Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Really Could Use Some Advice
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 03:07 AM 09-04-2014
I have a DCB who I use to let take one of my trains home. I only had him and his sister. Well they left for the summer and now he wants to do it again. I have more kids now and things have changed. He has been back for three weeks and it wasn't until this week when dad started picking up that he has started this again. Tuesday. he was so bad that I taped the train bin shut and wouldn't let him play with them. When his dad walked in ( usually meet him outside but was busy changing baby) the boy goes over and untapped the bin and said I'm taking Thomas home. I went over picked him up and said no your not. He proceeded to scream at me and call me a liar because I said we've talked about this and I told you no before dad even got here.
Yesterday. I told him several times not to even ask because it wasn't happening. As soon as we go out to meet dad boy starts his huffy crying stomping feet I wanna take Thomas home. His dad was like why can't you take Thomas home. Because they are mine and not his to take home. Other kids here like to play too. I'm considering taking trains and tracks out of here all together. Am I doing the right thing by saying no this time around? Should I just give him one to take back and forth? Parents are very submissive to him and no discipline at any level.
Reply
Josiegirl 03:19 AM 09-04-2014
Can you send home a newsletter or something, stating new rules?
And NOOOO, you are not being mean by changing the way you do things!!

I've got to write another newsletter, telling parents no more borrowing anything. I have kids that ask often and it's never been too much of a problem. There were some things donated to our daycare and a dcb borrowed some of them. It took 2 weeks to get part of them back and I haven't seen the rest of it yet. And don't ask me why but I always feel bad asking for stuff back. I'm just crazy like that.

Doesn't sound like NO would be a bad word for this kid to hear. From someone! Simply tell dcf your policies have since changed.

Just wanted to add I let a dcg borrow some brand new Lakeshore musical eggs that were part of an instrument package I bought with grant money. When I asked about them later, they couldn't be found at home anywhere. Dcm said she must've thrown them out, thinking they were nothing to keep. She offered to pay for them but being the wishy-washy dcprovider that I am, I said no that's alright. Then there was another instance when I used to let a dcg borrow things. I had left my portable phone on the couch(don't ask me why, it was a long time ago) and when dcm came in to collect her things(we were outside) she took it because her dd wanted it. When I asked dcm about it she said she thought it was a play phone. She lost it and I did ask to be paid for that.
Reply
Sugar Magnolia 03:36 AM 09-04-2014
I'd put the trains away for a while. I can see why dcb had a melt down though......consistency. First he was allowed, now he's not.
Reply
Second Home 03:45 AM 09-04-2014
I would pack all the trains away for a while . I rotate through my toys anyway so the kids understand when something is gone for a while .
Reply
Thriftylady 03:50 AM 09-04-2014
I would put the trains away for awhile AND send a letter home stating any policy changes, maybe make it into a newsletter so it doesn't seem aimed at one family. Then hopefully once they have been put away for a bit dcb will get the message.
Reply
NightOwl 04:53 AM 09-04-2014
He's just in that routine. Leave Cozy's house = take Thomas home. I would pack them away for a while. Most of us rotate toys anyway, so tell dcb and dcd that they're in storage due to rotation. However, I would still send home a note/newsletter stating that you will be enforcing your rule about toys staying in your home and no more borrowing.
Reply
Blackcat31 05:02 AM 09-04-2014
Try approaching mom and/or dad AT drop off about your expectations of THEM at pick up that night:

"Dad, at pick up tonight Tommy is probably going to be upset that he is no longer allowed to take toys home from my house. I'll expect you to take the lead and help him understand that he is no longer allowed to bring my trains home."

I would INSIST the parents take control of their child once they are on your property. You should not be left standing there dealing with THEIR child while they are present.

Just because he used to do something doesn't mean he always gets to that same thing. It's life. He'll need to understand this concept at some point.
Reply
TheGoodLife 06:22 AM 09-04-2014
I swear, reading some of these thing just makes me SO upset! I can't believe some of the things that I see happening- what in the world is wrong with people?! Why would anyone thinks it's OK to just take something home with them that doesn't belong to them? I feel so bad for providers anytime I see this, and it makes me so sad thinking that this is becoming the "norm" for generations- self-entitled, self-centered ways of thinking Where are all the manners and respect- I'm not THAT old, so it's not like I'm from an older generation and I'd never, ever think of doing most of these things that other parents do! But then again, I am always praised for raising nice, polite kids- and I just wonder why other parents can't have common sense and do things similarly? (Oh yeah, it's "hard" and you can't be lazy!!) OK, off the soapbox!

