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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Parents Don't Want Child To Nap
lovemy3littles 09:34 AM 08-31-2017
I had a mother approach me this morning, requesting that I no longer nap her 3 year old child. She explains that it causes her to be up until 9 pm at night. I said that I would not accommodate that. I explained that her child doesn't have to sleep, but rather has to to stay quietly on their nap and not disrupt others in the room. Mom seemed irritated that I wouldn't NOT nap her child. She sarcastically and with attitude commented that they would just not nap her on the weekends then. I said that it was policy that all kids need nap/rest time. They are required to sleep, but do need to rest their bodies.

Has anyone encountered this issue and how did you proceed/ say to the parent in response? Her child just turned 3 and obviously needs a nap daily.

Thank you!
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Blackcat31 10:03 AM 08-31-2017
Your business = your rules
Her child = her choice

I'd let her know that your program is obviously no longer able to meet her needs so she needs to submit writtten notice of withdrawal according to you handbook/policies.

As a business owner I get to decide what services I offer
As a parent their only option is to decide if those policies work for them or not.

Don't change your routine for her.
She doesn't go to McDonalds and try to negotiate them selling her a Whopper
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Kia 10:05 AM 08-31-2017
I just had the same request given to me. The child is also 3. I explained to mom that since she just started preschool, she will most likely fall asleep during rest time but I would do my best to wake her before she's napped too long. I was letting her watch tv while the others napped in another room but she was falling asleep too late so I let her watch one show and then change the channel to something she's not interested in. After 45 min-an hour, I wake her up and turn her shows back on. I can not keep her up and active at this time since she will keep my little ones up who's parents want them to nap. They said that she was going to bed at 7:30-8 while on vacation and wasn't getting a nap so they wanted the same thing going on at home. I explained that during vacation, all kids crash early because of all the daily activities. Much different from day to day routine. I also have the same policy in my handbook.
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Pandaluver21 10:07 AM 08-31-2017
I am a firm believer in nap. I have never had it make bedtime harder, often a proper nap makes bedtime easier.

Nap is a part of our program. Parents not wanting their child to nap may pick up by 12:45pm. If they are unable we are not a good fit for their family, as we have everyone (even our kindergartners) take a nap every day.
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laundrymom 10:59 AM 08-31-2017
"I realize how frustrating it is when children's needs change. I suggest waking her a couple hours earlier in the morning to compensate for the hours you want her to sleep at night. It's too difficult for children to play actively all day without a rest so I'm sure you understand why I can't accommodate your request. Also, an added benefit to waking her is the extra Sally and mommy time you'll get to have. "
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Ariana 11:03 AM 08-31-2017
I pretty much deal with this every year at some point. I always let the parents know that the rest period is part of a healthy body, same as good food. The child has a choice to fall asleep or not and if the child falls asleep they need that nap. I don't mind limiting a childs nap to 1 hour over the age of 4 if the child is having issues going to bed but to be honest I have never had naps interfere with night time sleep.

you have no clue what is happening at home before bed. I had one mom ask me to stop napping her 3 year old for this reason and I once saw her at the park at 8pm. Not exactly a good way to wind down before bed time.

Naps, in my opinion, only interfere with night time sleep when the parent is trying to put the child down too early. So if the napmis making them stay up I also tell parents to move bedtime up an hour after the age of 3-4 if they are napping.
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SquirrellyMama 11:19 AM 08-31-2017
I had a friend who had a dc family ask for no naps so they could do an earlier bedtime.

She complied, and the parents went to an earlier bed time. It wasn't even a week before the little girl started getting up earlier than the parents due to the earlier bed time. One morning she got into the cupboard and got into either gummy vites or kid's medicine.

Luckily, she was fine, but naps started up again along with the later bedtime.

Kelly
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hwichlaz 11:20 AM 08-31-2017
Hmmm, I wonder if you explained that nap is your break time and offered to let the child to skip nap for 2 1/2 hours of overtime pay since you won't be able to get that break....
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Ariana 11:20 AM 08-31-2017
Originally Posted by SquirrellyMama:
I had a friend who had a dc family ask for no naps so they could do an earlier bedtime.

She complied, and the parents went to an earlier bed time. It wasn't even a week before the little girl started getting up earlier than the parents due to the earlier bed time. One morning she got into the cupboard and got into either gummy vites or kid's medicine.

