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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Behavior Help - Seperate Homes?
WImom 08:35 PM 05-22-2012
I have a DCG that is 3y old. She is very stubborn. I've had her here for a little over a year now and I'm still dealing with alot of the same issues.
She can be a very sweet little girl, helpful, etc. But alot of the time she is mean to her friends or doesn't listen, etc.
Examples from this week so far:
*Started kicking the child in front of her because she didn't want them to sit in front of her.
*Complained that she didn't want so and so behind her in line
*When we sing a song together she will sing a different song on purpose.
*Pushing kids outside if they are in her way when she is running or spinning with arms out and hitting kids.
* She tries to test me all day long some days. We have had a few good weeks so I know she can listen and be nice.
*She will do things opposite what you say on purpose to see what will happen it: ie: She will take 6-7 towels and throw them in the towel bin instead of one when the day before I will remind everyone to take one so we don't run out. I'll say everyone please walk so she'll run, etc.
It seems like once I get one thing fixed we move on to another issue.
She is an only child. Her parents are not together (haven't been the whole time she has been here, not sure if they have ever been.) She comes to my house Monday-Wed, Friday. Goes to Grandma/Grandpa's on Thursday. Mom and dad alternate days (one drops off, one pick up and then they drop off the next day, etc). They are very good with keeping schedule the same all the time but I'm wondering if there are too many rules between us all and that's where the behavior problems are coming from? I assume she has top priority at home being just one parent and her and probably runs the roost at grandmas (I know my kids do at theirs
).
Anyone deal with a situation like this before and can offer some advice? Right now I seperate her from the group if she's not being nice or listening to me. I also ignore the tantrums (Goes to the crying spot). I've been talking to her about what to do if she's mad, sad, etc for the last year. I've also praised her for using words instead of hands. I want to give mom good reports and feel bad this is still going on. I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
She can be a very sweet little girl, helpful, etc. But alot of the time she is mean to her friends or doesn't listen, etc.
Examples from this week so far:
*Started kicking the child in front of her because she didn't want them to sit in front of her.
*Complained that she didn't want so and so behind her in line
*When we sing a song together she will sing a different song on purpose.
*Pushing kids outside if they are in her way when she is running or spinning with arms out and hitting kids.
* She tries to test me all day long some days. We have had a few good weeks so I know she can listen and be nice.
*She will do things opposite what you say on purpose to see what will happen it: ie: She will take 6-7 towels and throw them in the towel bin instead of one when the day before I will remind everyone to take one so we don't run out. I'll say everyone please walk so she'll run, etc.
It seems like once I get one thing fixed we move on to another issue.
She is an only child. Her parents are not together (haven't been the whole time she has been here, not sure if they have ever been.) She comes to my house Monday-Wed, Friday. Goes to Grandma/Grandpa's on Thursday. Mom and dad alternate days (one drops off, one pick up and then they drop off the next day, etc). They are very good with keeping schedule the same all the time but I'm wondering if there are too many rules between us all and that's where the behavior problems are coming from? I assume she has top priority at home being just one parent and her and probably runs the roost at grandmas (I know my kids do at theirs
). Anyone deal with a situation like this before and can offer some advice? Right now I seperate her from the group if she's not being nice or listening to me. I also ignore the tantrums (Goes to the crying spot). I've been talking to her about what to do if she's mad, sad, etc for the last year. I've also praised her for using words instead of hands. I want to give mom good reports and feel bad this is still going on. I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
MizzCheryl 04:53 AM 05-23-2012
I have dealt with this. I had this girl! And she got all the others misbehaving as well. One consult with Nanny De and my life is changed. I am in charge of the kids now and they love me for it. It is so calm and relaxed here. I was escalating their behavior. Now I am calm and have to tools I need to have a happy peaceful daycare. I even had school kids yesterday and we had FUN!
Nanny de really is the Daycare Whisperer.\
The DCG that was like this is now happier and so am I.
Nanny de really is the Daycare Whisperer.\
The DCG that was like this is now happier and so am I.
WImom 12:40 PM 05-23-2012
Thanks!! Wish she was still posting here.
