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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Working With Family, And What You Won't Budge On
Unregistered 07:57 AM 11-13-2014
I logged out to protect my identity. Right now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I take care of my nephew in my daycare. Lately his mother (My sister whom I love) has been getting more and more comfy with being late for pick-up. While it's only a few minutes here and there, mentioning it to her has been a chore.

She speaks to me as if she runs my daycare and is very disrespectful with regards to my time. I'm always made to feel guilty if I bring up policies and procedures to her, as if it's a crazy thing to mention to one's family member. She flat out told me that she would not be paying the late fees, because she doesn't agree with them.

My sister really is amazing and is one of my best friends, but I don't feel like the Provider when it comes to her and it's pretty stressful. Yes, it's just a few dollars here and there, but it's the principle of the matter. I feel that if she showed more respect for me as the Provider I'd be more lenient with things.

How would you handle this? Also, what are some things you will NOT/will budge on when it comes to clients that are family?

Thank you.
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craftymissbeth 08:05 AM 11-13-2014
My sister is one of my clients and I've had my issues with her, as well. My biggest issue at the moment is my sister not transferring her state pay two days before Friday. It's been taking two business days for it to hit my bank account and it's in my contract that if they pay with DCF or credit/debit that it must actually be IN my bank account by Friday at 5:00 pm. She continues to say "well my last provider said it was ok as long as I gave her the confirmation number by Friday". With my sister, I'm just starting to charge her a the $25 late fee since I have to wait until Monday morning to have access to the money.

In your case, I'd term. Straight out saying "I'm going to be late all I want, but I'm not going to pay your late fees because I don't agree with them" is ridiculous and sooo disrespectful.

I've started looking at it this way.. if I am questioning something my sister has done or said then I imagine what I'd do if it were any of my other clients. Whatever I'd do with them, I do with her.
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Annalee 08:20 AM 11-13-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I logged out to protect my identity. Right now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I take care of my nephew in my daycare. Lately his mother (My sister whom I love) has been getting more and more comfy with being late for pick-up. While it's only a few minutes here and there, mentioning it to her has been a chore.

She speaks to me as if she runs my daycare and is very disrespectful with regards to my time. I'm always made to feel guilty if I bring up policies and procedures to her, as if it's a crazy thing to mention to one's family member. She flat out told me that she would not be paying the late fees, because she doesn't agree with them.

My sister really is amazing and is one of my best friends, but I don't feel like the Provider when it comes to her and it's pretty stressful. Yes, it's just a few dollars here and there, but it's the principle of the matter. I feel that if she showed more respect for me as the Provider I'd be more lenient with things.

How would you handle this? Also, what are some things you will NOT/will budge on when it comes to clients that are family?

Thank you.
Pay and hours open...they get 9 1/2 like everyone else and pay on time 52 weeks a year....I don't have family right now but have in the past....some follow the rules, but had to terminate a child of my cousin's.....just was not a good fit!!!!!
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Crazy8 08:23 AM 11-13-2014
I NEVER took on family or even too close of friends for these reasons.
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Blackcat31 08:24 AM 11-13-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I logged out to protect my identity. Right now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I take care of my nephew in my daycare. Lately his mother (My sister whom I love) has been getting more and more comfy with being late for pick-up. While it's only a few minutes here and there, mentioning it to her has been a chore.

She speaks to me as if she runs my daycare and is very disrespectful with regards to my time. I'm always made to feel guilty if I bring up policies and procedures to her, as if it's a crazy thing to mention to one's family member. She flat out told me that she would not be paying the late fees, because she doesn't agree with them.

My sister really is amazing and is one of my best friends, but I don't feel like the Provider when it comes to her and it's pretty stressful. Yes, it's just a few dollars here and there, but it's the principle of the matter. I feel that if she showed more respect for me as the Provider I'd be more lenient with things.

How would you handle this? Also, what are some things you will NOT/will budge on when it comes to clients that are family?

Thank you.
I'm sorry but it sounds like you may love and respect your sister but she certainly isn't respecting you.

We teach people how to treat us and right now you are allowing your sister to treat you badly. Because we (general we) feel badly about saying anything to our relatives about business and personal being separate, most providers advise to never work with family and/or friends.

If you want to continue doing business with your sister, then you need to treat her like every other client you have and enforce YOUR rules/policies.

If she refuses, then you have 2 choices. Term her as a client and keep the sister/sister relationship in tact or keep her as a client and continue allowing her to treat you badly.

Your sister is suppose to look out for your best interests not take advantage of you and that is exactly what she is doing. Only YOU can decide if making waves is worth standing up for yourself.

I provided care for my sisters children but my sister understood that this is my income and she was MORE than willing to pay me and follow ALL my policies because unlike other clients she was guaranteed that I loved her kids like my own because they were/are my own family.

HTH
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KIDZRMYBIZ 08:47 AM 11-13-2014
Maybe this is too extreme, but I think it could work.

Call her early one morning, and tell her you just aren't feeling so good, and not really up to a full house. I'd say, "Since you're my sis and all and our arrangement is so casual, I'm telling you to keep my nephew home today so I can take it a little easier." I'd pull that stunt and others like it that cause her an inconvenience quite a few times, always emphasizing how casual our arrangement is so I feel like it's okay to do so, until she asks for it to be taken more seriously.

I would be too chicken myself to outright address it. Any of my family members would be so hurt to find out that their kid is just another one I have to watch all day, related or not, and I want them gone when I close.
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Unregistered 08:49 AM 11-13-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I'm sorry but it sounds like you may love and respect your sister but she certainly isn't respecting you.

We teach people how to treat us and right now you are allowing your sister to treat you badly. Because we (general we) feel badly about saying anything to our relatives about business and personal being separate, most providers advise to never work with family and/or friends.

