I am 30 yrs old with 2 children. I am no longer in love with my husband, but don't know what to do. I don't want to be with him. I just don't know how to leave him. If we didn't have kids, it would be easy, but then I think about how would we share custody and be amicable and how would our children take it?
He is a good father but doesn't always make the best decisions. If it was just him - they would be up all night eating mcdonalds and watching tv. I also feel like he would bring them around people I wouldn't approve of.
I feel stuck in this marriage, and I am so unhappy. Have any of you gone through this? What did you do?

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I have. I remember my ex would say hurtful things like, "If you don't like it, get a divorce." One day on my drive home, I told myself if he says it again, I would take him up on it. Little did I know it would be 2 hours later. The marriage ended & I'm in a happier place now. I wish I had the words to help you...

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What about your kids? Did you get custody? Was there a way to prevent him from bringing your kids around certain ppl? Or making sure he was doing all the necessary things for your children (ie brushing teeth/hair, washing their clothes, feeding them healthy food, etc)?

I not so much worried about myself. I am concerned about my children.

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You cannot control what happens elsewhere unless there is a safety issue. Unfortunately children adapt to different situation. You can private message me if you want.

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Kids are far more resiliant than we often give them credit for. You need to consider what is better for them, staying in a marriage where you are unhappy or having Dad feed them McDonalds while, otherwise taking pretty good care of them. Remember that they will learn how to handle relationships from your examples. I am not sure staying in a marriage you do not want to is what you want to teach them. They will catch on that you are not happy. If your husband meets the basic needs of your children(keeps them safe, fed, etc) I would not stress about whether he is doing the little things woth them. You can split custody and you can handle bath night if you are comcerned about it but, my guess(from what you said) is he will meet their needs. About him brongong them around undesirable people, you will need to just ne open and honest with him and trust he wouldn't. If you can't do that, then you ge your lawyer involved. I know it would not be easy but, think of how much more you can do for yourself and your kids if you put your happiness first. I have not gone through this and have been married for almost 7 years and we have 2 kids that mean the world to me. This is how I would try to approach my decision, looking at the long run. Recently, I began a pt job 2-3 nights a week and some nights my house may have toys out or dishes on the counter when I get home but, you know what? My kids were fed dinner, not always healthy but, fed something they eat and tbwy are put in their pjs and at least my older SA son will be sleeping when I ge home. We are working on the little guy because he is attached tk me and most nights we all sleep together in our queen bed!! But, I get home before 10 pm so, I choose to not get upset tha he is still up and tomorrow w are picking up a twin mattress to make a shared br for them tk try to get the little guy on hos brothers schedule. I have been taught by Blackcat that as long as they ar safe and basic needs are met to let the little things go It makes a HUGE difference. So what if I have to clean up for 10 min when I come home, my kid are taken care of and that is the important thing. Trust in his abilities as a Dad, you said he was a good father so go with it. HTH.

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My brother is going through a divorce right now...all his wife has said is that she is "unhappy"....her children are big enough for the courts to listen so he has gotten the kids and all she got or wanted was every other wknd. Turns out, she is with another man whom has been divorced once with two children and is getting a divorce now from his wife and they have and 8 mos old. NOne of my family saw this coming. I think there was a "counseling" point but they missed it. It is far past that now. Marriage takes work and I now am working harder on the little things that get on my nerves in my own marriage. I see how selfish at times I could be because I see the hurt in my nephews/niece eyes when their mother pulls her stunts. I have trouble seeing where a person becomes "unhappy" after 20 years....Marriage is work, it doesn't just happen. ONly you can decide what the right thing for you is, but I would double check because divorce affects EVERYONE. Sometimes the grass is NOT greener on the other side. I respect your decision, but divorce is fresh here and it has caused much heartache. Best of luck in what you decide.

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OP- I suggest you go and have a consultation with a family lawyer. They will be able to answer most of the questions you have about how to start the divorce, how to address custody, and how to move forward.

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How long have you been married? Is there a particular reason for wanting to get out of this marriage (infidelity, drug use etc) or are you just not in love anymore?

I ask because marriage is give and take.

There were definitely times I felt like I was giving so much more than taking and vice versa. There were times I felt resentful and sometimes mistaken thought those feelings were "no longer being in love" or times I couldn't see past my own feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, etc.

Raising kids IS hard and probably one of THE biggest stresses that can happen to a marriage. Especially if you approach parenting differently than your spouse.

Have you considered counseling? Together and/or alone? How about family members...are they supportive of you staying, leaving...your marriage in general?