MarinaVanessa 01:56 PM 05-23-2012
I had this issue come up once also. What I found is that the child is probably confused from all of the back and forth. Put yourself in the child's shoes and think about how the child feels, kids thrive better with routines and consistency and this child is going back and forth from mom's, dad's, grandma's and daycare and is staying with a different person pretty much every day of the week. Sounds chaotic to a child if you ask me.
Children have a funny way of internalizing everything that happens around them. She's probably testing you to see if you're going to let her down or push her away KWIM? Sort of like testing you to see if you'll continue to like her even when she's bad sort of thing.
The problem is that she's not with you everyday. When I had a DCB that went back and forth with mom and dad everyday (they alternated days) at least he came to me everyday. I would pack up a backpack with activities for him to do while at mom or dads with the condition that he would have to bring them back the next day to show me. He was 3 1/2 and I often put books, a stuffed toy, crayons, paper, coloring books etc in it. That way at least he knew that no matter what he would be coming here the next day. Once I started doing this I saw improvements. I don't know if you can try this or would be willing to considering that DCG only comes every other day. I would deffinetely write a list of what you put in the backpack and keep a copy of it at DC and one in the backpack so that DCP's remember to put everything back in it. Just a thought.
Children have a funny way of internalizing everything that happens around them. She's probably testing you to see if you're going to let her down or push her away KWIM? Sort of like testing you to see if you'll continue to like her even when she's bad sort of thing.
The problem is that she's not with you everyday. When I had a DCB that went back and forth with mom and dad everyday (they alternated days) at least he came to me everyday. I would pack up a backpack with activities for him to do while at mom or dads with the condition that he would have to bring them back the next day to show me. He was 3 1/2 and I often put books, a stuffed toy, crayons, paper, coloring books etc in it. That way at least he knew that no matter what he would be coming here the next day. Once I started doing this I saw improvements. I don't know if you can try this or would be willing to considering that DCG only comes every other day. I would deffinetely write a list of what you put in the backpack and keep a copy of it at DC and one in the backpack so that DCP's remember to put everything back in it. Just a thought.
WImom 03:03 PM 05-23-2012
Marissa - sorry if my post was confusing. She comes everyday but Thursday (and weekends).
MarinaVanessa 03:12 PM 05-23-2012
Originally Posted by WImom:
Marissa - sorry if my post was confusing. She comes everyday but Thursday (and weekends).
Oh that's great, then you're the only real consistency she has in her world right now. Maybe the backpack thing would work for you, I had it recommended to me in a behavioral challenge class that I took a while back and it did wonders for me. I don't have any other ideas for you though. Marissa - sorry if my post was confusing. She comes everyday but Thursday (and weekends).
MizzCheryl 05:10 PM 05-23-2012
My DCG lives in chaos. Lives with MOm and sisters and aunts and Grandparents. Dad just got out of jail, she spent the weekend with him. I thought all of that contributed to all my problem. Guess what... NO! She is very capable of following my rules and my expectations when she is in my care. WHO KNEW???
The problem is that all these classes we take do not teach us how to deal with these kids. I have an associates degree and take all sorts of workshops. They do not help. I talked with Nannyde for 1 hour and she told me how to fix it all. And boy she was right. It all made perfect sense and I never have to even get the slightest bit addled anymore. I have a huge tom lifted off me. The kids do the clean up when its clean up time. They sit nicely while I get lunch on the table. No more RUNNING, Hallelujah! No more fighting and no more SASSING!
It was cheap to get all of that.
I had 7 kids in all today and it was great.
She might not post but she still does consults and ya get alot more out of that. I emailed her and she got back to me right away.
Good luch with your situation!
The problem is that all these classes we take do not teach us how to deal with these kids. I have an associates degree and take all sorts of workshops. They do not help. I talked with Nannyde for 1 hour and she told me how to fix it all. And boy she was right. It all made perfect sense and I never have to even get the slightest bit addled anymore. I have a huge tom lifted off me. The kids do the clean up when its clean up time. They sit nicely while I get lunch on the table. No more RUNNING, Hallelujah! No more fighting and no more SASSING!
It was cheap to get all of that.
I had 7 kids in all today and it was great.
She might not post but she still does consults and ya get alot more out of that. I emailed her and she got back to me right away.
Good luch with your situation!