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Parents and Guardians Forum>This Forum Turns Me Off Of Daycare...
Unregistered 07:53 AM 09-02-2011
I've been lurking at this forum for over a year now and it really turned me off of daycare. I understand most of the providers vent or ask for advice here, but the overwhelming idea seems to be that working parents dont care about their kids and offload them to daycare at any time possible for as long as possible and that if you want your child to be treated as an individual (rather than a baby robot) you should be a stay at home mom or hire a nanny.

I am a loving caring mom to a 14 month old who has to work full time. My family cannot get by without me working. My husband and I care about our daughter very much and we struggle with the idea we have to send her to daycare instead of me being able to stay home with her. We are very very lucky that from 3 months - 12 months my MIL watched her while we were at work, after reading some of the threads here (especially some really negative ones about breastfed babies), I was crying at the thought of finding someone who would take good care of her. Since she turned a year we have found a wonderful home daycare with a provider who absolutely loves her and treats her like her own (along with the other kids she watches as well).

So I just wanted to say that there ARE parents out there who DO care about their kids, even though they work. I pay on time EVERY week, always provide diapers, wipes, changes of clothes as required. Pick my DD up on time EVERY day, she usually comes running to be and gives me a big hug. I ask the provider how she was and usually get told she's the best baby ever and they love having her there. This makes me feel good as a mother, knowing my daughter is at a place where she is loved and cared for. Some of the providers here... I wouldn't want to be sending her to you...
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Blackcat31 08:03 AM 09-02-2011
It is great that you are such a caring and loving and responsible mother to your child. Most of us that provide child care do have those parents in care. You just don't hear much about them because most the posts on here are vents about the bad parents. Providers don't complain about good parents. Those are the ones who are like you described. They work with the provider in a partnership to raise and care for the child.

I am sorry if this forum has made you think all providers assume parents are lazy and uncaring. That is really NOT the case. Sadly, you will read and hear about alot more of the negative than the positives because the good parents talk to us and work with us so we do not need to come on a forum and ask for advice or help or feedback for those parents.

Please keep that in mind when you read this forum.

As a child care provider, thank you for being that awesome type of parent that is really why I stay in this business loooong after my own kids are grown and nearly gone.

Thank you for being the type of parent that makes me glad for the child at the end of a long week because I know that your child is going home to loving parents and a stable home life. Thank you for being the type of parent who puts forth the effort to raise and care for your child in a partnership with your provider. Thank you on behalf of every provider out there and on this forum who does have wonderful, loving, caring and supportive parents because those are NEVER the ones you hear about.

Those are never the ones who are vented and complained about but we still know you are out there! Thank you!
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blessedmess8 08:27 AM 09-02-2011
I agree with what Blackcat said and I'm sorry you feel that way. I imagine we are all a little jaded. It is disheartening how many parents have children and view them as an after thought. The reason you read so much about that is because most of us do sincerely care about and are passionate about children. So, it just really upsets us. I have seen some pretty judgemental posts on here, myself. oth towards parents other providers. Providers can be "uppity" sometimes and I think it is easy for us to fall in the trap of thinking OUR way of doing things is best and any other way is wrong. We get that "I know best" mentality. I know I've been guilty of that!! In all sincerity, though, even though it sounds hateful, it actually comes from a place of deep caring a lot of times!
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KDC 10:21 AM 09-02-2011
I've been doing daycare for about 6 years now. And I feel truly blessed that I've had the opportunity to be a part of these kids lives and watch them grow up. I am lucky to still be in touch with all of the parents and kids that I've watched from infancy, some now in preschool or grade school. I'm a kid person, always baby sat & have three small children of my own. I want to be part of my DCK's happy memories of growing up. I work very hard to make this a positive experience for both the kids and parents. With that said, it's impossible to please everyone all the time. Some parents want their kids to have a few hours of TV time, some do not. Some parents are okay with educational computer games, some are not. Some parents do not allow G rated shows and that means no Disney movie days. This makes it hard, and I found this forum a good place to seek advice for those situations. Not all advice is taken though If you did your due diligence to interview and take the time to visit and get to know your provider, checking references and are comfortable with the terms laid out in a contract you should be set Go with your gut, if it feels off, find someone else. They're precious gems and more important than anything else in the world ... I think it maybe upsets us when a parent comes along that doesn't feel this way.

I had a child sick and vomiting on the floor, when I called the parent to pick DCG up, she said she had a day full of meetings and couldn't come for 3 more hours. Could I just 'contain' her for that time. I informed her if she didn't come pick up DCG within the hour I would be sending her via ambulance to the nearest hospital (She was also lethargic and had a fever), turns out she had roto virus and spent 7 days in the hospital as she was only 7 months old. These stories break our hearts...

Sounds like you found someone great to watch your child And, breastfeeding is a personal choice and if anyone gave me a hard time about it, I'd run away from that provider too. It's part of the job, and if that's what you want for your child, it should be honored happily. Communication is the key. I had a mother who wasn't able to pump as much as her lil' one could eat, and she'd scream in hunger...we worked through it. Good Luck!
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Meeko 10:57 AM 09-02-2011
We love parents like you! I bet your home day care provider loves you too!

But I bet if you ask her, she has now...or has had in the past,....other day care parents who have been a living nightmare. Most of us have them at some time or another and so we come here to vent. I have some of both. I have wonderful, caring dcp's who are a pleasure to do business with. They pay on time, are thoughtful towards me and are great parents.

I sadly also have children in my care who's parent's are a waste of space. I hate handing the kids back at the end of the day because I know the kind of home life they have. Their parents are rude and ignorant people. I have vented plenty on here about them!

There is a chance that your own provider comes here!!!

Please don't mind the negative vibe you may feel here on times. It actually helps us to vent. Many providers do not have co-workers they can blow off steam with. Many providers are treated like dirt and expected to give the world. That can be very stressful.

Bless you and your family!
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JenNJ 11:02 AM 09-02-2011
Please know that this is not a good sampling of daycare providers or their views. I know many "in real life" and none complain this much or despise their clients this much. Also, none are know-it-alls.

I really love my clients and their kids. I am fortunate to have like minded parents as clients and could easily be friends with any of them outside of work. They are good people and great parents. It shows in their children every single day.

I'm glad you found a great provider and know that she is just as glad to have found you!
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Cat Herder 11:14 AM 09-02-2011
As a parent, I find that odd.

I would give anything to find a open/public teachers forum like this where they tell the truth. (I am not talking about constant venting about things some have no intention of resolving. THAT unfortunately happens in every field, age group and walk of life.)

I am so sick and tired of all the buzz words and political correctness covering up built up resentments. Just TELL me the truth and I WILL adapt.

I like simple.... I LOVE reality.

I always worry if I am making them angry by wanting to be involved or wanting to know how I can help in some way without stepping on toes.

I feel pushed out and would LOVE to know how they felt and what they REALLY deal with on a daily basis. With more information I may be the best parent they ever had or may just get out of their way and let them do their job, YKWIM?
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mismatchedsocks 11:20 AM 09-02-2011
Im glad you are a great parent with a great provider! I am sure your provider is not here complaining about you then, but maybe another family in her care. And I use this as a sounding board, a listening board, a co worker pretty much. When a provider is at home with kids all day, with no other adult co working, its hard to get a grasp on what to do in some situations.

I would love if I could give a print out of some of these discussion boards to parents to say, see i am not the only one who doesnt allow peeing in the sink, or makes the kids sit to eat, not walk around with sippy cups, or actually have to take a nap at age 2.
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Unregistered 11:21 AM 09-02-2011
I totally agree with the OP. I would NEVER put my child in an in-home daycare after reading this forum for the better part of 6 months now. I actually steer people over to this forum to read up on what their daycare provider is REALLY like and how they REALLY think of them.
At least in a group situation I know there are other adults there in case one person gets burnt out, too stressed, etc. I hope eventually in home daycares with just one provider are phased out. It's just not a good situation.
For some reason, it seems like a lot of the providers on here have A LOT of time on their hands to post and argue and complain on here. You all have formed my opinon daycare for the worse.

Just a word of advice: Maybe getting out amongst other adults would quell the judgement/pettiness/jealousy you feel towards parents who work outside the home and come to you for care of their children. If you actually feel the way some of you do while caring for children, I feel sorry for them and you.
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godiva83 12:33 PM 09-02-2011
Sadly, sticking to the negative is something that comes more easily to most no matter their role in society. Thus, making the negative threads and comments remain the the foreground of a persons memory. Please try and remember most of these threads are not negative, they are DCP's seeking advice, support and communication with a peer in their profession. Being a DCP/RECE is a very hard job with little recognition from society and a lot are viewed as less than equal to others- this making it easier for some to get stuck in that negative manner. However, the majority of ppl on this forum I would say do it because they love it, and are seeking extra help because they love their job, why else would they spend their extra free time on a 'Daycare' forum, right?
Again, I am sorry that these negative threads have left a sour taste in your mouth, but please try and remain open minded and just like everyone, DCP's need to vent also. Trust me it isn't always roses and rainbows in any profession or role you play.
Go read the positive thread, or what made you laugh today- don't hunt down just the negative threads.
Cheers
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dEHmom 12:45 PM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I totally agree with the OP. I would NEVER put my child in an in-home daycare after reading this forum for the better part of 6 months now. I actually steer people over to this forum to read up on what their daycare provider is REALLY like and how they REALLY think of them.
At least in a group situation I know there are other adults there in case one person gets burnt out, too stressed, etc. I hope eventually in home daycares with just one provider are phased out. It's just not a good situation.
For some reason, it seems like a lot of the providers on here have A LOT of time on their hands to post and argue and complain on here. You all have formed my opinon daycare for the worse.