I don't mean to sound intrusive but I am just a really big believer that people should do EVERYTHING they can before just getting out. I think that giving 100% to fix something should come first before giving up.

I am NOT saying you haven't done these things... hence the questions.

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My parents divorced when I was 18 months old. I knew growing up that they did not like each other and I was NEVER one of those kids that hoped that mommy and daddy had stayed together. I just knew from an early age that it was better this way. Staying together for the kids is NEVER a good idea, and in the future they will more likely thank you for splitting up than they would if you were miserable their entire childhood and fought all the time with their father.

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How long have you been together/married? I am 31 with 3 kids, and feel sometimes like I am unhappy with the way my husband acts. It is almost like he doesn't try anymore. We had a talk the other night, and I told him how I felt. There was yelling, and he just seemed so indifferent. He told me that he didn't feel like making any effort toward me anymore because whenever he did I rejected him, and to be honest, I think I may have. I always see everything that he does that is wrong: leaving socks out, not putting things away, etc. When we stay at home, our world revolves around kids, and the home, keeping it amazing. It is our job, and we are taken for granted. I started to pull away from him, and he was reacting to it. The past 2 days, I have been making a lot of efforts to try to be really nice to him, do extra things, etc, in the hopes that it will spark him to do the same. I realized the other day, that my husband of 6 years, who I have been with for 16 years, doesn't know how to love me in the way that I need to be loved. I don't think he has a clue. Still working on how to help him learn what I need.

Anyway, my point is, that I think a marriage is worth fighting for. There will be ups and downs, and one party will have to pick up the pieces. Have you thought about why you love him anymore? What attracted you to him in the first place? Are you unhappy with him, or with yourself? Not trying to be judgmental at all, just giving you my thoughts, as I struggle with some of the same feelings as you.

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We have been married 9 years, but together 13 years. My kids are 3 and 5.
There is no abuse or drug use. There is not another man I want to be with. I have not discussed leaving him with anyone.
I don't think we belong together. We don't see eye to eye on things. We don't have any common interests. I very much feel like he just doesn't "get" me which makes me feel very lonely. I feel like he minimizes my feelings and what I contribute to our marriage/family.
I think you are right in that I feel like I am giving WAY more of myself and that maybe I am having a hard time getting past feelings of hurt.
I don't really know what to do. I feel like I have talked til I am blue in the face trying to make him understand me, and he just doesn't.

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YES! This exactly! He is a good dad and he works hard, but I don't feel like he tries for ME anymore and I am always trying to go above and beyond for him. Always thinking of him first before myself - I don't feel he does the same. We have had the talk you had with your husband - a million times. It gets better for a bit then goes back to taking me for granted. I feel defeated.

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I have the opposite experience. My parents never divorced (and are still together) but growing up they were SO unhappy. They never fought in front of us, but somehow we knew that my mom resented my dad and that my dad was flaky and unreliable. They were good parents in that they took care of our basic needs of food and shelter, but the love wasn't there.. even for us. My mom took her resentment out on me, especially, and abused me physically. My personality is a lot like my dad's so maybe that's why? Idk. Anyway, growing up my sisters and I would sometimes tell each other that we secretly wished they would just split up so WE could be happier.

As far as I can remember my parents have slept separately and now my mom openly tells my siblings ("jokingly") about how much she dislikes our dad

I'm certainly not suggesting you go out and divorce him. I've been in your situation and sometimes I catch myself fantasizing about how much easier my life would be if it was just me and ds. My husband and I are currently still together for our son, but things are slowly getting better between us. I'm not convinced it will work out in the long run, but it's worth it to me to try a bit longer, kwim?

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We are in the exact same boat, right down to the ages of our kids. I have a 1 year old too though. Same with the conversations- I talk, it is better for a small bit, then it goes back.

I know part of the problem is that all I do all day is take care of everyone else, and no one takes care of me. I get resentful and feel stuck all day. I am hoping that once the kids get older, we will have more freedom to do more things, and I can go back to work, and I will feel like I have a life outside of taking care of everyone. Honestly, I just feel like a servant. Is this what you are feeling as well? Doing daycare doesn't help at all, bc then we deal with some unappreciative parents, and it reinforces the whole, take care of everyone else attitude.

I am just trying to stay positive and hold my head up. Sometimes I meditate when the kids are napping, or do a little bit of yoga. I am slowly remembering that I need to take care of myself, although I have not executed this well. I know that part of the problem is me- I need to be happy with myself first. When we first got together, I just wanted him to like me, so I compromised myself and went along with everything he liked, which spoiled him to death.

