of a daycare center is so very different than one on one at home with mom. It's natural for a child that age to need a huge adjustment period. It doesn't sound like the center is having a problem with it, only the mom. OP, that may be what you are feeling. I think you are expecting the center to be upset by the crying and they aren't. Because they likely see this every time they get a child That age.

Their hesitancy about you coming in during the day is very much understood here on this forum. While I do not like parents disrupting the schedule here, I do offer video conferencing and I've had a few first time moms take me up on that. Most providers do NOT encourage parents to show up off and on all day. It's the WORST thing you can do especially to a child that hasn't adjusted in care yet.

By your post, I don't feel you have any reason it to trust the center. I think you hesitated about putting your child into care at all, and I think after knowing he is crying a lot, you panicked. That's not mistrust. That's second guessing leaving him in a center.

Even the most well adjusted kids need adjustment in a new care environment. Some more than others. Their entire schedule changes and that takes time to adjust. The waking up at night at home crying is certainly not a red flag at all. Just as a pp said, they are making sure you are still there.

Unless you really have a good reason other than disgruntled rumored reviews to not trust e center, I'd say give e child more than three days to adjust. Support the center and how they do things.

Either that, or hire a nanny.

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You can withdraw but getting out of the notice won't be so easy if they are smart. They have that in their policies so that people don't sign on for bridge daycare in between the old provider and the new. Daycare hoppers do that to them so they have to have income on the slot while they interview your kids slot.

It's all about money. You agreed to it without negotiating a trial period. Now you know not to do that with the next contract.

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Sounds like the OP just doesn't trust the DC and if that is the case then the child should be pulled out. If you signed a contract that says that you have to give a two week notice and pay for it then you have to give a two week notice and pay for it. Legally if you agreed to a contract then you are bound to it. There are no laws that prohibit daycares from expecting a paid termination period ... some even have a 4 week paid termination period instead of the two. Usually it's customary for a daycare to have a trial period where the contract can be broken by either party with no notice however this is at the discretion of the daycare itself and it is not a requirement of the law. Some have it, others don't.

Realistically it sounds to me like your child is reacting to the sudden change in your child's routine. I would expect a child that has started in a new daycare to have some sort of separation distress and it is normal for a child in a new setting to show signs of anxiety and have changes in needs. At home he knows the environment and his caregivers (you and dad etc.) and is probably the only child in the home so your child's needs can be immediately met. Now your child is in a different environment during the time that you are away at work (presumably) and under the care of new people. I would expect a child like this to cry, to cling, to need to be held and comforted and to show some type of changes at home because of this change. Sometimes children adjust quickly to the change and other children need weeks or even months to get used to it. Some kids may even never get used to a group child care setting and may need a one-on-one arrangement instead. It just depends on the child.

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Thank you all for your efforts to reply.
My baby is sick, I could not find time to check on this thread.

The daycare does not provide video conferencing. But they do have an open door policy that allows parents to walk in n observe the baby. I was promised that I can visit my child anytime during the day.

Is it okay for a child to cry for long hours? Out of curiosity, how does a crying child be assured n nurtured in daycare? When I observed my child, I see her cry, the teacher does not comfort her.

Of the 3 days, she was in this daycare, Friday was the first time I visited. A parent who had her child in this daycare (she is now going to another daycare) said I shud keep checking on my child. Don't know why she said that, but that really prompted me to check on my child.

The contract says I can visit my child but why does the center treat me bad when I visit my child. Of course, I try to be a silent spectator, I don't walk in n let my child see me. I know that will be tough for her. I want her to settle down n be happy as I do not have a plan B. however, I do not want her to be in a place where she is not comfortable.

Worried Mama.

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At 10 months, I would say it is very normal for your baby to cry all day at daycare. More often than not, when we start a child that age - they cry a lot during the day for the first two or three weeks.

Your child's entire world has been changed, and he/she lacks the communication skills to understand any of it.

As far as the caregiver not comforting your child... It may seem cold from the outside - but when we have a new child who is having trouble with separation and adjustment, we maintain our typical schedule and allow the child to adjust in their own time. Chances are if your child is unfamiliar with the caregiver, that her attempts to comfort him would do very little good. She is looking for familiar, and everything in her new surroundings is unfamiliar.

Your child will be assured, when she adjusts to their new surroundings. By the childcare provider providing a consistent routine and allowing your child to adjust to it - they are doing what is best to help your child adjust.

I would say if the center is treating you badly - that is worrisome. I would definitely suggest that (as you are doing) you stay out of your child's sight. That would only serve to upset her even more. Maybe they are nervous that she will see you and it will make her adjustment even harder ?

Can you give me some examples of what the center is doing to make you uncomfortable. I could maybe explain them to you from our side ?

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Great advice!

From another providers prospective, I too always try to help children adjust and self soothe, to a point. As mean as it may aound,It would be unrealistic to start a child off constantly picking them up or holding them every time they cried.

In a group setting that would be impossible to continue to obtain.

I don't care for infants anymore, mostly because I teach preschool program, but also because many babies have a harder time adjusting and it breaks my heart to hear a child cry that it eats at me. Not saying others don't, I just can't do it.

I think you have gotten a lot of good advice from some very experienced providers on here.

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perfectly normal for a ten month old to cry all day every day for the first few days until a couple of weeks. It's also normal for the workers to not try to comfort all the time the child is crying. Perfectly normal to be a new parent to a child care place and run into a parent who is not happy with care and encourage you to leave.