Just a word of advice: Maybe getting out amongst other adults would quell the judgement/pettiness/jealousy you feel towards parents who work outside the home and come to you for care of their children. If you actually feel the way some of you do while caring for children, I feel sorry for them and you.
I would just like to ask this...

When you have a hard day at work because you were so busy you didn't get to have your coffee break, or missed half of your lunch break, do you go home and vent to your husband/wife? a good friend?

There is an equal or near equal amount of daycare center workers and home daycare providers on this forum, it's not all in home daycares. I think the worst stories on this forum is from the centers btw, IMO.

We often work from 6am to 6pm, then clean up, cook supper, run errands etc after 6pm to do it all over again the next day. Where do we find the time to find friends or hang out with friends, chit chat on the phone, or whatever to let some steam off, or just unwind from such a chaotic day? Some days are good some are bad.

Would you rather have a provider that doesn't open up, that can't come to a place like this with anonymity to talk about your child that threw up all over the brand new couch? or how your child pees in the sink? EVERY child has a bad day, just like adults, and EVERY parent isn't perfect. EVERY parent doesn't pay on time, or have an excuse for this or that. Some parents, even the best of the best parents, will dose their child with tylenol before dropping off because they either can't or don't want to stay home with their child when they have a fever. MY AWESOME parents did this before. Doesn't make them horrible people, but makes our day harder, and more than likely without even realizing it. So yes sometimes we need to come to a place like this to get that off our shoulders so that we can feel better, get some support or advice, and move on. Would you rather your provider put a smile on 100% of the time, bottle everything up inside, and then just explode one day??? That's a timebomb waiting to go off.

It's great to know that you are such a wonderful parent, and care about your provider. But not everyone is like this. Many people think they are our bosses, and that they can do whatever they want. Many feel that they can break contracts and rules. Some even go so far as to walk into our homes after hours, or snoop around in areas that they should not be.

So far I have been lucky I have had wonderful parents, but even with that, I have had a moment here and there where I lost a little respect for them, or felt hurt by them. Clients, family, friends, it doesn't matter who you are, there are always the good and the bads. No one is perfect, and sometimes we just need to talk it out. Some of us don't have the support of coworkers, friends or families, so the next best thing is our closest coworkers who can offer honest advice because they understand, and those closest coworkers may be 1000's of miles away, but because of the wonderful WWW we can feel as though we are sharing a cup of coffee together on a lunch break.
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Unregistered 01:34 PM 09-02-2011
It just seems like whenever a small vent/issue comes up, the immediate response is the parent must not care about the child or the provider... instead of maybe there are extenuating circumstances or it's really a one time thing. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but over the weekend (not a daycare day) my DD was especially wriggly when I was changing her diaper. Apparently I didnt get it on right and when we were visiting family later she had a nasty blowout. If that had happened at one of your daycares and you came to vent about it here, I'm sure there would have been responses about how I'm a bad parent who doesnt know how to fasten her own daughter's diaper and didn't care enough to get it right.

And I just have to say... I would never send my DD to nannyde. Of all of you, she seems to express the most that parents are uncaring horrible people and babies should be little robots who all act the same. Just the impression I've gotten from lurking.
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Meeko 01:42 PM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I totally agree with the OP. I would NEVER put my child in an in-home daycare after reading this forum for the better part of 6 months now. I actually steer people over to this forum to read up on what their daycare provider is REALLY like and how they REALLY think of them.
At least in a group situation I know there are other adults there in case one person gets burnt out, too stressed, etc. I hope eventually in home daycares with just one provider are phased out. It's just not a good situation.
For some reason, it seems like a lot of the providers on here have A LOT of time on their hands to post and argue and complain on here. You all have formed my opinon daycare for the worse.

Just a word of advice: Maybe getting out amongst other adults would quell the judgement/pettiness/jealousy you feel towards parents who work outside the home and come to you for care of their children. If you actually feel the way some of you do while caring for children, I feel sorry for them and you.
Judgement/pettiness/jealousy????

It is sadly people with your kind of attitude that we come here to vent about!

I do not feel wrong to judge the parent who doesn't take her obviously very sick child to the doctor even though she gets free state healthcare and only works 30 hours a week and has oodles of time to go.

I am not being petty when I ask for payment on time or my contract to be honored or my family time to be respected.

I am most certainly not jealous of any of my clients. I got to see MY children every single day of their young lives as I never had to put them in day care for one day. I thought it was important to raise them myself. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Being a stay at home mother was more important to me than any outside job. I take care of plenty of children who's mother's have no choice but to work...but I also take care of others who's mom's work only to be able to pay me and make the speedboat/RV/pool/vacation condo/tennis lessons payment (and usually whine about the paying me part.....)

I'm not jealous of them....I feel desperately sorry for them. They are missing out on the most important thing in their lives. Their children. Some by circumstance which is sad, and a lot by choice which is even sadder.

If you stop to notice, you will see that most of the vents on here are because parents don't care about their provider (not all...some are wonderful) But in general, providers are expected to do a VERY important job that they often don't get a thank you for.

All we hear is complaining and excuses why we can't be paid this week.

Complaining about the rules (I mean why shouldn't little Bertrum be allowed to bring a red sharpie to day care so he can color all over the walls?)

Complaining about food (why do we have to serve healthy stuff...Princess only likes Lunchables???)

Complaining about bringing diapers and supplies (as if the provider can magic them out of thin air or pay for them herself)

Complaining about paying for days they aren't there (even though they agreed to it when they signed up and they still expect the place to be held open for their child)

"Forgot" to bring the check,,,but expect care anyway (ever try going to the grocery store, putting your stuff through the checkout and then tell the checker you'll be back later with the money???)

So yes.......sometimes we do the same! We complain!!!!!

I refuse to believe that women who work outside the home are all blissfully happy and content in their jobs and have wonderful bosses and happy, co-operative co-workers. I really don't think for one second that they meet for lunch and spend it singing and praising their glorious jobs that are never, ever stressful

Why are we not allowed to vent our frustrations?

Why do you spent soooo much time here reading it all?

Guess that brings us back to "judgemental, petty and jealous" doesn't it?
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Blackcat31 02:40 PM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
It just seems like whenever a small vent/issue comes up, the immediate response is the parent must not care about the child or the provider... instead of maybe there are extenuating circumstances or it's really a one time thing. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but over the weekend (not a daycare day) my DD was especially wriggly when I was changing her diaper. Apparently I didnt get it on right and when we were visiting family later she had a nasty blowout. If that had happened at one of your daycares and you came to vent about it here, I'm sure there would have been responses about how I'm a bad parent who doesnt know how to fasten her own daughter's diaper and didn't care enough to get it right.

And I just have to say... I would never send my DD to nannyde. Of all of you, she seems to express the most that parents are uncaring horrible people and babies should be little robots who all act the same. Just the impression I've gotten from lurking.
I feel really bad that this is the impression that you have gotten from this forum. Really, it is not the reality of daycare providers. There are so many other factors that make up a providers attitude about whether or not they think a parent is a good or bad parent. What you explained about is not defining what tyoe of parent you are. We DO see the big picture and sometimes when a member comes here to vent it is a build up of many many other things in regards to that specific parent that made them come to the conclusion they have.

So what comes out as a nit-picky response about not being paid, it is usually only after the provider has made a gazillion exceptions for this family or has already given and given to the point that they just can't anymore so they end up venting on here. What you read in a vent/post is just a tiny snipet of the real/whole problem.

I would like you to continue to be on this board, but please join! We need more parents on here so that we can see things from their eyes and a new perspective. Don't be turned off by something you have the power to change. I invite you to be part of the solution. For some of us, we have been providing childcare for so long that we easily forget what it is like being a daycare parent so we need to be reminded of that side of things now and then...kwim?

Please join and share with us....we really are not a bad group!
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renodeb 03:53 PM 09-02-2011
Its really a shame that you fell this way. I think that the providers that post on here need to remember to be professional and watch what the way in which things are worded. There is definaely a time and place for vents but we dont want to scare the parets away.It is the way of the world these days to need two incomes so child care is a must. I wish all of the parents I dealt with were as caring as you.
Debbie
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daycare 04:00 PM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by renodeb:
Its really a shame that you fell this way. I think that the providers that post on here need to remember to be professional and watch what the way in which things are worded. There is definaely a time and place for vents but we dont want to scare the parets away.It is the way of the world these days to need two incomes so child care is a must. I wish all of the parents I dealt with were as caring as you.
Debbie
I dont think anyone scares anyone away....its just a matter of venting in text. 85 % of communication is body language which we cant see, so it makes it hard to really get a feel of what the person is saying other than to read their words in text.
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Sugar Magnolia 05:54 PM 09-02-2011
Sigh....I really am floored when people come here and complain about people complaining. See the irony here? "Oh so many negative comments, I think I'll make a negative comment about that." Of course you never vent to anyone about anything, ever. You are a saint, and a perfect parent and person.