Don't mean to hijak your post- just wanted to share. You aren't alone

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What drew you two together in the first place? What common interests did you have before children?

I know from experience that sometimes men feel left out and hurt after kids come into the marriage because, let's be honest, as women and mothers...we put our kids first and our DH last because they are adults but THAT is really the beginning of the end when that happens. NOT that it isn't repairable..but it's work and effort on BOTH parts.

You say he is a good father...does he actively participate in the kids' lives and activities or is the bulk of it left on your shoulders?

Have you considered counseling on your own? Sometimes that is a huge thing...because you can learn techniques, tips and suggestions on how to communicate and manage a partnership.

Sometimes you feel as though you are saying something or telling your spouse something and they don't get it or understand what you mean and it becomes a sore spot so instead of finding ways to get through to each other the area or subject just becomes one you both avoid.

Marriage IS hard but you really have to decide if you are making the right decision for you forever or if this is really only a fix for a current problem.

IMHO, I feel partners owe it to themselves and to each other (and their kids if they have them) to give EVERYTHING they have to save their marriages before calling it quits.

Something lead you to him to get married in the first place, try to revisit that and see how you feel about it but I definitely think it would be HIGHLY beneficial for you to seek counseling. Sometimes it takes fixing ourselves to be able to be a partner. I'm not saying you need counseling and your DH doesn't....I'm saying I personally couldn't walk away without first trying everything I could. kwim?

Hang in there. I am glad you feel comfortable enough sharing here. It's a big step to reach out to others.

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I can relate to this

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We met in high school so I think my initial attraction was just that - physical attraction. We never really had a lot in common even in the beginning. My parents were married at 17 and have now been married 39 years. They are each others one and only. I think I was hoping for the same. I think I went into it thinking he would change or grow up. That didn't happen - I was dumb to think it would.
We do have the same sense of humor and can make eachother laugh ...
He is involved in the kids sports activities. When he feels like being involved in other ways or I nag him to - he will be involved. Honestly, it's not totally his fault. He works A LOT of hours!
We have quite a few "sore subjects" because he just doesn't "get" me. He literally does not understand anything unless it directly happens to him.
I feel an overwhelming need to feel understood and feel a connection with him.

I knew I could come here and talk with you ladies. Thank you for all your help so far. You ladies are awesome!

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THis is exactly how I feel...Between my husband, kids, church, extended family and daycare, I feel stretched to the max. But, like you said, it is largely within ourselves to be "happy". Not mastered this by NO means, but am much better. I do try to make more time for myself, but also realize my husband possibly has the same feelings I have, so we together have to work to keep things together.

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Yes! We are def in the same boat. The thing is, I wouldn't mind being a servant if my efforts were appreciated. I feel very taken for granted

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I met mine in HS too. I think sometimes, they are still stuck in the HS mentality, and bc they didn't really date anyone else, they have no idea how to appreciate us.

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Im not very experienced here (only been married 3 years) but one thing i have figured out is that my DH doesn't listen to me, as in I can tell him until i'm blue in the face cleaning and helping around the house really turns me on. He didn't believe me and didn't get it. I bought him a book that explains it, and low and behold he comes to me talking about it and thinks he figured it all out on his own haha I told him that I have been saying that for months and he wasn't listening to me.

Basically, what im trying to say is that counseling could really help here. Maybe he doesn't get what you are saying but will listen to someone else explaining it.

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My husband and I have been together since I was a senior in high school! He was 21 and I was 18. It's been 10 years and we've been married for 8 of them. Shortly after our 3rd child was born, we were in this same boat as you are. We hated each other. And it was definitely mutual. We separated for 6 months and that seperation rekindled our feelings for each other. We NEVER had time for ourselves to work on our relationship. It was kids. There was no us. It's been 2 1/2 years since then and we have never been happier. We understand each other so much more! He helps with the house work, helps with the kids, is home every minute extra he has. I don't regret anything. We needed that time apart to realize what we meant to each other. We use to yell and scream at each other until we were blue in the face. Now, I can't even remember the last time we had an argument where there was yelling.

Sometimes it's worth fighting for. You have to have time for yourselves. Or you grow apart. Ask around for teenagers in your neighborhood that you would trust babysitting for a few hours so you can go to dinner together once a month.

I'm sorry you feel this way and I hope you figure everything out and it works for everyone involved. Pm me if you need someone to talk to. I felt exactly like you did! You're not alone! And sometimes you just need someone to vent to and that makes you feel better.

