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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>So I Think I Went A Little Too Crazy On A Mom Today
Daycaregranny 07:51 PM 02-03-2014
Ok, so one of my parents keeps doing this to her son. They come in and he is FINE. She grabs on to him and is squeezing him saying "don't cry! Don't cry!" Then she looks at me and says ""what am I going to do?" Ok this is just madness. I have watched ALL of her children starting with her daughter who is now 16, her middle son who I still have after school and this one who is just over a year. This crazy behavior finally was too much today. So when she did this and then asked I said I guess you should quit your job and go on welfare and stay home with him. She starred at me like I was an alien! I told her her son was fine just like all her other children were and that I wasn't going to watch her weirdness any longer. That he honestly stopped crying as soon as she shut the door. Of course she didn't believe me so I said ok watch this. I got my cell phone and told her to watch a video I was going to send her in my driveway! Yep I made a video of her leaving and as soon as she left he smiled and started to play. She watched and of course got kind of pissy. I told her she had two options, she could bring him and drop off quickly or term but no more squeezing and begging for him to stop crying. It's like she wants him to be traumatized by her leaving.
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CraftyMom 08:35 PM 02-03-2014
I have a mom like this, girl is 19 mo, been here 5 months. Mom will repeat "bye I'm leaving, give me another hug, ok bye, I'm leaving now, bye, do you need another kiss, ok bye, the girl just waves and says bye. I know it's super hard to leave your kids, i'd have a hard time too. I think she just wants to know that her daughter will miss her, but let's not instill separation anxiety where there is none . Then she talks about how sad she gets when the girl cries. One time I said "but she doesn't cry, she hasn't in months" she looked surprised and said really? Not at all? Even when I walk out? Sorry to say but no. This is good it means she's comfortable and happy. Poor mom was devastated . I feel for her though. I'm sure my daycare moms would love to stay home with their kids. It's not easy, but these types of moms are letting their own needs and feelings interfere with the child adapting and I'm sure it's confusing for the child. If it continues I will have to say something gently. I did once, the girl was crying (unusual for her) at arrival, mom says ok I'll lay on the couch with you for a few minutes until you stop crying. I spoke up and said actually it's best if you don't. I'll bring her to lay down she'll be fine. Mom was shocked. The girl came to me willingly and stopped crying before mom left. Moms way would have prolonged the inevitable and she likely would have cried all over again when she finally left. I do understand though, I'm sure she feels guilty for having to work all the time and wants to feel needed. I'm sure it's the same for your mom, especially if this is her last child. They grow so fast and she probably feels like she's missing so much everyday, because she is unfortunately.
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daycare 08:40 PM 02-03-2014
i tell parents it is always harder on you than it is the kids.

I don't do well when parents try this. If I even catch wind of it, I will start to push them out the door. walk over say ok johnny what book do you want to color in or lets go chose a game and I walk away with them.

I tell parents if you need to get in extra love and hugs with your kid, do it before you get here. When you are here it's off like a band-aide. quick and painless for everyone.

I don't know if I would have said those words, but some people drive us to places we never thought we would go.
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blandino 08:49 PM 02-03-2014
Nope, not too crazy at all. That was a dose of reality, and she really needed it. I'm not saying she is going to be happy about it.

I have some DCMs like that. Children come in, play and are excited. Then the DCMs say "bye" "I love you" at least 5 times, until the child is upset that they are leaving.
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Lucy 09:01 PM 02-03-2014
Here's a PERFECT example showing how a mom WANTS her kid to cry when she drops her off. It's in 3 parts, but they're only like 30 seconds each. Part 1 is the set up. Mom takes her the first day, and is actually disappointed that the girl doesn't cry. Mom just won't be happy until Princess cries at drop off.

Part 1. Watch it starting at the 3:48 mark, until 4:20: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwSDf7abBh0


Part 2 starts at 3:12 and goes to 4:52 (ends with Mom excitedly and proudly saying, "you are SO gonna cry tomorrow!"):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HE5Chpf7Gc


And Part 3 (same video as Part 2) starts at 6:06 and goes to 6:52. Mom is disappointed again, but then kid gives her a hug and she boasts to another mom, "See, she can't let me go!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HE5Chpf7Gc



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daycare 09:08 PM 02-03-2014
Originally Posted by Lucy:
Here's a PERFECT example showing how a mom WANTS her kid to cry when she drops her off. It's in 3 parts, but they're only like 30 seconds each. Part 1 is the set up. Mom takes her the first day, and is actually disappointed that the girl doesn't cry. Mom just won't be happy until Princess cries at drop off.

