I had a mom message me on Facebook and ask if she can call me regarding childcare services. I gave her my number and we chatted for a bit but I was not feeling comfortable and here is why

*toddler that has been with grandma and never been in daycare. first time mom as well. both those usually mean high maintenance mom and kid in my experience

*she kept asking about preschool curriculum and I was VERY clear that I do not offer a curriculum and do not push any academics on one year olds. She made several comments that rubbed me the wrong way "So what do you do with the kids all day then?" "What?! you dont do ANY curriculum?" I again tried to clarify that the lack of structured curriculum in no way reflected that our day is unstructured or that the kids were unsupervised or allowed to run wild during the day.

*I asked that she call me during nap time and gave her the window of time. She then called and asked "Where are the kids right now? Are you even watching them? Are they unsupervised?" and that did not sit well with me. I already told her it was nap time, everyone is sleeping and then I clarified that all the children are provided with cots or pack n plays and are safe and while I might not be in direct supervision of each one during nap time, I felt confident that they are all safe and I check on them frequently. (There is no need to sit next to a child that is sleeping in a pack and play. I am sure most mothers do not do direct supervision during nap time so I dont know why they would expect this at daycare)

So there was several things that showed me she had no clue about daycare and some unfair expectations.

Then she asks for my parent contract and I go ahead and send it to her. I really dont have a problem providing that to parents and I was still thinking about whether I would be willing to try them out for a trial run. She had no problem with my rate and their schedule would work just fine for me plus its a toddler aged child and older kids are hard to find in my area. I have had FLOODS of calls for infant which I refuse to take and this is probably the first toddler call I have had in the previous 25 calls. I specifically advertise for no infants and I still get a lot of calls on it.

So then she emails me and asks for my contract again with a comment that again, rubbed me the wrong way. Basically "hurry up, why havent I received it yet?" It was still the SAME day from our phone call. My word, you tell me in one second why am I on a phone call during nap time and the second second, why havent i responded to your email even though we are still in daycare hours.

so she gets the parent info and messages me this morning (we talked yesterday) and wants to interview today. she is going out of town for several weeks and needs to make a decision immediately about daycare. and I am thinking why did you wait this long to start looking?!?! I really dont think its fair to put this emergency on me, you know? I feel like telling her no just to set a precendent that you cant just call and demand immediate service. I have a husband, four kids, a household, a family.....I am not on call for you 24/7 to return calls and emails and get ready for an interview in a couple of hours, yikes.

So I really dont want to do it today. i am TIRED and I need a break and today was supposed to be it. I dont do a lot to prep for interviews but we would need to at least tidy up, mow the lawn, get clothes on all the kids LOL so yeah, not interested in doing that today.

I can either offer to do one tomorrow afternoon or the day or two after she returns from vacation and before her start date. Honestly, i am not used to being on others peoples schedule and it really doesnt settle well with me.

and BTW, when we talked she told me that this wasnt urgent. grandma is having health issues and wont be able to take care of the little one at some point in the future but it wasnt like an immediate need. now all of a sudden she has a start date and wants me to jump on it. and taking a new daycare kid after they have been on vacation for weeks? gosh that part sounds like a bad idea as well. what do you think?

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Some of her comments would bother me too. If you do play based learning and no curriculum I would make sure she understands the difference! It's not like they don't learn, they just don't do it formally. I think since it's her 1st daycare experience it will be important for you to really be firm about everything/policies or she will try to have everything her way. I don't think the toddler being with with Grandma all this time would bother me, the DCK will get used to how you do things fast enough. I would not do the interview today! It's a perfect time for you to let her know you do things on your schedule, not hers. After everything you have said I think I would be willing to give it 2 weeks trial and see how things go

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Sounds pretty cut and dry to me.

Normally I would suggest doing the two week trial period but honestly I am already exhausted just reading about her needs/demands.