Next troll in line please....
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godiva83 06:59 PM 09-02-2011
A TROLL - wee
Sorry, I just got a little excited that you just caught one lol
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daycare 07:09 PM 09-02-2011
whats funny is that the OP states that she is so turned off by home daycare providers and cried about how horrible they are but then in the end where did she put her child???
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Kaddidle Care 07:40 PM 09-02-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
whats funny is that the OP states that she is so turned off by home daycare providers and cried about how horrible they are but then in the end where did she put her child???


And the kicker is that HER child care provider might be a member on this forum.
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nannyde 05:58 AM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
And I just have to say... I would never send my DD to nannyde. Of all of you, she seems to express the most that parents are uncaring horrible people and babies should be little robots who all act the same. Just the impression I've gotten from lurking.
I knew that was coming.

I thought it would be in the first post and was
when I finished and it wasn't there.

Next thing I know....

BAM

There it is.
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countrymom 07:32 AM 09-03-2011
I don't understand the lurking part, I can see it being for a month or two but people that lurk for a year are creepy. I think this is why only certain sections should be viewed by others and the daycare forum should be for members only.
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Cat Herder 08:07 AM 09-03-2011
Why does discussing the Science and Physiology of Child Development, Good Nutrition, Expected Behaviors, Discipline, Safety and Important Milestones always end up with someone referring to robots???

Why??
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nannyde 08:36 AM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
Why does discussing the Science and Physiology of Child Development, Good Nutrition, Expected Behaviors, Discipline, Safety and Important Milestones always end up with someone referring to robots???

Why??


Have you seen the Geico Robot Daycare?

I wish I could find a robot staff assistant that could manage a juice box.
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Michelle 03:21 PM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:


Have you seen the Geico Robot Daycare?

I wish I could find a robot staff assistant that could manage a juice box.
http://youtu.be/B_Qc_nmSUGQ

Yep! maybe she should leave her daughter here!
I don't think these robots would come on this forum to complain about their days! They are not programmed to!
That would be so funny if her day care provider did come here and was the subject of a lot of threads. You never know!
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Blackcat31 07:36 PM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
Sigh....I really am floored when people come here and complain about people complaining. See the irony here? "Oh so many negative comments, I think I'll make a negative comment about that." Of course you never vent to anyone about anything, ever. You are a saint, and a perfect parent and person.

Next troll in line please....
Originally Posted by daycare:
whats funny is that the OP states that she is so turned off by home daycare providers and cried about how horrible they are but then in the end where did she put her child???
This is a perfect example of how differently we all view things. I did NOT take the OP's post as complaining. I took it as she was feeling really bad that daycare providers (whom she obviously believed in at one time since her dd is in one...) had a specific attitude about their jobs and that she (OP) was now becoming turned off about daycares because of what she has read on this forum. She didn't say she would never bring her dd to a daycare; she is already in one and this OP in my opinion is now second guessing that whole idea and whether it is right or not.

I think she was looking for us to tell her why we aren't all bad or maybe help her feel better about the choice she made for her dd since we all know that when we make decisions as a mother we often second guess ourselves.

I also think that calling her a troll is just as mean and as negative as we say we think trolls are. It is like the dck who hits another kid simply because they were hit first...

My definition of a troll is someone who comes on here, registered or not and starts to pick on a specific member or starts calling people names. Someone who voices their opinions without being personally specific is just another view from another angle and just because we may not agree, we could try to maybe give them our view in a positive, constructive way. As daycare providers who are some of the most important role models out there, shouldn't we hold some higher standards for ourselves and behave better?

(Sugar and Daycare...I am NOT direction this specifically at you two, I am talking about the general attitude of the entire forum. I was only using your posts to show how differently we all view things.)

Originally Posted by countrymom:
I don't understand the lurking part, I can see it being for a month or two but people that lurk for a year are creepy. I think this is why only certain sections should be viewed by others and the daycare forum should be for members only.
Call me creepy then. I lurked on this forum for over a year as well. I enjoyed reading the posts and just never had time or the urge to post a reply. One day I did and I was hooked..... but I lurked for a really long time first and I kinda take offense to this.
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nannyde 07:58 PM 09-03-2011
Call me creepy then. I lurked on this forum for over a year as well. I enjoyed reading the posts and just never had time or the urge to post a reply. One day I did and I was hooked.....

I lurked for a very long time too. I read the entire archives before I started. The weird thing is I can't find the old archives. I think there is a bunch of it missing.

I always read the entire archives before I start posting... with the exception of mychildfun It took me a year of reading there and I still couldn't finish theirs. It's HUGE with five hundred plus pages of threads. I read more than half of them and post there now and then when something interest me. That's the biggest site I know of of daycare archives. Ivillage still has some of their old posts but they are really hard to go through. It will fry your retina if you are on there too long.

I think IIRC I lurked here for a couple of years before I posted. I joined in march 2010 but I think I started reading in 08. I loved Mac60's posts and another one... chickenhauler. Those two cracked me up.

I didn't think the op was a troll but I KNEW there would be a "nannyde is the devil" post coming and sure enough it appeared.
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cheerfuldom 08:55 PM 09-03-2011
I thought I read that a bunch of the oldest posts were lost for some reason....
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blessedmess8 09:40 PM 09-03-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
As a parent, I find that odd.

I would give anything to find a open/public teachers forum like this where they tell the truth. (I am not talking about constant venting about things some have no intention of resolving. THAT unfortunately happens in every field, age group and walk of life.)

I am so sick and tired of all the buzz words and political correctness covering up built up resentments. Just TELL me the truth and I WILL adapt.

I like simple.... I LOVE reality.

I always worry if I am making them angry by wanting to be involved or wanting to know how I can help in some way without stepping on toes.
F
I feel pushed out and would LOVE to know how they felt and what they REALLY deal with on a daily basis. With more information I may be the best parent they ever had or may just get out of their way and let them do their job, YKWIM?
Wow! What a refreshing POV! Love it! I try to be very open and honest with my parents and encourage their involvement! It just makes things easier for all of us if we are on the same page!
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Unregistered 11:24 PM 09-03-2011
Please keep in mind (original poster) that we all live in different communities and have different clientele. So the people that you know as parents are sometimes not our clientele. In the large centre I work in there are 10 great parents in my class. There are six parents however that are making me jaded and angry. Parents that are off three days a week and still have their children in care for 10-12 hours, because the parent "needs a break" so they leave them at the door sobbing hysterically without taking ten minutes to settle them.

Parents who bring children in sick and lie about having given them meds because they have a hair appointment, three hours later the child is vomiting up said medicine.

Parents who need to work out for 9 hours a day (apprently) so they can't be bothered to pack warm enough clothing, or cool enough clothing or any clothing for their potty training child. I have left notes on cubbies 5 days running to still have parents not bring in clothing for their child. They bring them in in shorts and a tshirt on COLD days. The parent is bundled up nice and warm, but junior doesn't deserve a warm sweater? It's so incredibly sad. These are well off familes that don't seem to give a hoot about the comfort or happiness of their children. When it happens once a month it's one thing, when it's daily for months on end it starts to make the provider more greatful for the loving parents and more FURIOUS at the disrespect thrown at care providers and child.

Yes it's disrespect. I'm telling these parents what I NEED from them to do my job and they don't provide it over and over, day after day. Not once, not twice but all.the.time. It's not cool at all.

What about parents that sleep in till 11 then bring their sleepy kids in, unfed unchanged and "oh can she stay awake, we just got up." No respect at all for the fact that their child is just grearing up to play and is UBER disappointed because everyone else has already wound up and wound down for the day. Guess what? the rest of the kids will be sleeping for two hours and this daycare that you LOVE for the social learning your child does is now just babysitting and your child has been yet again LEFT OUT of the play and learning. They now get to sit alone for two hours waiting for the other kids to wake up. Again, once or twice is one thing, but a couple times a week is irritating and RUDE.

Then lets talk about parents that you tell the rules 100 million times and they just keep stepping on your toes. For example, "Please let us know by ten if your child isn't coming in". I have said that to two families EVERY WEEK for the past four months, but it's still just obviously too hard to use one of their I phones for a PHONE CALL.

NEWSFLASH Daycare is your child's WORK. It's hard work. They love it, but it's exhausting and dirty and sometimes their best buddy bashes them over the head. But it's their work. So when I have a day off 99% of the time so do my kids, because my kids are 4 years and 20 months old. My kids should NEVER have to work harder than I do so if I deserve a rest, then they deserve it more.