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Sometimes as women we get frustrated because we feel like we've talked something to death but really what we are doing is repeating the same thing over and over but expecting the other person to just up and suddenly listen or hear us one day.

In reality, sometimes we need to find different ways to say things verses continuing to just repeat ourselves.

If they don't "listen", it's not always because they don't hear or care but sometimes because they don't know what it is we are saying. Like a language barrier sort of.

I know I have to explain things to my DH in a different way than how I would need to have to have things explained to me.

I hope that makes sense.

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The advice on this thread is helping me to open up on my own views to make my marriage better. I put alot into my kids and that leaves hubby out....I like to talk things our where he likes to get silent and even pout sometimes.....I got as much to work on as I feel he does. Don't want to take away from original post but this thread is what I needed today!

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I agree with Blackcat - marriage is highs and lows. I remember when my kids were little during some of the lows, I fantasized about loading my kids in the car and just driving far far away and disappear. Having young kids is hard and there was a lot of resentment on my part, keeping score. Then the kids got older and things are better now.

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I would look at all avenues. When I look around at people in their 40's, 50's I don't see that the women have the best marriages. That's the honest truth, and 2nd marriages fare worse.
Not a reason to stay in a unhappy marriage, but if you did get divorced no matter what there will be g. friends around your children, and if he marries they may have a step mother..who may or may not be vested in your children.

My one friend divorced her husband a few years ago, and regrets it. I told her I would have stayed because she didn't have to work, he made over 150k a year. They mostly got along, but it was over his mother and grown children who he would sneak money to. Stuff like that, and her husband would also tell his daughter she could have the grand kids birthday parties at his house. Problem was he would tell his wife after the fact. I told her she would find another man, but it would be a different set of problems, and finances have played a big role.

I think there are far too many women that have a fantasy that doesn't exist. Prince charming doesn't exist, you have to decide what you can live with and can't, and go from there.

Sadly, divorce has made a mess of the family structure, and I've had more clients go to court over many years fighting over support, and custody issues. And you can't ban a girlfriend from your children unless you can prove that person represents a danger.

Either way, I would advise every woman to make sure to sock money away, and be able to support themselves long before they consider divorce. I've seen too many go from the frying pan right into the fire. And down the road if you do find that special person..are they going to feel the same about your kids. Will your kids have to live with his kids, will they get along...will he want to spend the same amount of money on your children? College etc.? It can get very complicated. Will your new in-laws invite his ex to all the family functions...or worse yet..I've seen spouses backup his ex and not the new wife when it comes to his family..or his kids. Sorry to be so candid but I've had many friends and acquaintances that had 2nd marriages that ended up with more problems down the road.

Finally, understand it is likely he will get partial custody, especially today. Why many women wait until the children are older to divorce. Look at all your options, and be realistic.

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Thank you to everyone! So far just venting to everyone and being understood by all of you has really helped!
I think perhaps I was over-reacting in saying I wanted to leave him, but sometimes it seems like life would be so much easier on my own.

Aside from counseling, which I am seriously considering, have any of you gotten through to your husband without it?

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My husband isn't a "talker", so after all these years I have learned to "respect" his quietness even if it is a "pout" tactic.....I have also learned it is so much easier to focus on the other person's faults. Someone stated earlier how women have a fantasy about how it should be..... I am guilt of that as well, but when I put it on paper, my hubby doesn't drink/drugs/is not abusive, loves my kids and loves me, holds a job steadily, etc. I think in time we take each other for granted. Marriage is almost another job and it often gets put on the back burner....I have been married 20 years this year.....our kids are into sports, we have church/school functions so time has to be made for each other....sadly, we have not done that enough and as I write this post, I know what I must work on for future use.

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My DH and I both handle stress differently. He works alone at home all day. Nothing but the radio, his own thoughts and the hum of his machinery to occupy him.

I work with a million little grabby hands and manage a million needs a day. Nothing but whines, cries and "Nooooo's" going on that I can hardly hear my radio or my own thoughts.

Obviously when we get off work, we need to wind down differently and need different things from each other.

He needs an ear and I need silence.

We had to find a happy medium or neither of us would have stayed sane.

Now, we chat while he cooks dinner and I sit at the breakfast bar listening to him but not really doing anything other than sitting.

After dinner, I clean up (in silence).

Then we sit down and watch TV or a movie together or play a game. Sometimes we listen to music, sometimes we have the TV on and sometimes nothing....depends on how we are feeling.