The urgency of her needs is the MOST off putting about this whole thing. You are right HER lack of planning does NOT constitute an emergency on YOUR part

Honestly, I would probably e-mail her back and just say that you really are a lot more laid back than what she is looking for and you really don't think she is a good fit for what you have going on.

She sounds SUPER high maintenance and although she MAY have the potential to be a good parent once she gets the hang of being part of GROUP care, there are just one too many red flags for me to be positive or hopeful about this situation.

So, after all that....I'd say "Next!"

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ha ha, blackcat and I posted at the same time with opposite answers! a lot of help right

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LOL! I know, I am usually a lot more willing to give people a chance but some of the WORST experiences I've had in child care are HIGH maintenance moms. They don't outgrow it. They tend to get worse so I guess I am a bit biased in that area.

I understand them, but I just don't want to be the one responsible for meeting all their needs. Those types of situations work great if they hire a nanny. Group care is definitely not for everyone and that is A-ok but I hate having to try when I already know that they just want more than I am willing or able to give.

I too, want to put my family first and I can't have two priorities in one space....kwim?

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thats the hard part. because you dont know if they will figure out group care and be able to adjust or not. i really dont have time for drama-mamas and I am just so over dealing with first time moms. I should probably have more patience but I dont. I feel sure I was not so clueless when I had my first and I just cant handle those parents that dont seem to have a clue about anything. who even does a full blown preschool curriculum with a one year old? many of them cannot even hold a crayon yet! I did briefly explain play based learning and the idea that many of the skills they need for kindergarten can be learned thru play and that there is no need for a traditional school setting for toddlers to gain these skills. I do work with preschool or kinder readiness skills but that is not till 3 and 4 year olds. she just needs two days a week for a one year old, why are we even talking about kindergarten??

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I'd run at "one year old for two days a week".

You are not afraid to term if it is not working out so I'd say, if you want to give her a chance, you'd be the right person to do it.

Teach her well....

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She sounds like a pain the butt already. I think I'd pass on that one. Every time in my experience that I've had a high maintenance mom with a toddler thats ONLY been with mom & grandma ... it never works out. I see a lot of red flags. Run girl! Or at least make sure she knows you have a trial period. Good luck!

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I wouldn't even bother with an interview if it was me.

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[quote=Blackcat31;388500]Sounds pretty cut and dry to me.

She sounds SUPER high maintenance and although she MAY have the potential to be a good parent once she gets the hang of being part of GROUP care, there are just one too many red flags for me to be positive or hopeful about this situation.

So, after all that....I'd say "Next!"

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I can't believe you are still talking to her. I would have cut her loose after freaking about the curriculum. THEN, the "unsupervised" kids at nap? THEN, the CRAZY "send me your contract now". I would tell her that you are going to help her out in choosing, and remove yourself from the running...tell her to get lost. I don't believe I would EVER be so desperate to work with someone like that.

I can live with a little high maintenance. I couldn't live with demanding and demeaning comments...I would be pretty confident that this would be a monster mom.

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I've been very lucky with mom's who have never dealt with daycare. They really don't know what to expect or how it works, and I've been able to get y bluff in on them from the beginning. The only time I've had a problem mom was when her child had been in daycare since birth. Even that worked out ok.

That said, there are too many red flags for me.

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UPDATE: I replied to her email and professionally let her know that I am unable to accommodate an interview on such short notice and with her going on vacation, I would not be able to accommodate until she returns. If she needed to make a decision immediately and decides to go with a provider that can interview immediately, I understand (aka doesnt bother me if you go elsewhere LOL)

so we will see what happens. i just really am not interested in running around getting ready for an interview when my husband is working today and that would leave me with all the prep work and my four kids. sundays are terrible days for an interview because we dont even get home from church till 1 and then we have lunch and naps for the kids and by the time i could get all that cleaned up, it would be 3 or 4 and i am completely exhausted and ready to sit down. monday i have a girls night out with a friend and this happens like once every three months or more so I am not giving that up for a daycare interview. you have to give people notice!

how much notice do you all generally like in order to schedule? my group is small so i dont do a lot of interviews and i like a week in advance if possible. I also dont do initial interviews during daycare hours. i dont allow strangers around the kids and it is not fun trying to have a conversation and taking care of up to 7 other kids at the same time.

