So the deal for snack time is they were having a banana and milk. If they finished their banana then they could have a Pop-Tart. So, dcb has about 3 bites of banana left when dcm comes in. He goes to the counter and tries to grab his Pop-Tart to take it with. I told him no and he ran to his mom crying. I told her and him that he had to finish his banana first because that's the deal and if I let him have his Pop-Tart sooner then nobody will want to finish their banana either. I told him if he doesn't finish his banana he can have his Pop-Tart tomorrow. Dcm looks at the remainder of his banana and says snottily "that's all he has left?" So (horribly annoying) dcm stands there wheeling and dealing with him, trying to get him to finish his banana, he is bawling and snoting and refusing.

Finally after about a 5 minute stand-still and dcm moaning and groaning about having to get to a doctor apointment I just handed her the Pop-Tart and said that he could have it after he finishes his banana in the car.

Okay - you and I both KNOW he didn't finish his banana. I am sure she handed him the Pop-Tart before they even got out of the door.

I don't know why I am so mad about this but this kid is so manipulative and I just wanted to make a point to him ONE stinking time! This is the same kid who gets snack on the way here after preschool and will never eat lunch. His mom just won't say no.

Dcm will be here the next 2 days. How would you handle this with him?

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How old is this kiddo?

I'd have stood firm with mom. Tough beans if she's unwilling to see the logic in your reason, it's your house, which means your rules.

Additionally I'd inform kiddo upon returning tomorrow that I would not be buying any more _____ because they make kiddo cry. And treats that makes kiddos throw tantrums like that aren't going to be offered from that moment on.

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He's 4 1/2. Yes, I am doubting I will EVER give him another Pop-Tart again!

The reality is I gave her the treat as a means to an end - I just wanted them gone!

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I don't do junk food, so I don't have to bribe kids to eat healthy food in order to get their treat - I think this is just asking for drama.
If I ended up in this same situation, however, I would have said "Sorry Johnyy, you didn't eat your banana, you're not getting your pop-tart. We'll see you guys tomorrow." And I'd have ushered them out the door. I don't put up with whiney kids, and I most definitely don't put up with parents who allow this kind of behavior from their own kids.

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ALL of THIS!

I personally don't do junk food ever, unless a child brings in a birthday treat.

Second, my house, my daycare and my rules. I am not going to buckle because a mom would. That's what makes me different from some moms. I believe this is part of the problem of society is that kiddos whine, mom wants it to stop, so then gives them what they want. Although it's a short term solution, in the long run it affects a lot of people.

Kids need to be told no sometimes, but then it needs to be followed through.

I would have also restated it and told them good-bye, see you tomorrow.

Uh uh, no way do I let the parents undermine my authority in front of the kiddos.

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At this point, if it were me, I would just let it go. You stood your ground, giving mom the banana with a request to give to him after he ate the rest of his banana. If she made the decision to give the PopTart to him before he finished it, there isn't much you can do about it. (You could talk to her about the fact that she's reinforcing his manipulative behavior but I doubt she'll hear you or change what she's doing.)

I understand why you did what you did but in the future, I would place all food you're planning to give the kids on their plates at once and I would just let the kids eat. No "bribes", no bargaining, no battles over food.

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This--- but even if it was not a pop tart and some other food that the child wanted over the banana, I would not have asked the parent to do something that I had implied at daycare to be carried out after daycare. The struggle would have ended with me. I don't want them bringing struggles to me, too carry out that happen on their time. I won't do that either. Punishments need to happen on your time with you for whatever went on when you and the child were together, and vise versa.

I put the food choices out on one plate and then the child decides what he or she wants to eat. The rest goes into the trash. I avoid struggles this way and I also find out what the child's true preferences are. If I know a child doesn't like something I put small amounts on the plate to try. Taste changes, and what a child doesn't like one day they often like another or are willing to try again if no pressure is forced. Bananas can be filling, this child might have been full of banana and wanted to save room for the treat- another reason to put everything out on the plate. Anywhoooooo

If rare occasion I serve a treat, it is a treat. It is given out and if they eat it great, if they don't that is ok too. I don't do treats often and usually a treat would be a healthy treat. Kids get tons of treat items from parents- Many parents consider treats the normal foods served for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I wouldn't allow the parent to stand there and undermine me either.

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This is exactly how I feel about it!

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I have one who always asks to do things he knows are off limits when his mom gets there. He totally runs the show at home.

The other day, he started and I said (with a smile) "Oh, dcb, you always ask me to do things you know I'm going to say no to when Moms here! Silly!"

Mom just said "Oh!" and hustled him out the door.

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I would have followed through regardless of dcm standing there...."See you tomorrow....bye!" With a HUGE smile on my face.

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I asked dcb if he finished his banana and low and behold he said he did! I am shocked!

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About the only time my kids get pop tarts is to keep them happy in the shopping cart! And i personally dont consider them junk food, just a messy snack.

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Oh they're junk all right. They have absolutely zero nutritional value and are the equivalant of a candy bar... full of sugar, sodium and empty calories!

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Dave-What's NOT junk about them? Ooh real fruit filling? LOL I think not!

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They are credible on the food program. Just sayin'

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That's great!


This had nothing to do with what the foods were you were offering, it was entirely about the principal. I am so glad to hear it worked out in the end

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I love them

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I just tell the child that even when mom is here that they still need to behave as well as they do with mom gone.

I also let the parents know that should their presence continue to disrupt the day home space, they will be required to immediately take their child and leave regardless of what is going on.

I have also been known to take the child to another area with me and sit and wait until they are ready to come out with me and speak without whining or tantrum. I share with them the expectation before going back into the main area and if they start again I just remove them again with me.

The children in my day home do not start acting up with their parents until they are out my front door.

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1. Dont offer 2 snacks...thats basically what youre doing. Cheese and crackers or carrots and celery are one thing

2. Make sure snack time is over prior to parents arriving.

3. If necessary and you really think the fight was over the poptart, stop offering them for awhile. Stick to cheese and crackers, graham crackers and nutella, apple slices and peanut butter, etc.

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I grew up on them, just saying

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