Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Carried Away with Carrying In....
MissAnn 11:25 AM 12-15-2015
Am I the only one noticing this? It used to be just 2 year olds got carried in and out. Then 3 year old started......

And this year????????

Everyone is getting carried in and out. Even the 5 year old!

These parents seem to appreciate that I teach and expect self help skills.....I just don't get it.

Really noticed it this morning when a 3.5 year old got carried in.....fingers in his mouth....slobbering.....baby talking to mom.....pointed at whatever he wanted......mom retrieved.....babyish cry as she left...and me with my mouth wide open.

Then ......I say knock it off.....fingers come out of mouth, slobber stops, and real words form from his lips.

Wish I had a video of it.
Reply
Blackcat31 11:29 AM 12-15-2015
I see the same thing here too... kids I KNOW behave so much older than their parent's give them the opportunity to.

I think a lot of it is that it's easier to manage your child when they are carried etc... or that parents don't want their child to grow up so they baby them as long as they can.
Reply
Thriftylady 11:30 AM 12-15-2015
I have a kindy kid who comes in at 6 every morning. She is 6. Mom carries her in crying. Mom sets her on the couch and she continues to cry until the door shuts when mom leaves. The second the door shuts, she quit crying. And there are never any tears!
Reply
MissAnn 11:34 AM 12-15-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I see the same thing here too... kids I KNOW behave so much older than their parent's give them the opportunity to.

I think a lot of it is that it's easier to manage your child when they are carried etc... or that parents don't want their child to grow up so they baby them as long as they can.
They don't realize it, I'm sure. It hinders their development. Last year I had a very capable group. The parents were on board with the self help skills training and the kids were so much more confident. They saw themselves as capable and beamed with pride with each new accomplishment. It makes such a difference.

I just hope this one boy will go to kindergarten I underwear!
Reply
MissAnn 11:39 AM 12-15-2015
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I have a kindy kid who comes in at 6 every morning. She is 6. Mom carries her in crying. Mom sets her on the couch and she continues to cry until the door shuts when mom leaves. The second the door shuts, she quit crying. And there are never any tears!
Exactly!!!!! The boy I have is also an early kid. She is always asking him what is wrong.....using a baby voice. I tell her that he is putting on a show. She doesn't buy it. That's why I'd like to have a video of it.
Reply
daycare 12:24 PM 12-15-2015
you guys would hate me. My son is 8 and I still try to carry him if he will let me.

One day he won't want to let me hold him, hug him and love on him like he does not and each year he gets more and more distant. He only does it at home, he would kill me if I even thought of doing that outside of the home. BUT if he let me I would...lol
Reply
Thriftylady 12:31 PM 12-15-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
you guys would hate me. My son is 8 and I still try to carry him if he will let me.

One day he won't want to let me hold him, hug him and love on him like he does not and each year he gets more and more distant. He only does it at home, he would kill me if I even thought of doing that outside of the home. BUT if he let me I would...lol
I don't think I would hate you, but you know who will before you know it? Your poor poor back!
Reply
daycare 12:43 PM 12-15-2015
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I don't think I would hate you, but you know who will before you know it? Your poor poor back!
nah...I figure that I have about a few months left of being able to over do the loving with him. He knows that anywhere else he has to be a young man and manage himself.

I have older kids and I can hardly hug them so i am getting in all I can until I can't...
Reply
spud912 01:13 PM 12-15-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
you guys would hate me. My son is 8 and I still try to carry him if he will let me.

One day he won't want to let me hold him, hug him and love on him like he does not and each year he gets more and more distant. He only does it at home, he would kill me if I even thought of doing that outside of the home. BUT if he let me I would...lol
I still carry my 6 year old downstairs in the morning when I wake her up for school .
Reply
daycare 01:51 PM 12-15-2015
Originally Posted by spud912:
I still carry my 6 year old downstairs in the morning when I wake her up for school .
hahahahha. is she your youngest?
Reply
Ariana 02:59 PM 12-15-2015
I just had to "force" a mom to hold her child's hand to the car instead of picking her up. DCG doesn't want to be picked up but mom has major control over everything she does which contributes to so many issues, especially anger from DCG towards her mom. Mom flat out told me "she refuses to hold my hand" so I showed her how to create expectations for the child "Hold mommies hand or mommy will have to pick you up". I reiterated to her that if she didn't hold moms hand she was going to be picked up and guess what? she held her hand the whole way!!

