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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Parent With Issues With Our Rules
EntropyControlSpecialist 07:38 AM 08-23-2012
We have a child that has been here for 4 weeks part-time. The child (preschool aged) goes into hysterics upon parent preparing to leave. Child is fine within 1 minute after the door closes.
Two weeks into being here, we changed a rule. No personal blankets/stuffed animals/etc. for health reasons. We began to supply the sheets and blankets for our cots and wash them ourselves every Friday. Most parents love that they have less laundry to do, and we love that we can guarantee that the blankets/sheets that are in our environment are actually clean (as opposed to some of the blankets that were supposed to be pink but were brown due to being dragged around everywhere and not being washed).
Parent says that he knows we do not allow personal blankets but his Preschooler needs their blankey and could she bring it anyways? I tell him no and the reasons why. He said he just "doesn't know" about our new rule and will "need to talk to Mom about it." The next several times I am told that child is crying because child wants her blanket. Child tells me that they were crying because they wanted a waffle for breakfast, so I tell Dad.
2 weeks pass by and I see this parent again. He comes in this morning and tells me that the child does not want to come because the child does not like the food here. I said, "Hm. Well, child eats while here." He said, "Oh? She eats?" I said, "Yes. Mom feeds child a donut before coming here so if you need to do that the feel free to." He said, "She ate a waffle this morning." I said, "Oh, sounds delicious!
We have waffles here on occasion, but we limit their sugar intake."
Honestly, I feel insulted. I try very hard to make a clean, safe, healthy environment for the children in my care. Would it be inappropriate to talk to Dad (or Mom) and discuss them leaving since they are, obviously, not happy? How would you go about this (or would you)?
Two weeks into being here, we changed a rule. No personal blankets/stuffed animals/etc. for health reasons. We began to supply the sheets and blankets for our cots and wash them ourselves every Friday. Most parents love that they have less laundry to do, and we love that we can guarantee that the blankets/sheets that are in our environment are actually clean (as opposed to some of the blankets that were supposed to be pink but were brown due to being dragged around everywhere and not being washed).
Parent says that he knows we do not allow personal blankets but his Preschooler needs their blankey and could she bring it anyways? I tell him no and the reasons why. He said he just "doesn't know" about our new rule and will "need to talk to Mom about it." The next several times I am told that child is crying because child wants her blanket. Child tells me that they were crying because they wanted a waffle for breakfast, so I tell Dad.
2 weeks pass by and I see this parent again. He comes in this morning and tells me that the child does not want to come because the child does not like the food here. I said, "Hm. Well, child eats while here." He said, "Oh? She eats?" I said, "Yes. Mom feeds child a donut before coming here so if you need to do that the feel free to." He said, "She ate a waffle this morning." I said, "Oh, sounds delicious!
We have waffles here on occasion, but we limit their sugar intake."Honestly, I feel insulted. I try very hard to make a clean, safe, healthy environment for the children in my care. Would it be inappropriate to talk to Dad (or Mom) and discuss them leaving since they are, obviously, not happy? How would you go about this (or would you)?
texascare 08:08 AM 08-23-2012
I have one that does the same thing with crying when parents leave. He is only 2 though. Has been doing it for almost a year and it drives me crazy. As soon as the door is shut he quits. He is doing for a reaction form his parents. i personally do not allow kids to carry blankets or stuffed animals around the daycare. The minute they put it down all the other kids are right up on it and it make the other child cry. Not to mention other kids put it on their face, slobber on it, etc and thats not good!!! So that is the reason I use. Kids just get their germs on it. It sounds like the 4 year old calls the shots with these parents. They don't want to come because they don't like the food? Well there are gonna be alot of things in life that you aren't going to like they you have to do. Might as well learn that now! I would meet with them and let them know if they are unhappy with the service they are more than well come to go else where or is there something that the two of you can work together on to make his situation work?