Luckily, she was fine, but naps started up again along with the later bedtime.

Kelly
Yes this is a common tactic with parents who want to spend as little time as possible with their kids!
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Rockgirl 11:28 AM 08-31-2017
Rest time is a state requirement here in Texas, for all children not yet in school. Our licensing reps have even told us to blame it on them when explaining it to parents!
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Ariana 11:31 AM 08-31-2017
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
Rest time is a state requirement here in Texas, for all children not yet in school. Our licensing reps have even told us to blame it on them when explaining it to parents!
Yes! It is mandated here too so I always add that as well.
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ColorfulSunburst 12:15 PM 08-31-2017
your kid doesn't want to sleep at 7:30pm? Ok, Let your kid go to sleep 8:30pm. It gives you extra time to be together with your own child.
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Kia 12:29 PM 08-31-2017
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
Hmmm, I wonder if you explained that nap is your break time and offered to let the child to skip nap for 2 1/2 hours of overtime pay since you won't be able to get that break....
Yes! This time is the only way for me to recharge and properly be your Mary Poppins all day!!
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CityGarden 02:34 PM 08-31-2017
I did / do have a family that often tries to subtly hint that their ds may no longer need a nap, both dcm and dcd have done so in a passive aggressive manner.

DCM/DCD
"We are struggling still with dcb getting up early in the mornings, maybe he is ready to drop his naps"

ME
"DCB seems to really needs his naps here and is always the first one asleep. That said, there are some children in our program who do not nap here and they are picked up just after lunch before naptime, LMK if you need to change schedules."

DCM/DCD
SILENCE


LOL LOL LOL
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Ariana 02:40 PM 08-31-2017
^^ meanwhile the classic sign of not getting enough sleep is getting up too early!

My kids are in bed 7:30 (4yr old) and 8:30 (8yr old) every night. They both wake up at 7am. Meanwhile my neighbours kids who are the same ages go to bed 9:30-10pm and wake at 5am. They also fall asleep everywhere all the time. We went over for dinner a few weeks ago and when we got there the 4 year old was asleep. Poor guy had to grab a nap wherever her could.
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Lil_Diddle 08:46 PM 08-31-2017
I've had same request and it is one I will not budge from. I will not deny kids a rest period and if they fall asleep I will not wake them earlier than the scheduled wake up time. If child wakes up or does not fall asleep I'm happy to find them a quiet activity. But if they fall asleep, obviously they need their rest. I also need quiet time as I explain to parents. I'm with their children 10 hours a day and have my own toddler for a full day. I always use the first hour to myself no matter what needs done to refresh myself. I eat lunch and just relax. The second hour is when I plan and prep all these fun activities that parents enjoy having sent home. I made it a promise to myself that I will no longer use any of my personal time again wether it be lunch break, after closing or weekends. So it is very important that they nap.

The recent parent that mentioned to me again. I finally quit being subtle and reminded her we talked about it at the interview, you signed and agreed to the terms of my handbook and when you asked me a second time after enrollment I reminded her of my policy. So the third time she asked I was blunt. I think she got the point but if she brings it up again I think I'm just going to let her know that obviously this isn't working and that we should consider this her two week notice
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CityGarden 11:07 PM 08-31-2017
Originally Posted by Ariana:
^^ meanwhile the classic sign of not getting enough sleep is getting up too early!

