BelindaW 01:15 PM 01-16-2011
I am so lost as what to do. I am so scared and concerned for my 17 month old granddaughters safety. Here is a run down as to what is happening. Her father is very abusive to her mother, my daughter. Physical, mental etc. The police were called a week ago and my daughter was taken to the hospital for injuries received. He was not arrested but was told it was being sent to the DA's for charges. He threw my daughter out and kept the baby. They are un-married but when they went for child support etc 10 months ago due to baby having state medical, he made my daughter give him joint custody and placement so the police refused to help her get the baby. He was allowing her to visit her during the day then making her leave, never allowing her to take her out of the house. When he left for work the other night, he allowed my daughter to stay at his house and care for the baby, she grabbed the baby after he left and went to a battered womans shelter. He found out the next day and is very angry and threatening to have my daughter arrested. Out of fear of being arrested for parental kidnapping, my daughter took her to her dads today and is supposed to get her back Wednesday. I am confident he will refuse, saying she can visit her but not take her. They have a court date next month as my daughter filed for primary placement. I am the only one that has ever been trusted to babysit her so have had her quite often since her birth. The last few days I have babysat her often due to daughter trying to get paperwork, apartment etc taken care of. I have noticed drastic changes in my granddaughter. And other things have come to light that have me very concerned.
My granddaughter is throwing fits and tantrums like I have never seen her do. She hits, bites, kicks, throws herself onto the floor, drops to her bottom then leans back then slams her head onto the floor. When you try to change her diaper, she fights/screams. Starts trying to get away, pushes your hands away, kicks at you. The whole time crying. My daughter said she has not been eating well, after she was with me a cpl days I had her back to eating and her sleep back on schedule.
Her father .... abusive to her mother (has criminal record, restraining orders from other women for same), is a chronic marijuana smoker (daily, been arrested for having a pot pipe on him), saw granddaughter often with a sore vaginal/anal area ( daughter stated diaper rash. did not look like diaper rash to me and stated so. daughter got mad that I might be accusing boyfriend of this) when he is around he insists he changes the babies diapers (saw him change her .. used his hand to "spread her open" then very slowly took the wipe and cleaned her ... am very disturbed by this, has started bathing with the baby ( he wears his boxers, she is naked), granddaughter has chronic constipation ( daughter has talked to DR's about it, they just tell her to put Karo in her bottles) has an 8 yr old (diff mother) that is terrified of him. She was sexually abused by his father while living with him (grandfather is now in prison). Most of the time, she doesn't want to see her dad, when she does come for visits she immediately asks if she can go to someone elses house to play/stay all night. She spent the summer with them and was often red and sore in genital area. Daughter took her to DR and they said she might be doing it to herself due to the sexual abuse or someone else is doing it. They never reported it to CPS (the DR's). Daughter has tried to get him to get her into counseling for it but he refuses. I have tried talking with CPS a few days ago, forgot to mention most of this ( the diaper changing, bathing, issues with other daughter). They say they don't think she is in danger even though they know his criminal record. I am lost as what to do. Is the diaper changing/cleaning, bathing normal? Are my concerns justified? I am worried if it's reported but nothing done, she is going to be hurt very bad. Also, if they get mad I won't see her again. He has convinced my daughter she is a horrible mother, that her daughter hates her etc to maintain control. Now that she is away from him, she is lost as what to do as a mother. He has never really allowed her to be one. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Michael 03:14 PM 01-16-2011
Welcome to the form Belinda.
DCMomOf3 03:25 PM 01-16-2011
Welcome. I see so many red flags in your post. I would personally call CPS and tell them your concerns. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I suspected sexual abuse and did nothing about it. You may upset a lot of people but if it's true, I'd think your granddaughter's well being would be worth the fight. That is my two cents.
My prayers go out to her and I hope she is safe.
DCMomOf3 03:29 PM 01-16-2011
Originally Posted by DCMomOf3:
Welcome. I see so many red flags in your post. I would personally call CPS and tell them your concerns. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I suspected sexual abuse and did nothing about it. You may upset a lot of people but if it's true, I'd think your granddaughter's well being would be worth the fight. That is my two cents.
My prayers go out to her and I hope she is safe.
I just realized you said you called CPS. I would try to get that baby into your care as often as possible and really monitor her. The next time you see something concerning I'd take her into the doctor myself that day. Don't wait for someone else to.
BelindaW 03:58 PM 01-16-2011
Thanks for the quick replies. Sexual abuse is what I am concerned about. Also, with his temper, worried he will take that out on her. We live in a small community in central Wisconsin. The man at CPS told me to write a report stating all my concerns, everything I have personally witnessed. No hearsay. So that is what I have spent the day doing. They are closed tomorrow due to a state employee holiday, but after work Tuesday I plan on going to his office with it. I haven't been able to sleep all week being so scared for her. And it's worse tonight because she is now back with him til Wednesday. I so wish I could get guardianship of her, because to be honest, I don't feel my daughter is capable of taking care of her either. Not til she gets counseling to deal with all the abuse she has been through. She got her away from him Wednesday night and I had her from Thursday night til today. With her mother only staying to see her for a few hrs here and there. Was busy off with friends partying and doing paperwork stuff etc.
kendallina 05:37 PM 01-16-2011
Please make sure you document everything that you see that concerns you. Just keep a little notebook where you write down your observations. Call CPS when a concern comes up. As PP said, take her to the doctor if she ever comes to you and it seems something is not right. I am so sorry she and you are dealing with this.
javamama 10:18 AM 01-18-2011
Looks like you have received some great advice. Just remember, your GD can't stand up for herself so she needs your help. Do whatever it takes to get her away from that abuser. ((HUGS))