Blackcat31 08:22 AM 08-23-2012
(((hugs)))) sometimes it takes a little consistent but firm repeating and repeating before it finally sinks in for some parents. The child IS fine.
I would probably say something to BOTH parents that you are getting the feeling that they are unhappy with your care/services and that although you try very hard to meet everyone's needs, providing personalized one on one attention/care to each family is impossible in this business.
I would mention the "little things" that keep getting brought up and reassure them that their child is not the same child they have or deal with since ALL kids behave differently for parents than they do at daycare.
If the crying at drop off is minimal and the child is easily distracted, I would say not to worry about it and make sure the parents know they are giving thie child "fuel" to continue tantruming by feeding into her "blankets wants" or "waffle needs". The parents really need to let the issues they have at home or in the car stay there and drop off their child without attaching those issues to her.
Promise them that should their child have a huge tantrum or become so upset that she cannot be consoled, you WILL call them, but other than that you have everything under control and if there are any rules or policies they cannot abide by, they can certainly give notice and find other care but you will no longer continue to address all these little issues they are finding to complaine about.
Nip it in the bud now so it doesn't get worse. I always tell my parents that I fully understand that all my policies and rules might not work for them or be what they would do, but it works for me and the "group" of kids I care for.
The only real option they have is to agree to follow my policies or find alternate care.
I would probably say something to BOTH parents that you are getting the feeling that they are unhappy with your care/services and that although you try very hard to meet everyone's needs, providing personalized one on one attention/care to each family is impossible in this business.
I would mention the "little things" that keep getting brought up and reassure them that their child is not the same child they have or deal with since ALL kids behave differently for parents than they do at daycare.
If the crying at drop off is minimal and the child is easily distracted, I would say not to worry about it and make sure the parents know they are giving thie child "fuel" to continue tantruming by feeding into her "blankets wants" or "waffle needs". The parents really need to let the issues they have at home or in the car stay there and drop off their child without attaching those issues to her.
Promise them that should their child have a huge tantrum or become so upset that she cannot be consoled, you WILL call them, but other than that you have everything under control and if there are any rules or policies they cannot abide by, they can certainly give notice and find other care but you will no longer continue to address all these little issues they are finding to complaine about.
Nip it in the bud now so it doesn't get worse. I always tell my parents that I fully understand that all my policies and rules might not work for them or be what they would do, but it works for me and the "group" of kids I care for.
The only real option they have is to agree to follow my policies or find alternate care.
DaisyMamma 08:28 AM 08-23-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
(((hugs)))) sometimes it takes a little consistent but firm repeating and repeating before it finally sinks in for some parents. The child IS fine.
I would probably say something to BOTH parents that you are getting the feeling that they are unhappy with your care/services and that although you try very hard to meet everyone's needs, providing personalized one on one attention/care to each family is impossible in this business.
I would mention the "little things" that keep getting brought up and reassure them that their child is not the same child they have or deal with since ALL kids behave differently for parents than they do at daycare.
If the crying at drop off is minimal and the child is easily distracted, I would say not to worry about it and make sure the parents know they are giving thie child "fuel" to continue tantruming by feeding into her "blankets wants" or "waffle needs". The parents really need to let the issues they have at home or in the car stay there and drop off their child without attaching those issues to her.
Promise them that should their child have a huge tantrum or become so upset that she cannot be consoled, you WILL call them, but other than that you have everything under control and if there are any rules or policies they cannot abide by, they can certainly give notice and find other care but you will no longer continue to address all these little issues they are finding to complaine about.
Nip it in the bud now so it doesn't get worse. I always tell my parents that I fully understand that all my policies and rules might not work for them or be what they would do, but it works for me and the "group" of kids I care for.
The only real option they have is to agree to follow my policies or find alternate care.
I totally agree with this.(((hugs)))) sometimes it takes a little consistent but firm repeating and repeating before it finally sinks in for some parents. The child IS fine.
I would probably say something to BOTH parents that you are getting the feeling that they are unhappy with your care/services and that although you try very hard to meet everyone's needs, providing personalized one on one attention/care to each family is impossible in this business.
