I have tried everything to get a 4 1/2 yr old out of diapers (and 3 yr old boy). Sometimes we get lucky I just happen to get her on the potty but it's just luck she will not ever tell me when she has to go!! She will sit in a diaper full of poop and tell me she didn't poop that it was her brother, he in turn does the same so I have to go around looking down everyones pants and it's just getting very frustrating! I can't keep running them up the steps every 30 mins to an hour. I just dont have time, plus everyone has to go... What can I do? It's like they don't know they have a load of crap or wet diaper at all! I know part of the reason may be because they are so used to sitting in it at home BUT this has got to change here! I have been working with them for over a year now! 4 1/2 yr old girl and 3 yr old boy. I am getting disgusted changing such a big girls diapers! It's not normal to me. She looks like she could be in kindergarten and it's just really bothering me to change her diapers and wipe her down!! Has anyone encountered this type of problem what do you do?

I go over the routine every day, many times a day, and EVERY time I find a wet diaper. I ask where they are supposed to go. They will say in potty. I ask if they forget or have an accident what do they do they will say tell sally. So I assume they know it and understand so why? Dear God give me the knowlege WHY? When I ask why they just shrug their shoulders. (they do this to 90% of questions here) I tell them use your words don't shrug. Then they just stand and stare at me with NO response like I'm not even talking to them.

I pray all the time I can beat this and NOTHING works! They only stay dry if I constantly run them upstairs. I can't do it any longer I'm literally in pain from a dozen potty trips already today! I'm about to rip my hair out or scream!

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You won't have any luck until the parental are encouraging it too. What if they have no diaper on? So they go in their pants?

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Have you tried a reward system, like M&Ms or stickers?

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Instead of rewarding the child, try rewarding the parent. Tell them the rate for a 3+ year old in diapers is 3x the regular rate and as soon as the child is trained they can be rewarded by getting the regular rate.

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I saw that suggested somewhere else but these are subsidy. Not allowed to charge anything but the .50c co-pay per day. But thanks Blackcat! It is a great idea!

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Uh, that sucks then.

I had a 5 year old many many years ago that was still in diapers because the mom was honestly just plain old lazy and didn't really care. I think she thought the DCB would just one day say "Ok, I am going to be trained today" and that would be that. I tried everythign under the sun to get him trained or to even get her to help me do it but nothing.

It was super gross to change a kid that old and although I could stomach the wet diapers I could NOT do the poop ones so I started calling mom at work and said "B pooped, you need to come change him because I am NOT doing it."

She came every single day for about a week and a half. Then suddenly she took a week off work and he came back in underwear. I would probably never do that now as I have really great families now but it worked back then.

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can you put a portable potty downstairs so at least you dont have to run upstairs so much? You'd have to empty it but it could help for a little bit. I don't know what to tell you.....I would never change a four year olds diaper. I dont even change 3 year olds normally. If I couldn't up their rate, I would let them go because physically, I cant handle diapering such a huge kid. By 4 years old, many of the kids are about half as tall as me!

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They are not going diaper free here when they have never once told me. They will just poo or pee on my carpet or furniture. If they were at least trying to tell me just once even then yeah maybe.

I have treid every reward anyone has suggested. I was even giving rings to DCG and balls to DCB. They don't get it.

DCM and I have talked many times she says they do the same at home. BUT DCD has told me more than once all she wants to do is sit on the sofa and watch TV all day.

I bought a new lights and sounds train and showed them. Told them if they go in the potty they can play with it. It has been sitting for a week now. They ask but when I say potty 1st! They walk away and play with something else. I told them and DCM I will buy them each a pack of their favorite character underwear. They are excited but then don't go potty. I swear I just don't get it!! After me running them all day they should know. They do know they have to but don't want to go and would rather sit in it. I asked them do you like sitting in poop? They say yes!!

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I wish I could help- I have a boy who will be 4 in May still in diapers, with no desire to stop. His mom will bring him and say, "make sure you work on your potty training today."

It doesn't matter what I do- rewards dont work. The mom says he will sometimes ask her to go but I am not sure she is being truthful. When I took the family in a year ago she told me during the interview they were working on it and the dad looked at her and said, "No, we have not been," so cleary she has been caught lying.

He will sometimes go if I take him and make him sit there, but I dont know if that is doing any good. I've offered treats, stickers, cheerios in the potty to pee on... nothing.

Just a thought- could she have SPD and not be able to recognize when she has to go? I ruled that out with my DCB, but it is worth looking into.

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What is SPD? Anything is possible I will ask DCM but I'm sure she would tell me so she had an excuse. She LOVES excuses! I doubt there is a real problem because DCB 3 is the same way. Even if they didn't know when they had to go surely they FEEL it sitting in it especially! There have been squished all over and hard turds stuck in the crack (sorry tmi) still didn't tell me. That has to be uncomfortable! They must just be so used to it is all I can think.

