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My4SunshineGirlsNY 07:19 AM 08-04-2011
I never knew how stressful running daycare could be. I have been registered for almost 2 years (but have been doing daycare on and off for years before being registered) and I'm ready to shut down.

I have 4 of my own girls and daycare is WAY too stressful for everyone here. The crying fits, the toddler battles, can't do this and that because of daycare, the messes, kids being loud waking my kids up, not knowing what my pay will be (just had a family of 2 kids leave becuase their dad isn't working right now), potential clients telling me they want the spots and not showing up after I turn others down saying spots are filled.

I just can't handle it all anymore. I sent my resume out to several places yesterday....a part of me is really sad because I know I will have to leave my own girls and that tears me up. I LOVE taking my kids to the park, swimming ect. But the stress of daycare is taking a toll on my kids and myself.

This step is HUGE for me, I have been able to be here for my kids for years and years and I'm a little scared to think about working outside of the home and not being able to do what I have been doing for them for years. I'm very sad yet the stress will be much less not being relyed on by so many.
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blueclouds29 07:22 AM 08-04-2011
I'm going on a year in September and I hear your pain! Although i only have 1 DD who is 2. It is way to stressful just for me. But if i don't do daycare then I have to find a place to put my DD, and we can't afford sending her to daycare. That's why i started home daycare. I wonder sometimes why i'm doing this. But I get to stay home with my daughter. I'm only watching 3 other kids now, so its not that bad AND they are all boys!
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learn-n-grow 07:33 AM 08-04-2011
I totally feel your pain! I have three kids of my own. I have a Bachelor's degree but I have been unable to find a job. I love kids and would love to teach but I don't have the credentials to do so which is why I decided to do home daycare (also because I can't find a job that would pay me what home daycare does). If you absolutely hate it then I would quit because the children that you provide care for would be affected by it.

And I wouldn't turn down spots until you have people actually signed up. I have had people express interest but I let them know that the spot would remain open until registration fee is paid.
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Cat Herder 07:53 AM 08-04-2011
Is is possible to change your daycare to better suit your family first??

I know I never took kids my own childrens ages and it made ALL the difference. I officially opened in 1994 and still like my job.

When they were little I did only school aged kids. We had so much fun because my kids were the mascots and the big kids loved reading to them (even the ones who had difficulty reading at school).

When mine became school aged I switched to newborn-4 years and my teens LOVE reading to the littles.

It made my kids compassionate, thoughtful and helpful people to have experienced both "older siblings" and "younger siblings" during their childhood.

At least consider it??
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AnythingsPossible 08:11 AM 08-04-2011
If staying home with your girls is really important to you, I would also suggest looking at your daycare and seeing if there is something you could change to make it work better for your family.

Are there particular families that cause the most stress for you? Certain times of the day that are worse?

I certainly can relate to your feelings. I have been doing daycare for 9 years and last year was very difficult for me. I had some families that left for different reasons, and added a wonderful new family and things have turned around. The uncertainty of income is always hard. I was counting on running full for the month of June and for numerous diffferent reasons, I ended up with 1 to 3 kids most of June, it has made for a rough summer!

The stress of working out of the home may be worse then what you are experiencing now if you don't want to leave your girls. I think in daycare we all have those moments of "I just can't do this anymore!" I know I have had it numerous times over the years!
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DaycareMama 08:14 AM 08-04-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
Is is possible to change your daycare to better suit your family first??

I know I never took kids my own childrens ages and it made ALL the difference. I officially opened in 1994 and still like my job.

When they were little I did only school aged kids. We had so much fun because my kids were the mascots and the big kids loved reading to them (even the ones who had difficulty reading at school).

When mine became school aged I switched to newborn-4 years and my teens LOVE reading to the littles.

It made my kids compassionate, thoughtful and helpful people to have experienced both "older siblings" and "younger siblings" during their childhood.

At least consider it??

I have been feeling the same as the OP and reading your comment really really sounds like it might work. Atleast for me.

Thank you for the idea
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Cat Herder 08:30 AM 08-04-2011
Originally Posted by DaycareMama:
I have been feeling the same as the OP and reading your comment really really sounds like it might work. Atleast for me.

Thank you for the idea
You are very welcome. It came from my Mother so I cannot take all the credit. She helped her best friend open a HUGE center in Florida back in the early 70's.

She did an "intervention" BEFORE I opened and told me the pitfalls of having your own child in care WITH the daycare.

I became the class bully and my brother became the class target (not by me, we are 5 years apart)...