I would mention the "little things" that keep getting brought up and reassure them that their child is not the same child they have or deal with since ALL kids behave differently for parents than they do at daycare.
If the crying at drop off is minimal and the child is easily distracted, I would say not to worry about it and make sure the parents know they are giving thie child "fuel" to continue tantruming by feeding into her "blankets wants" or "waffle needs". The parents really need to let the issues they have at home or in the car stay there and drop off their child without attaching those issues to her.
Promise them that should their child have a huge tantrum or become so upset that she cannot be consoled, you WILL call them, but other than that you have everything under control and if there are any rules or policies they cannot abide by, they can certainly give notice and find other care but you will no longer continue to address all these little issues they are finding to complaine about.
Nip it in the bud now so it doesn't get worse. I always tell my parents that I fully understand that all my policies and rules might not work for them or be what they would do, but it works for me and the "group" of kids I care for.
The only real option they have is to agree to follow my policies or find alternate care.
cheerfuldom 09:09 AM 08-23-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
(((hugs)))) sometimes it takes a little consistent but firm repeating and repeating before it finally sinks in for some parents. The child IS fine.
I would probably say something to BOTH parents that you are getting the feeling that they are unhappy with your care/services and that although you try very hard to meet everyone's needs, providing personalized one on one attention/care to each family is impossible in this business.
I would mention the "little things" that keep getting brought up and reassure them that their child is not the same child they have or deal with since ALL kids behave differently for parents than they do at daycare.
If the crying at drop off is minimal and the child is easily distracted, I would say not to worry about it and make sure the parents know they are giving thie child "fuel" to continue tantruming by feeding into her "blankets wants" or "waffle needs". The parents really need to let the issues they have at home or in the car stay there and drop off their child without attaching those issues to her.
Promise them that should their child have a huge tantrum or become so upset that she cannot be consoled, you WILL call them, but other than that you have everything under control and if there are any rules or policies they cannot abide by, they can certainly give notice and find other care but you will no longer continue to address all these little issues they are finding to complaine about.
Nip it in the bud now so it doesn't get worse. I always tell my parents that I fully understand that all my policies and rules might not work for them or be what they would do, but it works for me and the "group" of kids I care for.
The only real option they have is to agree to follow my policies or find alternate care.
agree. they are "fishing" for special. just keep going about your business and dont get frazzled by passive aggressive comments like "well I need to talk to my spouse about this"......just follow up with "Thats fine. Let me know how that discussion goes". Call their bluffs, stick to the rules.(((hugs)))) sometimes it takes a little consistent but firm repeating and repeating before it finally sinks in for some parents. The child IS fine.
I would probably say something to BOTH parents that you are getting the feeling that they are unhappy with your care/services and that although you try very hard to meet everyone's needs, providing personalized one on one attention/care to each family is impossible in this business.
I would mention the "little things" that keep getting brought up and reassure them that their child is not the same child they have or deal with since ALL kids behave differently for parents than they do at daycare.
If the crying at drop off is minimal and the child is easily distracted, I would say not to worry about it and make sure the parents know they are giving thie child "fuel" to continue tantruming by feeding into her "blankets wants" or "waffle needs". The parents really need to let the issues they have at home or in the car stay there and drop off their child without attaching those issues to her.
Promise them that should their child have a huge tantrum or become so upset that she cannot be consoled, you WILL call them, but other than that you have everything under control and if there are any rules or policies they cannot abide by, they can certainly give notice and find other care but you will no longer continue to address all these little issues they are finding to complaine about.
Nip it in the bud now so it doesn't get worse. I always tell my parents that I fully understand that all my policies and rules might not work for them or be what they would do, but it works for me and the "group" of kids I care for.
The only real option they have is to agree to follow my policies or find alternate care.
EntropyControlSpecialist 10:19 AM 08-23-2012
Both parents never drop off/pick up. It is one or the other. I know Mom is picking up today.