The thing is that we see some parents show constant disrespect for us and casual disregard for their children. We're not judgmental.. we've just had some parents convincing us for YEARS that they don't put their kids first. Group daycare in my opinion is great for most kids, but just like any adult kids get burnt out and they need certain tools in order to be successful. Tools like rest periods, the occasional holiday, sick leave, and someone to tell them they've done a good job. So many parents though, only see what THEY need, not what their kids need in order to be successful, both socially and emotionally. If any of this offends you, then you're one of insensitive parents who just doesn't
"get it."
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Blackcat31 07:09 PM 09-04-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Please keep in mind (original poster) that we all live in different communities and have different clientele. So the people that you know as parents are sometimes not our clientele. In the large centre I work in there are 10 great parents in my class. There are six parents however that are making me jaded and angry. Parents that are off three days a week and still have their children in care for 10-12 hours, because the parent "needs a break" so they leave them at the door sobbing hysterically without taking ten minutes to settle them.

Parents who bring children in sick and lie about having given them meds because they have a hair appointment, three hours later the child is vomiting up said medicine.

Parents who need to work out for 9 hours a day (apprently) so they can't be bothered to pack warm enough clothing, or cool enough clothing or any clothing for their potty training child. I have left notes on cubbies 5 days running to still have parents not bring in clothing for their child. They bring them in in shorts and a tshirt on COLD days. The parent is bundled up nice and warm, but junior doesn't deserve a warm sweater? It's so incredibly sad. These are well off familes that don't seem to give a hoot about the comfort or happiness of their children. When it happens once a month it's one thing, when it's daily for months on end it starts to make the provider more greatful for the loving parents and more FURIOUS at the disrespect thrown at care providers and child.

Yes it's disrespect. I'm telling these parents what I NEED from them to do my job and they don't provide it over and over, day after day. Not once, not twice but all.the.time. It's not cool at all.

What about parents that sleep in till 11 then bring their sleepy kids in, unfed unchanged and "oh can she stay awake, we just got up." No respect at all for the fact that their child is just grearing up to play and is UBER disappointed because everyone else has already wound up and wound down for the day. Guess what? the rest of the kids will be sleeping for two hours and this daycare that you LOVE for the social learning your child does is now just babysitting and your child has been yet again LEFT OUT of the play and learning. They now get to sit alone for two hours waiting for the other kids to wake up. Again, once or twice is one thing, but a couple times a week is irritating and RUDE.

Then lets talk about parents that you tell the rules 100 million times and they just keep stepping on your toes. For example, "Please let us know by ten if your child isn't coming in". I have said that to two families EVERY WEEK for the past four months, but it's still just obviously too hard to use one of their I phones for a PHONE CALL.

NEWSFLASH Daycare is your child's WORK. It's hard work. They love it, but it's exhausting and dirty and sometimes their best buddy bashes them over the head. But it's their work. So when I have a day off 99% of the time so do my kids, because my kids are 4 years and 20 months old. My kids should NEVER have to work harder than I do so if I deserve a rest, then they deserve it more.

The thing is that we see some parents show constant disrespect for us and casual disregard for their children. We're not judgmental.. we've just had some parents convincing us for YEARS that they don't put their kids first. Group daycare in my opinion is great for most kids, but just like any adult kids get burnt out and they need certain tools in order to be successful. Tools like rest periods, the occasional holiday, sick leave, and someone to tell them they've done a good job. So many parents though, only see what THEY need, not what their kids need in order to be successful, both socially and emotionally. If any of this offends you, then you're one of insensitive parents who just doesn't
"get it.
"
How does her questions, opinions and thoughts about what we as members are portraying on this site make her one of the insensitive parent who does not get it? This comment confused me?
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Unregistered 09:52 PM 09-04-2011
This forum has just about killed my desire to provide OR consume daycare services. No only did the OP state the obvious, but the degree of dishonesty on both sides is horrendous. I would never have a client in any business that I could not call a friend first. And, I think it is also sad how quickly the forum moved to attack her.
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nannyde 07:59 AM 09-05-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
This forum has just about killed my desire to provide OR consume daycare services. No only did the OP state the obvious, but the degree of dishonesty on both sides is horrendous. I would never have a client in any business that I could not call a friend first. And, I think it is also sad how quickly the forum moved to attack her.
I think your post is good for the business. I'm happy to see now that there are parents out there who actually READ the words of providers and learn whether or not they can manage the relationship. I think it's great for potential day care providers to READ the words of providers and get an inkling of what they could be up against... with great parents all the way down to completly dysfunctional and disrepectful parents.

It's a GOOD thing that this about killed your desire to consume or provide services. It means you are one of the few that understand how complicated this relationship is and know yourself and what you want and know you aren't up for it. The ones that know they can't manage it stay home with their kid which is an AWESOME thing... or have family/friends do the care... which is second most AWESOME.

I would have clients I could not call a friend first. I don't mind working for people who wouldn't match as a good friend but make awesome day care parents.

Yours is one of the better unregistered posts I have read in a long time. It means you are starting to GET it. You don't like it... but knowing you don't like it means you are starting to GET it. That's a leap in the right direction from where I sit.

You are not going to end up being an unhappy dc parent or an unhappy provider. That's a GOOD thing.
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Cat Herder 08:43 AM 09-05-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I think your post is good for the business.

You don't like it... but knowing you don't like it means you are starting to GET it. That's a leap in the right direction from where I sit.

You are not going to end up being an unhappy dc parent or an unhappy provider. That's a GOOD thing.
I agree.

I often send friends, family and co-workers to www.daycaresdontcare.org to learn about the industry before deciding their childcare plan. (check out the "what providers say" section. The forum goes backwards...page 1 will be the oldest post, the last page is current...)

When I first started coming here a couple years ago (lurking) there was so much fluff, IMHO, that it really was not helpful to me. Now there seems to be a lot more people willing to be honest with their frustrations, hurt feelings and resentments. I now send them here as well.

This field is not for everyone. If you can't stand up for yourself you will be eaten alive. I now have a great program with clients and kids I adore. I love my job....but had I caved to the unrealistic expectations of every family demanding "one on one" care in a group setting for $1 an hour I would have gotten out of this field years ago.

I wish every parent that wanted to stay home could. THAT would be my ultimate goal.
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Unregistered 09:00 AM 09-05-2011
I, too, agree with all of the unregistereds and OP. I've been saying this for years, that because of this forum, I would never hire a home daycare and I try to convince my friends never to choose one either. Every one I know that did choose one had nothing but problems and were virtually problem free with a center by comparison. There's way more I could say, but it's not worth it. I'm glad I found this site, because it confirms exactly what I'd been thinking about home daycares from the beginning and how they think and operate. I feel sorry for those poor parents and kids who have no idea that their providers post here - I highly doubt they've revealved their involvement in their contracts.
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Kaddidle Care 09:56 AM 09-05-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I wish I could find a robot staff assistant that could manage a juice box.
This made me spit my coffee. I remember when I first started working in a Daycare and those ruddy Minute Maid pouches.
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nannyde 01:20 PM 09-05-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I, too, agree with all of the unregistereds and OP. I've been saying this for years, that because of this forum, I would never hire a home daycare and I try to convince my friends never to choose one either. Every one I know that did choose one had nothing but problems and were virtually problem free with a center by comparison. There's way more I could say, but it's not worth it. I'm glad I found this site, because it confirms exactly what I'd been thinking about home daycares from the beginning and how they think and operate. I feel sorry for those poor parents and kids who have no idea that their providers post here - I highly doubt they've revealved their involvement in their contracts.
Another great unregistered post!!!!!!!

Now that you know how we operate you know it won't work for you. That way we don't have yet another provider coming on trying to work out the "nothing but problems" you bring into the business because you don't understand or refuse to be compliant with our policies.
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pinkbunny85 02:03 PM 09-05-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I highly doubt they've revealved their involvement in their contracts.
I lurk most of the time because I am neither a provider or a parent at this point. I'm still going to school so I may become a provider. I rarely post, but I read everyday. I have read almost every post. Granted, when I first started reading I was shocked. But if you continue reading you start understanding how people are. They are giving good advice without sugar coating (ex. Nannyde, sorry Nanny). If/when I become a provider I would love be like nanny. Also after reading you realize who has been doing this for years and who has only been doing it a short time.

And for the reason I quoted. Not that I want to start anything but, I'm wondering why would a provider have to let dcps know what they're doing in their spare time. DCPS don't have to let providers know so then why should providers.
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Unregistered 02:15 PM 09-05-2011
I would LOVE for my child to go to an in home daycare, these women made a decision to do this! They WANT and LIKE to be around children. If I ever had to put my child in daycare, it would only be in an in home center. In a chain daycare, most of the time (not always) the workers don't stay very long, aren't very interested in the children, its just a job to get through bills or school, and kids hardly get any attention at all. I've been reading these posts for a while and I highly doubt any of these women would neglect any child, or not show them attention. If I ever had to have my child be in a daycare, I would hope my childcare provider was as honest and caring as the women on this forum is.
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Blackcat31 03:40 PM 09-05-2011
Originally Posted by pinkbunny85:
I lurk most of the time because I am neither a provider or a parent at this point. I'm still going to school so I may become a provider. I rarely post, but I read everyday. I have read almost every post. Granted, when I first started reading I was shocked. But if you continue reading you start understanding how people are. They are giving good advice without sugar coating (ex. Nannyde, sorry Nanny). If/when I become a provider I would love be like nanny. Also after reading you realize who has been doing this for years and who has only been doing it a short time.