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I have had a few first time parents like her. The kids were good here at daycare, but it was the Mom's that I could not get along with. I don't understand this idea that parents have today about a child at one year of age having to be learning preschool things. Hec, they are only a year old, just figuring out life itself and who they are. They don't have the skills yet to do many things and have no attention span to do things like color or sit and learn or do crafts! It's the provider that will do the crafts for them and the child is not learning anything,all so the parents thinks it is their child who is doing that craft. Parents today seem to feel and have been told that their child has to become the smartest child and has to know everything,numbers,shapes,colors, etc by age 2 yrs old. I know this subject is off the beaten path of the original post,but this is something that really irks me with the parents and society of today.
Let a child be a child for a couple years, they will start learning soon enough and will do it for 12 yrs. The DO learn through play and in my daycare we do learn things, but it is not in a structured way, it is play based and they seem to learn faster when you make it fun. Anyway that is enough of my beef about parents wanting a yr old to know alot of stuff. On a side not, I had a Daycare mom of a one yr old boy ask me to have him help me around the house so he could learn how to do chores. She wanted me to have him unload my dishwasher, help fold my laundry and said that he would even vacuum for me as he loved to use his play vac at home. She also wanted me to have him do a project every day, but he was not at all interested in doing any of that and couldn't even hold a crayon yet and no way would I allow him to use a scissor. So I would be doing the project just so she could say he did it, in her mind. Sorry, but teaching him how to do chores is not part of my job, it is the parents job! Why is it that us daycare providers today are asked to do what the parents should be doing with their child? I don't have a problem with daycare's that have a preschool, but what happened to parents taking responsibility for teaching their child these things and not expecting the daycare's to do it for them. It is like, parents have their kids, choose to work for whatever reason,usually out of need, but expect everyone else to teach them things and then they don't have too. I'm not saying every parent is like this, but the majority of them are. We are supposed to care for their child while they are at work and make sure they are safe and loved during the day and should not have be expected to teach them, unless it is what we want to do, but that is really the parents job, at least that is how I grew up. My parents were the ones that taught me things and really wanted to be the ones to do that. Not a daycare provider. Oh Well, the world is changing and so is society, so we do what we have to do, so forgive my rant and rave here. Anyone else feel like I do? Sometimes I feel like us daycare providers are unappreciated for what we do and also very much taken advantage of. But then we do what we do because we love the kids.

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I interview 3-4x a month and always for the following week.

I have only ever done ONE rush interview and that was when a local provider closed immediately (was hospitalized) and her clients were all clamoring for immediate spaces. I got a call for a FT 3yo, second child, great phone interview, Mom had arranged care for the next day, but not the rest of the week. She had me email her all of my paperwork, handbook and required forms in advance, she called my references that night. I set that interview up for the next day and she came with all paperwork (except contract) signed and enrolled right then and dcb started the following day. Awesome clients, too. BUT, NO other red flags.

I would RUN from this Mom.

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completely agree with you.

As a mother, I would much rather my one year old learn about themselves, their world, and manners like please and thank you. As well as socialization and how to get along with others. Basically I want them to learn to be productive members of their peer group and society before memorizing the scientific table!