Should I bring up the issue we had this morning or should I wait until we are all somehow in the same place at the same time (which hasn't happened since the interview since Dad travels often)?
It will be slightly awkward for the Mom because a.) She is in my small Bible study group and b.) She is non-confrontational.
"Susan, Dad said to me at drop-off this morning that child does not wish to come here because of the food I serve. Due to the comments he has made it feels as if we may not be a good fit for your family. If this is the case, please let me know on Tuesday and I will consider that your two weeks notice."
I am a really awkward person myself (Hello Aspergers!) so I fumble easily and become baffled when people say crazy things (like Dad). However, this morning I was proud that I did not fumble with the words I wanted to say.
Should I bring up the issue we had this morning or should I wait until we are all somehow in the same place at the same time (which hasn't happened since the interview since Dad travels often)?
It will be slightly awkward for the Mom because a.) She is in my small Bible study group and b.) She is non-confrontational.
"Susan, Dad said to me at drop-off this morning that child does not wish to come here because of the food I serve. Due to the comments he has made it feels as if we may not be a good fit for your family. If this is the case, please let me know on Tuesday and I will consider that your two weeks notice.
"I am a really awkward person myself (Hello Aspergers!) so I fumble easily and become baffled when people say crazy things (like Dad). However, this morning I was proud that I did not fumble with the words I wanted to say.
My3cents 12:04 PM 08-23-2012
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
Both parents never drop off/pick up. It is one or the other. I know Mom is picking up today.
Should I bring up the issue we had this morning or should I wait until we are all somehow in the same place at the same time (which hasn't happened since the interview since Dad travels often)?
It will be slightly awkward for the Mom because a.) She is in my small Bible study group and b.) She is non-confrontational.
"Susan, Dad said to me at drop-off this morning that child does not wish to come here because of the food I serve. Due to the comments he has made it feels as if we may not be a good fit for your family. If this is the case, please let me know on Tuesday and I will consider that your two weeks notice."
I am a really awkward person myself (Hello Aspergers!) so I fumble easily and become baffled when people say crazy things (like Dad). However, this morning I was proud that I did not fumble with the words I wanted to say.
yes might be awkward, but this is your business. Rules are in place for a reason for the good as a whole. I would write something up and send it home to both and make sure it is clear. Both parents never drop off/pick up. It is one or the other. I know Mom is picking up today.
Should I bring up the issue we had this morning or should I wait until we are all somehow in the same place at the same time (which hasn't happened since the interview since Dad travels often)?
It will be slightly awkward for the Mom because a.) She is in my small Bible study group and b.) She is non-confrontational.
"Susan, Dad said to me at drop-off this morning that child does not wish to come here because of the food I serve. Due to the comments he has made it feels as if we may not be a good fit for your family. If this is the case, please let me know on Tuesday and I will consider that your two weeks notice.
"I am a really awkward person myself (Hello Aspergers!) so I fumble easily and become baffled when people say crazy things (like Dad). However, this morning I was proud that I did not fumble with the words I wanted to say.
I would do this, I would allow the child to leave a blanket that they can keep at care, but not take home. Then you can wash it with everything else and have control over it.
Agree with Blackcat-
Best- Break is over.........ugh!
Blackcat31 12:38 PM 08-23-2012
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
Both parents never drop off/pick up. It is one or the other. I know Mom is picking up today.
Should I bring up the issue we had this morning or should I wait until we are all somehow in the same place at the same time (which hasn't happened since the interview since Dad travels often)?
It will be slightly awkward for the Mom because a.) She is in my small Bible study group and b.) She is non-confrontational.
"Susan, Dad said to me at drop-off this morning that child does not wish to come here because of the food I serve. Due to the comments he has made it feels as if we may not be a good fit for your family. If this is the case, please let me know on Tuesday and I will consider that your two weeks notice."
I am a really awkward person myself (Hello Aspergers!) so I fumble easily and become baffled when people say crazy things (like Dad). However, this morning I was proud that I did not fumble with the words I wanted to say.