Ok, that was no help, but I just had to get that out! For the OP, I'd never feel bad for saying no- and I'd also let the DCPs (or just DCD if that's who is seeing all the problems) that the trains belong to the daycare and that they need to speak with the child about not trying to take things home that don't belong to the DCb about appropriate behavior. Sounds like the DCB is a bit older, from the way you described him and he needs to understand that it is not OK to act like that!
Reply
llpa 06:44 AM 09-04-2014
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
I'd put the trains away for a while. I can see why dcb had a melt down though......consistency. First he was allowed, now he's not.
I agree! Get them out of sight and mind for a while. If he tries to talk about it, I would explain one time that you did allow him to take them when he was the only child there, but you can no longer do so. End of explaination. Period. If he keeps trying to talk about it, I would get busy with something else.
Reply
Cat Herder 08:02 AM 09-04-2014
Team Banish the Trains...

Daddy needs a huge dose of NO.

"DCB, I made a mistake. I should not have let you take the train home. I can't do it again. You can play with cars and trucks here, though. Go. Play Toys."

Teachable moment in personal accountability + boundaries + options = Win
Reply
Meyou 08:05 AM 09-04-2014
Those trains would be gone, gone and gone. I would tell Dad, "Sorry Dad. The trains are on vacation due to tantrums over children wanting to take them home. Since DCB loves trains so much you can buy them at Toys R Us."
Reply
daycare 08:23 AM 09-04-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Try approaching mom and/or dad AT drop off about your expectations of THEM at pick up that night:

"Dad, at pick up tonight Tommy is probably going to be upset that he is no longer allowed to take toys home from my house. I'll expect you to take the lead and help him understand that he is no longer allowed to bring my trains home."

I would INSIST the parents take control of their child once they are on your property. You should not be left standing there dealing with THEIR child while they are present.

Just because he used to do something doesn't mean he always gets to that same thing. It's life. He'll need to understand this concept at some point.
This This This!!! I have a dcb who is only 18 months and every day dad is letting him take home the hotwheels because he does not want to hear DCB scream if he makes him put it back.

Well I talked to the parents about it saying that I can't allow it, I don't allow anyone else to do it and it is setting the child up to fail in other environments. It's not his, he can't have it.

Because of my dcbs age, I just removed the bin of cars about 30minutes before pick up so that we don't have to deal with it.


How old is yoru DCB? can you tell him johnny, if I let you take thomas home, then all of the kids will also want to take thomas home and when you come back there will be no toys left to play with. Maybe you can ask your parents how you can earn one that you can buy at the store and keep at home for yourself....
Reply
AmyKidsCo 09:47 AM 09-04-2014
ITA with Blackcat. Approach the parent ahead of time and ask for his help - it's always good to get them on your side at the beginning. If dad is reluctant I'd say something about how they wouldn't take toys home from the Dr's office, or the church nursery, etc.
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 09:50 AM 09-04-2014
Thanks ladies. I'm gonna take them out of here. I felt bad that it is something he use to do before he was gone all summer then I took it away. He has been back for three week and this week was the first time it started. It's also the first week dad started pick ups again. I've talked with mom and dad both. Mom said he can't have what he wants all the time. Dad just well why can't you take it? Because it's not his is the answer I want to say but I just pretend like I don't hear it.
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 10:02 AM 09-04-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
This This This!!! I have a dcb who is only 18 months and every day dad is letting him take home the hotwheels because he does not want to hear DCB scream if he makes him put it back.

Well I talked to the parents about it saying that I can't allow it, I don't allow anyone else to do it and it is setting the child up to fail in other environments. It's not his, he can't have it.

Because of my dcbs age, I just removed the bin of cars about 30minutes before pick up so that we don't have to deal with it.