As a provider, I've interviewed a lot of parents who want their one year olds to learn three languages, how to read and be potty trained before they are 18 months. Once I explain how things work here and they see the other kids in action, I clouding my own, 99% realize their expectations are not going to happen here. If they still seem clueless, I'm suddenly full and no spots will ever be open for that family lol

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I have had parents ask if I teach another language also and it has been with children that young and I will tell them "no", for the reason that they are just trying to learn their own language at this age and they are also just learning to talk at that age and understand it. Also I had a set of parents that wanted me to teach their child religion and I couldn't believe that they asked me to do that. I said No of course and said that was not something I did and that it was a personal subject that should be up to them to teach their child. Oh ya, I also had a set of parents tell me after a interview that they didn't think my home was big enough for their son to run around in,which I do not allow kids to run all over my home anyway and that by back yard was too small for him to really play in....now by back yard is almost a half an acre and that was not big enough. What some parents expect! My husband was home during the interview and he couldn't believe what they had said also. Do you have to have a huge house to do daycare......mine is 1700 square feet, which is plenty big enough for me to do daycare and I have a room dedicated to daycare, a playroom.

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I wouldn't take them..Mom sounds like she could be a problem.

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how much notice do you all generally like in order to schedule? my group is small so i dont do a lot of interviews and i like a week in advance if possible. I also dont do initial interviews during daycare hours. i dont allow strangers around the kids and it is not fun trying to have a conversation and taking care of up to 7 other kids at the same time.[/quote]

I schedule all interviews at 5:45 on Mondays. It gives me time to feed my own child, and my house is still in good shape from my Sunday cleaning.

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I typically can interview almost any weekday between 900 am and noon. My parents all work afternoon except occasionally one mom will work a lunch double shift so I have her two a few days a week from 1000 am until midnight.

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Agreed, too many red flags.

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UPDATE so again, after one of MY emails, there is no speedy response although she clearly wants me to immediately reply to her. I am guessing she was upset by the no on the interview and I probably wont hear from her again. We'll see. or she is calling everyone else and seeing if someone else will do it but trust me, I know A LOT of providers in my area and finding part time care for a 1 year old (who is cloth diapers) is down right impossible. she may find someone but it would be a miracle if they can do what she is asking and so quickly. we will see what happens.

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What a pain in the butt! She is already messing up your weekend with just the calls and emails! I'm.so glad you told her NO on the interview. Hope you get to relax now!

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even just one of those comments, would have me direct mom to keep looking

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The bottom line is to trust your gut. If I get a bad feeling from the first call, I pass.

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LAST UPDATE

so she finally replies and asks for an interview after they return from vacation.....on a date that I already said I could not accommodate and she wanted an interview during daycare hours which I already said I do not do! my word, its like she does not read or hear what I am saying and keeps pushing for what she wants. I reply back that I could do an interview at X date and X time instead. She replies that she will do the date that works for me but gives me a different time that she will be here, NOT the time I told her. gahhh!

so after all that, I reply back to permanently cancel the interview.

My husband just got notification this morning that his work hours were changing and this was a ready reason to cancel the interview because the change does affect my daycare.

So thank you to everyone for encouraging me to listen to my instinct. I have a hard time doing that even though I am almost always right! LOL

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You did the right thing! This mom would try to railroad you on everything!

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Yeah I would just count that as a win! LOL She sounds like more time than its worth! I actually had a FTM with a 1yr old who gma provided care for. Mom & gma got a FT job and they needed him to be socialized so I watched him 2 days a week for a few months and then it turned into FT and now back to PT but it ended up being a great situation. Not all FTMs with GMA providers end up being a PITB. I have a 1yr old DCB whos mom is staying home with him starting Sep 30 and I honestly never thought I'd be so happy to see a FT spot go! <hide> But she's seriously a micromanager and its become soooo stressful for me. Sometimes the perfect situation can be easily not so perfect and the problematic situations can be great!

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I got tired just from reading it. PHEW

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Group care is what needs to be stressed here to this client. I would possibly try it. I have had great clients from what I thought would be pain in the drain parents. If the red flags are waving in front of you and yelling at you then I would say no, but if you see a few red hurdles then in might be interesting to give it a try depending upon how in need of clients you are-

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