Over the past several years my husabnd has become freinds with some of the DCDs. Despite my request for him NOT to do this, he keeps doing it and says that I should not get to choose his friends. I tell them they are not our friends, they are my clients and I dont wish to participate in any of my families lives at all. Well outside of DC that is.

Now one of the DCDs have invited us to a birthday bash for his 40th! I want no part in it. But my husband says well I feel bad that we didnt go last year becuse you wouldnt let me, so I really want to go this year. Why can't you go and just show your face.

I have tried to explain to him the possible damages that it could cause my business and I am not going to participate. So now of course my husband is upset with me about this.

How many of you allow for your husbands to become friends with your clients or their husbands/wives?

What else can I tell my husband that can help him to understand why I can't build a friendship with clients.....

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I DO become casual friends with my families. They go camping, we go to dinner. We do hang out. I don't see a problem. I don't however have them over. This is my HOME. When it's not daycare time and that's just a line I don't feel comfortable crossing. I do feel your husband should respect your feelings though. How would he like to go to his companies presidents house for dinner, if you were her friend from meeting at his work. ?

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To me casual friends just say hi in passing or make small talk when you are out and about town...

These dads are looking to PARTY, like drink beer and wine. Im not a wall flower, I like to have my fun, but I would NEVER do this with any of my clients. Plus we live in a small city...

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Why would them seeing you have a drink be harmful? Now dancing naked on a picnic table maybe... But having a nice visit and sharing a drink I don't see the problem. I personally do not drink but I don't begrudge anyone else from drinking. Maybe you could pop in for an hour or so,? And just keep it light and professional ?

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I have become friends with several clients in the past. My husband, not really as he's really not that social.

With the messes that you have dealt with recently, he should understand the position that it would put you in. I understand where you are coming from, though.

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We're only friends with one of the families. I've had both of their kids FOREVER and the boys are in school, sports & activities together. We don't do dinner or anything like that....just sleepovers, sports & bday parties.

As for everyone else...never gonna happen! Nice people but we're too busy & it's all about the kids & the business. My hubby, who is not ultra sociable, does tend to "kick it" with the dads at the door if he's here at pickup though. Our house is "estrogen heavy" so I think he's trying to suck up as much ************-laden conversation as possible at pickup time. No worries about him "hanging out" though. It doesn't seem natural or like it's a good idea...your hubby probably shouldn't do it. Wish I had some good ideas...maybe tell him you took a poll and everyone said it's not a good idea???

LOL...I can't believe I can say "estrogen" but the site replaces it's male counterpart with **********....go figure!!!

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I am friends with a few of my preschool moms (we were friends before I started the preschool) and we hang out and even go out drinking sometimes.

I understand everyone's hesitation with being friends with those you do business with, but I maintain a completely professional relationship when it's about preschool and then can be my 'friend' self when we all hang out together. I just stick to two rules when we're all together : I don't complain about my job...lol and I never talk about other parents who are in the preschool. All my friends know and respect these two things and it's not a big deal. I've had to talk to friends about some pretty uncomfortable professional things (kids' bad behavior, pottying habits, etc), and they all respect me more because I can do it professionally.

That being said, if being friends with your daycare clients doesn't work for you, then it doesn't and there is nothing wrong with that. It's too bad that your husband isn't listening to your wishes with that. Would it be possible for him to go without you? Or you could go for just a little bit?

My Dh is friends with some of my preschool dads and he knows to not talk about preschool or things that happen here, so it isn't a big deal for us.

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It doesn't bother me when my husband becomes friends with the dcds. He plays poker and on occasion several of the dads have come over to play cards with him from time to time. In some cases, I no longer care for their children, but we are still friends.

I have had several of my dcms over to scrapbook at my house on the weekend, played bunko with them, had them over for barbeques and gone camping with them.

In many cases, they are like extended family. We don't socialize with all of the families, but there are some that we've become very close with. It has never caused a problem, but I do understand why and how it could. It's just a risk that I am willing to take. One of my very best friends is a former dcp that I met through watching her daughter as a baby 23 years ago.

I do agree though, that if you are not comfortable with it, then your hubby needs to respect that.