How old is yoru DCB? can you tell him johnny, if I let you take thomas home, then all of the kids will also want to take thomas home and when you come back there will be no toys left to play with. Maybe you can ask your parents how you can earn one that you can buy at the store and keep at home for yourself....
He is 3-1/2. The last few days I have told him about an hour before that he wasn't taken them home anymore so don't even ask when dad gets here and that crying won't change it. He does fine till his foot hits the first step on the porch. then the water works start along with the stomping and screaming that I won't let him take home my Thomas. The dad picks him up and cuddles him. The entire time the boy has his nose wrinkled up and glaring at me with dagger eyes. I'm sure it pisses dad off. Mom has even said that he has a ton of trains at home.
Reply
llpa 10:09 AM 09-04-2014
Originally Posted by Cozy_Kids_Childcare:
He is 3-1/2. The last few days I have told him about an hour before that he wasn't taken them home anymore so don't even ask when dad gets here and that crying won't change it. He does fine till his foot hits the first step on the porch. then the water works start along with the stomping and screaming that I won't let him take home my Thomas. The dad picks him up and cuddles him. The entire time the boy has his nose wrinkled up and glaring at me with dagger eyes. I'm sure it pisses dad off. Mom has even said that he has a ton of trains at home.
shame on that Dad for enabling his child's anger and sense of entitlement. I would just come out and say " these are for everyone not just some. I made a mistake by letting dcb take it home to begin with. I can't let that happen again" and I would say it to dcd in front of his child. Then say "see you tomorrow dcb!" And shut the door
Reply
nannyde 10:17 AM 09-04-2014
Originally Posted by Cozy_Kids_Childcare:
He is 3-1/2. The last few days I have told him about an hour before that he wasn't taken them home anymore so don't even ask when dad gets here and that crying won't change it. He does fine till his foot hits the first step on the porch. then the water works start along with the stomping and screaming that I won't let him take home my Thomas. The dad picks him up and cuddles him. The entire time the boy has his nose wrinkled up and glaring at me with dagger eyes. I'm sure it pisses dad off. Mom has even said that he has a ton of trains at home.
I would celebrate the performance when Dad arrives. I would be very cheery and say "DCB I know you are going to cry when your Dad gets here because you want the train. Go for it. Big cheesy grin... Then when Dad comes put on a BIG fat smile and say... I'm waiting.... Once he starts... "YOU did it!!! I was right!!! Big cheesy grin...

Okay well that was really good. Now tomorrow.. I think you should maybe stomp your feet and say "I WANT the Thomas" instead of "I want the THOMAS" train. Can you try that tomorrow? The day after tomorrow I think you should try "I want the Thomas TRAIN".

If he is going to perform... I expect an academy award winning performance by Friday.

The issue isn't the wanting of the train... that's a kid for you. The issue is the scene with the Dad. It's time to celebrate and maybe even video tape... so he can watch it during lunch on the wide screen.

Don't get upset.. do the tantrum and have some fun with it. I would have him laughing his head off after a week of seeing himself perform. I would just turn it into a joke and have it be lighthearted.

It's not really THAT big of a deal so don't let it be.
Reply
Heidi 10:31 AM 09-04-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:


I would celebrate the performance when Dad arrives. I would be very cheery and say "DCB I know you are going to cry when your Dad gets here because you want the train. Go for it. Big cheesy grin... Then when Dad comes put on a BIG fat smile and say... I'm waiting.... Once he starts... "YOU did it!!! I was right!!! Big cheesy grin...

Okay well that was really good. Now tomorrow.. I think you should maybe stomp your feet and say "I WANT the Thomas" instead of "I want the THOMAS" train. Can you try that tomorrow? The day after tomorrow I think you should try "I want the Thomas TRAIN".

If he is going to perform... I expect an academy award winning performance by Friday.

The issue isn't the wanting of the train... that's a kid for you. The issue is the scene with the Dad. It's time to celebrate and maybe even video tape... so he can watch it during lunch on the wide screen.

Don't get upset.. do the tantrum and have some fun with it. I would have him laughing his head off after a week of seeing himself perform. I would just turn it into a joke and have it be lighthearted.

It's not really THAT big of a deal so don't let it be.
and you, once again, get the "creative solution" award for the day. It just might work!
Reply
Rockgirl 10:34 AM 09-04-2014
I'm too OCD about my daycare toys to ever let one out the door! Lol.
Reply
Shell 10:44 AM 09-04-2014
Sometimes we so things that we come later to regret. That time is now, and you now have a new rule. Dcd needs to respect that, period. I would do as pp's mentioned, and explain this to dcd once again- you can't allow any toys out, it's not fair, and you can't start loaning out your toys. I might go as far as to print out an ad for the toy with the price. We all know this is about control, and not the toy, but you can at least start there.
Reply
Play Care 11:11 AM 09-04-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Try approaching mom and/or dad AT drop off about your expectations of THEM at pick up that night:

"Dad, at pick up tonight Tommy is probably going to be upset that he is no longer allowed to take toys home from my house. I'll expect you to take the lead and help him understand that he is no longer allowed to bring my trains home."