My kids are in bed 7:30 (4yr old) and 8:30 (8yr old) every night. They both wake up at 7am. Meanwhile my neighbours kids who are the same ages go to bed 9:30-10pm and wake at 5am. They also fall asleep everywhere all the time. We went over for dinner a few weeks ago and when we got there the 4 year old was asleep. Poor guy had to grab a nap wherever her could.
With my own dd I notice if she has the right amount of sleep, then sleep comes easy to her, if not it is a beast. She is 10 (almost 11) and has an 8:00pm bedtime (it would be 8:30pm but she takes a bit of time to settle).
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HappyEverAfter 08:20 PM 09-01-2017
I make naps mandatory for all kids. Under age one they simply follow whatever feeding/sleeping schedule they use at home. For over the age of one, there is an optional morning nap of 30 min to an hour and a mandatory afternoon nap of 2 hours. The optional part of the morning nap is that it is always MY option to put a child down to nap or not. This is not a parental option. I gage how the child is acting and if I see signs of being sleepy (yawning, eye rubber no, general fussiness) prior to 10am then they go down at 10am for at least 30 minutes. I do wake them at an hour so that it doesn't throw off the afternoon nap. Only once ever have I put a child down who didn't sleep at all so I got her back up at the 30 min mark. In the afternoon they go down at 2pm and stay there until 4pm. If they are still sleeping at 4pm then I leave them sleeping.
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Unregistered 03:47 PM 02-25-2020
I think the messages on this forum are absolutely terrible. Naps should not be mandatory. And if a parent doesn’t want their kids napping, then they shouldn’t nap. How judgmental to think any one of you know better than the parents or expect a parent to change the time their kid goes to bed. A childcare worker is supposed to care for a child and the family...by imposing what works better for you and not the child and family is very wrong.
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Cat Herder 03:51 PM 02-25-2020
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think the messages on this forum are absolutely terrible. Naps should not be mandatory. And if a parent doesn’t want their kids napping, then they shouldn’t nap. How judgmental to think any one of you know better than the parents or expect a parent to change the time their kid goes to bed. A childcare worker is supposed to care for a child and the family...by imposing what works better for you and not the child and family is very wrong.
Naptime is state-regulated.
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Hunni Bee 05:56 PM 02-25-2020
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think the messages on this forum are absolutely terrible. Naps should not be mandatory. And if a parent doesn’t want their kids napping, then they shouldn’t nap. How judgmental to think any one of you know better than the parents or expect a parent to change the time their kid goes to bed. A childcare worker is supposed to care for a child and the family...by imposing what works better for you and not the child and family is very wrong.
Number one, as PP said, we are required by licensing to offer a child rest, and at least in my state, not wake them before the end of the specified nap period. Doing so is considered withholding sleep. Plus "rest" doesn't equal "sleep". A child will only fall asleep if they need to.

Two, most of these ladies aren't "childcare workers". They are business owners, and therefore do not work for parents. They provide a service and parents choose to either buy that service as-is or not.

Three, allowing parents to dictate every part of your business does not work. You have one parent who doesn't want their child to nap and you accommodate that. Do you also accommodate the parent who wants their child to be served 7 small meals a day? Or the one who sends their child school with an iPad so they can watch YouTube like at home?
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ColorfulLearning 03:24 AM 02-26-2020
its in my handbook that all children rest at nap time. so if she outgrows nap she outgrows my daycare. that's my break time so I wouldn't care what the parent wanted, everyone goes down for nap.
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CeriBear 06:14 AM 02-26-2020
We are required by licensing to have a nap/rest time for an all day program. I don’t ever force a child to sleep but they are required to lie quietly on their cots and rest. If a child is falling asleep they obviously still need a nap. My kids are 3.5 to 4 and all but a couple of them still do take at least a short nap. I once had mom ask me to let her 4yo skip naps everyday so that I could work one on one with her on her numbers, alphabet, and phonics. Nope. If you want that hire a full time nanny.
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Snowmom 11:03 AM 02-26-2020
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think the messages on this forum are absolutely terrible. Naps should not be mandatory. And if a parent doesn’t want their kids napping, then they shouldn’t nap. How judgmental to think any one of you know better than the parents or expect a parent to change the time their kid goes to bed. A childcare worker is supposed to care for a child and the family...by imposing what works better for you and not the child and family is very wrong.
I mean yes, how judgmental of me to think that a parent would do what's best for the entire group of children I care for and not just them.
How dare I suggest that naps are required in group care.
What an awful provider to look out for the well being of everyone in my care.


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Meeko 09:20 AM 03-01-2020
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think the messages on this forum are absolutely terrible. Naps should not be mandatory. And if a parent doesn’t want their kids napping, then they shouldn’t nap. How judgmental to think any one of you know better than the parents or expect a parent to change the time their kid goes to bed. A childcare worker is supposed to care for a child and the family...by imposing what works better for you and not the child and family is very wrong.
We don't work for the parents. We are self-employed and we do what works best for our GROUP of children. We also follow state regulations, which include nap time.

Any parent who expects their personal wants/schedule to be adhered to, need to hire a nanny.