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There have beewn a few dads that he used to go running with and workout with and I dont mind that at all. We even went out to dinner once when a family took us our for our anniversay. It was nice and simple.

I guess I just don't like people knowing too much about my personal life....LOL (its all over the web now...hahah) I am a very un-trusting person and have always looked out for my family.

We live in a very small city that seems to have a rather large bible belt area, which I am none of the religons practiced here.

I just never want to give anyone any amo that they could come back at me with later. AND this is why I want it to be this way

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I'd keep it professional. I don't go to parties or anything else. I just let parents know (if they really keep pushing for an answer) that I feel it is best to have a friendly business relationship. My husband is friendly with all the dads but not friends, if that makes sense. It just takes one time to really create some drama and something happen that you cannot correct. I would never ever drink or do anything that would "let it all hang out"....you just never know what might offend. I am a daycare provider, not a friend to these families. Some people can keep it cool when mixing friends and business but A LOT of people cannot.

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"Don't Crap where you eat."

Still as valid today as when my Grandad said it to my Dad.

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catherder, my granny didnt speak english, so I don't know what that says...lol

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Friendships build trust! I want to get friends with my clients too, how can i minister to their kids if i dont know them at least on some more personal level...

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I agree but would you want your spouse to be hanging out having drinks with them?

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I do agree with this. After 25 years I continue to stand by this and do not waiver. I want the parents to know me on a personal level, because they are trusting me each and every day with something so very precious to them...their child. I also feel its invaluable to know who they are, so we can build a solid relationship. IMHO, childcare is a union between the parent, child and provider and when we know each other on a more personal level trust is built.

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This would not bother me. I may be in the minority, but having a drink would not be an issue for me or my husband around dcps. After hours, I believe it is silly to make this into an issue... after all we are all grown ups and as long as everyone is acting responsible, I see no problem.

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I have been in a different business in the past and learned the hard way dontmix business and pleasure. My motto
Business is business pleasure is pleasure, don't ever mix the two together.

I guess I'm just upset because he doesn't understand that this in not how I want to run my business. I am all for taking the kids to the movie as a group, which has been done, or a glass of wine with dinner. But I'm talking about a 40th bday party where there will be lots of drinking. Also when they do hang out they often try to plan future get togethers with the wives and so on and I just don't wanna take it there
Call me boring or dry I don't think it's professional.
Just like businesses frown on people dating. I frown on this ... I just want my husband ti understand why.

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I'm sorry, but I have to agree with daycare.

It's obvious that she feels very strongly about this. This is her business, her job, and she is not comfortable with mixing business and friendships. She feels that her dh is crossing a line that she does not want crossed. That is her right. Out of respect for his wife and his marriage, her dh needs to take those facts into consideration.

Years ago, my dh and I became friends with our girls' provider. Things did not end well and my kids were caught in the crossfire.

I have to say that I am good friends with the mother of two of my former kids. We've vacationed together with the kids, celebrate most holidays. She and I get together once in a while and go to dinner and a movie. I was friendly with several other mothers over the years, but never what I would call "social friends".

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Even though I would not personally have an issue with socializing like this, I do get this, and I ran it by my husband to get his take on it. He is a total "guys guy" and we both felt the same. We both see where you are coming from and you are totally entitled to feeling this way. Everyone has their own parameters on what they are comfortable with. This is your business, so your husband needs to understand how you feel and realize he needs to respect it.

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LOL probably not!

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I have life-long friends that started out as day care parents. It's not something I planned...it just happened. Their "child" is married now. We are still close friends and always will be.

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perfect example why I dn't want my husabnd becoming friends..


The family taht gave notice recently. the ones that lied about needing all the extra hours to work. Well he is friends with the DCD and he told me that it would be beyond unprofessional if I were to call them out on it and end the extended hours. I know this is not his business, but he is freinds with this dad and does not want his friendship ruined.... UGH....

I am not one to argue, so I have just sucked it up

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(I did not write "crap", Michael did. I actually typed in four stars since Grandad often spoke like a sailor... The four stars represented using the restroom. )

I am friends with former clients... Just not current clients.

As long as money is being exchanged, I keep it seperate.

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lmao......................hahahahha sorry I did not know what you meant the first time so I was so confused..