It seems to be an age old trend. We were referred to as "Center Brats".
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DaycareMama 10:20 AM 08-04-2011
It was very good advice! And seems to be very true about my DD also. Not so much a bully but to much of a little mommy if you know what I mean
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VanessaEO 10:31 AM 08-04-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
Is is possible to change your daycare to better suit your family first??

I know I never took kids my own childrens ages and it made ALL the difference. I officially opened in 1994 and still like my job.

When they were little I did only school aged kids. We had so much fun because my kids were the mascots and the big kids loved reading to them (even the ones who had difficulty reading at school).

When mine became school aged I switched to newborn-4 years and my teens LOVE reading to the littles.

It made my kids compassionate, thoughtful and helpful people to have experienced both "older siblings" and "younger siblings" during their childhood.

At least consider it??
I have never actually thought through this --- but this is exactly what is working for me right now. I have been in business for myself for 2 years now and last year I decided that I would never take kids older than my son (who just turned 6). It upset the dynamic of him being the oldest/leader/etc/etc and it just didn't work for me. (He's home schooled by the way at least for now so this may change if/when he goes to school.)

Now my DCK's are all under 3. I would take up to 4 years old, but I'm really happy with the group I have now and I'm largely unwilling to take a chance on a new family upsetting the beautiful group dynamic that I have right now.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I completely agree with this. And I have found myself here - even though I didn't set out to create my daycare like this. I have and I'm really happy with it.
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cheerfuldom 10:47 AM 08-04-2011
you might consider revamping your daycare but there is nothing wrong with saying that home daycare is not for you and looking for another job. I am currently pursuing finishing my degree and will be happy to return to work when my youngest is about 2 (by that time the olders will both be school age). There are parts about my job that I do enjoy and that I am good at but I don't want to do this forever and the major factor with me plugging away at it is that we have to have this income to make ends meet. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you would rather do something else. Even when you have a daycare arrangement that works for you, it is still hard work and not for everyone.
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Cat Herder 10:51 AM 08-04-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
you might consider revamping your daycare but there is nothing wrong with saying that home daycare is not for you and looking for another job. I am currently pursuing finishing my degree and will be happy to return to work when my youngest is about 2 (by that time the olders will both be school age). There are parts about my job that I do enjoy and that I am good at but I don't want to do this forever and the major factor with me plugging away at it is that we have to have this income to make ends meet. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you would rather do something else. Even when you have a daycare arrangement that works for you, it is still hard work and not for everyone.
This is true...but I can't imagine a job that will pay enough to cover childcare for 4 kids. Not to mention being tolerant of whenever Mom has to go get them from school sick, school closures, Holidays and inclement weather.

I just wanted to maybe save a little stress?
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cheerfuldom 11:04 AM 08-04-2011
yes, finding a job would be quite difficult in that case. Its just that with a larger family, its hard to find a select number of kids that are not your kids' ages. For instance, I have 3 girls that range from 3 months to almost 4. If I used the model that works for some of you, I could ONLY take school agers which would not work for me. I don't have the set up for school agers and if I did have it, it would be hard to keep my 3 busy and happy but away from some of the big kid activities that are not safe and appropriate for them. For me, it works best to have kids in the same age range (under 4) so I don't have to separate everything and everybody plus I would have to take quite a few school agers to make the income that I do with just a few full time young ones.
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MommyMuffin 11:24 AM 08-04-2011
I go back and forth about quitting and getting another job, at least once a month I think about it.
But I always come to the conclusion that I dont want anyone besides me to raise my kids. I would have them in dc for at least 9 hours a day. I also know that I can make more money if I want to doing dc. If I got a job in my field (nursing) the top I could make would just barely cover bills and dc for 2 kids.

I have bad days and then I wait it out n have good days. But I left my last nursing job because everyday is bad and I dont for 1 second regret leaving. So, if everyday is bad, you gotta do what makes u happier. Everyone has bad days at work...but if it makes u unhappy everyday......not good for u or ur kids
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SimpleMom 12:42 PM 08-04-2011
The first two years were the hardest for me, but after a time I kinda got the gist of it. So sorry to hear how rough it's been.
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Mom_of_two 12:55 PM 08-04-2011
I agree with lots of the posts! Nice to read this for me, too. I am enjoying my job (though will say it is stressful) but like some of the ideas mentioned.

OP I hope you find something that works for you, whether you stay in the biz or do something different!

I have had a different experience with ages, it has worked well for me to hav kids the same age as mine. My girls are 2 and 4 and my 4 year old was so glad when I got a 3 year old- they love to play together, etc.
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erinalexmom 12:57 PM 08-04-2011
Originally Posted by MommyMuffin:
If I got a job in my field (nursing) the top I could make would just barely cover bills and dc for 2 kids.