A lot of parents just want control at the expense of the child's normal development and boundary testing.
Reply
spud912 04:37 PM 12-15-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
hahahahha. is she your youngest?
NO ! She is my oldest!! My youngest IS practically a baby still (she is 15 months). For some reason I get this weird mom guilt that my oldest is growing so fast and I won't be able to do it much longer and I need to take it all in before it's gone forever.
Reply
mommiebookworm 04:57 PM 12-15-2015
I still carry my five year old. When she lets me! Shes tiny though, only 30 lbs.
Reply
Mad_Pistachio 06:37 PM 12-15-2015
when we just started the daycare, every time at pickup, I'd carry my daughter out to the car (she was 2). the director once commented on "why is Mommy carrying you, you can walk just fine" and I answered that I was not carrying her because she wanted me to, but because it was me who had attachment issues, and I was working on it, but it may take some time. I just couldn't get my hands off of her after she was there for 6-7-8 hours.
now, 1.5 years into, she won't let me hold her anymore. miss Independence... boy, am I glad I didn't stop holding her cold turkey after the director's comments cause now she ended it. (and half a year ago she demanded her Dad put her to bed every night, so I lost that one, too.)
yeah, I have issues all right.
Reply
NoMoreJuice! 08:19 PM 12-15-2015
Lol, as soon as I saw the title of the post I totally rolled my eyes.

I have SO MANY of these baby-talking large-kid-carrying moms. It's so hilarious to watch the self-sufficient smart kids that I teach revert to sobbing toddlers when their moms show up. One mom in particular is having the absolute worst time...she has such a tiny frame, but two children (3 and almost 5) who both INSIST on being carried. She tried doing one at a time but the one left behind threw horrendous fits (which, honestly, I don't mind...I'm totally fine with kids drowning in a pool of their own tears for things like that, but she couldn't handle it). So now she hoists the big kid onto her and the little one clambers up. It's insane.

One mom insists on baby-talky-wocky to her wittle boy, who is a gigantic 5 year old. When she talks about him in her presence, she talks in baby talk. "My wittle boy doesn't wike weaving his fwends!" she will say to me. I seriously just stare blankly at her until she realizes we're both adults and translates back to engwish.
Reply
Play Care 03:03 AM 12-16-2015
I honestly don't care if mom carries the child to and fro. Maybe it's because my own kids are now a bit older and I'm realizing just how quickly the time goes.

BUT, I draw a line at being expected to continue that carrying/babying. I have a mom who tries to hand off her very large 3 yo child to me each morning. I told her, my back can't take that, you can go out him in the cozy spot until he's ready to join the group.

This job can be so hard on a providers body that I do try to minimize the carrying, lifiting, up and down etc business.
Reply
MissAnn 06:43 AM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I honestly don't care if mom carries the child to and fro. Maybe it's because my own kids are now a bit older and I'm realizing just how quickly the time goes.

BUT, I draw a line at being expected to continue that carrying/babying. I have a mom who tries to hand off her very large 3 yo child to me each morning. I told her, my back can't take that, you can go out him in the cozy spot until he's ready to join the group.

This job can be so hard on a providers body that I do try to minimize the carrying, lifiting, up and down etc business.
For me it's not just the carrying in...its the whole package. The baby talk, the doing everything for the kid and treating them like babies. I take videos and post on Facebook all the things they do here......set the table, make up their bed, resolve conflicts, put on shoes and coat and so much more. Kids are so capable and I wish some of the parents would realize that. I tell parents that when the continually "do" for their kids....they are taking away their opportunity to practice and show off what they have accomplished. Also....what message does it send? You are not capable of doing it so I have to do it for you.