And for the reason I quoted. Not that I want to start anything but, I'm wondering why would a provider have to let dcps know what they're doing in their spare time. DCPS don't have to let providers know so then why should providers.
Excellent post pinkbunny85! You said that all so very well. There is no way some one can read a few sentences or posts and come to realistic idea about who any of us are and how we run our businesses or parent our children. It is exactly like you said in that we need to read many mnay posts and over a great deal of time to even get a partial picture of how each member feels, thinks and operates.

I hope you become a provider because you seem to have that "understanding" already forming in your thought process and that is what will make you a great provider!!


Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I would LOVE for my child to go to an in home daycare, these women made a decision to do this! They WANT and LIKE to be around children. If I ever had to put my child in daycare, it would only be in an in home center. In a chain daycare, most of the time (not always) the workers don't stay very long, aren't very interested in the children, its just a job to get through bills or school, and kids hardly get any attention at all. I've been reading these posts for a while and I highly doubt any of these women would neglect any child, or not show them attention. If I ever had to have my child be in a daycare, I would hope my childcare provider was as honest and caring as the women on this forum is.
Awww, too sweet!! Yes, I chose this career (my own children are grown and gone) and yet I am still in business and have no plans of quitting any time soon. I WANT to get up and go to work each and every day. (Well, Monday through Friday anyways..) I am guilty of writing a vent or negative post, like any other member but I guarantee you it is because I genuinely care for my daycare children and when I think they aren't getting the best life has to offer from anyone (parents included) I get upset. It is hard not to be emotionally invested in the kids I care for.

Thank you for seeing that in this forum and the members and although not all of us see eye to eye about things, I know for a fact that every single one of us loves the children (and the job) or we wouldn't be doing this. I am sure there are easier ways to be disrespected, be under paid, work long hours, be exposed to tons of "icky" bodily fluids and germs, and generally work our bodies and brains to their limits but none of them include hugs and kisses from the little people we care for every day and THAT is really what matters when it all comes down to the nitty gritty.

Thank you for the nice post.
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Unregistered 06:10 AM 09-06-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I totally agree with the OP. I would NEVER put my child in an in-home daycare after reading this forum for the better part of 6 months now. I actually steer people over to this forum to read up on what their daycare provider is REALLY like and how they REALLY think of them.
At least in a group situation I know there are other adults there in case one person gets burnt out, too stressed, etc. I hope eventually in home daycares with just one provider are phased out. It's just not a good situation.
For some reason, it seems like a lot of the providers on here have A LOT of time on their hands to post and argue and complain on here. You all have formed my opinon daycare for the worse.

Just a word of advice: Maybe getting out amongst other adults would quell the judgement/pettiness/jealousy you feel towards parents who work outside the home and come to you for care of their children. If you actually feel the way some of you do while caring for children, I feel sorry for them and you.

I think the reality is these posts have hit home for you, I'm thinking you can relate to the parents we are all discussing that make bad clients, and who probably shouldn't have had kids in the first place.

Also, I worked in the major chains before starting my own daycare; we use to cringe and talk about the parents that would have their child there from dusk to dawn. We also praised the good parents, but unfortuniately the centers seem to get the parents that couldn't handle their kids. And the teachers and aides come and go because of low pay, so its a revolving door for the children. But its the same thing... all the women talked about the exact same thing that is being said on this forum. Many of the new aides were amazed too at the amount of bad parenting out there, very sad.
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sharlan 08:45 AM 09-06-2011
Will your center drive 40 miles (one way) to pick your children up at 10 PM while you're having a miscarriage?

Will your center keep your children overnight when you have surgery?

Will your center drive 40 miles, again one way, to pick your children up when you go into labor?

Will your center take your children camping for the weekend?

Will your center sit in the ER with you while the drs are struggling to get your child breathing again after an asthma attack?

Will your center treat your child as a loved and respected member of their family?

I doubt you will be able to answer yes to a single one of these questions.

There are some really good centers out there, some mediocre, and some really bad ones. The same thing goes for family daycares. I know some I wouldn't want watching my cat, let alone my kids. Personally, I am partial to home daycares because that's what I'm familiar with.
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laundrymom 11:04 AM 09-06-2011
Hey,... What happened to chickenhauler????
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Unregistered 02:46 PM 09-06-2011
I think it's weird most of day care providers act like parents who put their children in day care don't have hard jobs just beacuse they don't watch children all day. I go to work for 8 hours a day and then after I pick my son up my second job begins. Day care providers once the kids go home...you can run your errands without a whinning child after a long day at work...you can get your laundry done without my favorite helper unfolding it all before i finish...you can cook dinner without distraction. Now of course if you have young children of your own, maybe this doesn't apply to you, but then you should also know what it's like to work "2 jobs" (my day care provider has no children, and is always complaining how tired she is and how she doesn't want to work anymore...and I get the feeling alot of the providers I'm seeing on here complaining have older children that don't need as much tending to)...but I think it's low to talk about parents that have jobs because they need to provide for their children and act like just because I don't watch children all day my job doesn't matter or isn't just as hard. I would love to be able to stay home with my son all day...but unfortunatly I have bills, student loans, and my child needs clothes/food/diapers etc....so I don't have a choice.
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mismatchedsocks 03:42 PM 09-06-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
Will your center drive 40 miles (one way) to pick your children up at 10 PM while you're having a miscarriage?

Will your center keep your children overnight when you have surgery?

Will your center drive 40 miles, again one way, to pick your children up when you go into labor?

Will your center take your children camping for the weekend?

Will your center sit in the ER with you while the drs are struggling to get your child breathing again after an asthma attack?

Will your center treat your child as a loved and respected member of their family?

I doubt you will be able to answer yes to a single one of these questions.

There are some really good centers out there, some mediocre, and some really bad ones. The same thing goes for family daycares. I know some I wouldn't want watching my cat, let alone my kids. Personally, I am partial to home daycares because that's what I'm familiar with.


Great post, may I add?
Will your center take your kids on your wedding night so you can have a night to enjoy without worrying about your kids?

Will your center open 30 minutes early so you can get overtime?

Will your center send you picture messages or texts throughout the day to let you know how your child is doing?

Will your center offer family dinners, and give raffle prizes that are individual to each child?

Will your center dress your child once in a while for ballet if you are running late, complete with pink poofy hair things and pig tails?

Will your center help you move ALL day Saturday?

Then after all day moving...will your center keep your kids so you can unpack with your husband and get house in order?

Will your center give you hand me down clothes from their kids, or give them snacks to take in the car if you will be driving for a few hours?

Will your center go to Christmas programs of past children?
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Blackcat31 04:42 PM 09-06-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think it's weird most of day care providers act like parents who put their children in day care don't have hard jobs just beacuse they don't watch children all day. I go to work for 8 hours a day and then after I pick my son up my second job begins. Day care providers once the kids go home...you can run your errands without a whinning child after a long day at work...you can get your laundry done without my favorite helper unfolding it all before i finish...you can cook dinner without distraction. Now of course if you have young children of your own, maybe this doesn't apply to you, but then you should also know what it's like to work "2 jobs" (my day care provider has no children, and is always complaining how tired she is and how she doesn't want to work anymore...and I get the feeling alot of the providers I'm seeing on here complaining have older children that don't need as much tending to)...but I think it's low to talk about parents that have jobs because they need to provide for their children and act like just because I don't watch children all day my job doesn't matter or isn't just as hard. I would love to be able to stay home with my son all day...but unfortunatly I have bills, student loans, and my child needs clothes/food/diapers etc....so I don't have a choice.
It is funny that you say this because I tell my daycare parents all the time that I feel for them in that regard. I tease them about being over worked because not only do they work but at the end of the day, they pick up "my job" and go home. I completely get that line of thinking!!!

Also for the record though, I think a majority of providers on this forum have children at home as well. Providing childcare is NOT simply to stay home with their children, it is a job and to think of it as anything less is low, IMHO.

VERY few of us, parents and providers have any other choice but to work and provide for their children as you do. CHILD CARE IS A JOB!! I have bills, student loans and family needs too and being a childcare provider is how I earn the money to pay those bills so please do not think that childcare providers are simply sitting at home eating bon-bons all day while watching your child while you are out hard at work.....because after you pick up your child, the provider may still have other children or household obligations to fulfill so just because you have retrieved your child doesn't mean her day is over.

If your provider is complaining alot, I would have a discussion with her about her thoughts and feelings and then make a choice on whether or not you feel she is working at her best or if she is truly burned out. Which if she is, you may need to look for other care.
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daycare 05:09 PM 09-06-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
This is a perfect example of how differently we all view things. I did NOT take the OP's post as complaining. I took it as she was feeling really bad that daycare providers (whom she obviously believed in at one time since her dd is in one...) had a specific attitude about their jobs and that she (OP) was now becoming turned off about daycares because of what she has read on this forum. She didn't say she would never bring her dd to a daycare; she is already in one and this OP in my opinion is now second guessing that whole idea and whether it is right or not.