Yes this...what she didnt say, but michael did....

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I think getting to know the parents will determine what kind of relationship you can have w/them. Biz or friendship. My first dcb family well, they've been with me for 2 1/2 yrs and although we've never had dinner together the mother and I go once a yr to see the newest Twilight movies together. My husband will go over and help them out if they need something to be fixed in their home or car. I've been to their baby shower and son's bday parties. They've been to my daughter's bday parties. The other parents we've been to bday parties for their kids. I am treated like part of the family...kind of like extended. One of the grandma's who watches their grandchild once a week gave me the biggest huge and said how blessed they feel that I watch their grandchild. I feel so appreciated and loved. There was alcohol at the bday party bc there was more adults then children. I don't normally drink however, we where invited to a BBQ swimming and eating and where ask what type of alcohol beverages we liked. So we had drinks for that. I think it really depends on the setting as well as how close you are to your families. I think bc my families get the feeling from me that I am not closed off. I spend time cultivating a relationship w/my families so they feel trust towards me and my family. It takes time for trust to build and you have to live what you preach. It's it how you raise your children to what you expect from each other. You learn to pick just the right parents also to care for. These parents aren't just parents...they are family to us also. We all take care of each other. My husband is friends with the fathers. If he can lend a hand he will...the fathers like to get his thoughts on what they should do on certain projects which my husband will lend hands on or they'll go to a football game together. My husband just went to a tall gate game and I am sure that both men where drinking quite a bit. LOL!! Do don't worry or think poorly on them as they work hard and there manner is not inappropriate. Now I can tell you that there certain people I do not like my husband to drink with and those where his bosses before he was layed off. Those men where totally inappropriate and my husband was wonderful in that he wouldn't participate. I wouldn't even have to tell him I don't think you should go. He already knows not a good ideal.

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I agree with PP's about each situation being a separate case by case thing.

However, in this situation I think your DH is being disrespectful to you by not acknowledging the fact that this family was rude to you and that they did not at all treat you respecfully in regards to your business.

I would be upset that your DH seems to value his friendship with DCD more than he values how you feel about this family. I understand that they have become friends during the course of your arrangement with them but to tell you not to speak up and say anything to this DCD is not right IMHO. Your DH should be upset that his so called friend disrespected his wife.

(((hugs))) to you daycare, because this is really a yucky situation to be in. I wish I had the answers that would help your DH see how this is making you feel. YOU should be more important than any friendship he has.

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The possibility of something negative happening is so great, I wouldn't want to entise the possibility.

I can think of a book of things that might happen:

They think you are a prude for not going if your husband goes.

Your husband has a few too many, starts acting a fool or running his mouth, etc.

No matter the outcome, it won't be good.

If my DH is in the yard, he will greet any parents that come but he doesn't make friends with them, he's not invited over, we don't invite them over, etc. I don't do birthday parties for the children or parents. I provide a small gift and we do a small celebration at daycare for the children.

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Yes keep the husbands away, lol

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My DH purposely does not get involved personally with anyone that is my client. That being said I will say that some of my clients have been friends that we already knew but I have had nothing but great experiences with them. They were always respectfull, paid on time and worked hard to make our professional relationship work because of our personal relationship. However when it comes to new clients that we don't already know he knows that more than likely if things turn sour he will loose a friend and so he therefore doesn't ever begin a friendship in the first place.

He knows that if I were to call a client out on any antics that he was friendly towards more than likely that "friend" will no longer be his friend and more importantly he knows that if he were to ever screw up a friendship that he started with a client of mine and that issue caused me to lose that client HE IS MESSING WITH A BAD KIND OF TROUBLE AND I WILL MAKE HIM PAY DEARLY FOR MESSING WITH MY BUSINESS. I may go to a DC child's birthday party but I have yet to ever go to DCP's function.

To OP: If your hubby wants to go let him go, but explain that you are NOT friends with him and you will not be going. If he refuses to respect your request for him to not befriend your clients the least he can do is respect your decision to not attend the party.

PS: Maybe I have a different relationship with my DH but my DH wouldn't dream to go against me when it came to my business. He knows it would make me very unhappy, and if I'm not happy NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE IS HAPPY kwim??

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