I have bad days and then I wait it out n have good days. But I left my last nursing job because everyday is bad and I dont for 1 second regret leaving. So, if everyday is bad, you gotta do what makes u happier. Everyone has bad days at work...but if it makes u unhappy everyday......not good for u or ur kids
Thats so funny how everyone is so different because I LOVE being a nurse and everyday was a happy one for me I actually really only did this cause I hated the hours/shifts of nursing (weekends holidays evenings) but loved the rest. I miss it several times a day
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pappyny 01:28 PM 08-04-2011
Originally Posted by My4SunshineGirlsNY:
I never knew how stressful running daycare could be. I have been registered for almost 2 years (but have been doing daycare on and off for years before being registered) and I'm ready to shut down.

I have 4 of my own girls and daycare is WAY too stressful for everyone here. The crying fits, the toddler battles, can't do this and that because of daycare, the messes, kids being loud waking my kids up, not knowing what my pay will be (just had a family of 2 kids leave becuase their dad isn't working right now), potential clients telling me they want the spots and not showing up after I turn others down saying spots are filled.

I just can't handle it all anymore. I sent my resume out to several places yesterday....a part of me is really sad because I know I will have to leave my own girls and that tears me up. I LOVE taking my kids to the park, swimming ect. But the stress of daycare is taking a toll on my kids and myself.

This step is HUGE for me, I have been able to be here for my kids for years and years and I'm a little scared to think about working outside of the home and not being able to do what I have been doing for them for years. I'm very sad yet the stress will be much less not being relyed on by so many.
I have 4 daughters as well and I completely understand how stressful it can be to do daycare at the same time. My husband is also in the military and the stress of that doesn't help either. When I first started, I only took one child, a girl that was the same age as my youngest daughter. I occasionaly took drop in kids, but found it was too much. When we moved this last time, I decided that I was only going to take older children and only four of them (all 4 of my girls will be in school this year). Of course, I still have stressful days, but having children that all around the same age makes doing activites so much easier. I'm not trying to help a 3yr. hold scissors while holding a crying infant in my arms. I also set my hours to fit my family's schedule. If parents need pick up times past my closing, then they aren't for me.
I guess, I'm trying to say the same thing as others have already said, make changes to your daycare that suit the needs of your family, not the other way around. I
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permanentvacation 02:19 PM 08-04-2011
If you really would rather stay home to be with your personal children, you might try to figure out how to make the daycare work for your family. What time does your personal children get up? If you have daycare kids that arrive early - before 8 am, maybe you can either have them lay down and rest til 8am or watch tv quietly til 8 am - by 8, your daycare children's day really does need to start though. So, if your personal children are okay with daycare noise as of 8, maybe you can keep the daycare kids quiet til them. Or maybe you can change your daycare hours to start at 8:30 am ( get the 9-5 parents).

You can change the age of kids you watch. Don't watch the babies and toddlers. Just watch 3 years and up. Or just watch school kids.

If you can get enough income from your daycare kids, you can hire an assistant every day so you are off work early each day. Or just have your assistant work a couple of afternoons/wk, or maybe 2 full-time days. Then you can spend the afternoons or a day or two all day with your kids!

Or you could try to just watch teacher's kids. That way when school's closed for holidays and summer, you don't have daycare kids there and can spend that time just with your personal children.

As far as losing a kid here and there - the way I look at it is at least I have the other kids still paying me and didn't lose all of my income in one day - like I would if I got fired from a regular job!

Yeah, daycare is loud, and wakes your household up, but at least you are home with your kids, can choose who your clients are, have multiple clients to pay you, can write off ALOT on taxes, can (if you get a big vehicle or assistant) go out to different places when you want, can sit outside sipping your iced tea while getting paid, don't have a boss looking over your shoulder, don't have to deal with office politics, can make all the rules of your company, can eat and go to the bathroom whenever you want, if family/friends want to visit you while they are on vacation, you can visit with them while you are working or hire your assistant for that timeframe, there's sooo many benefits to doing home daycare, if possible, you might want to try to get daycare clients that fit your family better instead of going out to work.

There are days that daycare drives me crazy, however, the benefits of being home with my own children plus the other benefits that I listed above make it definately worth doing home daycare for me.
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countrymom 02:33 PM 08-04-2011
I have 4 kids of my own from ages 7-13. I too found that schoolagers are not a good fit, I don't mind one or two but I only have them in the summer for 2 days a week. I like my littles and my kids love my littles too, I think you need to revamp the ages of the kids you care for.
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flightlessbird11 02:48 PM 08-04-2011
Originally Posted by My4SunshineGirlsNY:
I never knew how stressful running daycare could be. I have been registered for almost 2 years (but have been doing daycare on and off for years before being registered) and I'm ready to shut down.