HOWEVER, our deal is that if either of us wants to talk about something or just mull it over silently to ourselves, we NEED to openly communicate that to the other.

I need to state "Hun, I need to have some time alone right now" so he understands that my silence has NOTHING to do with him. Same for him. He communicates what it is that he wants at the time so I know it has NOTHING to do with me.

It sounds funny but really we have to state our needs as if we are talking to a preschooler. Not because either of us are developmentally delayed.... but because we (as men and women AND as humans) communicate, process and understand differently that the other.

Communication REALLY is the key.

The more primitive/simple the conversation, the more productive it is.

I met my DH in high school. We've been through everything together.

We are empty nesters now and really enjoying the things about each other that had gotten lost or forgotten while we were busy raising kids and trying to survive....but suddenly here we are. It's good.

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I have been where you are at, and I would like to share a little of my journey and offer some advice based on my experience and what I learned along the way.

First of all, be in no rush. You have nothing but time to make any decisions.

Secondly, stop trying to figure out a way to get through to him and concentrate on the only thing you have in your control- YOU. Work on yourself and your own behaviors. Don't try to "manage" or change him in anyway. Let things roll off your back. If he is taking care of the kids and he feeds them McDonalds-let him. If you were to divorced you would have no control over this at all. In the end, concentrating on the little things will destroy the big things. My mom used to have a magnet on our fridge that said- I am not stopped by the mountain in my path, but by the pebble in my shoe.

Be the best you that you can be. Be the person to him that you would want to him to be to you. Try everything you can before you make any decisions so you will never live in regret.

If one day down the road if you do decide to end the marriage, make sure you do it out of love for yourself, for him and for the kids.

My divorce was a LONG journey. I can honestly say we tried everything. It was difficult and painful and I realized I can only control me. I couldn't control him especially after we divorced. He fed them things and let them watch things (not too terribly bad) that I wouldn't, but in the end he provided for them and he is a great father. Fast forward to today and we are in a wonderful place. We have an amazing friendship and I have an even better friendship with his current wife. I watch their 2 amazing babies and my kids get to see their half siblings everyday. We share 50/50 custody of the kids, which I strongly believe if both parties want 50%, they should get it because both parents are equally important to the kids well being.

Second marriages are tough. With my first, I knew exactly what I had. With my second, there have been a lot of surprises that I wasn't expecting. It's nothing to go into now, but I do think that second marriages have higher divorce rates for a reason.

Before we get to ahead of ourselves with divorce and a stepmom for your kids, however, lets get back to you right now, today. Ask yourself if you are the person you want to be and if you are being the best you that you can be-YOU can only change YOU. YOU can only make YOU happy. Start there, the rest will follow.

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I hit similar roadblocks in my marriage with the daily struggles blocking out the joys. I spent hours trying to make him understand what I needed, sometimes when I did not know myself. (as it turns out that was more often than I knew)

Talking, talking, talking... venting, venting, venting. He did not get it. Could not. I could see from the pitiful look on his face that he desperately wanted to, but I was making no sense. I was inconsistent, volatile and one sided.(some men get defensive or argumentative instead of quiet or withdrawn... for the very same reasons, go figure )

Then it hit me, instead of spending so much energy trying to get him to see things from my viewpoint, I needed to learn something about his. I read "The Married Man Sex Life Primer" by Athol Kay and spent some time reading discussions in divorce/marriage advice forums for men.

It is amazing what context they get out of things we see as "trivial" (and vice versa).... a look, a brush off, interrupting them, even shutting them down with an annoyed sigh or cleaning behind them.

It changed things for us. Big time. There may or may not be socks in the floor but the glint in his eye and smirk on his face works for me.

Just like the star for terminating clients, put it on the calendar for 90 days... then re-evaluate. This is something you can't take back....

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Read Too Good To Stay, Too Bad To Leave by Mira Kirschenbaum. It helped me make some decisions when I had no one to help me through. I'd been married 30+ years, even told my therapist 'you'd think after 30 years I'd have it all down pat'. She said nope, that's when lots of troubles in a marriage surface. She's the one who recommended that book to me.

I wish you the very best of luck as you work your way through all of this.

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It seems like we all chatted this out last year or maybe longer then that. This post is screaming dejavu at me, and prob because it is common scenario. Red Flag to me was seasonal depression or depression?

You have received awesome advice here......