Part 1. Watch it starting at the 3:48 mark, until 4:20: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwSDf7abBh0


Part 2 starts at 3:12 and goes to 4:52 (ends with Mom excitedly and proudly saying, "you are SO gonna cry tomorrow!"):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HE5Chpf7Gc


And Part 3 (same video as Part 2) starts at 6:06 and goes to 6:52. Mom is disappointed again, but then kid gives her a hug and she boasts to another mom, "See, she can't let me go!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HE5Chpf7Gc


hahah those where great clips...

BUT OMG I just wanna smack her in the face....lol
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Lucy 09:11 PM 02-03-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
hahah those where great clips...

BUT OMG I just wanna smack her in the face....lol
I know, right!!! I saw it this past summer with my school-agers, and wanted to smack some sense into the mom!!!
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Shell 04:25 AM 02-04-2014
Originally Posted by Daycaregranny:
Ok, so one of my parents keeps doing this to her son. They come in and he is FINE. She grabs on to him and is squeezing him saying "don't cry! Don't cry!" Then she looks at me and says ""what am I going to do?" Ok this is just madness. I have watched ALL of her children starting with her daughter who is now 16, her middle son who I still have after school and this one who is just over a year. This crazy behavior finally was too much today. So when she did this and then asked I said I guess you should quit your job and go on welfare and stay home with him. She starred at me like I was an alien! I told her her son was fine just like all her other children were and that I wasn't going to watch her weirdness any longer. That he honestly stopped crying as soon as she shut the door. Of course she didn't believe me so I said ok watch this. I got my cell phone and told her to watch a video I was going to send her in my driveway! Yep I made a video of her leaving and as soon as she left he smiled and started to play. She watched and of course got kind of pissy. I told her she had two options, she could bring him and drop off quickly or term but no more squeezing and begging for him to stop crying. It's like she wants him to be traumatized by her leaving.
Ooh! I would love to have the courage to do that! Way to go!
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nannyde 04:27 AM 02-04-2014
It's the "Mom loves baby" show.
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coolconfidentme 05:07 AM 02-04-2014
I use to have parents like that, but I put an end to it. The first day a new kid stops crying when mom leaves, she gets a pic of him smiling before her seat belt is even on. One mom texted back "THAT LITTLE ****!!"
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EntropyControlSpecialist 05:40 AM 02-04-2014
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:
I use to have parents like that, but I put an end to it. The first day a new kid stops crying when mom leaves, she gets a pic of him smiling before her seat belt is even on. One mom texted back "THAT LITTLE ****!!"
I text a picture, too. I get things like "That little stinker!" and stuff. Parents don't even ask "How are they?" much anymore because they know ... 30 seconds later they are just fine. They are always fine if it's a quick drop off.
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cheerfuldom 10:14 AM 02-04-2014
I LOVE texting pics and videos for new moms. This ends the crazy drop offs quickly. I do not let moms play that game here.
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MizzCheryl 10:19 AM 02-04-2014
Originally Posted by Daycaregranny:
Ok, so one of my parents keeps doing this to her son. They come in and he is FINE. She grabs on to him and is squeezing him saying "don't cry! Don't cry!" Then she looks at me and says ""what am I going to do?" Ok this is just madness. I have watched ALL of her children starting with her daughter who is now 16, her middle son who I still have after school and this one who is just over a year. This crazy behavior finally was too much today. So when she did this and then asked I said I guess you should quit your job and go on welfare and stay home with him. She starred at me like I was an alien! I told her her son was fine just like all her other children were and that I wasn't going to watch her weirdness any longer. That he honestly stopped crying as soon as she shut the door. Of course she didn't believe me so I said ok watch this. I got my cell phone and told her to watch a video I was going to send her in my driveway! Yep I made a video of her leaving and as soon as she left he smiled and started to play. She watched and of course got kind of pissy. I told her she had two options, she could bring him and drop off quickly or term but no more squeezing and begging for him to stop crying. It's like she wants him to be traumatized by her leaving.
Applause to you Daycaregranny!
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Oss_cc 10:57 AM 02-04-2014
I have a mom like this with her 2.5 year old. Still babies her like crazy (with everything, but that's a whole other issue) and does the "okay, mommy has to leave. Okay one more hug. Okay one more kiss." On repeat for 15 mins. So of course by the time she does leave, DCG is allllll worked up. Tried sending a pic, tried distracting and ignoring mom but she totally feeds into it. Today I just sat her back down at the kids table for snack and said "nope, mommy has to leave." And pointedly ignored DCM. Of course DCG screamed for 15 mins, but she screams about everything when she doesn't get her way. (She tried to kick me in the face yesterday for putting her in time out after having a total meltdown because she decided she wanted a toy that another DCK had across the room.)
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Unregistered 11:24 AM 02-04-2014
Originally Posted by Daycaregranny:
Ok, so one of my parents keeps doing this to her son. They come in and he is FINE. She grabs on to him and is squeezing him saying "don't cry! Don't cry!" Then she looks at me and says ""what am I going to do?" Ok this is just madness. I have watched ALL of her children starting with her daughter who is now 16, her middle son who I still have after school and this one who is just over a year. This crazy behavior finally was too much today. So when she did this and then asked I said I guess you should quit your job and go on welfare and stay home with him. She starred at me like I was an alien! I told her her son was fine just like all her other children were and that I wasn't going to watch her weirdness any longer. That he honestly stopped crying as soon as she shut the door. Of course she didn't believe me so I said ok watch this. I got my cell phone and told her to watch a video I was going to send her in my driveway! Yep I made a video of her leaving and as soon as she left he smiled and started to play. She watched and of course got kind of pissy. I told her she had two options, she could bring him and drop off quickly or term but no more squeezing and begging for him to stop crying. It's like she wants him to be traumatized by her leaving.
Where is Maine are you located?
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Scribbles 11:26 AM 02-04-2014
I always tell my DCM's that if their child cried or behaved badly after they leave, I'll call them immediately because I don't really want to listen to a screaming/crying child all day.