I think she was looking for us to tell her why we aren't all bad or maybe help her feel better about the choice she made for her dd since we all know that when we make decisions as a mother we often second guess ourselves.

I also think that calling her a troll is just as mean and as negative as we say we think trolls are. It is like the dck who hits another kid simply because they were hit first...

My definition of a troll is someone who comes on here, registered or not and starts to pick on a specific member or starts calling people names. Someone who voices their opinions without being personally specific is just another view from another angle and just because we may not agree, we could try to maybe give them our view in a positive, constructive way. As daycare providers who are some of the most important role models out there, shouldn't we hold some higher standards for ourselves and behave better?

(Sugar and Daycare...I am NOT direction this specifically at you two, I am talking about the general attitude of the entire forum. I was only using your posts to show how differently we all view things.)



Call me creepy then. I lurked on this forum for over a year as well. I enjoyed reading the posts and just never had time or the urge to post a reply. One day I did and I was hooked..... but I lurked for a really long time first and I kinda take offense to this.
Sorry I am responding so late to this, I have been rather busy the past few days.

This is a perfect example of different walks of life coming to this form. As some of you may know I am originally from a different county and I try very hard to read, speak and write in the English language. I do feel that what I have the hardest time with is reading comprehension. The way I may understand something may/will be completely different than others. This is stands for both parents and providers.....
I think that the different for parents are that they have never walked a day in our shoes (at least most have not) and as providers, most of us know what it is to be a parent.

I know that a lot of things that come across in this form might sound harsh or unfair, but until you have walked in the shoes in the life of a daycare provider it is hard to relate to all that goes on here....
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JenNJ 05:57 PM 09-06-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think it's low to talk about parents that have jobs because they need to provide for their children and act like just because I don't watch children all day my job doesn't matter or isn't just as hard. I would love to be able to stay home with my son all day...but unfortunatly I have bills, student loans, and my child needs clothes/food/diapers etc....so I don't have a choice.
I agree 100%. My husband isn't a bad dad because he works outside the home. He sacrifices something that means the world to him -- time with his children -- so that he can give them opportunities that wouldn't otherwise have. And just because someone does choose to stay home with their kids they aren't necessarily a good parent. Plenty of crappy parents stay home with their kids.

Though my husband works outside the home and I work at home with our kids, I think we are both good parents. It has nothing to do with where we spend our days. It has everything to do with how we spend the time we do have with them.

If there was a formula to becoming a good parent, don't you think everyone would follow it?
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sharlan 06:38 PM 09-06-2011
I'm breaking up my post into two because I've been on both sides of this issue.

As a parent, I worked 45 - 60 hrs a week and spent another 10 - 15 hrs a week commuting. I never stopped between my office and my providers' homes. So when I got off, I still had to stop at the market, drive home, cook dinner and clean the kitchen, help my eldest with homework, work on my youngest's speech therapy, clean house, do laundry, pack my 3 kids' bags and lunches for the next day. Don't forget about baths and stories before bed. Oh, and the animals that needed to be fed and cleaned up after.

I also had custody of my niece and had home inspections from DSS every month.

I spent my weekends scrubbing the house, washing clothes, and doing the yardwork just so I could do it again the next weekend.

My providers did little outside of watching my kids. It would have never crossed my mind to ask them to do anything beyond dressing and brushing their hair. Only one provider out of about 10 we went through took the kids on any outing and that was to the local park.

I was one step away from having a nervous breakdown when I quit my job. I have great respect for mothers who can work.

I vowed I would make my parents' lives easier because I understood the lives they live.
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Michael 07:18 PM 09-06-2011
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
Hey,... What happened to chickenhauler????
Not sure. His wife is still on here sometimes. I think he had a falling out with MAC60
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sharlan 07:18 PM 09-06-2011
Since I was going crazy being a working mother, literally going crazy, I quit to provide daycare.

The majority of parents that I've dealt with were loving parents. I've had a few that should never, ever have had kids. I've had young single mothers to grandparents trying to raise their grandkids. I've had the neurotic parents that had to know what happened every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I've had others who couldn't care less what happened.

My kids are grown now, but 3 of the kids are my grandkids. I know what it's like to have my folded laundry tossed. I know what it's like to take a tired whiney kid to the grocery store or another errand. I understand what it's like to mop the floor to have juice spilled on it. I do not spend my day sitting in a corner and watch the kids, I live my life, just like most other providers here do.

After my other kids are gone, I still have a family of 10 that I cook dinner for. I still have a playroom, family room, school room, backyard, etc to clean. I still have to make up the bed for my little guy that comes at 4:45 AM. My day does not end at 5:00 and I really doubt that most providers do either.

Today, I helped one boy do a school project that should have been done over the weekend with his father, due tomorrow. I helped him work on a poem that he has to memorize before Fri. I also checked his other homework to make sure it was done correctly. After he left, I helped my 5 yo do her homework and listen to her read for 20 mins.

Since I started providing daycare in August of 1985, I have gone above and beyond the call of duty - for all of my kids and their parents. I know what it's like to be a working parent. I try to make their lives easier.

When my girls were little, I provided daycare for 6 kids plus mine. I fed, dressed, braided hair, helped with homework, drove kids to lessons and sports practices. I gave showers and washed clothes for kids who needed it, generally met whatever needs that I could for the child. I can't count the number of kids that I also took to dr's appts when they were sick or for routine shots.

I also worked outside the home doing office maintenance, working in a deli or whatever part time job I could find. I also helped out in their classrooms, was room mom a few times, and was a Girl Scout leader. My day did not end at 6 PM when all my daycare kids were gone.

I may have complained a few million times over the years, but I wouldn't trade my job for anything else.

I take great offense that someone ASS U MEs that I sit on my sofa, watch soap operas, and eat bonbons all day long. I take great offense that someone ASS U MEs that a child is better off at a center than with me. (Center providers, don't get upset with me, I know that there are many fantastic centers, but I know home daycare so that's what I like. I would never have been able to do what I do with the kids if I worked at a center.)
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Sugar Magnolia 07:25 PM 09-06-2011
Did the OP ever return? I guess its hard to tell with all the unregistered comments. Seriously, can someone please tell me if the OP ever responded?
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Michael 08:17 PM 09-06-2011
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
Did the OP ever return? I guess its hard to tell with all the unregistered comments. Seriously, can someone please tell me if the OP ever responded?
The OP was from Maryland and did reply once. The other unregistered posters where new and some members that had logged off.
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Blackcat31 08:46 AM 09-07-2011
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
Did the OP ever return? I guess its hard to tell with all the unregistered comments. Seriously, can someone please tell me if the OP ever responded?
The OP responded in Post # 12.
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Cat Herder 08:59 AM 09-07-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The OP responded in Post # 12.
That stinks that it was the only other post....

My first thought after reading that one was "If it was my dc parent I would just have her bring in the carseat, too, so it does not sit in the car rotting all day. I'd wash it and have it ready for pick up so the child does not have to sit in it covered in poo. Like every other time this happened to someone."

I don't know anyone who'd complain about an isolated or occasional issue. It has happened to all of us at one time or another, I am sure.

It is the repeat offenders that ruffle so many feathers and lead to such resentments...

I never sought out a forum until I was down, had hurt feelings, was losing interest and needed some assist getting inspired...YKWIM? I did plenty of venting until I realized I had the power to solve my own roblems. This forum is HIGHLY VALUABLE for that.

My second thought was being sad that so many are misunderstanding Nans intent here. She loves kids and wants us ALL to be child centered. Excellent food, care, toys, trust and love.
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Blackcat31 10:26 AM 09-07-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
That stinks that it was the only other post....

My first thought after reading that one was "If it was my dc parent I would just have her bring in the carseat, too, so it does not sit in the car rotting all day. I'd wash it and have it ready for pick up so the child does not have to sit in it covered in poo. Like every other time this happened to someone."

I don't know anyone who'd complain about an isolated or occasional issue. It has happened to all of us at one time or another, I am sure.

It is the repeat offenders that ruffle so many feathers and lead to such resentments...

That's what I was trying to say in response too...that is it is never the isolated things from parents who care. It is the ones who literally drain us that we vent or post about.

I never sought out a forum until I was down, had hurt feelings, was losing interest and needed some assist getting inspired...YKWIM? I did plenty of venting until I realized I had the power to solve my own roblems. This forum is HIGHLY VALUABLE for that.

I couldn't agree more!!!

My second thought was being sad that so many are misunderstanding Nans intent here. She loves kids and wants us ALL to be child centered. Excellent food, care, toys, trust and love.