You have had a perfectly normal experience in trying a daycare that doesn't work for you. All you need to do is PAY the notice time and not take your child back. In your years of parenting this experience will quickly fade away. It's a no biggie. Just pay the money and scoot.

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Is it possible your baby was as fussy as she was because she was coming down with an illness rather than unhappy at the day care?

In general, it's not okay for a child to cry for long hours. The provider should try to figure out what's wrong and comfort her as soon as possible. Sometimes a crying child has to wait a few minutes, though, if the provider is busy caring for another child. For example, if I have a child on the changing table and am in the middle of changing a diaper, I will finish what I'm doing and go to the crying child as soon as I can but the child has to wait for me until I can get to her. If a parent walks in while I'm in the middle of changing a child, she may get the impression that I'm allowing the other child to cry for long periods of time when actually, that's not the case.

I have a child in my care who cried whenever I walked away from her - which I had to do often because I have several other children in my care. I comforted her as much as humanly possible but she cried often during the day because I couldn't hold her all day without putting her down at times to tend to the others. She's growing out of that stage now, thank goodness, but it was tough for both of us for awhile!

Were you actually there for hours observing your child and waiting to see what the provider would do? Can you share with us the circumstance under wihch you found your child crying for that long?

It does sound as though she may have been trying to give you a head's up. Is there any way you could speak with her to ask why she said what she did? Keep in mind, though, that she may have an ax to grind with the provider and is trying to cause trouble for her. If she had had a serious concern, I would think she would have pulled her own child immediately rather than be there to warn you.

I don't know what your state regulations are but most likely, you are entitled by law to check up on your child while she's in day care. Just because that's what the law says, it doesn't mean a provider has to like it, though. Personally, I don't like drop in visits because, as a previous poster mentioned, they can be very disruptive. When a parent leaves for a second time without taking the child, the child can become very upset and then I'm left trying to console her. I would never treat a parent poorly, though. As much as I don't like pop-in visits, I would welcome the parent and try to set her mind at ease. Maybe she doesn't realize how she is coming across? Would it be possible to sit down with your provider and discuss your concerns with her?

The bottom line is, if you truly aren't comfortable leaving your child with this provider, you need to pull her as soon as possible. If you signed a contract stating you agree to give a 2 week notice, you are probably stuck paying, although, you could try talking with the provider about your concerns. If she can't put your mind at ease, you could ask her to waive that policy. She may or may not but it never hurts to ask. Good luck.

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You've probably already worked out this problem but I've gone thru the same thing before with my son. Tell the centre you lost your job and can't pay..they'll let you go. It's all about money for them right? Trust your instincts. You know your baby. Next time get your own expectations in writing.

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It is normal like the other provides have stated that a child goes through a honeymoon stage..... For some its a few days for others its longer, it can also go the other way ( child starts good has no problems for the first few days or weeks then realizes that this is his/her new place to be and hey wait a minute moms not here, so I think I'll start to cry ) ....

I have had a few children like this in the centers that I worked at as well as in my own home daycare now.... I had a little girl who would cry(scream) for most the day for a month, she then settled and was fine to the point that when mom or dad would pick up she did not want to go home,,, I have a little DCB and DCG that I have had for over a year now, the boy it took him 3 months of crying, pulling at my legs to be held, when I was out of his sight, when I put him down, all he did was cry unless I held him ( I also had his brother who is now in school so it was not that this child had not seen me or had not been in or near the center ( home ).... the girl I still have same type of thing I've had her for over a year, the first few months constant crying, even with her bigger brother here, she is good now how ever if her routine is changes such as if mom drops off instead of dad then she will cry again....

The children pick up very fast on how to wrap mommy's around their fingers, and will play that to the fullest at drop off and pick up .....
I had a child in one of the centers that I worked at that would only cry when mom dropped off and then again when mom picked up this went on for about 2 to 3 months, mom started to feel that she had done the wrong this as well, I told her that her child did not react this way through out the day that he actually had a great day, how ever mom did not believe us for all she ever saw was her little one crying all the time. So I told her that if she wanted that when she left she could either wait out of sight and listen or show up a little earlier and listen at the door where he could not see her but she could see him.. she did this for about a week and every time he was fine right up til he spotted her them right away he started to cry.... after she realized that he was playing her she stopped her behavior at drop off and pick up time and with in a week he stopped all together.......

I know its hard at first especially for a new mom... but there are some great providers out there the will make this all worth it ..... good luck ....

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OK Please don't take offense I am kind of harsh when I speak, but I mean no harm to you.

TAKE YOUR CHILD OUT NOW. Your job as a momma is to remove the child from a situation YOU feel is not working. Especially if you have reservations. It matters not that you have a plan.

If you don't take the baby out and you have these concerns, you yourself, can be held liable for anything that could happen because you have voiced your concern and still took the baby somewhere you didn't like.

It is never acceptable to use the reasoning that "Well, I didn't have other care" to put your child in a situation you do not trust. I'd pull the kid, pay and then sue for your refund based on the fact you didn't feel your child was safe. But you will lose in court if you continue to take your child there and then decide to pull.

Drop the daycare now. It sounds like a terrible fit for you and your child. I hope you find someone else soon, but for the sake of your own piece of mind, do not take that child back!

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