I would say "Susan, DCD has been making some comments lately about Billy not being happy here at my daycare. If this is the case and we aren't fitting/working well together, I really wouldnt be offended if you need to find alternate care." Then leave the ball in her court. If she says "Oh, no we are really happy here and with you." then just say that DCD has kind of been making you feel otherwise so you just wanted to check to be sure. Both parents never drop off/pick up. It is one or the other. I know Mom is picking up today.
Should I bring up the issue we had this morning or should I wait until we are all somehow in the same place at the same time (which hasn't happened since the interview since Dad travels often)?
It will be slightly awkward for the Mom because a.) She is in my small Bible study group and b.) She is non-confrontational.
"Susan, Dad said to me at drop-off this morning that child does not wish to come here because of the food I serve. Due to the comments he has made it feels as if we may not be a good fit for your family. If this is the case, please let me know on Tuesday and I will consider that your two weeks notice.
"I am a really awkward person myself (Hello Aspergers!) so I fumble easily and become baffled when people say crazy things (like Dad). However, this morning I was proud that I did not fumble with the words I wanted to say.
Maybe those few little comments will spark (hopefully) a conversation between dad and mom at home.
You don't have to be blunt or point blank to say or get what you want. It IS possible to say things in a way that leaves the other person responsible for figuring it out.
Perhaps, they ARE wanting to leave but feel like if they term it will be uncomfortbale since DCM is in your bible group. Maybe giving them an "out" will help them make that decision.
If they don't want to leave, then I would definitely say to dad that all his little comments are kind of insulting even if he doesn't mean them that way.
daycare 12:49 PM 08-23-2012
Blackcat is great at giving the best advice and good wording. She has saved me from jumping off the bridge many of times...lol so to speak
In the past I had a father that would comment about EVERYTHING and always made me upset. He would even go as far as telling other kids to move from their current seat at the breakfast table because his little princess wanted it, upsetting our entire breakfast routine.
Dad always dropped off and mom always picked up.
Finally one day I had enough with the questions and disruptions so I told the wife at pick up what DCD was doing and that I could really understand that if they wanted to find another DC becuase he seemed very unhappy with me that I understood that my services were not for everyone. The mom was jaw dropped and looked at me like what in the world are you talking about.
Turns out dad had a word vomit issue and didn't really think before he spoke or acted out. The mom was very apologetic to me and begged me to give DCD another chance. I did and the DCD even apologized to me. Guess the wife had a few choice words with him, lol.
Follow what Blackcat is telling you. Communication is a MUST in this business from all parties involved in the childs life.
In the past I had a father that would comment about EVERYTHING and always made me upset. He would even go as far as telling other kids to move from their current seat at the breakfast table because his little princess wanted it, upsetting our entire breakfast routine.
Dad always dropped off and mom always picked up.
Finally one day I had enough with the questions and disruptions so I told the wife at pick up what DCD was doing and that I could really understand that if they wanted to find another DC becuase he seemed very unhappy with me that I understood that my services were not for everyone. The mom was jaw dropped and looked at me like what in the world are you talking about.
Turns out dad had a word vomit issue and didn't really think before he spoke or acted out. The mom was very apologetic to me and begged me to give DCD another chance. I did and the DCD even apologized to me. Guess the wife had a few choice words with him, lol.
Follow what Blackcat is telling you. Communication is a MUST in this business from all parties involved in the childs life.
clep 02:32 PM 08-23-2012
If a child wants to have a comfort blanket here or stuffy it must be left here in their cubby. It is washed weekly with the rest of the blankets. They may not carry it around all day. It is brought out by them with the rest of their blankets for rest time.
Children may not bring food from home period. They may not be eating upon entering the day home space. They eat what is served on my menu planner daily that is sent to the parents via email every Sunday night. I have had parents that want me to aid in their child being picky like they are via bringing their own food. I simply let them know during the interview process the way it is. They can take it or leave it and it is in the contract.
