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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Do I Know If It's Time To Term?
RTG 01:46 PM 03-23-2015
Ok, I'm going to try to present just the facts. 18 mo. DKB is two days a week (M and F) and at first he was fine. Then he starts hitting the infant. The parents and I work together and this behaviour gets mostly better over the course of three weeks. It morphs into hair pulling and face pinching but that also gets slightly better. I still can't leave the baby on the floor because I don't trust him, but he isn't running across the room to hurt the baby anymore. Or rather, he checks himself because he knows I'm watching. The parents are very motivated to help because they want to go full time in May. But now, since all of those behaviours have been more or less stopped, he cries ALL DAY for his mom and dad. He'll play for ten minutes and cry for ten. Play for five, cry for five. I am putting in as much effort as I can to love, hug, read with him, play with him, change up the toys etc. but I suspect all of this is just his way of saying he doesn't like it at my house. It's been almost two months and I'm hesitant to take them on full time. If he's like this five days a week I'm going to lose my mind, but I could really use a full time client in the bank. More trouble than it's worth? Every time I decide to term we have a good day, every time I decide to keep him we have a bad day...
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Unregistered 01:52 PM 03-23-2015
I think you answered it yourself.
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AuntTami 01:58 PM 03-23-2015
Originally Posted by RTG:
Ok, I'm going to try to present just the facts. 18 mo. DKB is two days a week (M and F) and at first he was fine. Then he starts hitting the infant. The parents and I work together and this behaviour gets mostly better over the course of three weeks. It morphs into hair pulling and face pinching but that also gets slightly better. I still can't leave the baby on the floor because I don't trust him, but he isn't running across the room to hurt the baby anymore. Or rather, he checks himself because he knows I'm watching. The parents are very motivated to help because they want to go full time in May. But now, since all of those behaviours have been more or less stopped, he cries ALL DAY for his mom and dad. He'll play for ten minutes and cry for ten. Play for five, cry for five. I am putting in as much effort as I can to love, hug, read with him, play with him, change up the toys etc. but I suspect all of this is just his way of saying he doesn't like it at my house. It's been almost two months and I'm hesitant to take them on full time. If he's like this five days a week I'm going to lose my mind, but I could really use a full time client in the bank. More trouble than it's worth? Every time I decide to term we have a good day, every time I decide to keep him we have a bad day...
I'm having the same struggle with one of my kiddos. I decided my deciding point was going to be when I have more bad days than good days, it would be time for him to go, and I'm there. Trying to replace first.

I would say if he has more bad than good days with you, it's time. Don't burn yourself out over one kiddo. It's not worth it. And I can't handle listening to the crying and screaming all day. I'm sure you have a hard time with it too. Something about it makes my blood pressure shoot sky high and my anxiety goes off the charts. That's not worth the $135 I get per week for the kid. My health, and yours, are more important.
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RTG 02:02 PM 03-23-2015
Could you elaborate? I'm still really conflicted.
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Unregistered 02:08 PM 03-23-2015
If you can't mentally handle 2 days then 5 days is going to drive you crazy! Replace and term! I'm like Aunt Tami - I can't handle the crying and screaming all day... my heart rate doubles and I want to scream myself.
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Unregistered 02:13 PM 03-23-2015
I've found that for under age 2 PT care can be hard. Moving to FT would give him more consistency which might help? Any chance they could move to FT sooner? Or add another day?

In the end, your sanity is worth more than the money though as well!
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Thriftylady 02:59 PM 03-23-2015
I was wondering the same about going ahead and moving him full time. Some kids have a hard time with gaps in between. Are you up for trying full time for a couple of weeks? If so I would ask the parents to try it now before they need it so if it doesn't work they have time to find someone.
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Blackcat31 03:00 PM 03-23-2015
Personally I think a lot of his behaviors are due to his part time schedule.

I would give full time a try for 2 weeks (or whatever your trial period is) and see how differently he behaves.

If he is better with a more consistent attendance schedule, keep him.

If he is worse, term.

I think the more days in a week he is with you the more he is apt to adjust to and follow your rules. Even if his parents have the same rules at home, daycare is never "just like home" so....

If you don't want to wait until May to make this decision, ask the parents to consider a temporary full time attendance schedule so you can all see if the full time schedule will work or if they simply need to find alternate care arrangements.
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Gemma 03:51 PM 03-23-2015
I agree with Blackcat, most of my trouble kids have been those that were not on a consistent schedule ...if it was me, I would give full time a try!
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spinnymarie 05:53 PM 03-23-2015
ITA with the schedule being part of the issue (not all, I'm sure). Staying home for 2-4 days between every one day of care is rough to get adjusted. I bet, since he has shown improvement in some areas, that he would do much better on full-time.
Now I have had a kid who was full time and did the same thing with the crying. After two months of 'adjusting' we'd had enough and termed.
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CraftyMom 06:11 PM 03-23-2015
I'm also on the "try full time" wagon. Try it for 2 weeks and see if there are any improvements, he may be a different child once he's fully on your routine
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Lovatic24 11:32 AM 03-25-2015
Also, can he bring a picture of his parents to keep in his cubby for a while? Then he could look at it if he wants.
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Ariana 01:00 PM 03-25-2015
I have had this child and termed after 7 months of working on the issue. Basically this child is anti-social and in my experience it does not improve. I held on for 7 months because the parents wanted things to work and were working on the issue at home. Unfortunately it didn't matter because the parents are causing this dynamic and you won't be able to fix it.

My advice is to have a "trial period" built into your contract for when he starts full-time. if after 2 weeks there is no improvement then term. As for me, I term immediately when this type of child comes into my home.
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