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I would tell DCM if you are not going to work on it at home I am not going to work on it here. NO point...

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I recommend:

Absolutely NO rewards.....obviously it has not helped and it may have even hindered the process.

Tell Mom she MUST have him evaluated by a physician so that you can rule out if this is a medical condition.

Once you KNOW it is not a medical condition, you talk to Mom and, IN WRITING, come up with a Plan of Action:

Mom must put the older child in training pants (CLOTH UNDERWEAR) AT HOME. Ask the child every hour if he needs to potty (he'll say No) every 30 minutes, IT'S NOT A CHOICE, he sits on the potty. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

You -put a potty seat downstairs. Make it as private as possible.
Introduce both kids to the potty. Keep the kids in pull-ups, end then do the same as Mom. Ask every hour, not a choice every 30 minutes.

Again, no rewards....only lots of encouragement and your excitement and doing the "happy potty dance" after they have used the toilet!

Good luck!

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I agree with the no rewards...

I would sit down with the older one first. Have a serious talk with this child. Something to the effect of "look, we've been having an issue with this potty thing. You are too old to have diapers. We need to solve this problem. From now on, I will not change your diapers. It's just not okay."

This child is old enough to take responsibility for this, and she needs to be held up to a higher standard.

Have MOM purchase some underwear with the child together. Let the child pick what she likes. For daycare time, she should have pull-ups over the top for sanitary reasons. Then, DROP IT. Dont' remind her unless you are reminding everyone (like before going outside or down for nap). Do not single her out (although you could invent a couple reasons for reminding everyone more often for a while).

WHEN she has an accident, do the ABSOLUTE minimum to help her. I would only change her OUT of soiled undies, dump them "where the poop is supposed to go", bag them, wipe her up, hand her clean stuff, and walk away. She can come play when she's done. Make wetting/soiling herself COST HER SOMETHING....time away from the fun. (oh, and it wouldn't hurt to have something REALLY FUN ready to go for those occasions). Make it cost you NOTHING! Make your face a mask of "oh well" You could not be less interested in the whole thing.

Unless there is a developmental issue here, this little girl is playing you, and she's getting a pay off. Pay off-attention, and no interruption of fun. Take it away!

Conquer the older one, and try to be matter-of-fact with the younger one. Totally drop it with him for a little while. Once you've got it settled with the older child, then do the same with #2....

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I disagree with this 100%

Never punish a child for having an accident
The moment you throw any form of negativity into it, the child will immediately associate PT as something negative.

I agree with what crystal said.

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Sorry I'm in my phone I forgot to quote the above posted.

When a child has an accident. You remain emotionless and say nothing or tell them let try again next time.

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Did you mean me?

I absolutely meant to say that she should NOT be negative. Maybe I didn't say it right?

She should be as emotionless as possible, but also use natural consequences. We don't play with our pants full, it's pretty basic. It's not about punishment, it just is.

I would put as much as possible on the child as I could (while maintaining sanitation) and very sublty amp up what she is missing out on as incentive (I wouldn't tell her that, it needs to appear natural to her). I would never present it as upsetting or as a major problem to me. It's HER body, HER job...not even an issue for me as far as she's concerned.
I hope that clarifies what I was trying to say...

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I don't think it's punishment to make a 4.5 year old child put her clothes back on after an accident. That's a natural consequence for me. You pee in your pants.....you need new ones on. The pp said she would help with all the messy bits and then require the child to redress themselves before they rejoined the group.

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Being in diapers at 4.5 is a behavior issue, regardless of who's the cause of the behavior issue. (in this case the parents). The behavior has been able to continue by putting a "bandaid" on it, otherwise known as diaper.

Almost all behavior issues you would discuss with mom and come up with a plan of action. As a previous poster said, this needs to be done before you waste any more efforts on it without having parents back you up. If mom doesnt follow through with the plan, the girl is out.

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Wow 4.5 and still in diapers! How sad is that!

I agree with the other posters that it is never the providers responsibility and always the parents. If it were me, I would term. Or tell mom, if not potty trained in 1 month.

If you are willing to continue your efforts, maybe do the portable potty idea along with padded training underwear covered with plastic pants?

I have a 3 year old DCG that is trained here, but not at home. Or I should say is retrained here on Mondays and trained here on Tues-Friday.