If I had a parent puposely try and sadden their child at drop off, I would say "Well, now you got Jimmy all worked up so there is no way he can stay here. You'll have to bring him back later when he is calmed down"

I did that once to a mom and she took her DD(age 2.5) back out to the car for about 15 minutes. She came back in with a now quiet child and quickly exited.

I think she was afraid that if her DD cried, I'd make her take her with again.

I probably would have too because it's so rude to work your kid up emotionally and then ditch them with your daycare lady!

I dont know what DCM said to her DD but whatever it was, she never prolonged drop off or made her cry when leaving again.
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MNMommy2 12:00 PM 02-04-2014
I LOVE it. Good for you!
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TwinKristi 12:39 PM 02-04-2014
I always tell parents the kids like to put on a show so they don't feel unloved but as soon as the door shuts the tears stop and they're fine. I've only had one boy who really cried beyond that during his transitional period and he still cries once in awhile (usually Mondays or when his Nana brings him) and when Nana sits down for a minute to chat and get him ready he always cries like something is horribly wrong. It's so weird to me. Dh noticed it too one night. My DS (of course) said no-no to him or wouldn't share (something a 2yr old would do...) and he just started bawling! Dh was like here comes the water works for Nana!!
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LeslieG 12:46 PM 02-04-2014
Originally Posted by Daycaregranny:
Ok, so one of my parents keeps doing this to her son. They come in and he is FINE. She grabs on to him and is squeezing him saying "don't cry! Don't cry!" Then she looks at me and says ""what am I going to do?" Ok this is just madness. I have watched ALL of her children starting with her daughter who is now 16, her middle son who I still have after school and this one who is just over a year. This crazy behavior finally was too much today. So when she did this and then asked I said I guess you should quit your job and go on welfare and stay home with him. She starred at me like I was an alien! I told her her son was fine just like all her other children were and that I wasn't going to watch her weirdness any longer. That he honestly stopped crying as soon as she shut the door. Of course she didn't believe me so I said ok watch this. I got my cell phone and told her to watch a video I was going to send her in my driveway! Yep I made a video of her leaving and as soon as she left he smiled and started to play. She watched and of course got kind of pissy. I told her she had two options, she could bring him and drop off quickly or term but no more squeezing and begging for him to stop crying. It's like she wants him to be traumatized by her leaving.
Good for you!!! I wish I could be as bluntly honest and courageous as you!!
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Daycaregranny 07:24 PM 02-04-2014
Honestly, I usually wouldn't be so ..........honest, but this isn't a new mom, she's kind of an older mom that really knows what she's doing. ThTs what angered me so much. It was intentional. For me it was almost abusive if you know what I mean. It made me crack hahaa.
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Happily_wed 10:51 AM 02-05-2014
I had a mom like this one time. I think she was jealous that her child spent the day with me instead of her. He was a year old and she would bring him in and he would immediately reach for me. I would take him and she would start. "are you going to be ok?" "Are you going to miss Mommy?" "Give me one more hug" "Let me give you another kiss" He got to the point where when she would hand him to me he would turn his head and totally ignore her LOL. Then she would start on me. "He cried for an hour this morning when I told him he was coming here" "I would love to stay home like you do but I want MORE for my kids" I would just smile and show her the door. Her kid never ever cried after her and was always very happy here. Her drop off attitude was one reason I termed her.
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Tags:buh-bye outside, drop off - crying, narcissistic mother, the dynamic of bad behavior
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