I have 4 of my own girls and daycare is WAY too stressful for everyone here. The crying fits, the toddler battles, can't do this and that because of daycare, the messes, kids being loud waking my kids up, not knowing what my pay will be (just had a family of 2 kids leave becuase their dad isn't working right now), potential clients telling me they want the spots and not showing up after I turn others down saying spots are filled.

I just can't handle it all anymore. I sent my resume out to several places yesterday....a part of me is really sad because I know I will have to leave my own girls and that tears me up. I LOVE taking my kids to the park, swimming ect. But the stress of daycare is taking a toll on my kids and myself.

This step is HUGE for me, I have been able to be here for my kids for years and years and I'm a little scared to think about working outside of the home and not being able to do what I have been doing for them for years. I'm very sad yet the stress will be much less not being relyed on by so many.
I know how you feel as well. I go through phases of wanting sooooooooooo much to just quit, and then getting really excited about doing daycare. Right now, I'm just getting over a "I want to quit" phase and an back at it, advertising for more spots. I also have 4 children and my biggest struggle has been having time to "do it all". That includes keeping the house clean, laundry done, meals cooked, quality time with my own kids and husband, and taking time for myself. How the he%! does anyone do it???

Most of the time I feel defeated and worn before the day has even begun. Awesome huh?! I guess what I try to tell myself is that on the bright side, I do get to be with my children all day, and I couldn't trade that. I've worked outside the home also, and I don't enjoy that nearly as much as being home with my babies!

Hang in there. It is a stressful job, as I'm finding out as well. Just do what you think will truly make you happy.

Feel free to pm me if you ever need to vent or talk, or whatever! I'm in the same boat as you!
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christinaskids 10:09 PM 08-04-2011
I totally know how you feel. I agree with taking an age group of kids that might work better for you. I feel the same way myself quite often and about Picked up a habit to deal with stress some days but haven't yet! One thing that helped me was just serving lunch earlier. By eleven am all of the kids are screaming, fighting, and whining since they are tired so I changed my lunch to eleven instead of noon and it's made a huge difference! Do you have one child that instigates a lot of problems? If you can't make it work, it's ok. It's not always for everyone and that's totally understandable.
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sharlan 10:37 PM 08-04-2011
Providing home daycare is not for everyone. Working outside the home is not for everyone.

I worked for 2 1/2 years when mine were little. It was pure H**L 24/7. At work I worried about my kids, at home I worried about my job. My house was always a total mess and I spent the whole weekend doing laundry and cleaning house. I quit before I had a nervous breakdown, which I was headed towards.

27 years later, I still love my job for the most part. There are days that I wonder why I ever started this. 5 years ago, I shut down to dedicate my time to my grandkids. Now, I'm ready to branch back outside the family. I have a little boy starting in 2 1/2 weeks.

Step back and see what is causing you the most stress.

Is it your family? Explain to them that if you don't provide daycare, then they will have to go to daycare while you work outside the home.

Is it your husband? Remind him that you are able to stay home with your children. Point out what daycare would cost for 4 kids. Remind him that while he works a 40 hr job, you work 50 - 60 hours a week.

Do you have baby burn out? Then stop taking babies for awhile.

Is it the older kids? Then look for babies for awhile.

Do you just need a break? Tell your parents that you need a short mental health break.

In other words, find out what your stressor is and try to eliminate it.
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My4SunshineGirlsNY 08:38 AM 08-06-2011
I have a lot going through my head about working vs. staying with daycare.....my own girls just don't like all the extra stress and comotion and I can't say I blame them.

My youngest daughter will be 6 in Nov. so she's not a little toddler anymore, I love being here with them, but the more I think about it, I think going back to work will be less stressful on everyone here.

My oldest daughter is 14 and my next daughter will be 12, my mother is retired and lives right next door to me so I have plenty of help for my almost 8 year old and almost 6 year old so they won't have to go to daycare. I think that is making it easier to make the change because I don't want them to go to daycare and I'm in a situation where they won't have to and can be in their own home.