Children may not bring food from home period. They may not be eating upon entering the day home space. They eat what is served on my menu planner daily that is sent to the parents via email every Sunday night. I have had parents that want me to aid in their child being picky like they are via bringing their own food. I simply let them know during the interview process the way it is. They can take it or leave it and it is in the contract.
nanglgrl 08:28 PM 08-23-2012
It may be a little late for this but when I've had parents seem concerned because their child is screaming when they leave or acting like they are starving when they get picked up I take pictures throughout the day and send them via phone to the parents or I post them to facebook.
I've found that when their little one is screaming upon arrival and I send a picture minutes later of the same child happily playing the parent never looks concerned about that issue again, the same goes for the "starving" issue. I take some pictures of them eating meals/snacks and parents don't look at me like I'm starving their child any more.
I've even had parents that have been concerned and after the pictures have apologized to me. The parents also LOVE seeing pictures of what their littles are doing throughout the day and I have found that it's a great way to advertise when a friend of theirs sees a photo on their facebook of all of the fun we have and calls for an interview.
I've found that when their little one is screaming upon arrival and I send a picture minutes later of the same child happily playing the parent never looks concerned about that issue again, the same goes for the "starving" issue. I take some pictures of them eating meals/snacks and parents don't look at me like I'm starving their child any more.
I've even had parents that have been concerned and after the pictures have apologized to me. The parents also LOVE seeing pictures of what their littles are doing throughout the day and I have found that it's a great way to advertise when a friend of theirs sees a photo on their facebook of all of the fun we have and calls for an interview.
DCMama 09:31 PM 08-23-2012
I'm starting to really believe in the warning that everyone I have met that are in the child care business has told me, "it's not the children that is troublesome, it's the parents!" omg this parent just sound like a kid. He has more problem then his kid. Seriously, why they have to make our job harder than it is. Really, if they are not happy just leave. And if you really do not care whether they leave or not and is tired of putting up with their constant nagging, by all means x them! full support! But if you need people and think that you can really deal with it, i wish you luck. 
EntropyControlSpecialist 05:32 AM 08-24-2012
Originally Posted by nanglgrl:
It may be a little late for this but when I've had parents seem concerned because their child is screaming when they leave or acting like they are starving when they get picked up I take pictures throughout the day and send them via phone to the parents or I post them to facebook.
I've found that when their little one is screaming upon arrival and I send a picture minutes later of the same child happily playing the parent never looks concerned about that issue again, the same goes for the "starving" issue. I take some pictures of them eating meals/snacks and parents don't look at me like I'm starving their child any more.
I've even had parents that have been concerned and after the pictures have apologized to me. The parents also LOVE seeing pictures of what their littles are doing throughout the day and I have found that it's a great way to advertise when a friend of theirs sees a photo on their facebook of all of the fun we have and calls for an interview.
Oh, they get constant photos. I take photos and post them to the business page in addition to sending home 100+ photos of each child monthly to the parents. Nothing has changed. It may be a little late for this but when I've had parents seem concerned because their child is screaming when they leave or acting like they are starving when they get picked up I take pictures throughout the day and send them via phone to the parents or I post them to facebook.
I've found that when their little one is screaming upon arrival and I send a picture minutes later of the same child happily playing the parent never looks concerned about that issue again, the same goes for the "starving" issue. I take some pictures of them eating meals/snacks and parents don't look at me like I'm starving their child any more.
I've even had parents that have been concerned and after the pictures have apologized to me. The parents also LOVE seeing pictures of what their littles are doing throughout the day and I have found that it's a great way to advertise when a friend of theirs sees a photo on their facebook of all of the fun we have and calls for an interview.
We are going to term. There are other issues present as well and it is causing more stress (from both parent and child) than it's worth for the very small part-time paycheck.
momma2girls 05:43 PM 08-24-2012
I have had similar parents, and have one now!!! GRR!!!!