I praise the parents who allow and expect the kids to be self sufficient. You can see the kids rise to higher levels of self help help skills with pride. These are the kids that go off to school prepared.
Reply
Blackcat31 06:45 AM 12-16-2015
I only take kids until they reach school age so if a parent wants to hoist their 60lb preschooler up onto their hip and carry them out to the car, more power to them.

It's the best way to ensure the child doesn't run off into the street or to play with yard ornaments and other stuff that I'd prefer they don't touch.

So for me, it works.

Do I judge parents for it? Probably. But more than likely I did it too when my kids were young and I was hopefully just as oblivious to it all as my DCP's are.
Reply
midaycare 06:54 AM 12-16-2015
I never even think about it. I don't have that problem of parents treating their kids like babies, thank goodness!
Reply
Hunni Bee 06:07 PM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I honestly don't care if mom carries the child to and fro. Maybe it's because my own kids are now a bit older and I'm realizing just how quickly the time goes.

BUT, I draw a line at being expected to continue that carrying/babying. I have a mom who tries to hand off her very large 3 yo child to me each morning. I told her, my back can't take that, you can go out him in the cozy spot until he's ready to join the group.

This job can be so hard on a providers body that I do try to minimize the carrying, lifiting, up and down etc business.
Meh, me either. I realize that's their baby and that's a special time spent together in those few seconds of walking in or out. I know when I'm carrying my daughter I'm usually kissing her, talking/singing with her, smelling her hair etc lol

My kids know I'm not going to take a "hand-off" from Mom or Dad (unless they are truly upset and need a little snuggle) and that I expect independence and responsibility from them. The parents catch on a little while later
Reply
LindseyA 12:31 PM 12-17-2015
The only one that gets carried in and out everyday is the oldest one in the bunch.. 6yo! I completely understand though. It's a single dad, & only child. I still carry my 6yo (youngest of My children) to bed almost every night because she is super cuddly when she's tired. It's honestly one of my favorite parts of each day
Reply
daycarediva 11:26 AM 12-18-2015
This drives me crazy ONLY because the parents are doing it because they can't control the child otherwise. Eg. Child refuses to walk, refuses to hold hands, refuses to put on shoes, etc. So it's always after 5-10 minutes of struggling before they just pick them up. It's essentially a non-parenting/avoidance strategy around here.
Reply
Unregistered 08:51 AM 12-20-2015
I think, again, we have this situation where providers don't have the same beliefs, priorities, and goals for the children that the families have. It's very well documented and well known that different cultures have different expectations for their children and treat the children in ways that will accomplish those goals in the present as well as into the child's future.
Now, what happens here is some providers believing very strongly that their own expectations, priorities and goals for the children in their care is the best and only right way- what any family does that is different than that is considered poor parenting, lazy, and avoidance of duties.
I am not from a national culture that emphasizes community above Independence (such as China), however I do like to do things for my child, on occasion, that he could do for himself. Why? Because at that moment, I'm not looking to foster Independence or instill self reliance, but I am showing him that I care about others (as I'd like him to) and I do little things for people even if they could have done it themselves (as I'd like him to), that I'm not in such a hurry that I can't graciously comply with a simple request (teaching his own patience and tolerance for others). I could go on and on about what little actions we take teach our children but I'm sure we all understand that we are basically teaching them the values that are important to us. And the values that are important to one adult are not important (or are even counter to what is important) to another.
So, the best way, IMHO, to work with families of a different mind set on Independence is to accept the way they want to raise their child without any hint of disrespect and at the same time continue to follow your own philosophies and childcare beliefs (with full disclosure to parents). You don't have to go against what you believe is best for children but you should never imply that what other families believe is best is wrong. It isn't. This conversation comes up often. It's not coming up often because soooo many families must be crazy and don't know how to care for their children. It comes up often because many providers don't have an understanding of cultural differences and don't accept cultural differences.