I would INSIST the parents take control of their child once they are on your property. You should not be left standing there dealing with THEIR child while they are present.

Just because he used to do something doesn't mean he always gets to that same thing. It's life. He'll need to understand this concept at some point.

Reply
daycarediva 11:25 AM 09-04-2014
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
I'd put the trains away for a while. I can see why dcb had a melt down though......consistency. First he was allowed, now he's not.
Agree, I'd speak to whoever picks up also. Can't cry over something that isn't there.

When I reintroduced them "Now Joey the trains can stay out as long as you don't cry to take them home..."
Reply
Blackcat31 11:33 AM 09-04-2014
I wouldn't remove the trains.

I think it's a punishment for all kids then because of one child's behavior.

He's 3. I think he is perfectly capable of understanding that just because he did something before, doesn't mean he gets to always do it.

He used to wear diapers
He used to be feed via a bottle or nursed
He used to not be able to speak
He used to be 2
He used to be the only kid at daycare
He used to stay home

Life changes all the time...... He needs to adjust to these changes and making everyone suffer or go without is setting him up to think that HIS behavior will always be the behavior in which all happenings/rules etc are based.

What happens next week when he starts focusing on the Hot Wheel cars because the trains are no longer out. Then the following week, it's whatever toy he can snag on the way out the door.

I don't believe it has anything to do with the train. It has more to do with who the boss is or rather who thinks they are the boss.



OP~ Maybe you should consider purchasing a train that DCB's dad can rent.

$50 each time DCB takes it home. Wonder how fast his tune would change when it's HIS money we are dealing with?
Reply
daycare 01:15 PM 09-04-2014
OP~ Maybe you should consider purchasing a train that DCB's dad can rent.

$50 each time DCB takes it home. Wonder how fast his tune would change when it's HIS money we are dealing with?


BRILLIANT!!

The child is playing you against dad and trying to Power over you with his Full Time Boss. Don't play the game.

I agree that it is not about the trains its about the child manipulating dad and getting dad to power over you to give in.

He is 3, he can understand a lot of words. Sorry johnny, I can't let you take them home anymore. Imagine what would happen if I let everyone take a toy home with them. OH MY GOSH, we would have no toys at daycare and everyone would be really sad because there would be no toys to play with. I want you to have the most fun when you are here, so the toys all have to stay here. Thanks for listening like a big boy.
Reply
Thriftylady 02:31 PM 09-04-2014
Oh my gosh!!!! I just fell in love with the letting dad rent option!
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 02:45 PM 09-04-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I wouldn't remove the trains.

I think it's a punishment for all kids then because of one child's behavior.

He's 3. I think he is perfectly capable of understanding that just because he did something before, doesn't mean he gets to always do it.

He used to wear diapers
He used to be feed via a bottle or nursed
He used to not be able to speak
He used to be 2
He used to be the only kid at daycare
He used to stay home

Life changes all the time...... He needs to adjust to these changes and making everyone suffer or go without is setting him up to think that HIS behavior will always be the behavior in which all happenings/rules etc are based.

What happens next week when he starts focusing on the Hot Wheel cars because the trains are no longer out. Then the following week, it's whatever toy he can snag on the way out the door.

I don't believe it has anything to do with the train. It has more to do with who the boss is or rather who thinks they are the boss.



OP~ Maybe you should consider purchasing a train that DCB's dad can rent.

$50 each time DCB takes it home. Wonder how fast his tune would change when it's HIS money we are dealing with?
I didn't think about all you said. I think your right. He will just find the next best thing. Hit them in the pocketbook!
Reply
Naptime yet? 03:40 PM 09-04-2014
I think I get the "worse provider" award. I had a 2yr old who wanted to take cars home. Mom seemed ok with it; I told dcb you have two choices: you give me the car & I'll put it in a certain place where you will find it in the morning OR I will take it from you and you may or may not find it tomorrow morning and mommy can deal with your tantrum on your way out the door. And you have 30 seconds to decide: go!

I tell the older kids, your toys stay at your house, my toys stay at mine. And don't ask mom or dad if you can take MY toys home because you can't, only I can give you permission.
Reply
Reply Up