I honestly think my whole family will be less stressed if I shut down daycare and go back to work. I will miss my kids like crazy because I am so used to being with them, but at least I know they will be ok and not at some strangers house. And when I am not working, the time with them will be extra special because I won't have other kids to constantly redirect and we can go wherever we want to go, something we can't do now because of daycare.
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itcgnyc 09:36 AM 08-06-2011
Originally Posted by My4SunshineGirlsNY:
I never knew how stressful running daycare could be. I have been registered for almost 2 years (but have been doing daycare on and off for years before being registered) and I'm ready to shut down.

I have 4 of my own girls and daycare is WAY too stressful for everyone here. The crying fits, the toddler battles, can't do this and that because of daycare, the messes, kids being loud waking my kids up, not knowing what my pay will be (just had a family of 2 kids leave becuase their dad isn't working right now), potential clients telling me they want the spots and not showing up after I turn others down saying spots are filled.

I just can't handle it all anymore. I sent my resume out to several places yesterday....a part of me is really sad because I know I will have to leave my own girls and that tears me up. I LOVE taking my kids to the park, swimming ect. But the stress of daycare is taking a toll on my kids and myself.

This step is HUGE for me, I have been able to be here for my kids for years and years and I'm a little scared to think about working outside of the home and not being able to do what I have been doing for them for years. I'm very sad yet the stress will be much less not being relyed on by so many.
I know that daycare can be very stressful but I personally think that if you get some good training, you may feel better equipped to handle certain things in a more effective and less stressful manner. No matter what, yes, it will be stressful, but those hugs and smiles that you get everyday certainly must make you smile! I would suggest you find a great Training Organization that helps you figure out some great guidance strategies and help with developmentally appropriate activity ideas that will get your children excited about their environment which will definitely help the overall "climate" of your daycare. Don't give up!!!
Cindy O'Neill
Island Training & Consulting Group
cindy@itcgnyc.com
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cheerfuldom 12:21 PM 08-06-2011
If all my kids were school aged and grandma lived next door to help out, I would return to work too. Don't feel bad to make this decision. Your kids are in school most of the time when you are working anyway and you have already sacrificed at lot to have made in-home daycare work for so long. Having four kids that are significantly older than your daycare kids means that you are tied to the house and to the babyish activities and not able to "be there" for them in certain ways anyway. I say start looking for jobs and at least see what your options are.
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SandeeAR 02:18 PM 08-06-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
If all my kids were school aged and grandma lived next door to help out, I would return to work too. Don't feel bad to make this decision. Your kids are in school most of the time when you are working anyway and you have already sacrificed at lot to have made in-home daycare work for so long. Having four kids that are significantly older than your daycare kids means that you are tied to the house and to the babyish activities and not able to "be there" for them in certain ways anyway. I say start looking for jobs and at least see what your options are.
This, plus if you look around, you might find something that is 9-3. Depending on how much income you need. I know when I was working at a gas station for 2 years, I worked pt, 4 days a week, 9 or 10, until 3 or 4 pm. Most stations have several shifts. The college kids always need the late afternoon and evenings.
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blueclouds29 01:23 PM 08-07-2011
It feels good to know that i'm not the only one stressed out doing home daycare. Although I only watch 3 young toddlers under 2 years old and all boys. They are rough and just plain don't listen to the word 'no'. I think the worst part for me is being trapped inside for 4 weeks due to the heat. But everyday i ask myself 'why am i doing this?'. And I have to remind myself, 'cause I get to stay home with my 2 1/2 year old DD!' There's no way we could afford daycare if I went back to work. I worked at a daycare and she was there too and still had to pay for her. Totally not worth working at all!
I get to watch her grow up and I get to teach her, not someone else
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PitterPatter 01:40 PM 08-07-2011
Originally Posted by SandeeAR:
This, plus if you look around, you might find something that is 9-3. Depending on how much income you need. I know when I was working at a gas station for 2 years, I worked pt, 4 days a week, 9 or 10, until 3 or 4 pm. Most stations have several shifts. The college kids always need the late afternoon and evenings.
Now THAT is a dream shift!!! I am on the look out for that! Or Parents who work it rather!
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My4SunshineGirlsNY 05:23 AM 08-08-2011
Originally Posted by blueclouds29:
And I have to remind myself, 'cause I get to stay home with my 2 1/2 year old DD!' There's no way we could afford daycare if I went back to work. I worked at a daycare and she was there too and still had to pay for her. Totally not worth working at all!
I get to watch her grow up and I get to teach her, not someone else
That was the age my daughter was when I started daycare back up and got registered. It meant the world to be to be able to be home with her. Now that she's almost 6 and in school, working out of the home will be easier. Actively searching this week...I have a couple of bites so we shall see.
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Tags:burnt out, overwhelmed, provider - burnout risk, provider - own child, stressed
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