I searched a little and found this really good article on it that i hope someone here reads because it really explains a lot.
http://www.dimensionsofculture.com/2...ing-practices/
Reply
nannyde 11:52 AM 12-20-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think, again, we have this situation where providers don't have the same beliefs, priorities, and goals for the children that the families have. It's very well documented and well known that different cultures have different expectations for their children and treat the children in ways that will accomplish those goals in the present as well as into the child's future.
Now, what happens here is some providers believing very strongly that their own expectations, priorities and goals for the children in their care is the best and only right way- what any family does that is different than that is considered poor parenting, lazy, and avoidance of duties.
I am not from a national culture that emphasizes community above Independence (such as China), however I do like to do things for my child, on occasion, that he could do for himself. Why? Because at that moment, I'm not looking to foster Independence or instill self reliance, but I am showing him that I care about others (as I'd like him to) and I do little things for people even if they could have done it themselves (as I'd like him to), that I'm not in such a hurry that I can't graciously comply with a simple request (teaching his own patience and tolerance for others). I could go on and on about what little actions we take teach our children but I'm sure we all understand that we are basically teaching them the values that are important to us. And the values that are important to one adult are not important (or are even counter to what is important) to another.
So, the best way, IMHO, to work with families of a different mind set on Independence is to accept the way they want to raise their child without any hint of disrespect and at the same time continue to follow your own philosophies and childcare beliefs (with full disclosure to parents). You don't have to go against what you believe is best for children but you should never imply that what other families believe is best is wrong. It isn't. This conversation comes up often. It's not coming up often because soooo many families must be crazy and don't know how to care for their children. It comes up often because many providers don't have an understanding of cultural differences and don't accept cultural differences.

I searched a little and found this really good article on it that i hope someone here reads because it really explains a lot.
http://www.dimensionsofculture.com/2...ing-practices/

Naw

Do you do child care? Do you have people carrying children who can fully walk in and out of your house on your property? Are you taking that risk on your property?

The simple math of it is the SAFEST way to walk a child on someone's private home property is to hand walk them in. If a mom is carrying a heavy child in who can walk, flail, kick, go spaghetti, etc. She has a much much higher risk of falling with a high potential of hurting herself and the kid.

If the steady walking child holds hands with the parent the parent can balance the child's weight if the child starts to totter. If the mom slips she let's go of the hand and only she falls.

All it takes is ONE injury claim on your property and you either face high insurance costs forever or worst yet .. become uninsurable.

Your culture idea doesn't matter to my insurance company. They want me to learn my craft by observation and experience and make policies that lessen as much as humanly possible the possibility of a fall.

Hand holding the steady walker accomplishes decreased chance of falling and keeps the child under the adults control from car door to front door.

We aren't target or walmart who can sustain a lawsuit and pay premiums to cover the statistical likelihood of x number of injuries per year. We don't have the buying power to retain insurance after a fall.

This
Is
A
BUSINESS

Safety first is first for the business. Culture or parenting preferences have NOTHING to do with it.

Just because you have a kid it doesn't give you license to make every decision about that kid once you step out your front door. Once you are on the providers property you should do what works for her business.
Reply
Unregistered 06:05 PM 12-20-2015
Nanny De you seriously crack me up! No, I don't 'do daycare' but I am a childcare provider. And I can definitely see what you mean from a liability and insurance point of view. But, that was never the question. If I was concerned about that, I would definitely just say that to the parent. "I need everyone to walk and not be carried for the safety of getting from the car to the house". That's not something I have ever seen as an issue, but having foresight is very prudent. If we are talking about how the parents are doing the wrong thing parenting wise, as stated in the original post and all following comments, then I have to stick with the tolerating other cultures route!
Reply
MissAnn 05:21 AM 12-21-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Nanny De you seriously crack me up! No, I don't 'do daycare' but I am a childcare provider. And I can definitely see what you mean from a liability and insurance point of view. But, that was never the question. If I was concerned about that, I would definitely just say that to the parent. "I need everyone to walk and not be carried for the safety of getting from the car to the house". That's not something I have ever seen as an issue, but having foresight is very prudent. If we are talking about how the parents are doing the wrong thing parenting wise, as stated in the original post and all following comments, then I have to stick with the tolerating other cultures route!
I'm the OP. Defiantly not an issue of cultural difference in my 3.5 year olds case. More of a.....I want my kid to still be a baby issue. The parents are hindering this child's development. It is making for both an unhappy child and parents. Drop offs and pick ups are full of crying, baby talk, fingers in mouth and parents giving into his every whim. As soon as they leave......I tell him to knock it off and he does.