You seem to think that parents employ their daycare provider. They don't.
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Blackcat31 09:45 AM 03-02-2020
If the parent doesn't want their child to nap, then get a nanny.

Don't expect a GROUP care provider to do what ONE parent wants.

Being an ADULT means understanding not everyone gets a trophy.

If you want individualized care, pay an individual fee to one person and you CAN be in charge. If you are paying for a spot within a group, then you are part of that group. It's similar to being a team player.

See how that works?
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Ms.Kay 10:11 AM 03-02-2020
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think the messages on this forum are absolutely terrible. Naps should not be mandatory. And if a parent doesn’t want their kids napping, then they shouldn’t nap. How judgmental to think any one of you know better than the parents or expect a parent to change the time their kid goes to bed. A childcare worker is supposed to care for a child and the family...by imposing what works better for you and not the child and family is very wrong.
Unfortunately...WE providers spend more time with these kids...and sometimes know them better than the parents.....we also know most parents want to make parenting as easy as possible...pick.them up from daycare...feed them...and put them to bed....bribe them...and negotiate....so parents can have "me time".
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Rockgirl 04:12 PM 03-02-2020
Funny how so many non-providers are experts on running a daycare! I think I’ll go find a few message boards pertaining to other professions and inform the posters what they’re doing wrong at their jobs. I’ll also tell them how they SHOULD be doing things.
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daycarediva 10:58 AM 03-03-2020
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think the messages on this forum are absolutely terrible. Naps should not be mandatory. And if a parent doesn’t want their kids napping, then they shouldn’t nap. How judgmental to think any one of you know better than the parents or expect a parent to change the time their kid goes to bed. A childcare worker is supposed to care for a child and the family...by imposing what works better for you and not the child and family is very wrong.
What's terrible? OP said child obviously NEEDS a nap. She could be cited by licensing for withholding basic needs.

It's state mandated here. All children not enrolled in FT school/K or higher are required to have a rest period. They do not HAVE to sleep. If they do, they need it. If not, they don't and are given quiet activities.

Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
Number one, as PP said, we are required by licensing to offer a child rest, and at least in my state, not wake them before the end of the specified nap period. Doing so is considered withholding sleep. Plus "rest" doesn't equal "sleep". A child will only fall asleep if they need to.

Two, most of these ladies aren't "childcare workers". They are business owners, and therefore do not work for parents. They provide a service and parents choose to either buy that service as-is or not.

Three, allowing parents to dictate every part of your business does not work. You have one parent who doesn't want their child to nap and you accommodate that. Do you also accommodate the parent who wants their child to be served 7 small meals a day? Or the one who sends their child school with an iPad so they can watch YouTube like at home?
I've actually gotten a few 'extra special' requests. Cut food up certain ways (not for an infant, for 4 year old's preference), youtube video for pottying, candy for 'cleaning plate at meals'. Nope. Sorrrrry.
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Unregistered 05:08 AM 01-15-2021
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think the messages on this forum are absolutely terrible. Naps should not be mandatory. And if a parent doesn’t want their kids napping, then they shouldn’t nap. How judgmental to think any one of you know better than the parents or expect a parent to change the time their kid goes to bed. A childcare worker is supposed to care for a child and the family...by imposing what works better for you and not the child and family is very wrong.
We are early childhood professionals and have knowledge in children's development as well as their needs. Our licensing inspector was informed when a parent requested that their child doesn't nap and she sent us a reply to share with the parents. There is obviously an issue when a parent doesn't understand that we are supporting a child's need by allowing them to have a rest/ nap period. If a child should fall asleep in that time, we are not permitted to wake them up.
In most cases, it is a parents need not a child's. The parent(s) don't want their child to nap. I had a father who would send their 2.5 year old in and remind her not to fall asleep during nap time. How sad? You may think its judgemental but I think what parents are doing to their children by reminding them not to fall sleep and then letting their frustrations out on a child is actually much more determental to their mental and overall health!
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flying_babyb 06:23 PM 01-16-2021
I had a parent who said "no nap", We compromised on 2 hours. She tells me often that she goes to bed at 10 and he is "up all night". This is the parent that often brings her child in sleeping and says "oh let him sleep awile"
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Tags:2017, parent - its a verb, parents - don't cooperate, sleep - issues
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