If you want to continue doing business with your sister, then you need to treat her like every other client you have and enforce YOUR rules/policies.

If she refuses, then you have 2 choices. Term her as a client and keep the sister/sister relationship in tact or keep her as a client and continue allowing her to treat you badly.

Your sister is suppose to look out for your best interests not take advantage of you and that is exactly what she is doing. Only YOU can decide if making waves is worth standing up for yourself.

I provided care for my sisters children but my sister understood that this is my income and she was MORE than willing to pay me and follow ALL my policies because unlike other clients she was guaranteed that I loved her kids like my own because they were/are my own family.

HTH
I needed to hear this. I was going to enforce my policies with her when sending a reminder about payment, and I needed this little shove to show me that my instincts were in fact correct.

Thank you all for your responses, because I really needed it. This is why I continue to come to this forum.
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Unregistered 08:51 AM 11-13-2014
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
Maybe this is too extreme, but I think it could work.

Call her early one morning, and tell her you just aren't feeling so good, and not really up to a full house. I'd say, "Since you're my sis and all and our arrangement is so casual, I'm telling you to keep my nephew home today so I can take it a little easier." I'd pull that stunt and others like it that cause her an inconvenience quite a few times, always emphasizing how casual our arrangement is so I feel like it's okay to do so, until she asks for it to be taken more seriously.

I would be too chicken myself to outright address it. Any of my family members would be so hurt to find out that their kid is just another one I have to watch all day, related or not, and I want them gone when I close.
LOL That is pretty amazing.
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Kimskiddos 08:56 AM 11-13-2014
That is sad that she is treating you this way.

You really have 3 choices.
1 Enforce your policies, always
2 Term the contract
3 Keep on letting her take advantage.

I'd try the 1st option and if that didn't work then I'd have to go for option 2.

I did keep my niece for 2 years but I made it clear at the beginning that this was business and I never had a problem with disrespect. She was a model dcm!

Or the 4th option:
Call her early one morning, and tell her you just aren't feeling so good, and not really up to a full house. I'd say, "Since you're my sis and all and our arrangement is so casual, I'm telling you to keep my nephew home today so I can take it a little easier." I'd pull that stunt and others like it that cause her an inconvenience quite a few times, always emphasizing how casual our arrangement is so I feel like it's okay to do so, until she asks for it to be taken more seriously.
Hilarious!
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Indoorvoice 09:53 AM 11-13-2014
I plan on taking my nephew after he is born. Granted, this is my brother-in-law and sister-in-law's child, so not blood related, but we are very close. I would not accept that behavior from them. In exchange for following all of policies, they get the benefit of having someone they know and trust to love on their son every day. I think it's fair!
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Unregistered 10:56 AM 11-13-2014
Well, I plan on sending her a payment reminder early this evening, God willing. Can any of you help me with what I should say?

I don't want to let it out wrong, and you all are good with these types of things.
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hsdcmama 01:19 PM 11-13-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I'm sorry but it sounds like you may love and respect your sister but she certainly isn't respecting you.

We teach people how to treat us and right now you are allowing your sister to treat you badly. Because we (general we) feel badly about saying anything to our relatives about business and personal being separate, most providers advise to never work with family and/or friends.

If you want to continue doing business with your sister, then you need to treat her like every other client you have and enforce YOUR rules/policies.

If she refuses, then you have 2 choices. Term her as a client and keep the sister/sister relationship in tact or keep her as a client and continue allowing her to treat you badly.

Your sister is suppose to look out for your best interests not take advantage of you and that is exactly what she is doing. Only YOU can decide if making waves is worth standing up for yourself.

I provided care for my sisters children but my sister understood that this is my income and she was MORE than willing to pay me and follow ALL my policies because unlike other clients she was guaranteed that I loved her kids like my own because they were/are my own family.

HTH
I agree with all of this. I had a falling-out with my next-door neighbors when they didn't like my policies, and our relationship has never been the same since. I have always said that if I care for friends'/neighbors'/family's kids, they will be treated EXACTLY the same as the rest of my clients. They are CLIENTS -- not family -- when it comes to how I run my business. That being said, it can be difficult to mix business with pleasure. I have a family that I get along GREAT with; I think the mom & I could be best friends if not for the parent/provider relationship. But I won't allow myself to get too close -- I am friendly & cordial, but I keep a professional distance, just to make sure the lines between business & friendship don't get blurred. It works out best for the both of us that way. Good luck!
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Unregistered 06:51 AM 11-14-2014
Well, I plan on sending her a payment reminder early this evening, God willing. Can any of you help me with what I should say? I want to mention the late-fee policy that says the child cannot be brought in until all fees are paid.

I don't want to let it out wrong, and you all are good with these types of things.
Reply
Wednesday! 07:20 AM 11-14-2014
Take it from someone who had this same experience with her own sister, IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE. I will never, ever, ever take another niece/nephew. My sister was, by far, the very worst client I have ever had. The family relationship makes them feel entitled to special, which means you will get the bottom of the barrel as far as respect.
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Unregistered 09:11 AM 11-14-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
Take it from someone who had this same experience with her own sister, IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE. I will never, ever, ever take another niece/nephew. My sister was, by far, the very worst client I have ever had. The family relationship makes them feel entitled to special, which means you will get the bottom of the barrel as far as respect.
I was hoping you would respond in this thread, because I remembered you going through similar things. *sigh* It's sad. You would think it'd be the opposite.
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Unregistered 06:09 PM 11-14-2014
Great news!

Wrote her a letter about payment and late fees, and everything went smoothly. No tension, and she even came in in a great mood.

Thank you to everyone who gave advice. Enforcing my policies with her is definitely the way to go.
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Tags:family - friends, working with family, working with friends
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