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I know this post I old ... but gees you all talk so horriable about the parents and just assume it's their fault and that they are lazy if the kids aren't potty trained. That's so not true.. my daughter is four and I am a stay at home mom and have tried EVERYTHINg .. read her potty books, let her go diaperless, bribe her, get her new underwear, even brought her around to pre k schools to show her where she will get to go if she uses the potty everyday. She just says it's too scary and she won't go , she's very stubborn. If you are too disgusted to change a 4 1/2 year olds diaper than go find another job . All you are going to do is make the little girl more scared to potty train.

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It is not my work to change diapers for 4 1/2 yo and parents learn it during interviews. But if they want I can do it for an extra cost. Maybe...
And yes changing diapers is not enjoyable, especially if a child is so big

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I am also a work at home mom and have a 4 yr old who refuses to poo on the potty. She literally has no idea that she has pooped. Sometimes she will tell me she has pooped when she hasn't and will tell me she hasn't when she has.

I still understand where the DCP are coming from because sometimes it is the parents fault. Sometimes it isn't. If my child was in care and my DCP told me to do XYZ to get my child trained I would do it (I have asked on here and used the advice to no avail!). At least then the DCP can say that the parents is not lazy and has literally tried everything.

Anyway old post but.....

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Maybe you find it less disgusting because it's your own child or you're accustomed to changing her at that age? I find all poopy diapers disgusting because it IS gross. I don't want to hear that 'oh you chose this job' line. DUH. But poopy diapers are definietely a con, and from a 4.5yo, they're definitely out of the line of normal in this field. I didn't 'sign up' for that.

To be enrolled in my program, all incoming children have to be trained if older than 3, and if previously enrolled and not trained BY 3, there needs to be a note on file from the pediatrician explaining his/her approach to training and/or reasons for a delay.

When I can have full back and forth conversations with a child while I am wiping their butt, it DOES make me very uncomfortable. At the same time as potty-training, I teach my littles about private areas, and what IS/IS NOT ok for a teacher to do.

When I had a potty training 4.5 yo, the 3yo would be saying "Miss, YOU NOT SPOSED TO TOUCH HIS PRIVATES! HE NOT A BABY! MISS TOUCHED HIS PRIVATES!" Do you have any idea what a false accusation that could have ended with? It wouldn't even need to be substantiated to cost me not only the career in my chosen field, but ruined my reputation, my life, my families lives, and possibly my freedom.

If at 4 years old, your child is still not potty trained, you need to seek a pediatrician's advice. This is simply beyond the 'normal' range for a neuro-typical child.

My advice- once you go to underwear, you don't go back- you just gave in to your child. Barring a medical reason, she is more than capable of physically holding her bowel and bladder and verbally capable of expressing her need to use the restroom.

Underwear, she cleans up as much as she can every time she has an accident. If you are 100% consistent- REGARDLESS of how long it takes to get it done, she WILL train.

Yes, I have had kids delayed for reasons- medical, developmental.

Yes I have had kids delayed for parent laziness. At 4, I have had parents not even TRY to potty train because diapers are easier. That pretty much sums up parent laziness.

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I'd say that she isn't ready to potty train and neither is her brother (for whatever reason). Age is just a number, and if you were describing the behaviour of a newly turned 2 yo then you wouldn't even be trying to potty train at this point.

Stop trying. Pretend that she (and her brother) has just turned 2 and proceed like you would normally. Has mom consulted with a doctor re: lack of potty training? That may be the best thing to do at this point.

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I know this is an old post BUT I came across it while trying to research on what in the world else I can do to help my son. He is 4 1/2 years old and not yet potty trained. I have tried everything. Everything you all have posted on here I have tried and he is just so incredibly stubborn. I was honestly disgusted with the way that you all are talking about the parents of these children. Yeah I'm sure there are instances where the parents are lazy of course, but that is not the case all the time. I could not imagine seeing someone I entrust my child with post some of the things you all have. So discouraging and disgusting.

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not sure if your parents would read a book BUT theres a great book called OH crap potty training. It goes over how to do it step by step using their simple method. I find that the parents who are struggling, tend to have at least more sucess when trying the books methods. Heck, I used stuff from it in my classroom!

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class act

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I'm so confused.
The only "disgusting" comment that was made on this thread is a PARENT talking about punishing their OWN child for accidents.

If you find any of the PROVIDER comments "disgusting" then I'd love to hear why.

Also curious, how many of other people's children have you cared for? Have they all been rainbows and sunshine to deal with? Have they 100% taken responsibility for what needs to be done for their child?
Because I can tell you, every single one of us in this business has had to deal with the ones who DON'T and try to pass off that responsibility to the childcare provider.
In any forums or online groups, you are NOT going to find the every day success stories. You are going to hear the stories about the ones that are HARD. The ones who press our buttons and give us gray hair. The ones we need HELP with. You want a little compassion for your situation, maybe try giving some to those others who are also seeking help.

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