Also agree 100%!! The things she stresses are the foundation for everything else!!! I cannot believe that is always so misunderstood! She gets paid to do what she does because she is good at it and understands the reasons why behind it She has years of experience that is also very valuable. She puts herself out there so we can check if we want...she really is who she says she is and she really runs her business the way she says and very successfully too, I might add! She makes complete sense and is basically one of the most loving and supportive providers I know! She genuinely loves the kids and families she cares for and for anyone to assume or think differently is sad.
I answered in bold
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Michelle 01:59 PM 09-07-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
I'm breaking up my post into two because I've been on both sides of this issue.

As a parent, I worked 45 - 60 hrs a week and spent another 10 - 15 hrs a week commuting. I never stopped between my office and my providers' homes. So when I got off, I still had to stop at the market, drive home, cook dinner and clean the kitchen, help my eldest with homework, work on my youngest's speech therapy, clean house, do laundry, pack my 3 kids' bags and lunches for the next day. Don't forget about baths and stories before bed. Oh, and the animals that needed to be fed and cleaned up after.

I also had custody of my niece and had home inspections from DSS every month.

I spent my weekends scrubbing the house, washing clothes, and doing the yardwork just so I could do it again the next weekend.

My providers did little outside of watching my kids. It would have never crossed my mind to ask them to do anything beyond dressing and brushing their hair. Only one provider out of about 10 we went through took the kids on any outing and that was to the local park.

I was one step away from having a nervous breakdown when I quit my job. I have great respect for mothers who can work.

I vowed I would make my parents' lives easier because I understood the lives they live.
Sharlan,
This post is so good and your other posts are too!
I actually went with a parent to the police station and hospital when she thought that her son was being sexually abused by her boyfriend. I stayed with her while she cried and supported her and comforted her son.
I am from the batch of providers that definitely go way and beyond what others do. I give baths when needed, buy them shoes or clothes if needed and love them like they are my own.
Centers can not possibly do what we do. I have perfect strangers tell me in public, they can't even tell which ones were mine and which ones were day care. That is the biggest compliment I have ever had.
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mac60 08:10 PM 09-10-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Call me creepy then. I lurked on this forum for over a year as well. I enjoyed reading the posts and just never had time or the urge to post a reply. One day I did and I was hooked.....

I lurked for a very long time too. I read the entire archives before I started. The weird thing is I can't find the old archives. I think there is a bunch of it missing.

I always read the entire archives before I start posting... with the exception of mychildfun It took me a year of reading there and I still couldn't finish theirs. It's HUGE with five hundred plus pages of threads. I read more than half of them and post there now and then when something interest me. That's the biggest site I know of of daycare archives. Ivillage still has some of their old posts but they are really hard to go through. It will fry your retina if you are on there too long.

I think IIRC I lurked here for a couple of years before I posted. I joined in march 2010 but I think I started reading in 08. I loved Mac60's posts and another one... chickenhauler. Those two cracked me up. I didn't think the op was a troll but I KNEW there would be a "nannyde is the devil" post coming and sure enough it appeared.
I guess when you weren't the one being bullied by him repeatedly and nothing was being done about it it is easy to say that it "cracked me up"......kind of sad that someone would think that was amusing.
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Mommy2One 12:26 PM 09-13-2011
I found this forum while searching for a new care provider. Iíve posted one other time but mostly Iíve lurked a lot, reading during slow times at work or at night after everyone has gone to sleep. On the whole the only thing I find upsetting is that none of you seem to live in my area! I love the variety of activities, the recipes/meals, the little extras you seem to do for the kids and how much you seem to truly care about your charges.

That being said, I can agree with the OPís post to an extent.

After Blackcatís explanation, I can completely understand that this can sometimes be a venting forum and weíre frequently hearing about your worst cases, rather than your best, or even typical, cases.

But Iím also a mom who never planned to work during my daughterís infant/toddler/preschool years. When my daughter was 16 months old we realized that I wasnít making enough working part time, the pre-baby savings were gone and I HAD to go back to work. I got a job offer that would have had me doing cartwheels pre-baby and still cried for 3 days. As a result, when I see repeated posts making generalizations that working parents donít love their children and avoid spending time with them, it stings. It probably doesnít help that unless youíve seen it, itís hard to believe any parent could act like that so it feels like exaggeration. I think Iím generally a good DCParent toward my provider (I certainly try to be!) but reading all of these posts has made me a little paranoid when dealing with my current provider that little slip ups will be viewed in the most negative light possible instead of a common human mistake or situation (like bad traffic) thatís out of my control.

Regarding Nannyde, at first I agreed with the other posters Ė she seemed harsh. But Iíve read some of her blog posts and some of her comments and I think the problem is the lack of tone/facial expressions/body language that comes with Internet communication and mostly the fact thatís sheís usually trying to explain things that most people do without thinking.

For example her post about toy rules. At first I pictured a big sheet of poster board on the wall with dozens of rules about how kids could drive their toy cars and them being scolded for not remembering them. I mulled it over and realized that they were actions I wouldnít let my daughter do either, not because Iíd thought them out beforehand but because theyíre common sense. If she was building a tower out of tiny blocks and tried to set a heavy metal truck on top, Iíd suggest another building technique to avoid it coming down on her head, as Iím sure anyone would. The problem is that Nannyde is trying to outline, systematize and explain things that sheís learned over many years that come second nature to her and which fit seamlessly into her routine care but when spelled out sound unfeeling and rigid. Of course I could be wrong, as Iím still fairly new here
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Blackcat31 03:06 PM 09-13-2011
Originally Posted by Mommy2One:
I found this forum while searching for a new care provider. I’ve posted one other time but mostly I’ve lurked a lot, reading during slow times at work or at night after everyone has gone to sleep. On the whole the only thing I find upsetting is that none of you seem to live in my area! I love the variety of activities, the recipes/meals, the little extras you seem to do for the kids and how much you seem to truly care about your charges.

That being said, I can agree with the OP’s post to an extent.

After Blackcat’s explanation, I can completely understand that this can sometimes be a venting forum and we’re frequently hearing about your worst cases, rather than your best, or even typical, cases.

But I’m also a mom who never planned to work during my daughter’s infant/toddler/preschool years. When my daughter was 16 months old we realized that I wasn’t making enough working part time, the pre-baby savings were gone and I HAD to go back to work. I got a job offer that would have had me doing cartwheels pre-baby and still cried for 3 days. As a result, when I see repeated posts making generalizations that working parents don’t love their children and avoid spending time with them, it stings. It probably doesn’t help that unless you’ve seen it, it’s hard to believe any parent could act like that so it feels like exaggeration. I think I’m generally a good DCParent toward my provider (I certainly try to be!) but reading all of these posts has made me a little paranoid when dealing with my current provider that little slip ups will be viewed in the most negative light possible instead of a common human mistake or situation (like bad traffic) that’s out of my control.

Regarding Nannyde, at first I agreed with the other posters – she seemed harsh. But I’ve read some of her blog posts and some of her comments and I think the problem is the lack of tone/facial expressions/body language that comes with Internet communication and mostly the fact that’s she’s usually trying to explain things that most people do without thinking.

For example her post about toy rules. At first I pictured a big sheet of poster board on the wall with dozens of rules about how kids could drive their toy cars and them being scolded for not remembering them. I mulled it over and realized that they were actions I wouldn’t let my daughter do either, not because I’d thought them out beforehand but because they’re common sense. If she was building a tower out of tiny blocks and tried to set a heavy metal truck on top, I’d suggest another building technique to avoid it coming down on her head, as I’m sure anyone would. The problem is that Nannyde is trying to outline, systematize and explain things that she’s learned over many years that come second nature to her and which fit seamlessly into her routine care but when spelled out sound unfeeling and rigid. Of course I could be wrong, as I’m still fairly new here
Excellent post Mommy2One!!

In regards to your provider, I can only advise you to be honest with her and expect no less from her. Work together because you are both in this together.

If something is bothering you, say something before it turns into something big.

If she did something you really love and appreciate, let her know. Sometimes, all providers are really lacking is that appreciation for what they do.

I am sure that if you are respectful and appreciative of her, she loves and appreciates you for the exact same reasons!!

As far as this forum goes, please stay and join the conversations. We need parents to voice their concerns and opinions so we can see that it is tough on your end as well!
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Michael 03:11 PM 09-13-2011
Originally Posted by Mommy2One:
I found this forum while searching for a new care provider. Iíve posted one other time but mostly Iíve lurked a lot, reading during slow times at work or at night after everyone has gone to sleep.
Welcome to the forum. Glad you finally registered.
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nannyde 04:22 PM 09-13-2011
Originally Posted by mac60:
I guess when you weren't the one being bullied by him repeatedly and nothing was being done about it it is easy to say that it "cracked me up"......kind of sad that someone would think that was amusing.
No Mac

Not you two together.

I'm talking about your posts singly and his posts singly.

You are one of the main reasons I stayed lurking here.

He was one of the main reasons I stayed lurking here.

That's all I'm saying.
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dEHmom 07:23 AM 09-15-2011
Originally Posted by Mommy2One:
I found this forum while searching for a new care provider. I’ve posted one other time but mostly I’ve lurked a lot, reading during slow times at work or at night after everyone has gone to sleep. On the whole the only thing I find upsetting is that none of you seem to live in my area! I love the variety of activities, the recipes/meals, the little extras you seem to do for the kids and how much you seem to truly care about your charges.