My thoughts were figure out you. Don't look to someone else to make you happy. If happiness comes from someone else think of it as a bonus. What makes you tick and what makes your husband tick are two different things because we all have our own personalities and ways. Finding out how to make them mesh together is the key. I suggest counseling. If he won't go, then go for yourself. Let it all out and don't hold back.

I am all for making a marriage work but when it just won't then staying in a marriage for the wrong reasons is not the answer.

Communication is key. I have seen so many women not able to talk with their husband out of fear. All different kinds of fear. As much as you hear me say I strive for balance and I do. Life is not always balanced out right. Sometimes the give is higher then the take and sometimes the take is higher then the give.........but when it red lines for too long then you need to work on issues. Not being able to communicate your issues to your partner out of fear will resolve nothing.

I have been married for over twenty years and it is work! Hard work, has its up and downs. When things start to go off balance we both work hard to figure it out and set it back on track and do what we both have to do to make things better for us. After the kids grow up and leave (most likely they will and quicker then you think) all you have is each other-

I so agree that divorce effects everyone not just the couple. We have had good friends that were like family to us and they divorced and unfortunately the friendships seemed to divorce in the process too, and all the extended family that came along with it. So sad. This was us---->

Another red flag is who are you afraid of your husband taking your kids around? Seems like there is more to this then is said.

I hope your able to find the answers your looking for- best

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Great advice has already been given. I will add my thoughts.

When talking to your DH use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. "I feel I'm not understood", "I feel unappreciated". It helps a lot and helps prevent others from getting defensive. Also, praise the little things he does when he does help. To you it may be little, but to him it was hug

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Hope you don't mind a man's foot in the conversation. I agree with the counseling. It seems your husband tries to make things better after you explain how you feel but he still doesn't understand your needs. Counseling would give each of you an objective perspective that will help guide you forward in realizing each other's situation.

I would like to pay for your first counseling session. The two of you have nothing to lose in trying. Write to me at director@daycare.com

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Thank you to everyone for your wise words and support. Honestly, just knowing that what I am going through is somewhat normal helped me so much. I really can't thank any of you enough. You all gave me invaluable advice!

I just really wanted to thank you all!

THANK YOU!

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This is a demanding job we all do. Not much time for us. As your kids get older you will get the time. I always suggest some alone time and try some date nites. Also if your not happy your kids won't be happy if you stay married just for the kids. Marriage is hard work everyday. Hang in there

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as usual, I agree with everything BlackCat has said to you - saved me a lot of typing.

I think sometimes we also have an idea of what love/romance/marriage should be like and when it isn't like that anymore we feel like we don't love the person. I was there once. I don't know if you are a religious person, I actually am not, but I came across the book The Love Dare and watched the movie based on it called Fireproof (horrible acting, but great message) and it probably saved my marriage at that time. YOU have to be willing to do the work though, and not put the "blame" on your spouse. When I did this it really opened my eyes to what I have done to cause the rift in our marriage.

I also have a dc family divorcing right now and I see what it has done to them and their kids (she wanted divorce, he didn't) and I would never cause that type of hurt in my family.

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I am so sorry for what you are going through, it is such a tough decision to make. I contemplated (even fantasized) about leaving my man for so long--for many of the same reasons as you. He just never did ANYTHING for me, nothing. We both work full time yet I did 99% of everything for all of us. I was so exhausted and had so much resentment and anger toward him that I just couldn't wait to be on my own again even as a single mom, I was so fed up. I would think of how much less stressful my life would be without him there--less laundry, chores, cleaning. So I finally got the nerve and kicked him out....

Then a few days after he left it just hit me like a ton of bricks, this "oh my God what did I just do" feeling. I suddenly realized that I really had given up a good man, he was an awesome daddy, everyone in my family loved him. And he really was a good person.

Long story short, I realized that most of our problems were because of my bad attitude. I was so bitter and angry that I was NOT fun to live with. We eventually got back together and I have really changed my own attitude about things a lot. I decided I just wasn't going to be miserable anymore, my misery affected everyone and everything in my life. Generally speaking, men are real slackers when it comes to relationships. They just don't care about certain things like we women do. So we just have to pick up their slack in some areas and take the initiative. So now I playfully tell him that he needs to do something sweet for me this week, or that he needs to buy me something little when he goes to the store, and he does and he loves to do it. And I just TELL him (nicely) what chores he needs to do, and he does them and doesn't ever complain (because he knew he should be helping more). Most men are just not going to be the romantic, passionate men we see in the movies, we have to help them along!

Maybe some time apart would help you. But maybe just a little self reflection could help you like it did me:-). Gold luck to u!!

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