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Parents and Guardians Forum>Is it Healthy for Children to Attend 2 Different Daycare?
Unregistered 08:48 AM 10-23-2009
My live in boyfirend has custody of his 2 kids (age 2 and 3) every other week. Him and his ex live about 1 hour and 15 mins away from eachother. Is it healthy for the kids to go to 1 daycare when he has them and another when she has them? The 3 year old starts Pre K next year and a resolve will have to be made for that more permenant issue but prior to that is there anything wrong with that? Also when the kids are with us they have more structure and discipline and generaly more attention is given to them. Yet they go to the granmothers house and the mother gets visitation at her lesuire and they have no rules and no bed time and not much attention is payed. Isnt that worse then the daycare situation? I can not find anything regarding this on the internet. HELP
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cuddlebuggz 09:59 AM 10-23-2009
I have a few kiddos that attend a state HACAP preschool 2 hours each day M-F. I take them there and pick them up everyday. It really hasnt caused any problems, however I think its a case by case basis..all children adjust differently.
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jen 11:35 AM 10-23-2009
I had a family who came to my house 3 days a week and to a relatives 2 days a week. There weren't any problems. As for the other stuff, as long as they aren't being neglected or abused, there really isn't much you can do about it.

I would do your very best to not create drama where there is nothing that can be resolved. It is just makes matters worse for the kids...and trust me, I know how you are feeling.

My kids tell me that going to Dad's is like vacation, they don't even have to brush their teeth. Do I hate it? Yes! Is there anything I can do about it? Not really.
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Chickenhauler 12:41 PM 10-25-2009
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My live in boyfirend has custody of his 2 kids (age 2 and 3) every other week. Him and his ex live about 1 hour and 15 mins away from eachother. Is it healthy for the kids to go to 1 daycare when he has them and another when she has them? The 3 year old starts Pre K next year and a resolve will have to be made for that more permenant issue but prior to that is there anything wrong with that? Also when the kids are with us they have more structure and discipline and generaly more attention is given to them. Yet they go to the granmothers house and the mother gets visitation at her lesuire and they have no rules and no bed time and not much attention is payed. Isnt that worse then the daycare situation? I can not find anything regarding this on the internet. HELP
IMHO, the two different daycare's are the least of these children's problems.

The lack of consistency in their home lives will have a much greater effect on them than two different daycares.

My wife has one child in her care who goes to "Disneyland Dad's" house every other weekend, and when he returns, he's a wild man. No rules, no bed time, no consequences, no nothing over there.

This will only get worse as the kids get older, as one parent will always try to out-do the other, in a futile attempt to be the "favorite parent", which usually backfires in their face in the end.
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ConcernedMotherof2 12:20 PM 10-26-2009
Splitting custody is difficult for kids in any circumstance. The most important thing (mentioned several times here) is *stability.* There is going to be differences in their home lives, but having the stability of one daycare would definitely be a lot healthier for them.

You can't do anything about what goes on in the other parent's home, it's just something you're going to have to deal with (there are suggestions I could make, being a divorced mother... but this isn't the forum for that). One thing you can control is where the kids go to dc.
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Unregistered 02:39 PM 03-19-2010
Ugh. You just brought back memories for me. A 2-year old boy started with me under these circumstances. It was hell for him. He NEVER adjusted while he was on this schedule. He didn't ever eat the food, get used to the rules or schedules. But more importantly, he NEVER developed the normal friendships I see between age-mates. He was always the outsider, not invited to play, not invited to parties, the list was endless. I think he suffered greatly emotionally through this, eventhough I made extra efforts to help these relationships along. Nothing. Then mom moved closer, and he came here full-time like the other children here. Whaa-laa! Everything changed. But the damage was done in my mind. My heart ached for him.

About the same time I got a call from another parent asking for a similar situation. I can't believe a judge would allow this for young children.
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momofsix 08:11 PM 03-19-2010
I had a little boy for one year who was in my daycare two days a week, another one three days--he did just fine, his other daycare was a professional too--not the sit in front of the tv kind, so between the two of us he got generally the same type of care. His mom kept a notebook in his bag and each of us filled it out like a journal of his day, which was helpful for mom and both of us as well.
As others have said, the other issues are going to affect them much more. Poor things, I hope they soon get some stability.
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Tags:attention, daycare, multiple, two daycare
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