That being said, I can agree with the OP’s post to an extent.

After Blackcat’s explanation, I can completely understand that this can sometimes be a venting forum and we’re frequently hearing about your worst cases, rather than your best, or even typical, cases.

But I’m also a mom who never planned to work during my daughter’s infant/toddler/preschool years. When my daughter was 16 months old we realized that I wasn’t making enough working part time, the pre-baby savings were gone and I HAD to go back to work. I got a job offer that would have had me doing cartwheels pre-baby and still cried for 3 days. As a result, when I see repeated posts making generalizations that working parents don’t love their children and avoid spending time with them, it stings. It probably doesn’t help that unless you’ve seen it, it’s hard to believe any parent could act like that so it feels like exaggeration. I think I’m generally a good DCParent toward my provider (I certainly try to be!) but reading all of these posts has made me a little paranoid when dealing with my current provider that little slip ups will be viewed in the most negative light possible instead of a common human mistake or situation (like bad traffic) that’s out of my control.

Regarding Nannyde, at first I agreed with the other posters – she seemed harsh. But I’ve read some of her blog posts and some of her comments and I think the problem is the lack of tone/facial expressions/body language that comes with Internet communication and mostly the fact that’s she’s usually trying to explain things that most people do without thinking.

For example her post about toy rules. At first I pictured a big sheet of poster board on the wall with dozens of rules about how kids could drive their toy cars and them being scolded for not remembering them. I mulled it over and realized that they were actions I wouldn’t let my daughter do either, not because I’d thought them out beforehand but because they’re common sense. If she was building a tower out of tiny blocks and tried to set a heavy metal truck on top, I’d suggest another building technique to avoid it coming down on her head, as I’m sure anyone would. The problem is that Nannyde is trying to outline, systematize and explain things that she’s learned over many years that come second nature to her and which fit seamlessly into her routine care but when spelled out sound unfeeling and rigid. Of course I could be wrong, as I’m still fairly new here
Fantastic post! and glad you stuck around. And I think you nailed Nan right. It's the lack of expressions because it is simply a written. Nothing sounds as great on the internet and needs that extra umph just to make it sound better. Nan is straight to the point. I have to agree I thought of her as a drill sargent too at first, until I was dealing with the same bad behaviors time and time again with the same kids, and Nan would be dancing in my head with her rules. And I realized it's just expectations and not boot camp.

I have been on this site for a long time. I've made more than my share of posts already. I have to admit that I can't say I've seen a lot of posts on here judging parents who have to work and can't stay home with their kids. It keeps coming up, but I can't say that I find that is what people are complaining about on here.

I think it's providers trying to say that as providers we are watching someones kids because they have to work. And then the parents go beyond that and get an extra hour, or 2 or 3 outside of working hours where the provider still has the child.

I don't read every thread that comes up, I read the ones that grab my attention or relate to me. Because I'd be on here 24/7 if I didn't. I've also learned there are a few people on here who are constantly complaining and I myself have to wonder why they do this job. Those seem to have slowed down, but there are a few that I avoid.

I also feel that the majority of the ladies on here have to deal with a lot more stressful days because they have infants right from newborn. In Canada, we have 1 yr maternity leave, and so most kids we get in daycares are 11-13 months old. Babies are only easy when they sleep, but I personally know the stress of having a newborn around who doesn't like to sleep more than 15 mins at a time, and how older kids love to crowd the itty bitties which would be stressful in itself.
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caligirl 11:50 AM 10-12-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
It is great that you are such a caring and loving and responsible mother to your child. Most of us that provide child care do have those parents in care. You just don't hear much about them because most the posts on here are vents about the bad parents. Providers don't complain about good parents. Those are the ones who are like you described. They work with the provider in a partnership to raise and care for the child.

I am sorry if this forum has made you think all providers assume parents are lazy and uncaring. That is really NOT the case. Sadly, you will read and hear about alot more of the negative than the positives because the good parents talk to us and work with us so we do not need to come on a forum and ask for advice or help or feedback for those parents.

Please keep that in mind when you read this forum.

As a child care provider, thank you for being that awesome type of parent that is really why I stay in this business loooong after my own kids are grown and nearly gone.

Thank you for being the type of parent that makes me glad for the child at the end of a long week because I know that your child is going home to loving parents and a stable home life. Thank you for being the type of parent who puts forth the effort to raise and care for your child in a partnership with your provider. Thank you on behalf of every provider out there and on this forum who does have wonderful, loving, caring and supportive parents because those are NEVER the ones you hear about.

Those are never the ones who are vented and complained about but we still know you are out there! Thank you!
I couldn't have said it better. If every parent were this way, we would all be very happy.
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dave4him 02:27 PM 10-12-2011
*whistle and sigh*
Its a blessing people who provide for children have a place like this to talk openly and get ideas and tips. Im not sure snooping is a good idea...it does bring up a question of trust really.... if you dont trust the person you have watching your child enough that you have to go online to spy on them.. GET THEM OUT OF THERE! Seriously. Know who are leaving your kids with.
I am a stay at home dad right now because i knew my twins would need extra attention and we felt it would make the best for me to watch the kids... no matter how crazy they drive me. And i am wanting to start a daycare so i have more time to spend with my family on nights and weekends. Hopefully be able to minister to other kids and parents by serving them in this way with home daycare. We will see how things go. Still... wow.
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caligirl 06:49 PM 10-12-2011
I am a very good DCP. I take VERY good care of the children here. I have been licensed for almost 30 years. I give the children plenty of attention, keep them busy with activities, teach them many things and give them as much love as I possibly can. Just because we take care of children doesn't mean we are bad people, or that we have no right to complain. This is not an easy job. Raising children is a LOT of work. We are doing this job because we love the children. But just as in every job, it's not always perfect and things don't always run smoothly. Open communication, even though we try to keep that going, isn't always easy with every parent. This is only where we come to vent now and then....

We have good reason to vent now and then. For instance, I just started a new baby last week....the mom wasn't happy with where he was. I close at 5pm. She isn't off until 5pm and asked if there was any way I could take him, that she would be here by 5:30. I open at 7am...already a 10 hr day....I gave it a lot of thought, knowing everyone else would be gone before 5, but I told her I would, as long as it was never any later than 5:30.....well it started today, 5:35....traffic.... I get paid on Fridays in advance....I have not received my payment for this week yet....each evening at pick up this week she has had an excuse.....I told her that she'll need to bring me a check for both this week and next week since she is late, and that I would cash them both on Saturday..... I've also reminded her daily to bring some paperwork that I need....she has forgotten each day...... now, I have every right to be unhappy. I've taken very good care of her sweet little baby, and in return, I deserve a little respect and to honor my contract. Otherwise, she may have to go back to her previous provider.
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misspollywog 06:13 PM 10-13-2011
Hrrmm. I guess I am odd because the more I read here the more I think a lot of members are dcp's I would have trusted with my own children. I guess if you focus ONLY on negative posts you would develop the attitude of the OP, but who focuses only on the negative?
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BBDC 09:25 PM 02-04-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I, too, agree with all of the unregistereds and OP. I've been saying this for years, that because of this forum, I would never hire a home daycare and I try to convince my friends never to choose one either. Every one I know that did choose one had nothing but problems and were virtually problem free with a center by comparison. There's way more I could say, but it's not worth it. I'm glad I found this site, because it confirms exactly what I'd been thinking about home daycares from the beginning and how they think and operate. I feel sorry for those poor parents and kids who have no idea that their providers post here - I highly doubt they've revealved their involvement in their contracts.
like many have said ALOT of people who post on here are also centers not just inhome so THIS is just showing you do not read very closely to know that centers post here too> WHO knows it could be a person from your center lol! I do not think you should judge in homes for other people as there are alot of people who like inhomes more than centers! I know several of my clients came from centers and like my inhome better ( they have told me that) I have less clients than a center so I am able to give a child more one on one care compared to a center. (which goes for alot of in-homes) So please do not judge all in-homes on something you read because the comments you read could be coming from a center not just an inhome!
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Unregistered 08:52 AM 02-07-2012
I just posted about a new daycare book. Yikes. Written by a daycare worker who tried her best but didn't feel she could do it all and do it well. Lots of stories the parents never heard.

Bridget

http://www.amazon.com/Doing-Time-Rea...8629773&sr=8-1
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BabySteps 03:13 PM 02-07-2012
I don't know if I am the only one, but I only care for one child at a time - does anybody else do that?

I decided after working at daycare centers who treated kids not well, especially the babies who can't communicate how they feel or what happens to them.. I wanted to just care for Infants 6 weeks up to age 2. At around age 2 children can communicate what goes on with them.

I don't have set hours, I do what parents need. I cared for one little girl until 10pm sometimes, overnight sometimes, and weekends. Her Mom was a single Mom so I helped her out whenever she needed.

I love what I do!

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Tags:forum members, human nature, parents, unrealistic expectations, venting
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