This boy had the least self help skills I have ever seen in a typically developing 3 year old. He could not put on his shoes and had no idea how to. He did not know how to drink out of an open cup or eat with silverware. He does all of that and much more since starting here just a few months ago.

I did not mean to imply that parents who carry their kids are doing anything wrong. I shouldn't have focused on just the carrying in. it's the whole package of babying children to the point that it hinders their development.
Reply
Rockgirl 06:06 AM 12-21-2015
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
I'm the OP. Defiantly not an issue of cultural difference in my 3.5 year olds case. More of a.....I want my kid to still be a baby issue. The parents are hindering this child's development. It is making for both an unhappy child and parents. Drop offs and pick ups are full of crying, baby talk, fingers in mouth and parents giving into his every whim. As soon as they leave......I tell him to knock it off and he does.

This boy had the least self help skills I have ever seen in a typically developing 3 year old. He could not put on his shoes and had no idea how to. He did not know how to drink out of an open cup or eat with silverware. He does all of that and much more since starting here just a few months ago.

I did not mean to imply that parents who carry their kids are doing anything wrong. I shouldn't have focused on just the carrying in. it's the whole package of babying children to the point that it hinders their development.
I totally get it. I've had these "babies" that magically transform into able-bodied big kids when parents are out of sight, too.
Reply
Unregistered 08:33 AM 12-21-2015
Interestingly that is precisely what the link is referring to. Did you read it?
Reply
MissAnn 08:50 AM 12-21-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Interestingly that is precisely what the link is referring to. Did you read it?
I didn't read it...that would be a wait till nap time thing to do.
Reply
lovemykidstoo 05:37 PM 12-21-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I honestly don't care if mom carries the child to and fro. Maybe it's because my own kids are now a bit older and I'm realizing just how quickly the time goes.

BUT, I draw a line at being expected to continue that carrying/babying. I have a mom who tries to hand off her very large 3 yo child to me each morning. I told her, my back can't take that, you can go out him in the cozy spot until he's ready to join the group.

This job can be so hard on a providers body that I do try to minimize the carrying, lifiting, up and down etc business.
I have a mom also that wants to hand off her 19 month old boy that weighs close to 30 pounds to me every morning. He is in the middle of arching his back, throwing a fit because he likes to put on a show until mom pulls out of my driveway, then he's fine. Let me tell you, when you're holding him and he throws himself back, nearly 30 pounds of him, that plays terribly on your back and arm. That crap has to stop. Tomorrow morning I'm telling her no more, my back hurts.
Reply
delferka 06:35 PM 12-21-2015
Oh my God! I'm dying laughing here. Happens all the time! "Snap out of it! Coddling Mothers. What will they be like when they grow up already!!!!!!




Originally Posted by MissAnn:
Am I the only one noticing this? It used to be just 2 year olds got carried in and out. Then 3 year old started......

And this year????????

Everyone is getting carried in and out. Even the 5 year old!

These parents seem to appreciate that I teach and expect self help skills.....I just don't get it.

Really noticed it this morning when a 3.5 year old got carried in.....fingers in his mouth....slobbering.....baby talking to mom.....pointed at whatever he wanted......mom retrieved.....babyish cry as she left...and me with my mouth wide open.

Then ......I say knock it off.....fingers come out of mouth, slobber stops, and real words form from his lips.

Wish I had a video of it.

Reply
Meli3773 05:49 AM 12-22-2015
I have a small daycare and I still see a variety. Some moms and dads do and some don't carry their little ones in. I feel like it's the parents of the older ones that are only children. One of my guys started preschool this year with my son and his parents were taking pictures then we're about to carry him in. I said "put him down, he needs to walk into school." This same guy gets carried out of my home each day by his dad. I'm torn though, because my youngest will be 5 in a few months and I still would carry him if I could (but not into school haha).
Reply
Tags:carry, milestones
Reply Up